Ain't no limit to what love allows
by emmanuelles
Summary: A story about how Santana and Brittany explore their boundaries in bed, how they want to find out more about themselves and each other. Will it not be enough or will they go too far? Will they cross the line? Rated M for lots of smut.
1. Prologue

**Dear readers!**

**This is the beginning of my new story. It follows the happenings of my other story called "Making the video", but it's not essential to read it to understand this story; there is a short summary of it in this prologue. **

**This story's about how Santana and Brittany explore their boundaries sexually, how they want to find out more about themselves and each other, taking steps together in the search for knowledge. Knowledge about love, life and their relationship. **

**How will it affect their relationship? Will they go too far or will it not be enough? Will either of them cross the line? Will they get closer or more apart from each other than ever? **

**Follow the story, if you are interested! Enjoy this chapter and please review!**

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_**Ain't no limit to what love allows**_

_Ain't no limit to what love allows  
You and me, let it be, be just fine  
No limit to it any time_

_Ain't no limit to what love allows  
You and me got to fly, set it free  
No limit if you just know how  
Ain't no limit to what love allows_

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Santana Lopez had always liked to think about herself as experienced.

Well, it was true, despite her relatively young age; she'd already had her fair share of partners for a lifetime. She'd never liked to be called a 'slut', but deep in her heart she'd always known that she kind of deserved it. She'd mostly used sex as a tool to keep her social status intact. Well, she had always used sex this way, until a particular person knocked on the door that led to her heart and made an exception.

An exception that caused her the greatest pleasure and the greatest pain she's ever experienced.

An exception called Brittany.

It was never her intention to open that door, but Brittany somehow found the key to it and opened it. And it's been like that ever since. It brought Santana a lot of new experiences, including sexual ones. She wondered how she could have ever considered herself experienced before, because her past sexual encounters were limited at best compared to her new ones. They brought her great pleasure, although she hated herself every time after they happened. She's slowly realized that she fell in love with Brittany and she could do nothing about it. She'd never have admitted it at that time, but sex was not just about physicality and orgasms anymore. It got to the point where she couldn't bear it anymore and confessed her love to Brittany. All hell broke loose, anger, blame, sadness and loneliness filled her broken heart. But as time has gone by, they have slowly found their way back to each other and love again. They decided to take their relationship to the next level and changed their status from 'being in love with each other' to 'girlfriends being in love with each other'. That one little word has made all the difference.

Since then, Santana has learned a lot about herself, her relationship and love in general. She has discovered new things about herself, surprising things even. She's gotten to know a side of herself that wanted nothing else than please Brittany in every possible way. Every possible way in bed, too. As they've gotten more and more comfortable with each other and content with their relationship, they've also started to go through a sexual journey, so to say. It has required endless trust to take these steps together, but they've always managed to get over their fears and issues with the help of each other. They've pushed their boundaries together in their lovemaking and their new experiences in bed have affected their love life immensely. They've become closer to each other than ever.

Brittany has always been an equal partner in their relationship, including their sexual one. Well, usually she's not just been equal, but she's been the dominant one even. It might have been surprising to other people, but that was their dynamic. They have tried new things in bed mostly to Brittany's proposition, but slowly Santana has managed to set herself and her imagination free.

Now, they could cross out several things on their fictive 'list'. They've watched porn together, then Brittany has slowly made Santana comfortable with exposing herself more, then in the end she suggested the idea of making their own video. They've done it and they've watched it together. Through the way, Santana has realized how much she wanted to be able to please Brittany in other ways also, so she decided to seek help for what she wasn't capable of doing naturally. She's bought a strap-on and she's used it on Brittany, giving her the biggest orgasm she's ever had. Then she's wanted to show Brittany how much she trusted her, so she told her to use the accessory on her, too.

It was a truly one of those experiences in her life that opened her eye and made her see herself differently. She exposed herself to Brittany to such extent she's never thought it would be possible for her. And what was really surprising to her is that she's truly loved every second of it. She's learned what it meant to be hurt in the best possible way.

_And most importantly, she's realized that deep in her heart she craved more of it._

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**Thank you for reading! I will add the first real chapter soon!**


	2. Rules, orders and limitations

**Dear readers, **

**This is the first chapter of the story. It's truly just the beginning of the journey, the first steps, so to say.  
**

**Enjoy it! If you like it, add the story! And don't forget to review!  
**

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A few weeks have passed since that night, when Santana has made this new discovery about herself. They've talked about new possibilities with Brittany, but her girlfriend has never pushed for it. After a particularly hot dream last night, Santana decided that today is the day; she will finally take the first step in their exciting new journey.

...

"Hey Britt" Santana says cheerfully stepping closer to her girlfriend in the crowded hallway. She's been on the edge all day, trying to hold in all the excitement and nervousness she's felt about what she is about to do in the next minutes.

"Hi" Brittany replies then presses a smacking kiss to her girlfriend's lips.

"So, I've been thinking…" Santana starts to propose her idea mysteriously. "…if you're free this afternoon, maybe we could do a little shopping…" She continues and pulls up one eyebrow. "…if you are up for it." She finishes slowly then smiles seductively.

"What kind of shopping exactly?" Brittany asks, although she knows the exact answer, but it's always good fun to pretend that she doesn't. She knows exactly how much Santana likes these little games.

"I think you know…" Santana leans closer and whispers huskily while looking into Brittany's eyes. "…don't you?" She asks then brings her index finger to Brittany's arm and slowly trails down a path to her wrist. It makes Brittany shiver and it doesn't go unnoticed by Santana.

"Exactly." She whispers and then kisses the still stunned Brittany on the lips. She is always surprised how straight-forward Santana can be sometimes. She's truly gotten more and more comfortable with her wants and needs; and she is not afraid of being vocal about it. The thought of visiting the sex shop together snaps Brittany out of her daze to get back to her usual controlled self.

"Pick me up at 4." She tells Santana with renewed confidence in her voice, her answer making Santana smirk wickedly. Brittany takes a step closer to her, causing her to push her back to her locker, then Brittany pulls her in for a kiss, clearing off the smile from her lips, replacing it with her own eager ones. When they pull apart, they look into each other's eyes, both of theirs full of lust. Santana is extremely aroused by her girlfriend's commanding behavior and Brittany notices the overwhelming want in her eyes, making her chuckle inwardly at her girlfriend's pleasure of being subdued like this. She slowly steps away and winks at Santana, then starts to walk away confidently, but Santana quickly grabs her elbow.

"Anything you want." She whispers into Brittany's ear with the most sensual voice she can force out, and then takes her hand away to let her girlfriend go. Brittany stops for a few seconds then she takes a deep breath and walks away, never looking back at Santana, fearing what she would be capable of doing to her in the middle of the school, if she does.

...

Fifteen minutes before 4, Santana takes off with her car to go to Brittany's house. She arrives there a couple of minutes early and waits in the car. While waiting, she starts to think about what they should buy, but she is quickly snapped out of her naughty thoughts, when Brittany opens the passenger door and sits down next to her. They kiss each other a few times, and then Santana starts the engine to take them to that special place near the border of the town. They make small talk on the way, both of them too deep in their own thoughts to talk about anything serious. They arrive a few minutes later and step out of the car. They walk into the shop and Santana is grateful that it's as deserted as the first time she has been here.

"Hello, can I help you?" Asks a voice that is familiar to Santana's ears. She turns to face the owner of the voice and smiles a little at the girl, remembering the last time they've met.

"Oh, hi again" Says the assistant after recognizing Santana's face. They share a knowing look, which doesn't go unnoticed by Brittany. Her eyes light up at the recognition as she opens her mouth to speak.

"Oh my God, you are a genius! I've never come so ha…" Brittany almost yells from the excitement, but Santana smacks her arms so hard, it makes her shut up immediately.

"Brittany!" Santana tell her firmly with pointed eyes, then frowns at her, mouth hanging in disbelief.

"Um, sorry!" Brittany apologizes, making Santana roll her eyes. They stay silent for a few seconds, Santana thinking maybe it wasn't such a good idea to bring Brittany here with herself.

"So, what are you searching for this time?" The assistant asks after clearing her throat, noticing the tension between the two girls.

"We, um, just want to look around for a bit." Santana says then looks at Brittany finally.

"Yeah." Brittany agrees with her and nods her head a few times.

"Okay, just call me if you want anything, I'll be in the back." The assistant tells them than makes her way to the storage in the back.

They decide to part ways and search individually for what they want. Santana finds an interesting section and when Brittany doesn't see her, she steps closer to check it out. It's a wall full of different whips, a few of them shorter, a few of them longer and some interesting ones with multiple tales. She doesn't really understand why the sight of this wall even excites her. It's not like she would ever consider buying one of these. Or would she?

"Santana" Brittany yells out her name suddenly, alarming her. She turns away from the wall, while she desperately tries to push away her disturbing thoughts.

"Coming" She yells back, then starts to walk away to find Brittany, taking one last glance at the wall over her shoulder.

"Here you are." She says from a few steps away, when she finds her girlfriend. "What's up?" She asks Brittany as she closes the distance between them.

"Well, I was thinking about one of these." Brittany motions to a wall full of different handcuffs. "What do you think?" She asks Santana curiously.

"Hmm, yeah, good idea." Santana tells her with a nod while checking out the handcuffs. It's a nice collection with a lot of interesting ones.

"What about this one?" She says after a few seconds motioning towards a handcuff with fluffy red cuffs, linked together by a chain. It's sexy and not too rough at the same time.

"Um, I would rather have one of these, I think." Brittany says almost bashfully, while motioning towards a couple of handcuffs with metal cuffs. They look similar to the ones Santana's seen cops using in films.

"Oh…" Santana says a bit surprised by Brittany's thought of getting a more serious and cruder accessory.

"Well, it's not important, if you don't like them." Brittany says backtracking a little after noticing Santana's hesitation. But Santana shakes her head a little, and then she looks at Brittany to catch her eye.

"No, I really like them." She says while smiling softly to ease her girlfriend's nervousness. "You can pick up the one you like, I will call the assistant." She winks at her and kisses her lips, then she walks away leaving a bit surprised Brittany behind.

Santana finds the assistant girl in the back and tells her that they want to pay. They walk to the pay-desk together, finding Brittany already standing there. She holds one of those metal handcuffs in her hands while grinning to herself at the sight. When she notices Santana, she shows up the handcuff and wiggles her eyebrows at her. Santana immediately turns red and avoids the eyes of the assistant girl. She pays for their accessory, and then makes her way out of the shop as quickly as she can. Brittany puts their new accessory in her bag, then she follows Santana after sharing a smile with the assistant over her girlfriend's ridiculous behavior.

Once they are in the car together, Brittany turns her head to Santana to catch her eyes.

"Come here!" She tells her softly, when she does. Santana leans closer with her still blushed face and Brittany presses a smacking kiss to her cheek. "I love you" She tells her then peppers soft kisses all over her cheek.

"Stop!" Santana says giggling while pushing away Brittany's head. "Come on, let's take you home!" She tells her while she leans back to her place and starts the engine. On the road to Brittany's house, they agree to meet at Santana's house at 8 again. When they arrive, they say goodbye with a few words and a few more kisses, then Santana drives home, her mind already occupied with thoughts about their new accessory and what the night will bring to them.

...

The hours fly away quickly, both of them getting ready (and imagining how their night will turn out). They agreed earlier not to make a big fuss this time, as both of them were already nervous enough.

So that leaves Santana a lot of free time, which she isn't really grateful for this time. She cleans up her room a little, and then she picks out her clothes. She chooses a red lace lingerie set, but decides to put a plain skirt and tank top over it, so Brittany won't anticipate her special underwear. She also applies some light make up, thinking that it could not fall in the category of fuss. A quarter to 8, she orders some food, so they can have dinner when Brittany arrives. She arrives at a few minutes after 8, wearing just her favorite jeans and her tank top, her purse hanging loosely on her shoulder. They make small talk until dinner arrives, then they eat silently, sometimes catching glances at each other's faces.

"I want to talk to you about a few things." Brittany blurts out finally, when both of them are finished with their food. Her words snap Santana out of her daze and she looks up at Brittany's face.

"Okay." She agrees, and then she stands up to walk around the table to Brittany. "Let's go sit on the couch." She offers her hand to her while smiling softly. Brittany takes her hand and they walk to the living room. They settle on the couch and turn to each other, both of them waiting for the other to make the first move.

"So…" Santana starts slowly. "Do you want to talk about..." She searches for the right words, as she doesn't really know how to be subtle about this topic. "…what will happen tonight?"

"Yes. I think we need to make sure that nothing bad will happen, you know." Brittany replies while taking one of Santana's hands into her lap. "I just want to keep us safe." She tells Santana while softly stroking her palm with her fingertips.

"Yeah, me too." Santana agrees and squeezes Brittany's hand. "So what, rules?" She asks her, suddenly not feeling really prepared for this conversation.

"Kind of." Brittany answers while nodding her head. "I think we should find a safe word we can use if you know, we feel that we need it..." She trails off, hoping that they will never have to use a safe word, because that would mean that one of them pushed too far.

"It's a good idea, Britt, really." Santana assures her. Honestly, deep in her heart she wouldn't really like to have a safe word, because she trusts Brittany with her everything and she wants to surrender herself to that extent Brittany's judgment would allow her. She secretly wants Brittany to decide when it's too much for her, but she thinks it is a reasonable request from her girlfriend, so she agrees with it.

"I'm happy that you agree." Brittany replies smiling. "I was thinking maybe red, yellow and green. It's pretty easy and short, so…" She proposes her idea. "…even I won't have a problem memorizing it." She jokes a little, trying to make their conversation lighter.

"Britt, don't!" Santana tells her shaking her head a little. She hates when Brittany makes a joke about her mental abilities, it's not funny to her in any circumstances. "It's perfect." She tells Brittany, squeezing her hand firmly and nodding her head.

"Yeah…" Brittany agrees turning into serious again. "But you have to promise me, that you will use it. You have to promise, Santana!" She tells Santana leaving no room for argument and waits for her answer while looking into her eyes.

"I promise, Britt." Santana tells her earnestly. "I love you" She tells her trying to ease her worries and fears.

"I love you too." Brittany replies quickly, and then she leans in to press a soft kiss to Santana's lips. Their kiss is gentle, both of them trying to express their trust and care to each other and both of them still a bit afraid of what will happen after they part. They share a few more tender kisses, cherishing this moment and each other. Brittany is the first to pull away after a minute, leaning back from Santana's face to look into her eyes.

"Now go to your room and wait. I will be there in a second." She tells her in a low voice, her obvious arousal making Santana almost explode with lust.

"Okay." She croaks and stands up to go upstairs. She takes a few steps towards the stairs, when she hears Brittany standing up.

"And Santana" Brittany calls out her name making her stop and tilt her head a little to the side. "Don't speak until I tell you to speak. From now on, I decide everything. Nod, if you understand!" She commands her, her assertiveness making Santana so wet, she's sure her thong is already soaked through. She slowly nods her head, but stays still otherwise, waiting for instructions.

"Good girl." Brittany praises her fast comprehension. "Now go and don't do anything until I arrive!" She tells Santana, who nods her head again, then slowly makes her way to the stairs and goes up to her room.

"Hmm…" Brittany makes a humming voice to herself, when Santana is too far to hear her. She thinks this might be much more fun than she expected it to be. She is slightly surprised by how receptive Santana was about her rules and how fast she got into the game. With these thoughts, she makes her way to her purse and brings out the handcuff from it. She takes it to the back pocket of her jeans, so Santana won't see it at first. Then she gets to the stairs and walks upstairs towards Santana's bedroom.

...

When she steps into the room, she notices Santana sitting on her bed, fidgeting with her hands. They look into each other's eyes briefly, and then Brittany turns away to lock the door. She doesn't really have to, because Santana's parents are nowhere near home, but the locked door gives a special edge to their game.

"I didn't tell you to look into my eyes." Brittany tells her coldly still facing the door. "I will let it go for now. But the next time you make a mistake, you will be punished." She is slightly surprised how easily these words flow out of her mouth, it feels natural which is a bit disturbing for her to think about. When she turns around to face Santana again, she sees that her girlfriend looks down into her lap with a deep blush coloring her cheeks. She looks like she is truly embarrassed about her mistake, which brings Brittany an odd satisfaction.

"Get up and step away from the bed!" Brittany instructs her and Santana doesn't waste a second to obey. When she is standing in the middle of the room, she takes a deep breath to brace herself, not sure where Brittany will take their game. Brittany comes closer to her from the door until she's just inches away from Santana.

Santana has to clench her fists to stop herself from touching Brittany, while she desperately tries to look down as she was ordered. Brittany watches her struggle for seconds, and then she slowly brings up her hands to touch both of Santana's forearms. Santana's breath hitches at the contact and she almost trembles from anticipation. Brittany ever so slowly trails a path with her fingertips up to Santana's elbows then through her arms until she sets her hands on her shoulders. She squeezes her shoulders to ease her tension a little, and then she takes her hands on her face. She is surprised how hot Santana's cheeks are, burning like fire with lust and embarrassment under her palms.

"You're doing great." Brittany whispers to her, causing Santana to let out a relieved sigh. Brittany leans in and presses a soft kiss on her forehead while she tenderly stokes her cheeks with her thumbs. She has the urge to just kiss Santana on the lips and take her to the bed, but today, they are trying a different way, both of them hoping it will bring a lot of pleasure to themselves and most importantly, each other.

"Turn around." Brittany tells Santana, this time louder and much more firmly after she pulls away and drops her hands. Santana obeys and turns around, fists still clenched, eyes still set on the floor, trying to please Brittany with her quick and accurate responses.

Brittany gently pulls Santana's hair to the left side, revealing her bare right shoulder and the back of her neck. Then she takes her tiny fists into her hands as she steps so close to her, Santana can feel her hot breath on her neck. Santana's chest rises and falls more quickly by the second as she waits for Brittany to make the next move. Brittany interlaces her fingers with Santana's as she leans in and press a wet kiss to her shoulder. Santana lets out a barely audible moan at the contact, immediately regretting it as she remembers that it was already her second mistake. She is both fearful and excited as she doesn't really know how severe her punishment will be.

"I see you're forgetting that you are here to please me, not the other way." Brittany tells her harshly while throwing her hands away from hers. Then she quickly starts to undress herself, pulling her top over her head and dropping in on the floor. After that, she pulls off her jeans and unclasps her bra and discards that item, too. Finally, she pulls off her thong, but keeps it in her hand as she stands up again, now completely naked behind Santana. "I really didn't want to do this, but you make me. You have to learn that you will be punished if you make a mistake. It's for you own good, really." She tells Santana, and then she slowly walks around her to face her.

"Shut your eyes!" She instructs her and Santana quickly obeys. Then Brittany slowly brings her hand with the thong to her nose and keeps it an inch away from her. As Santana takes the next breath through her nose, she smells Brittany's arousal on the thong, the scent making her crazy with want, the ache between her legs growing more and more.

"Open your mouth!" Comes the next order from Brittany. Santana opens her mouth, her hot breath hitting Brittany's hand. Brittany crumples the thong with her hand as she brings it to Santana's parted lips and gently pushes it into her mouth. Santana's surprise is obvious, as she knits her eyebrows together for a second while clenching her teeth on the fabric. The thong is tiny; so it is no so comfortable to hold in her mouth, but the smell coming from it is maddening to say the least.

"Now that's a lot better, don't you think?" Brittany asks her almost mockingly while she strokes her jaw lightly with her index finger. Then she walks around to stand behind Santana again and she takes her hands to the zipper on Santana's skirt. She pulls it down, and then she pulls out her tank top from under the skirt.

"Hands up!" She tells Santana as she slowly starts to pull up the tank top while making sure to graze Santana's sensitive skin with her fingertips. "Down!" She tells her after pulling the tank top over her head and dropping it on the floor. She notices Santana's red lace bra and the sight of her makes her mouth water. Santana's back looks so delicious she just wants to bite and kiss all over it like an animal. What she doesn't know is that Santana would give anything to get that from her.

After a few seconds of appreciating the sight, Brittany takes her hands to Santana's waist and grabs her skirt. She pulls it off slowly from her legs while kneeling down behind her.

"Step out of it!" She instructs Santana, who does as she says and steps out of the skirt. Brittany throws it away, then she looks up to Santana's gorgeous lace thong and her perfect ass. She brings her hands to cup her ass cheeks, making Santana let out a muffled moan, the fabric in her mouth holding back the sound.

"Legs wider!" Brittany tells her huskily, the sight of her hands on Santana's ass making her dripping with arousal. Santana widens her legs, so Brittany can see her center and the big damp spot on the thong that covers it. Brittany smells her and lets out a moan, while she squeezes Santana's ass in her hands.

She pulls away after a few seconds and stands up again. She unclasps Santana's bra and pulls it down, leaving her almost naked. She sets her hands on her waist and steps closer to press into her back with her own chest. Santana lets out a muffled grunt at the contact of Brittany's breasts and her stiff nipples on her back. She takes deep breaths through her nose, trying to calm herself. Brittany takes her hanging arms into her hands and brings them up to cross them behind her own neck. Then she gently cups Santana's breasts into her hands and starts to squeeze them and play with her nipples. Her moves cause Santana to pant heavily through her nose and hug her neck with her arms tightly. Brittany kisses her shoulder and neck a few times while bringing one of her hands all the way down to the waistband of Santana's thong. She strokes her lower stomach softly; then she dives ever so slightly under her thong, causing Santana's to freeze in her hands and hold her breath in anticipation.

"You don't seriously expect me to touch you first, do you?" Brittany whispers into her ear mockingly, while stopping her movement on her breast and her stomach entirely. What she doesn't expect is that Santana slowly pulls her left hand from her neck and brings it down to her stomach; then she tries to push Brittany's hand into her thong.

"Nah uh!" Brittany disapproves of her bold move while pushing her hand away. "I'm very disappointed in you. I thought you understood the rules. Looks like I have to punish you again." She tells her, making Santana let out a muffled grunt in frustration.

"Kneel down on the floor!" Brittany whispers in her ear and Santana doesn't argue. She takes her other hand away from Brittany's neck and kneels down in front of her. Brittany follows her movement; she kneels down behind her and slowly pulls her discarded jeans closer and pulls out the handcuffs from her back pocket.

"Put your hands behind your back!" Comes Brittany's next order and Santana obeys immediately. Brittany takes her left wrist and locks the cuff around it, her movement causing Santana's breath hitch as realization sinks in. Then Brittany takes her right wrist to lock it in too, making Santana so exposed to her as she's never been before in her life. She slowly stands up and makes her way to stand in front of Santana.

"Look at me now!" She tells her, her tone much softer than usually tonight. Santana slowly lifts her face up to look into Brittany's eyes again, the first time since she's stepped into the room. Her eyes are full of different emotions, mainly lust, embarrassment, fear and frustration pouring from her brown orbs into Brittany's bright blue ones. Brittany is stunned by her intense stare, she opens her mouth a little to mumble a mute ' you okay?' to Santana, making the girl in front of her nod her head a little as an answer.

They still stare into each other's eyes while Brittany slowly takes a few steps back and sits on the edge of the bed. She is so aroused now, her wetness damps the sheets, but she doesn't care a slightest bit.

"Come here!" She tells Santana, lust dripping from her voice. Santana makes her way closer to her on her knees, her humiliation from her limited movement coloring her cheeks to dark red again. But she still manages to maintain eye-contact and Brittany is not short of appreciation.

"Good girl!" She praises her. "If you continue to behave well, I might decide to give you some pleasure, too." She says while tilting her head to the side like she is seriously contemplating this possibility. Santana's eyes light up at this, making Brittany chuckle a bit at her eagerness.

"But first…" She says while bringing her hand to Santana's mouth. "Let's see if you can please me with your good behavior." She continues while taking her thong out from Santana's mouth, causing her to start panting lightly after she's freed from the fabric.

"I think you know what to do now." Brittany tells her with a smirk, while she leans back on her elbows on the bed. Santana lets out a deep sigh, and then she slowly starts to lean in between Brittany's legs.

"Stop!" Brittany tells her suddenly, when Santana is just a few inches away from her core. "What are you going to do?" She asks her the first question since what feels like an eternity.

"I'm going to…" Santana croaks, her throat dry from not speaking for a long time. She takes a deep breath to get her voice back and starts again. "I'm going to eat you out." She finally tells Brittany with a sensual voice.

"Don't tease me!" Brittany tells her harshly, not liking her tone. "Will I like it?" She asks Santana while pulling her eyebrows up to challenge her.

"You're going to love it." Santana tells her, keeping the emotion out of her voice this time.

"I hope so…" Brittany replies. "Now open your mouth!" She tells her firmly, then she brings her left hand to Santana's cheek and pulls her face closer.

The second Santana's wet and hot mouth makes contact with her sensitive core, Brittany throws back her head from the pleasure and jerks into Santana with her whole body. Santana is eager to satisfy her, stroking her up and down with her plushy tongue, coating her mouth with her wetness. When she pulls back her tongue and sucks on Brittany's clit, Brittany throws her torso on the bed and pushes Santana's head into her with her hands. She starts rocking herself into her mouth as Santana circles her clit with her tongue and sometimes stops to suck on it. Brittany's chest is rising and falling quickly on the bed, her exquisite body responding to Santana's every little movement, the sight of her making Santana want her like never before. Her loud moans make Santana embarrassingly wet as her ache starts to take over her whole body. She knows that she has to make Brittany come as soon as possible to please her with her good behavior. She doesn't care that she kneels on the floor of her own bedroom or that her wrist are locked together in a handcuff, the only thing she cares right now is to make Brittany come.

She presses her tongue to Brittany's entrance, making her let out a loud grunt, then she slowly pushes into her, knowing that it will make Brittany crazy. She slides in and out of her with her tongue, as Brittany holds her in place with hands; stroking her hair with such tenderness Santana hasn't really experienced from her tonight. She's panting heavily and letting out little moans frequently; so Santana knows that she is close to the edge. She pulls her tongue out of her and starts to make tight circles around her clit again, causing Brittany to stiffen after a few seconds. Then Santana sucks on her clit with her last efforts, making Brittany tremble, then let out a loud moan as she pushes into Santana's mouth roughly. Santana brings her down with soft licks around her clit as Brittany's tight grip around her head starts to loosen up.

A few grinds and moans later, Brittany pulls back her hands to prop herself up on her elbows again; then she slowly opens her eyes. Santana still doesn't pull away from her core, the little hot puffs of air from her mouth making Brittany aroused again. They just stare into each other's eyes for seconds, Brittany trying to find the words to speak and Santana hoping that she will be pleased with her.

"You did…well…" Brittany praises Santana, her voice slightly cracking from all the moaning she's done recently. "I think you deserve a little present now." She tells her after gaining a little confidence back and then she sits up entirely on the bed. "Stand up now!" She instructs Santana.

Santana stands up from her knees in front of her, but looks down on the floor again, not really sure if she can still maintain eye-contact or not. Brittany smiles a little at her efforts, then she brings her hands to the waistband of her thong and pulls it down on her legs. "Step out of it!" She tells her, when she arrives at her ankles and Santana does as she says. She drops the soaked fabric away, then she looks up at Santana's face. She is really flustered and she is panting lightly, sometimes swallowing hard in anticipation.

"Spread your legs and sit on my lap!" Brittany tells her while patting her thighs a little with her hands. Santana sits down on her thighs; the contact of her sensitive bare skin on Brittany's making her breath hitch for a second. The handcuffs on her wrist are starting to get extremely annoying, as she really wants to touch Brittany at last.

"Santana" Brittany calls her name, making Santana glance up at her for a second in her surprise. Then she quickly regrets it and stares into her lap again, confused by why Brittany called her name and why she didn't just order her to do something.

"Look at me, baby" Brittany tries again as she cups Santana's cheeks into her hands. Her gentleness confuses Santana even more, but she lifts her head up to look into her eyes. She doesn't see the commanding and harsh Brittany anymore, all she can see now is the love and tenderness in Brittany's eyes. It overwhelms her, making her façade crumble and leave her vulnerable and exposed self behind. Brittany searches her eyes for clues on what is going on in her head.

"Please" Santana whispers desperately, her face screwing up, all the boiled up emotions making their way to the surface now. "Please, please" She begs Brittany, and then she lets out a strained sob, the ache in her whole body at the level of being unbearable.

Brittany quickly responds to her desperate tone, she leans in to finally kiss her on the mouth as she brings her right hand down between her bodies to cup her mound. She doesn't waste time; she slides into her with two fingers, making Santana bite down on her bottom lip hard. She starts to pump in and out of her, Santana's incredible wetness making it easy to move. She adds a third finger as she pushes her tongue into her mouth. They kiss each other roughly, all the longing from the past hour making pouring out of them. Brittany brings her free hand to Santana's lower back and pushes her closer to her, their naked breasts finally touching. It makes Santana pant heavily into her mouth, as Brittany continues to slide her fingers in and out of her fast, bringing her closer to the edge. Santana grinds into her hand, meeting her movements as they work together on making her come.

After a particularly hard push, Brittany pulls out a little to start circling Santana's clit with her thumb. She makes tight circles around it, making Santana pull away from her mouth and let out a loud moan. Brittany rests their foreheads together, as she continues her movements and presses Santana's body even closer to her with her free hand.

"Come for me!" Brittany whispers to Santana, as she presses down inside her at her special spot. "Come for me, baby!" She tells her, her instruction nothing alike her previous ones.

Her soft begging tone makes Santana look into her eyes the second her body stiffens, then she jerks into Brittany's hand for a few times, while she lets out loud cries from the pleasure. Brittany brings her down with lazy circles around her clit, making Santana grind into her hand for a few more times as her whole body shakes from the aftershocks. When she stops and just pants into Brittany's face, Brittany pulls her fingers out of her and she slowly brings her hands to her handcuff and sets her wrists free. She drops the accessory on the floor and takes Santana's hands to pull them between their bodies. But Santana has other plans; she immediately crosses her arms around Brittany's neck and pulls her into a deep kiss.

They kiss like it's their first kiss, full of wonderment and excitement about the new experience. Somehow, it really feels like a first time, so they try to treasure it forever. Brittany brings her arms to press them into Santana's back, pushing their naked bodies closer. They kiss each other for minutes, expressing all their emotions through it, even those that are impossible to convey with words.

"You were amazing…" Santana whispers to Brittany after pulling away to take a breather "Thank you!" She says and presses a soft kiss on her lips again.

"I never thought it would be like this…" Brittany searches for the right word. "…it was incredible." She says finally while shaking her head a little in disbelief.

"I know…" Santana says chuckling a little. "It was better than anything I've imagined before." She says; her honesty obvious in her voice.

"I love you, San." Brittany tells her, not really wanting anything else to say.

"I love you too, Britt." Santana replies and then she pulls Brittany closer to hug her tightly. Then they embrace each other's bodies and everything that come with them.

_Most importantly, they embrace each other's loves, that after tonight, they feel deeper in their hearts than ever before._

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**Thank you for reading!** **Please review!** **:)**_  
_


	3. Hurts so good

**Dear readers,**

**Thanks for the reviews and adds! Keep them coming! This story is hard for me to write, so I need feedback to know that I'm doing it right.  
**

******Here is the new chapter, it's the longest I've ever written. I hope you will all like it! Enjoy and please review! **

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After that night full of new experiences at Santana's house, they went back to making love the usual way for the following week. The usual way, simply being themselves, as Brittany and Santana, without any rules, orders or limitations. It was comfortable and easy; natural to make love like that. It was what they got used to since they had got together last year. It was perfect and nothing could ever compare to what they felt every time they made love.

But after that night, when they got a taste of what they could do to each other in their game, both of them craved for more of it.

Santana secretly wished that Brittany would suggest 'playing' again by herself, but these past nights, Brittany has always been particularly gentle and caring with her. It was a shade disappointing for Santana, but she could understand it perfectly. She knew that Brittany unconsciously tried to make it up to her, the harsh things she's said to her and the humiliation she's caused. But Santana didn't need that, she knew exactly that Brittany played a role with her; and she didn't just simply know it, she even loved it. She truly wanted more of it and she hoped that her girlfriend did too, just didn't dare to express her feeling about it. So Santana decided to show her that she's willing to play some more, how much she enjoys being subdued.

She decided to show her that the only thing she wants is to serve her and please her.

…

Brittany has observed a change in Santana's behavior for the last few days. Of course, Santana has always tried to be the perfect girlfriend since they've started their relationship. She's always tried to be supportive and helpful. Whatever Brittany has asked her, she's done it without question. But recently, she's been extremely committed to give Brittany everything she wanted. She's always asked what she needed and told her that she could wish for anything.

Sometimes her devotion to please Brittany was a bit ridiculous. She pulled every door for her, she always insisted on paying for everything and she even asked to carry Brittany's bag most of the times. She was always there and she always tried to please her, like it was some obsession.

Like she was obsessed with the thought of serving her.

…

Today is no different. Santana picks her up in the morning and brings her breakfast. When they step out of the car in the parking lot of the school, she asks if she could carry Brittany's bag. Then she asks if she could walk her to her first class. Her strange behavior is starting to get on Brittany's nerves, but she doesn't want to hurt Santana's feelings, so she just smiles and says 'yes' to everything.

A few hours later, when Brittany makes her way to the cafeteria, she notices that Santana is nowhere near and she feels guilty that she is a little bit grateful for the lack of presence of her girlfriend. She doesn't want to get into an argument with her, when she knows that Santana only means well. But truly, it is just getting out of hand a bit, so she tries to avoid her a little today.

She gets her food and then steps to a table, where a few Glee club members sit and talk. She likes spending time with them, but recently it happens more rarely. Santana has been a bit more demanding about their time together, saying that she just wants them to be 'them' without any other person involved. And yeah, well, she doesn't really have free time she doesn't spend with Santana, so.

She eats her lunch, while sometimes chipping in the conversation and laughing at Sam's funny impersonations. They talk and have fun, but Brittany is starting be curious about her girlfriend's whereabouts. Her internal question is answered a few seconds later by Santana herself.

"Hi" Santana says while stepping close to their table, causing all of them to stop talking and look at her. "What?" She scoffs, but then she turns her head to Brittany and smiles softly at her. "Sorry, the line was so long. I tried to push some people out of the way, but it still took like forever." She apologizes as she holds out a rainbow colored slushy to Brittany. Brittany drops her jaw on the floor at the sight of it; it's not just a simple slushy, it's layered to look like a rainbow. "I know…I paid some extra to get it layered like that." Santana says as she grins at her own awesomeness and the sight of her mesmerized girlfriend

"I'm sorry, but have we met before?" Kurt chirps with his usual sarcastic tone, ruining Santana's perfect little moment with Brittany.

"Shut it gay kid, before I decide to go back and get some slushy for you, too. And not for drinking purposes, just so you know!" She threatens Kurt while pulling up her eyebrows, challenging him.

"Don't call him gay kid, San!" Brittany whines, making Santana melt instantly and mutter a little "Sorry" to her.

"And there goes your badassness, Lopez!" Puck says smirking, while rubbing the back of his neck.

"Oh please, Puckerman! Like you'd ever know what it means to be badass. I'm willing to show you and beat your sorry ass anytime!" Santana tries to defend herself, but Puck just shakes his head at her lame attempt.

"I think you should all applaud Santana for trying to be such a nice girlfriend. My dads' always thought me how important is to take care of the ones we love and make their wishes come true. I think we should be really proud of Santana!" Rachel tells of the others, surprising everyone around herself with her almost protective tone.

"Ugh…thanks, Berry." Santana mumbles, still not sure if this is real life or not. "By the way, I don't care what any of you say; I'm just here to make my girlfriend happy." Santana closes up the conversation and turns her head back to Brittany.

"Enjoy it, Britt!" She tells her and leans in to kiss her forehead. "I have to go now, but if you need anything, I'll be with Coach Sylvester in her office." She informs Brittany, and then winks at her before leaving her with the others again.

"Wow, that was some rare thing to see!" Artie mumbles quietly, but they can all hear it perfectly.

"It is not rare at all with her. It was rare with you actually." Brittany tells him off firmly, her usual cheerfulness missing completely from her tone. Some of them drop their jaws on the floor so hard at her comment, it can almost be heard as they knock on the floor. "And you are all just jealous!" She tells them with a shrug, then stands up with her beautiful cup of slushy in her hand and leaves them looking all stunned behind.

…

Brittany was thinking about Santana's behavior all day. She was thinking about why Santana wanted to give her every little thing, serving her so willingly. She slowly started to figure it out and decided to appreciate Santana's efforts with a little present later.

…

After their last period, she sends a text to Santana to meet her in her little office, which she got from Mr. Figgins for being Senior Class President. Santana is afraid a bit of their meeting, since Brittany didn't really show any emotion about her little surprise at lunch. But she does as Brittany says, so after her last period, she quickly goes to her room and knocks on the door politely.

"Come in!" Brittany yells from the other side of the door. Santana goes in and she notices Brittany sitting in her big office chair, her eyes on the empty slushy cup on the table in front of her. Santana smiles a little at the sight, relieved that Brittany liked her surprise after all.

"Lock the door behind yourself!" Brittany tells her, still not looking up to her face. Santana turns around, locks the door and turns back to face her again.

"If you think you're here to have fun, you are in the wrong." Brittany tells her coldly, finally setting her eyes on her. Her harsh tone signals Santana that they are in game, so Santana nods and looks at the floor immediately, remembering the rules. She inwardly thinks it's kind of funny that Brittany used the word 'fun', because she couldn't really imagine anything that is more fun than this game right now.

"Good, I think we understand each other." Brittany comments after her quick response. "Now take off your clothes!" She instructs Santana, her eyes trailing up and down her girlfriend's body, like she wants to simply rip off her clothes and ravish her.

Santana quickly pulls off her shoes and socks, her Cheerios skirt and top quickly following the discarded items on the floor. It leaves her standing in nothing, but her underwear. Then she hesitates a little bit and it doesn't go unnoticed by Brittany's expert eyes.

"Did I tell you to leave your underwear on?" She asks Santana sharply. "You know what comes now, don't you?" She asks her, her voice full of disappointment and despise. Santana blushes at the thought of being punished again and that she feels an odd excitement about it as she nods with her head to Brittany.

"Say it!" Brittany demands her, her voice cutting through the air like a knife.

"I will…I will be punished!" Santana falters out, her voice slightly cracking from her arousal and embarrassment.

"Yes, you will." Brittany agrees with her. "Why will you be punished?" She continues to torture her with her questions.

"Because…" Santana swallows the lump in her throat. "I behaved badly." She offers Brittany the answer.

"Right, you did." Brittany says approving of her answer. Then she stands up and walks around her table to stand in front of Santana. She trails her eyes all over her body, like she's a piece of meat, but Santana doesn't dare to look into her eyes. She just waits for her next instruction, her knees slightly trembling from the anticipation. Brittany walks around her a few times, appreciating the sight in front of her from all the angles, then she stops behind Santana suddenly. She unclasps her bra and almost rips it off of her, causing Santana to let out a barely audible wince. Brittany walks around again to stand in front of her, her face just a few inches away from Santana's. She can feel the hot puffs of air Santana lets out between her parted lips and she can hear her light panting.

"You were a bad…" Brittany trails off then she brings her right hand to cup Santana between her legs. "Little slut." She says, her voice full of despise. Santana's breath hitch as her wetness pools between her legs, both from Brittany's touch and the words she's just said. Brittany cups her more firmly, which causes her to let out a moan and shut her eyes. Brittany in charge like that causes her such pleasure, she's never have imagined before. It's even a bit scary for her how much she wants to be ordered and commanded by Brittany.

"You like this, don't you?" Brittany asks mockingly. "You like being called a slut?" She asks while pressing down on Santana's clit with her fingers through the fabric of her panties. Santana nods her head up and down a few times, as she desperately tries to stay standing up, but the pleasure Brittany's moves cause between her legs is starting to take over her body. She pushes into her hand more and brings her hands up to cup her own breasts, afraid to touch Brittany herself.

"What are you? Say it!" Brittany orders, while circling her clit with two fingers through the damp fabric.

"I'm a…ah…" Santana barely stammers out as loud moans escape her mouth. "I'm a bad little slut." She yells as she craves more of Brittany's touch, unable to control herself anymore.

"Good." Brittany nods with head; then she suddenly brings her hand away from Santana's center, surprising her flustered girlfriend. "Now I have to go. Stay here and wait until I come back!" She tells her as she wipes her hand on Santana's thigh. "And don't even think about touching yourself while I'm gone!" She tells Santana sharply, her voice almost threatening. Then she walks to the door and exits the room leaving a frustrated and humiliated Santana behind.

…

The second Brittany locks the door behind herself, Santana kneels down on the floor and lets out a loud sigh. Brittany has truly taken their game to the next level and the wetness Santana feels between her legs is enough proof that she's done it perfectly.

She remembers Brittany's commanding tone as she told her not to touch herself. She truly wants to obey; the thought of submitting herself entirely to Brittany's orders would give her a great satisfaction. On the other hand, the ache between her legs tells her that she should just do it, Brittany won't find it out anyway.

She slowly brings her fingers to her panties and touches the fabric softly, the dampness she feels there making her feel ashamed of herself. She's gotten so aroused just standing there and hearing Brittany's harsh words, it is truly embarrassing. She thinks about how she's gotten to this point as her eyes get watery. She shakes her head at herself, as she slowly brings two fingers to the waistband of her underwear. The tears spill out of her eyes, as she slowly slides into her panties.

The slipperiness of her folds makes her movements clumsy, as she circles her clit tightly at a fast pace. She starts sobbing, the disappointment she feels about herself taking over her as she continues her movement furiously, trying desperately to make herself come as soon as possible. She grinds into her own hand, while letting out strained moans, getting closer to the edge by the second.

Then suddenly the door creaks and Brittany rushes into the room, making Santana stop for a second.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She yells at Santana, but Santana just shakes her head and continues to grind into her own hand. She feels humiliated and she is scared of what comes later, but now all she cares about is the unbearable pressure in her own body. Brittany watches her as tears stream down her red cheeks while she desperately tries to make herself come.

"Let me!" Brittany tells her as she makes her way to kneel in front of Santana. "Let me!" She repeats as she takes Santana's hand away from her core and replaces it with her own. She continues the movements on her clit, while she presses her other hand to Santana's back and pushes her naked torso to her own. Santana buries her head into the crook of Brittany's neck, damping her skin with her tears. Brittany fastens her pace while she strokes Santana's back to comfort her and calm her muffled cries of both pain and pleasure.

After a few seconds Santana throws her hands around Brittany's neck as she grinds into her hand roughly, getting closer to the edge. Brittany meets her movements with her hand and presses their bodies closer, making Santana stiffen in her arms and then let out a heart-breaking sob. Tears flow down her face, as she jerks into Brittany's hand with her whole body. Brittany eases her movements with her arm, keeping her close and safe. Santana comes down from her high slowly, as she tries to hold back her tears and calm her breathing with it. Brittany pulls away her fingers and puts her hand on her back, embracing her into her strong arms. Santana cries some more into her neck as Brittany gently strokes her back.

"I'm so sorry!" Santana mumbles after a few minutes apologizing for her mistake, when she is not crying anymore. She feels like she disappointed Brittany with not obeying her order. She feels that she couldn't be strong enough for her.

"No, I am!" Brittany argues with her, as she takes her hands on Santana's cheeks and pulls her face away a bit to look at her. "It was too much…" She mumbles guiltily, while searching in Santana's glassy eyes. She wanted to push Santana a bit, but she didn't want her to crumble like this, she didn't want to make her upset.

"No, Britt!" Santana shakes her head as she tries to argue with her.

"Then why did you cry?" Brittany asks her categorically. "I don't want you to cry every time." She tells her, imagining Santana crying every time they play like this causing her to feel bewilderment. She really doesn't like seeing Santana cry, especially if the reason of her tears is that she hurt her.

"I cry, because these feelings I get, they are too deep and I can't keep them in." Santana tries to explain the reason to her. "This is all so new to me, to us and it's a bit overwhelming sometimes." She says and Brittany thinks she has a point. But still, it's scary and it makes her a bit uncomfortable. She just wants to make sure that it is not deeper than that, she wants to make sure that Santana will always be honest about her limits.

"But you still remember that we have safe words, right?" Brittany asks her just to make sure.

"Yes, of course, Britt." Santana nods her head and smiles at Brittany's great concern about her feelings. "And I promised that I would use it." She reassures her, hoping that her words calm her worries a little.

"Okay. I trust you." Brittany replies then she leans in and presses a soft kiss to Santana's lips. Then she stands up and turns around to walk to her chair. She sits down and stares down at the still kneeling Santana on the floor. Santana notices that she's back to her cold demeanor again, so she looks into her lap immediately.

"Now put your clothes on and get out!" Brittany commands her sharply, making Santana blush and snatch at her clothes on the floor. She quickly pulls them on, then she turns around to walk out of the room. When her hand is on the door knob, Brittany bores her eyes into her back and stops her.

"You will get your next instruction on your phone!" She informs Santana. "I strongly advise you don't make a mistake this time." She spats at her, causing Santana to nod a few times signaling that she understood perfectly. "Now get out!" Brittany tells her harshly and Santana obeys, she exits the room and locks the door behind herself as quickly as she can. After she locks the door, she exhales a breath she didn't even realize she was holding. Then she slowly starts off on the hallway, like nothing unusual has happened to her in that pretty little room of Brittany's this afternoon.

….

Santana gets the first text two hours later from Brittany. It only says "come over at 6" which leaves Santana only an hour to get ready and arrive at Brittany's. She knows that she has to be on point to please her, so she quickly jumps into the shower. When she's finished, she puts on a black bra with a front clasp and a black thong to match it. After that, she puts on a tight green dress, hoping that Brittany will appreciate the sight of her curves under it. She puts on some light make-up, and then she quickly grabs her purse and her phone. She goes downstairs, tells her mom that she goes to Brittany's and quickly exits the house. She hops into her car, then takes off at a fast speed.

She arrives at Brittany's house at a record time; then she jumps out of the car and lets herself in with her own key. She is surprised when she is welcomed by Brittany's parents', not Brittany herself.

"Hello, Santana!" They greet her cheerfully. Santana has always had a good relationship with them, but since they've officially got together with Brittany, they treat her like their own daughter.

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. P! Santana greets them back, then she trails her eyes around the room searching for any sign of Brittany's presence.

"Are you looking for your dress Santana?" Brittany's dad asks her mockingly, hinting that her own clothing item is too short and tight to consider it a dress. Santana blushes crazily at his question and avoids his eyes. Being treated like a daughter certainly has some disadvantages for Santana, for example teased to death by Brittany's parents.

"Don't tease the poor girl!" Brittany's mother tells his husband off. "I think she left it home on purpose anyway…" She mutters quietly to him, and then she turns to Santana. "Brittany is not home yet. She told us to tell you that you should wait in her room." She tells her, smiling softly at her obvious embarrassment.

"Thanks" Santana mumbles quietly, then she almost runs to the stairs to escape from her girlfriend's parents as soon as possible.

…

When she steps into Brittany's room, she closes the door behind herself and takes off her shoes. She throws her bag on Brittany's bed, and she notices a little piece of paper on the middle of the bed. She takes it in her hands and starts to read it out loud.

"Lock the door and take off your clothes. Put a towel on my chair and sit down on it. I want you to be ready when I arrive!" She reads the detailed instructions. "Wow…" She mutters as she takes in the information. She is very excited and a slightly bit fearful of what's to come tonight, as she tries to imagine all the possibilities.

But honestly, there is just one true possibility for her new: obeying to Brittany. So she goes into Brittany's bathroom and picks out a fluffy towel and puts it on the chair. Then she takes off her clothes and put them beside the chair, then she sits down finally. She waits for her there, imagining all the things they would be doing later. Her fantasies about herself and Brittany make her so wet, that she is grateful for the towel under her. She almost starts to touch herself, when she hears someone on the stairs.

When the mysterious person comes closer, she recognizes that it's not Brittany and she starts to panic. She quickly picks up her clothes to start dressing, though she knows nobody can come in, since she's locked the door just minutes ago. But the panic that rises in her makes her forget everything.

"Santana!" Brittany's mother calls her name through the door, causing her to freeze for seconds.

"Yeah...uh...yes Mrs. P? She asks, her voice cracking from the fear taking over her body.

"I just wanted to tell you that we are going out. We will come back around midnight. Jamie stays over at her grandparent's, so you will be alone."

"Okay." Santana answers, hoping Brittany's mother will leave after that. Of course, she knows that she won't just end the conversation so easily.

"And please don't make a big mess of the house, if you know what I mean." She says teasingly to Santana and lets out a few giggles.

"Right…" Santana mumbles, but Brittany's mother already left, chuckling at her own genius skills at teasing her daughter and her girlfriend.

After these horrible last minutes, Santana lets out a loud sigh and settles back to the chair. She hears Brittany's parents closing the front door behind themselves, leaving her completely alone in the house.

...

It gets kind of boring after a few minutes, then suddenly she hears the front door opening again. It makes her so excited, she has to grip the arms of the chair. She hears someone's steps coming up on the stairs, but it's interesting, like the sounds her heels make usually. She is getting more and more curious, as that 'someone' knocks on the door.

"Let me in!" Brittany's voice comes from the other side of the door and Santana quickly jumps out of the chair and opens the door for her. She is stunned by the sight of her girlfriend wearing her own clothes. She is wearing Santana's black stilettos and her elegant trench coat and she is holding a familiar black box in her hands. A very familiar black box to be correct.

"What the…?" Santana starts to question her shaking her head in disbelief. She can't believe Brittany made her wait here just to go over her house and dress herself into her clothes. And pick up that black box, too. Well she can't believe how genius is this actually.

"I ask the questions, remember?" Brittany cuts her off sharply, causing Santana to glance at her than look at the floor embarrassedly. "Now let me come in, but stay standing!" Brittany commands her, so Santana goes out of her way and stands in the middle of the room, eyes still set on the floor. Brittany steps into the room and locks the door behind her. Then she turns around and steps to the bed to put down the black box on it. She contemplates just opening it and taking out what both of them already know is inside, but she decides that she probably should warm Santana up to their game a little before. So she turns around and sets her eyes on Santana, who is standing a few steps away, with her fragile naked body totally exposed to Brittany.

Brittany slowly starts to walk around her in circles, eyeing her up and down, like she is a predator preparing to eat her victim.

"You made a terrible mistake earlier today." She tells her with loath in her voice, which makes Santana close her body up to look even tinier. "I had to let it go, but now it's time for you to pay for it." She tells her, leaving no room for any kind of argument. Then she steps to the bed again and opens the black box. She takes out their strap-on and crouches beside Santana on the floor. Now Santana can see the strap-on from the corner of her eye and she drops her jaw at the sight. She's not really surprised of course, she's recognized the box immediately, but the thought of actually using it on Brittany is making her shiver with anticipation.

"Step into it!" Brittany tells her firmly and she immediately obeys, then Brittany pulls the harness up on her legs until it is set on her hips, the enormous dildo hanging from her tiny feminine body. It's a strange sight every time she wears it, she hasn't really gotten used to it yet. Probably, she never will.

After standing up, Brittany brings her right hand to the base of the shaft and she starts to stoke it up and down, like giving a hand job to Santana. Santana can almost feel her movements, her imagination taking over her whole body and her senses. She loves when Brittany does this, making her ready for their fucking.

"You like this, don't you?" Brittany teases her, but her voice remains cold. "You think you will just fuck me and that's it, huh?" She snorts at this ridiculous thought, mocking Santana's obvious enjoyment of the movements on her fake penis. She looks up at Santana's flushed face and parted lips, smirking at her hopeless girlfriend.

"Sit on the chair and face the wall!" Brittany commands her as she takes her hand away.

When Santana is seated and turned away from her, Brittany pulls out the handcuffs from a pack of her coat, then she pulls Santana's right arm to the back of the chair and locks in her wrist. Santana is not surprised, she kind of thought that Brittany wouldn't let her just fuck her like that.

She doesn't try to oppose it, she wants this just as much as Brittany, if not more. Brittany pulls her left arm to the back, then she locks in that wrist, too. After that, she turns the chair to face Santana, whose naked chest is rising and falling quickly, her stretched state making her breasts look exquisite. Brittany just wants to touch her so bad, but she resists the urge, as the time has not come for that yet. So she settles to touch Santana's face, her fingertips lightly stroking her jaw and her chin, making her shudder from her gentle touch.

"Hmmm…" Brittany makes a humming voice to herself, pretending she's deep in thought as she trails her eyes over Santana's face. "I don't think this is enough." She decides while shaking her head a little, then she pulls out a legcuff from another pocket, making Santana's breath hitch.

Brittany locks in her legs and stands up, admiring her work. Santana squirms a little, her tightly bounded limbs making it uncomfortable to sit in the chair.

"Don't do that! You will hurt yourself!" Brittany orders her not to move, so she tries to stay motionless, waiting for her next move.

Brittany stands up and unbuttons her coat, then she slowly drops it on the floor, revealing her naked body under it. Santana can only see her feet and the heels she's wearing, so she doesn't know she's completely naked standing there before her. But she can smell Brittany's arousal in the air, making her fill up with want in her entire body.

"Close your eyes!" Brittany orders and she responds immediately. Then Brittany grabs the back of the chair to hold it in place, as she climbs up on it and straddles Santana's thighs. As her bare skin comes into contact with Santana's sensitive skin, she jumps up a little, causing her cuffs to dig into her flesh. She winces at the pain that mingles with the pleasure of Brittany's skin finally touching hers.

"I told you not to move!" Brittany spats at her with disgust, like she is some stupid child who can't even memorize a few rules. Santana feels embarrassed for disappointing her again, so she tries to stay motionless as much as she can.

"Look at me, now!" Brittany orders as she grabs her shoulders roughly, her nails digging into her skin. Their eyes met, the intensity of each other's stare surprising both of them. Then still maintaining eye-contact, Brittany slowly grabs the shaft between Santana's legs and brings the tip of the head to her folds. She starts to stroke it up and down, coating it into her wetness, as she lets out loud moans from the pleasure. She grinds into the fake penis, as she rests her forehead on Santana's, their hot breaths hitting each other's faces.

When the whole shaft is glistening with Brittany's juices on it, she presses the tip at her entrance, then she takes Santana's cheeks into her hands.

"Now kiss me!" She tells her, then she parts her lips eagerly as Santana meets her in a kiss a second later. She kisses Brittany softly, pulling her bottom lip between hers and sucking on it.

"Kiss me like you mean it!" Brittany pulls away and spats at her. Her commanding tone makes Santana so wet, she's dripping on the towel under her. She immediately pushes her tongue into Brittany and presses close to her as much as she is capable of with her linked wrists. She kisses her wet and deep, feeling her mouth up with her tongue, sometimes biting her lips.

She kisses her like she means it.

Brittany pulls away and rests her head against hers again. She crosses her hands behind Santana's neck and strokes her damp hair at the base of it. She pants heavily into Santana's face, as she starts to slide into the shaft at an excruciatingly slow pace.

Santana wants nothing more than to hold Brittany's hips and stroke her cheeks, as she slides down her fake member more and more, taking it into her by inches. She lets out strained grunts as the thick shaft stretches her more and more, but she doesn't stop. She buries her head into the crook of Santana's neck and moistens her smooth skin with her hot breath. Santana tilts her head to nuzzle Brittany's neck, as Brittany struggles to take the whole shaft into her. It's getting extremely hard to not speak for Santana and tell her to stop.

But Brittany doesn't give up, she tightens her arms around Santana's neck to brace herself, then she bites down on Santana's neck as she slides down and takes the whole penis into herself. She pants heavily as she tries to accommodate the huge shaft inside her. Santana helps her relax with pressing soft kisses to her shoulder and neck. She knows she wasn't ordered to do that, but she doesn't give a fuck now, to be honest. The only thing that is important now is to make Brittany comfortable and pleasure her.

After a few seconds Brittany's pain subdues, so she slides off the shaft until only the head is inside her, then she slowly presses down again. As she moves like that, the strip between Santana's legs presses down at her clit, making her let out a loud moan herself. Brittany fastens her movements and starts to grind into Santana with all her effort, pressing her chest and head to Santana's, craving to feel her all over her body. Santana tries to meet her movements, but the cuffs don't let her, so she just helps Brittany getting closer with kissing her deeply. They kiss and moan into each other's mouth, as both of their pleasures are taking over their bodies.

Brittany thighs are starting to tremble, as she moves frantically on top of Santana, her loud cries echoing through the whole room. Santana wants to ease her movements, but she can't, so she just stares down at her lap and she is mesmerized by the thick shaft sliding in and out of her lover. This amazing sight and the pressure on her clit are slowly bringing her closer to the edge, too.

She lifts her head and pushes her tongue into Brittany's mouth as her lover on top of her stiffens and grips her neck so tightly, Santana fears it might break. Brittany jerks into her body with all the strength, as her face screws up and she lets out a loud grunt. Then she collapses on top of Santana, panting heavily into her ear for minutes after that.

Santana doesn't care for her own pleasure now, she is just happy and satisfied that she managed to make Brittany come so fast with her limited movements. She is completely content just sitting there and pressing soft kisses to her hair.

But Brittany has another idea, of course.

She starts to slide off the shaft again, as Santana thinks she is done with their game, but she is wrong, Brittany presses down slowly on the penis again. She takes Santana's head into her hands and looks into her eyes.

"You have to come now!" She whispers to Santana's mouth, then she bites down on her bottom lip, while she fastens her moves on the fake penis. "Come for me now!" She orders Santana, as her moves make the base of the shaft press into Santana's center. Brittany fastens her movements, desperately trying to make Santana come and maybe make herself come again with her.

She presses down harder and faster again and again, the tip of the head hitting the special spot inside herself. She throws her head back at the contact and cries out from the extreme pleasure. She continues to move like that on top of Santana, as she presses her girlfriend's face to her chest.

The feel of Brittany's soft skin on her face is the last push for Santana, as she comes hard while biting down on the top of Brittany's left breast. It makes Brittany cry out of pain, then a second later her pleasure takes over her entire body, as she squirts her juices all over Santana's lap. They get over the edge at the same time, experiencing this overwhelming amount of pleasure together.

Brittany continues to grind into Santana, as she keeps her head close to her quickly rising and falling chest. Santana licks and kisses all over her collarbone and breasts. As Brittany stills her movements after a few seconds, she takes Santana's head into her hands again and lifts it to eye-level from her chest.

Their eyes bore into each other, as they take deep breaths to calm their heartbeats. They search in each other's eyes, trying to figure out what the other is thinking about in these silent seconds after both of them came down from their highs.

...

"I'm such a bad person…" Brittany whispers, as her face screws up and she lets out a hard sob. "I'm so sorry!" She buries her head into the crook of Santana's neck again as she cries, her emotions conquering her vulnerable state.

"No, Britt, you are not!" Santana whispers into her ear, then she kisses her neck softly. "Please look at me, baby!" She begs her, as she tries to assure her that she is not a bad person for doing this to herself and Santana. Brittany lifts her head slowly, then she wipes her tears from her cheeks, while shaking her head in disbelief at Santana.

"I am, though." She argues with Santana. "How can I enjoy this so much, when I'm so cruel to you? This is not right!" She feels so torn with different emotions, her body and her mind trying to tell her different things. She's never felt so much pleasure, but she's never felt so much pain because of hurting Santana at the same time.

"What feels right is right, Britt. It's that simple." Santana tries to explain to her. "Did this feel right, deep down in your heart?" She asks her as she searches in Brittany's glassy eyes for clues.

Brittany slowly nods her head, looking almost guiltily into Santana's eyes, still not sure what she feels about this experience.

"Then you have nothing to worry about." Santana tells her smiling, then she leans in to nuzzle her nose, the intimate gesture making Brittany relax and let out a loud sigh. Santana slowly tilts her head to the side and parts her lips to kiss Brittany tenderly. They press their lips together, holding their mouths closed around each other's, savoring this moment.

"Britt, I want to kiss you forever, but can you maybe…?" Santana asks after pulling away, her question referring to her still locked wrists and ankles.

"Oh, sorry." Brittany apologizes for forgetting her girlfriend's state in her emotional struggle. They watch together as she slowly slides off the fake penis, both of them letting out loud sighs at the strange, yet enchanting sight. Then Brittany slowly climbs off from Santana's lap and kneels down on the floor; then she frees Santana's limbs from the cuffs, making her let out a few winces as she turns her wrists and ankles around.

"Sorry for that!" Brittany mumbles as she takes Santana's hands closer to her own face to examine them closer. She kisses both the bruised skin on both of her wrists softly.

"No more sorry, Britt!" Santana tells her firmly. "Things like these happen. And I'm not sorry that I enjoyed them." Santana tries to assure her that it really wasn't a problem. On the contrary, she never thought that being limited like this would set her free so much at the same time.

"Good hurt, huh?" Brittany asks her, remembering Santana's words from another special night earlier. It makes Santana smile, that she recalls that conversation from before, because it happened after Brittany has used the strap-on on her the first time. It was a really special night and that was the night that made her realize she craved more of this. She still craves more of this good hurt, but now her needs are slowly starting to get satisfied.

And she is really grateful for Brittany to be brave enough to make this happen with her.

"Yeah, good hurt." Santana agrees with her after a few seconds of being silent and thinking about how far they've come in so little time.

...

An hour and a long shower later, they are lying on their sides facing each other on Brittany's bed under the warm comforter. They are both exhausted emotionally and physically from their eventful day, so they just enjoy the closeness of each other. They enjoy the intimacy that makes them able to stay silent and still express so many things to each other without words.

"Do you think we can do this once without one of us crying after it?" Brittany asks Santana, ending their silence. She told Santana that she didn't like that she made her cry earlier and it seems that she still thinks about this as a problem.

"Is it important?" Santana asks back curiously, as she is thinking with Brittany about this together. "I mean, does it really disturb you this much?" She asks her, noticing her girlfriend's obvious discomfort about this issue.

"I don't really like it, you know. I'm not used to doing it, especially not after sex." Brittany tells her categorically, and she knows that it is true. Brittany rarely cries, she only cries about really hurtful things and things that she feels really deep in her heart.

"Well, yeah, I cry all the time so it's a bit different for me." Santana chuckles as she is trying to be honest and light their conversation with her self-criticism at the same time. "But I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing." She says shrugging her shoulder a bit.

"But people cry because of bad things like pain and stuff." Brittany argues, not really getting why Santana thinks another way about this issue.

"That's not entirely true." Santana tries to explain. "I mean, people cry because they can't keep their emotions inside." Well, to be honest, she cries about every little things, like if she get a B in History class, or if she finds something strange in her Chinese food. But she's just this type. Though Brittany always knows why she cries, she always knows if it's simply hysterical crying or crying because her heart aches. And she always makes the heartache better.

"When they feel that their heart is too little to feel so much?" Brittany asks hoping that she finally got Santana's point.

"Yeah, exactly." Santana says smiling, the thought of understanding each other completely with Brittany makes her really happy.

They stay silent for a few seconds, then Brittany nudges Santana's arm to make her turn over. Santana does so, making Brittany the big spoon, then Brittany slides her hands around her waist and pulls her incredibly close. She kisses Santana's neck softly, then sets her chin on her shoulder.

The exhaustion slowly starts to take over their bodies, when Brittany opens her mouth to say a few more words.

"San" She whispers into Santana's ear quietly, trying to get her attention.

"Yeah?" Santana asks, her voice sounding really sleepy now.

"I think I might cry now." Brittany tells her simply.

"Why?" Santana asks frowning, tilting her head to the side to look into Brittany's eyes.

"Because I love you so much, I might get a heart attack." Brittany tells her in her softest voice, then kisses her cheek softly.

"Jesus…" Santana shakes her head while turning around to face Brittany again. "Brittany S. Pierce, you…" She smiles then presses a smacking kiss to Brittany's mouth. "You" she repeats and kisses her again "are" and again "perfect" and again for the last time. Brittany grins at her and kisses her a few more times; stopping only after Santana turns one of their kisses into a yawn.

Then they pull each other closer, press their whole bodies together, head to head, chest to chest and legs tangling into each other's. They hold each other tight, as they fall asleep and enter the extraordinary world of their dreams. They keep each other safe with the presence of them in each other's minds.

Their sleep is undisturbed, as the only thing they dream about now is all familiar. They dream about each other and what happened today between them, creating this new amazing experience together.

_They dream about the memories of this special day as both of their lips curl into smiles..._

* * *

**_Thanks for reading, I hope you liked this chapter! Review!  
_**

**_I'm planning a surprise for the next chapter and the story is definitely going to get more serious. Next chapter is a big step in this story, so stay tuned! :)  
_**


	4. Withdrawal

**Dear readers!**

**New chapter and as I promised, it is a bit of a surprise: the whole chapter is from Santana's point of view. I feel that you need to think with her brain and feel with her heart to understand what is happening here. It's pretty long too, since it covers more than one day.**

**I've never written from a person's point of view before, so I hope I did it right.**

**Enjoy and please tell me in a review what you think!**

* * *

_I've always wondered what it would feel like to be addicted. I've tried to imagine what it would feel like to crave something so much, you would sell your soul to get just a little bit more of it, just for one last time. I've imagined what it would feel like to be high, so much that when it's over, you feel like you've fallen down to the darkness and died._

_I've always wondered if I would ever feel like this in my life._

/

_**Saturday**_

_Usually my weekends are pretty fucking fantastic. Watching ridiculous cartoons in the morning, shopping for countless hours in the mall, going to parties or just hanging out and relaxing, they are all pretty dope._

_All of these are alike in one and the most important thing though: I always do them with Brittany._

_Sometimes I feel like she is the only reason I enjoy them. Well I would probably enjoy staring at a simple blank paper with her by my side to be honest._

_But there are even better activities we do together in the weekends: staying over at each other's houses without any parents in sight, making love for hours in our beds, making breakfast for each other and then having mindless morning sex on the kitchen table. _

_Yeah, usually I'm a pretty big fan of weekends and I don't want them to end ever._

_But this time, these two days are going to be the longest days in history for me. The longest and most torturing days, to be exact. _

_It's the annual Pierce family visit weekend, when Brittany's whole family gathers at her grandma's house and have fun together. It's pretty fucking surreal for me to imagine something like this with the Lopezes, but maybe it's just me. Since my own grandmother pretty much disowned me, I can't really consider myself a family person anymore._

_But for Brittany, it's different. She's been always accepted and cherished by her family, something I can't help but be a little bit jealous of. She always tries to convince me that her family is mine now too, but other than being the sweetest thing ever, it's not really true what she says. At least not yet and not officially anyway…_

_She's been gone since the morning and I'm already contemplating getting under the covers and just sleeping until she comes home. But then I think about how much it sucks sleeping without her and how much I would rather do not-so-innocent things with her in my bed, so I try to stay away from the bed as long as I can._

_They always say productivity helps to speed up time and also distract the mind, but after I manage to finish all my homework for the next week in two hours I know that I'm fucked. All I can think about is her and the remaining 40 hours I will try to suffer through without her. _

_It's pathetic._

…

_She calls me in the afternoon for the first time. I can hear people laughing and having fun in the background and it makes me feel lonely. She senses my bad mood and tries to cheer me up and I pretend to do so not to make her upset. I don't want her to feel bad about enjoying time with her family and leaving me behind. It sucks big time, but she shouldn't worry about it. I manage to make it through the conversation without begging her to steal her father's car and come back to me, so I'm pretty fucking proud of my self-control after we end our conversation._

_I don't want her to think that I feel lonely without her, but I think she pretty much knows it already. She knows me like nobody else in the world. _

…

_In the afternoon, she sends me a picture of her two year old niece holding a big heart-shaped paper with the words "I love Santana" and she adds a text saying "I have competition". It takes like two seconds for me to turn into a crying mess over it and I think she knows exactly what she's done to me. She knows I'm this easy and she plays on it. It would be pretty cruel if it wasn't the most adorable thing in the world already._

…

_It's getting harder to avoid my bed as the evening turns into night. I have dinner and I even attempt to spend time with my parents watching a film in the living room, but after thirty minutes I think I might go crazy being in the same air space with them for one more second, so I decide that I have to give up. _

_After I have the longest shower in the history of people having showers, I step into my room and have an eye-to-eye with my bed. _

_I think about how much I want Brittany to sit on my bed waiting for me, just a loose t-shirt and her panties covering her body. Her eyes are full of lust as she trails them all over my body. I just want to jump on her and ravish her. I want to kiss her deep as I press into her with my whole body. I want to whisper dirty words into her ear, as I slowly pull of her…_

_What the fuck?_

_I almost jump out of my skin as my phone rings on my night stand. _

"Britt" _I almost yell her name, as I'm trying to pull myself together after having a fantasy about her. I hope she doesn't notice my decomposed state, because I might not hear the end of it until I die._

"Hi, San!" _I can almost see her smirking over the phone, she fucking knows it. She must be a psychic or maybe…Maybe she's just an expert on me._

"Uh, how are you?" _It's better if she's the one who's doing the talking, until I manage to organize my thoughts._

"Good. It's awesome, I love all of them so much. Well, Uncle Jack is a bit creepy, but he thinks you are hot, so we are on the same page. Or is that creepy, too?"

"Yeah, baby, a little bit_." Creepy yes, but her talking about me being hot with her relatives is like the sweetest thing ever._

"But how was your day? I want to hear all about it."

"Uh, not so much to talk about here, Britt. Just pretty lame things like doing homework and wait for it… spending time with my parents."

"Oh, I'm so proud of you." _Jesus I don't know which is sweeter, the tone she uses or the actual words. She knows exactly how much effort it takes for me to spend time with my parents, so she feels proud when I'm trying._

"Well, don't cream your pants, Britt! I couldn't stand it after half an hour."

"It's a start, San. It will just get better." _Her never-ending optimism always makes me wonder how the hell she can be in love with someone like me._

"Maybe. But now back to you, what are you doing?" _We both know exactly that I wouldn't want to have a serious conversation about my family now, so it's better to talk about hers._

"Getting ready to bed. Sarah couldn't come this time, so I don't have to share the room. It's pretty cool; I have such a big bed…"

"No talking about beds, please!" _She is being cruel now and I know that she does it on purpose. Talking about her in a big bed, when I'm about to attempt falling asleep is not a good idea. Well, it is a good idea if I want to spend the next thirty minutes masturbating, but it wasn't exactly my plan tonight. _

"Why?"_ She plays clueless and she is perfect at it with any other person, but I know her too well._

"You know why. Don't tease me please!" _She is just a fucking genius at this too; she must have inherited it from her parents. They always kill me with their teasing._

"But I just wanted to tell you that there's a cute pussy…" _She can't be serious now. She's talking about her and a bed and fucking pussies. I might explode any second._

"Dammit, Brittany!"

"San, you sound frustrated." _And she sounds innocent, but she is not convincing enough._

"That's because I am frustrated. I just…" _Well it's not really easy to admit that I fucking miss her already. _"I just miss you."_ It's not easy but I do it anyway, I know she appreciates it when I'm honest about my feelings._

"I miss you too, but I've gotta go now. Aunt Muriel is trying to catch a ghost in her room and I wanna see it." _Well, it's better not to comment on this I think. Words like unicorns and ghosts don't faze me anymore, I just got used to it over the years. _

"Okay…"

"Now off to sleep and I promise I will call you tomorrow!" _Something worth waiting for at least. _

"Good night, Britt. I love you."

"Love you too, San." _Fuck, I just want her to whisper these words into my ear. After she fucked me for hours and I yelled her name when I came. _

_Now I think I have two possibilities, going back to the bathroom and have a cold shower or 'take the matter into my own hands'. _

_Five minutes later under the covers, I settle for a third one, because I know tomorrow night will be rewarding if I'm strong enough now. _

_So I just hold the little fluffy unicorn she's given me for this purpose close to my heart and try to fall asleep. _

_/_

_**Sunday**_

_I wake up lightly panting; sweat making my clothes stick to my body and half the comforter covering the floor instead of me._

_What the hell happened while I was sleeping? I don't remember anything…_

_This usually happens when…Oh shit!_

_I slowly bring my hand to touch my panties and my fear has proved true. I just had a sex dream and I don't even remember it._

_Well, now that I think about it, it's probably a good thing not to remember, if I want to think about anything else other than sex the whole day._

_I grab my phone and send Britt a text saying "dreaming about u". It must have been true, since I was having a sex dream, so who else would be a part of it? Well, I think no one else and my soaked panties are enough proof of that._

_She doesn't answer, so I decide to begin my day with a shower, which I really hope will erase sex from my thoughts for at least a few hours._

…

_It's 2 pm and she still hasn't answered. She always answers quickly, but I try to convince myself that maybe she's just too busy or she forgot to charge her phone, though I always tell her not to do that. _

_I really don't like not having a contact with her. _

…

_Two hours later, there's still nothing from her. I don't get it._

_It really didn't fucking help that I found one of her sexiest thongs under my bed an hour ago. Yes, I was fucking cleaning my room to keep myself busy. Well, finding her underwear was not really part of the plan of keeping my mind occupied with something other than sex._

_She should just come home already!_

…

_After dinner, I'm seriously contemplating calling her. I promised myself that I wouldn't disturb her with my lame 'I miss you' stuff this weekend, but I'm starting to worry._

_I mean, what if she didn't get my message? Or maybe she didn't like it? But how would that be possible?_

_Oh my God, what if something happened to her while I'm here feeling sorry for myself?_

_I rush into my room and grab my phone, bracing myself for every possibility._

"Answer it, please. Please…" _I can't believe I'm begging her when she can't even hear me. I'm such a fucking cliché._

"San!" _She yells my name out loud, giving me a heart attack._

"Britt? Are you okay? What happened? If you got into a car crash, please don't…"

"San, nothing happened. You're watching too much Grey's Anatomy again." _Of course she would make a joke about me, when I'm worrying myself to death here about her._

"What? I just like medicine…" _I mean all those Latin words are so arousing, it sounds like intellectual dirty talk. And being smart is sexy, so. _

"And hot doctors."_ Yeah, well, there you go again. Britt knows my weaknesses too well._

"Ugh, okay I admit it. But if nothing happened, then why didn't you answer the whole day?" _This is what's making me really confused now. I didn't really count on that possibility that she simply didn't answer. I mean, there has to be a reason._

"Sorry I left it in Aunt Muriel's room and I didn't remember. She thought the ghost sent her a message, so she freaked out a bit. But I convinced her that it was just sent from heaven."

"Aw…" _Jesus fucking Christ, how does she do that every time? I wanted to question her, and a second later she makes me forget my own name. How can someone be so sweet? I think it's humanly possible. But it's all right, she's not a human anyway, she's a goddess._

"Sorry, I didn't want you to be so worried." _Maybe I really shouldn't have worried for her all day. I admit that I tend to overreact sometimes, but how can I not with her? It feels so unreal to have her in my life that I always worry that it will just end once…_

"Uh, it's okay. When will you arrive home?"

"I don't know. I think it will be pretty late, grandma didn't let us go until we had dinner." _Ugh, fucking great. But what would 'pretty late' mean exactly? Ugh, it doesn't even count; I would be willing to wait for her all night. _

"So, uh, do you want to come over after?" _I really do hope she does, since I feel that I'm turned on by just talking to her. Is this healthy at all?_

"I'm tired San and you know I can't sleep in the car. And it will be at least four hours, so…" _Well, there goes my chance to save myself from exploding tonight. Fucking great, I can tell. Maybe I should start to dig a hole for my body to bury myself, since I can't imagine I would survive this night without her._

"Um…" _Yes, I'm fucking disappointed and don't have the energy to pretend otherwise anymore._

"I'm sorry." _She always knows what to say and she means it, too. I know she means it, but it just sucks so much still. At least it sounds like she had similar plans like me, but life and her grandmother fucked us over…_

"No, it's okay. I just…I just thought about you being here all day." _God, this will end with me crying and her blaming herself for it. I hate that, so maybe I shouldn't be such a sap about spending another night apart._

"I know baby. But we will see each other at school tomorrow." _But I can't fuck you at school tomorrow, can I? Hmm, now that I think about it, this might be a great idea. Cheerios locker room is pretty deserted Monday morning, so maybe this would be worth waiting for. Now I bet I will be dreaming about this tonight._

"Yeah. I can't wait! I miss you so much." _Uh, so fucking much, to be exact. Tonight will be a torture, I can feel it. I can feel it all over my body how much I crave her. _

"Me too, honey."

"Text me, when you arrive home." _Yes, I need to hear more from her tonight, now that she can't be here with me. Maybe I should have proposed the idea of phone sex to her? Now it's too late._

"I will. Love you!"

"Love you too!"

_Worst news I've ever heard in my life probably. She won't come over and all I will be thinking about is how we are in the same town again, but apart in our own beds. Ugh, so unfair._

_I shouldn't forget to send a card to her grandma for Christmas, saying thanks for cock-blocking me. Well, maybe that's not a good idea, if I ever want to marry Britt._

_Great, now all I can think about how gorgeous she would be in a wedding dress. Her pale skin, her golden locks and her ocean blue eyes, with that white dress and white flowers…a true goddess. _

_And how fucking amazing our night would be after that…_

…

_A long cold shower later, I'm lying in my bed, unicorn in one hand and my phone in the other. It's a sight I really hope nobody will ever see in my life, because I might die from the embarrassment. But I can't help it, I need as much contact to her tonight as I can get. _

_I don't have to wait long, my phone rings and there's an incoming text from her. It says _"lord tubbington is afraid that u will b jealous if he sleeps on my bed"_. Of course I would…_

_I totally would be jealous of a fucking cat, because he can spend the night on Brittany's bed and I can't. What is happening to me? _

_I answer with a text saying _"tell him I wont give him cigars if he does it"_ and I know I will get into trouble for this. Her answer comes a second later saying _"knew it was u, u will be punished"_. _

_Fuck, really Britt? I will be punished? Now all I can think about how my 'punishments' turned out so far. Yeah, all of them ended with the best orgasms ever._

_I can't wait for her to punish me tomorrow. She can punish me all day and all night. She can punish me in my room, or hers or even in the school._

_I convince myself that it will be worth it as I close my eyes to fall asleep alone in my bed again._

/

_**Monday**_

_I wake up at an inhuman time in the morning, feeling something fluffy between my legs. _

_What the fuck is there?_

_I bring my hand down there to feel it. Somehow the fluffy little unicorn has made its way from my hand to between my legs through the night._

_Great, now I can't help but think about how much I want another 'unicorn' between my legs right now. A much more human and sexy and awesome unicorn. My unicorn. _

_I decide to get up and erase my naughty thoughts by having a shower. Then I spend an hour getting ready. I mean, I haven't seen my girlfriend for two days; I have to be on top today._

_During breakfast I think about how much I want dinner to be here already. Dinner I plan to have with Brittany tonight. I hope she managed to rest up, cause she is definitely in for a long night._

_My sexual energy level is Guinness record book material right now; I'm pretty fucking frustrated to be honest. _

_I don't know how I will bear the long hours till the night comes._

…

_Where is she? I can't seem to find her all day. Okay maybe that's a little exaggerated since we only have our second period now. And we don't even have the same ones today, so…_

_I think I will call her in the next break. Should I call her? I mean, I don't want to be like a stalker or something, but I just need to see her. See her naked that is, but I don't know if that's an option now or not. _

_I will definitely call her in the next break._

…

_She doesn't answer her phone and I can't be surprised really. She always forgets it in her bag and leaves it in her locker. _

_Really fucking great._

_Should I check if it's there? Or that would harm her privacy or whatever? _

_Ugh, I can't believe I'm so low I'm even contemplating these things. _

…

_Before our next break I managed to find out which classroom she would be for her last period today, so I plan to get my stalking on. I know it's embarrassing, but she promised me I would see her today at school. _

_She's always kept her promises to me, so I don't want today to be an exception._

…

_I catch her talking with Gaykid and Wheezy on the hallway. I can hear my own frantic heartbeat, as I walk closer to them step by step. I try to calm myself down, not to look too giddy, because I know I won't hear the end of it from either of them if they notice it. _

_The downside of being 'kind of friends' with Kurt is that he always picks on me when he notices my weaknesses. And he is pretty fucking observant I must tell. Mercedes is different, she just knows me too well these days. She doesn't say anything, she is just always sending me these glances asking 'Can you be more hopeless?'. But who is she to judge? She is the one who sings cliché love songs to Trouty Mouth at every opportunity in Glee club._

_So, I make my way to them trying to stay composed, but the only thing I can see is Brittany's perfect thighs and ass and it doesn't really help. Bless these Cheerios skirts!_

"Hi." _Was that really my fucking voice? Ugh, too obvious Lopez, get it together!_

"San!" _She presses a smacking kiss to my lips and it was already worth waiting for two whole days. Yes, she just kisses so well. She does everything with her mouth so well; she's a fucking expert at every oral activity…_

"I think we should leave before Santana turns into a pile of mush and the world ends_!" I swear I will kill him once or maybe I will set his designer clothes on fire. That would be even better; he doesn't deserve the easy way out._

"Don't you have better things to do? Where is Bowtie by the way? I thought you couldn't function apart!" _It's hopeless to try defending myself, so I turn it on him. I'm pretty good; all the experience made me a fucking master at being defensive._

"Really Santana? It's pretty funny you say that to me." _He can't just let it go, can he? It's time to get my insulting on. I don't like to do that in Brittany's presence, but this kid is seriously bullying me. I need to defend myself!_

"Guys, stop it. It's not a shame for either of you." _Thanks Wheezy, but I don't need your protection. Do I look like someone who needs others to defend her? Hell no!_

"Yes, Mercedes is right. It's not something to argue about, San." _Okay, if Britt thinks that, it must be true, so I just shut up and continue to glare at Kurt. Maybe I will manage to burn a hole into his fucking ridiculous poncho. He rolls his eyes at me, I can't believe he dares to do that. _

"I think it would be a tie anyway." _I heard it Wheezy, so much about stopping it, huh?_

"Yeah, probably." _I can't believe Britt agrees with her. Am I this obvious to her? I don't want to seem so easy. Maybe she will get bored with my adoration and she will leave me…Oh God!_

"Bye, guys." _Mercedes drags Kurt with him, as he tries to turn around and make whipping sounds. I will definitely get my revenge on later!_

"Sorry about them. I think you are adorable!" _Jesus, now I blush so much it can be seen from fucking space. Pull yourself together, Lopez!_

"Uh, thanks I guess. So…I couldn't find you all day and you didn't take my call…"

"Sorry, I left my phone in my locker. But I'm so happy that we finally met." _Yeah, me too. But I barely made it. I can't believe I managed to survive so much time without her._

"Yeah, me too. Actually I wanted to ask you something…" _And you have to say yes; otherwise my sexual frustration will turn into new and never before experienced heights._ "Can you come over tonight?" _Please, please, please!_

"Uh, I think I have to organize prom stuff tonight." _What the actual fuck? It's still weeks till prom comes. I can't believe she's saying this. I mean, is this a legit reason to spend a night apart?_

"Oh…"

"Aren't you excited for that?" _And now she's turning it on me and I can't help but feel a bit guilty about it. I should be proud that my girlfriend is organizing our senior prom, but I think it's a little early to be a legit excuse. But I can't make her choose, it wouldn't be fair..._

"No, of course I am. I'm proud of you for doing it." _I hope she will not detect my utter disappointment with the whole thing. I'm confused by her, but I don't want to make her upset. _

"Thanks San." _Uh, always…It's really fucking tiring to be so supportive all the time. I just want to be selfish right now. _

"Well, I guess I should go to my class now." _Go to my class and end this conversation before I will try to convince her that I just need a quickie then she can go and organize this stupid prom. _

"Okay, promise I will call later!" _Unless she means phone sex, I don't know how that will help me. _

"Right. I love you." _I hate to say these words, when I'm clearly upset with her. It sounds so rehearsed and all. I will always love her, but situations like these… it's not easy to mean these words as much as I want to._

"Love you too, honey." _She kisses me softly before she turns on her heels and leaves me. _

…

_She kissed me and it made me remember how much I want her to do this and all the other things tonight. _

_Did she seriously think what she said was okay or was it just an excuse? She never uses excuses, she is always honest with me, so why would this time be an exception? I try to convince myself that I'm just thinking too much into this. _

_She's Senior Class President and I should be really fucking proud. Now she's made it her priority and I should respect it. It's probably one of the firsts in her life when she has to choose between her work and me, so better get used to it._

_But I'm not used to it yet, so it's a hard thing to accept._

_It's really fucking hard, because I miss her so much. I just miss her closeness, her smell, her sounds and her touch. I miss her everything. _

_I'm fucking miserable just thinking about tonight._

…

_She hasn't called yet. It's nine at night and she hasn't called yet. _

_I mean I felt really proud that I got over the fact that she's not spending the night here, but she doesn't even call? She promised it!_

…

_An hour later, still nothing. I decide to send her a text, because I don't want to disturb her or shit. I ask her that maybe she could Skype with me, but she says she's busy. She wishes me a good night and of course, she finishes the text with 'those three words'._

_Those three words, that sound so fake now. _

_Uh, what the fuck is happening to me? Now I just questioned her love for me and I feel even worse. _

_I admit that sometimes I tend to over-analyze things, but with Brittany, my instincts usually don't lie to me. And she was pretty obvious this time. She definitely made up an excuse. Why is that?_

_She doesn't even want to talk to me and I can't help but search for a reason. Have I done something wrong? Does she really not miss me?_

_Is it about me or is it about her? And when did 'us' become 'me' and 'her'?_

…

_I can't fucking sleep. All I can think about is her and how much I miss her. _

_I'm missing the touch of her skin on mine. I'm missing our soft kisses and little bites, the gentle caresses of our fingertips, the smells of our arousals mingling in the air. _

_I'm missing the way she touches me, the way she brings me to the edge and the way she holds me after I'm collapsed. _

_I'm missing all the ways she loves me and she lets me love her back. And she doesn't let me now…_

_She doesn't want me now._

_Tears are threatening to escape my eyes, as I slowly bring my hand down between my legs and I touch myself. It's the fourth night in a row she hasn't touched me and I would give everything for my hand to be hers this moment._

_I am so wet just by thinking about her, so my movements are sloppy. But I don't care, I just want to come. I move my fingers furiously, as I stare at the ceiling. _

_I remember her cold demeanor, her sharp tone and her harsh words. I remember the way she used me to get her own pleasure and denied me mine. _

_I remember that she locked me and still I never felt so free. I remember that she hurt me and still I never felt so good. I've never felt more pain and more pleasure in my life. I've never felt so alive. _

_I want her like never before._

_But I can't come. _

_I can't fucking come, because I don't want this, I only want her. _

_What is happening to me? I feel like I'm addicted to her and I didn't get my dosage for days._

_It feels like the ache in my body starts to turn me into a different person. I feel empty, like there's a huge black hole in my body and I would give anything to her to fill it up. _

_Fill me up with her love._

…

_I wipe my hand on my thigh and try to forget about my failed attempt to pleasure myself. I wipe the tears from my face and search for my phone. I send her a text saying 'I love you so much' and I have never meant it more. _

_It feels like I love her too much now and it's starting to drive me crazy._

/

_**Tuesday**_

_I gave up trying to sleep normally an hour ago, so I try to spend my time wisely._

_I already had breakfast and got ready for school, so I just lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling thinking about my situation. _

_I feel so many things at the same time. Anger, disappointment, sadness, loneliness and fear…all the good things in the world. _

_But mostly I just feel that I'm confused._

_Maybe I should try a different approach today. Hmm, I should make an offer she can't refuse. Not by pointing a gun to her head, but more like teasing her so much that she can't help but want to get it on with me in the end._

_My plan is perfect by the time I leave for school._

…

_We have three periods together today, so there is plenty of time for me to turn my plan into reality._

_We meet at out lockers before the first and she apologizes for not calling me yesterday. I let it go, because she looks at me with her puppy eyes and it makes me forget she hurt me._

_We walk to our class and sit together, like every other time. The whole class is pretty fucking boring, so I decide to get my teasing on. I tear a piece of paper and I write a message for her. It says '_I love your skirt'._ She writes me back that '_I wore the same skirt whole year'_. She is right, because duh, it's her Cheerios skirt. I answer with the words '_Okay, maybe I just love your thighs and ass in it'_. She chuckles and shakes her head at me. _

_Shaking her head? Not exactly the reaction I anticipated. _

…

_Next period I try a different idea. It's Spanish, so I don't really need to listen anyway. So I just pretend that I help Brittany with the pronunciation, but instead I whisper dirty Spanish words into her ear._

_I know she understands it, because I always do that when we have sex and I tell her what they mean after it._

_And she does understand it, because her ears are pretty red by the end of our class. _

_I can't help but smirk a little, this step is successfully taken._

…

_Our last period, I feel that luck is on my side. It's History and we are watching a film, so the room is dark and Brittany is sitting close to me. _

_I casually take her hand and start to circle her palm with my fingertips. Then I start to trail a path up to her elbow with my index finger and then down again. I continue softly stroking her forearm, but after a couple of minutes, she grabs my hand and puts it down on my thigh. I stare at her questioningly and she tells me to not be silly and watch the film. _

_I can't believe she's just told me that. What is her problem? Am I not allowed to even touch her now? _

_We are in public, but it's never bothered her before. Actually I know she likes it when I'm affectionate with her in front of other people. So it can't be that. _

_Maybe she would just really like to watch this film. Pff, who am I kidding? The combination of Brittany and history films usually leads to either Brittany molesting me or Brittany falling asleep on me. _

_Then what is it?_

_She is a mystery to me, a really frustrating one right now. _

_She doesn't want to talk to me, she doesn't want to spend time with me and she doesn't want me to touch her._

_Why doesn't she want me?_

…

_I spend the rest of the class trying to calm myself down and convince myself that I'm just overreacting._

_I don't touch her and I don't even glance at her for thirty minutes and when the bell rings I pack my things in silence. She does the same and then we leave the room and walk to our lockers._

_It's getting fucking awkward and I can't even remember the last time I felt that with her. _

_I know Brittany stays at school after this, so it's time to say goodbye, but now I feel that I would just rather run to my car and skip this part. _

"San…" _Her voice snaps me out of my daze as I look at her. She actually seems a bit guilty, which is kind of surprising. I thought she hasn't even noticed she made me upset again._

"Yeah?"

"I just told you that I have to stay here now." _Big fucking surprise, Brittany!_

"Well you have to stay here for every freakin' Tuesday, so I kind of already knew that." _That came out pretty harshly, but I can't control myself with her anymore._

"Right." _I know she doesn't want to argue and honestly, me neither. I hate arguing and I'm not even good at it. So it might not be a good idea to confront her in a public space._

"Yeah."

"I should go now." _Now she seems pretty upset, which I find a bit outrageous. I mean, she doesn't have the right to be upset with me, she's not the one who's been neglected and ignored for days. _

"…." _I can't even reply to her, I just stare at the floor and shake my head._

"I love you." _She whispers, then she presses a kiss on my lips and the second I open my eyes, she's already gone. She doesn't even wait for my answer._

"Love you too…" _I whisper back to her and I know that I mean it. I know because I can feel it in my chest, where my heart aches. I've rarely felt that recently and I don't want to now, it reminds me too much of our past. _

_Even our kiss tasted different this time. It was bittersweet. _

…

_Three hours later I decide to give her one more chance before…_

_Before I don't know exactly what happens, so I seriously hope this will have the desired effect._

_I jump up from my bed and lock my door; then I pull all my clothes off. I won't be subtle this time; she will see exactly what she is missing out on. It can only help._

_So I settle on the bed on all fours and I take a picture of my body with my phone. I think it's a pretty fucking amazing picture and it shows every important part of me she likes. _

_I send the picture with a text that says _'come over tonight'_. I really can't be more direct than that and with this special picture…I really hope I will be successful. _

…

_I've been staring at my phone since I sent her the text and dressed up again. It was almost an hour ago._

_I'm starting to run through the possibilities, when my phone rings. There is an incoming message from her. _

_It only says _'maybe...'

_A 'maybe' and three fucking points? This is what I deserve? Why is she doing this to me?_

_I'm seriously done; she's ignored and hurt me enough. I reached my limit. She made me reach my limit._

_I grab my phone and I head out to go to her house._

…

_When I arrive her parents are nowhere to be seen, a fact I'm pretty grateful about now. I know they would notice my bad mood and ask me about it, but I honestly wouldn't know the answer to any of their questions._

_I don't understand anything._

…

_I knock on her door, but there is no answer, so I slowly open the door while I feel my blood pumping in my veins through my whole body. I have misgivings about this whole thing. I lock the door behind myself and turn around to look at her._

_She is sitting in front of her table staring at her laptop screen with her headphones on. I don't know what she is watching and she can't hear me, so I step further into her room to get a closer look._

_I just can't believe the sight in front of my own eyes. This seems like an out of body experience, like I can't move, but everything inside me starts to move. My anger boils through my veins, mixed with my disappointment and embarrassment. All I can feel is pain in my body and I feel paralyzed with it. _

_She is watching porn. _

_She is watching a fucking sex video. She doesn't want me, but she wants to watch a fucking sex video? _

_I'm just staring at her screen with my mouth hanging open, when she notices my reflection on the screen._

"Santana" _She seems a little bit surprised, but I can't detect any other emotion on her face. She doesn't look like she feels guilty at all. She looks like she actually doesn't care for the fact that she's been caught._

"What the…?" _I can't even get one more word out, as I feel that my head is too dizzy and my chest is too tight. I just want to wake up from this nightmare._

"I didn't notice you." _She just says that casually as a fact. Just a simple fact, but it's much more than that. How can she not get that there is a huge fucking problem with this? _

"Of course you didn't. You seemed pretty fucking busy." _Something breaks inside me and I feel my anger spreading through my whole body. I'm raging and she doesn't even blink at my accusing words. _

"Why are you so upset?" _She has the nerve to ask this? Why am I so upset? All the fucking reasons in the world. She hurt me like never before and she doesn't even get it._

"What? Don't you know already?"

"Ugh, no?" _It feels like a cruel game she's playing. I'm seriously thinking she's fucking with my mind now. She can't be serious. She can't, because if she is…I don't even want to think about the consequences. _

"You are watching fucking porn, Brittany." _I yell these words at her as my anger starts pouring out of every pore on my body. I just want her to yell back at me, I just want her to do something. But she just plays it down like it isn't a fucking big deal. But it is a fucking big deal for me._

"Well, yeah, so?" _She is just making it worse with every word and she looks like she does it on purpose. Why is she torturing me? The last four days wasn't enough for her? And how do I deserve this? Why is she treating me like this?_

"Why? Why the fuck would you do that? Can you give me one fucking reason why you don't want to have sex with me, but you want to watch fucking strangers doing it?"

_My words echo in the room, as she stands up and takes a step closer to me. I don't want her to get closer, so I take one step back. I feel like I'm being cornered, though I'm the one questioning her. I cross my arms in front of my torso and brace myself for her answer. _

"You have no right to question me!" _Her voice is cold and her words are like knives stabbing right at my heart. She doesn't give me an answer, but she hurts me even more. _

"I have every right to question you!" _I do have a right, but she doesn't have a right to hurt me like that. I've never been so confused by her. I just want her to stop and tell me what her problem is. She must have a reason; I hope she has a reason for all this…_

"No, you don't. Who do you think you are to question me?" _She is openly hostile with me and it makes me so upset. Who do I think I am? Do I even have to think about that? I haven't needed to think about that for the last months_.

"I'm your fucking girlfriend!" _Yes, that's what I've been for the last months and I thought I would never have to remind her of it._ _I point to my own chest to make my point, as I yell at her. Tears are streaming down my face now, but she doesn't wipe them off and she doesn't stroke my cheeks softly like any other time. She doesn't even care. _

"No, you aren't." _Her words freeze me and a shiver runs through my body. Did she just say these words? I must have heard wrong. My emotions are fucking with my senses. I must have heard wrong. I must have…_

"What…?"_My voice cracks as I try to question her about what she said to me._

"I said you are not my girlfriend." _I don't understand. If I'm not her girlfriend, then I might as well be dead. If I'm not her girlfriend, who am I? I start to question my whole life in this moment. What is this? This can't be my life, this can't be my reality._

_Why is she doing this to me? Is she breaking up with me? Or is she trying to tell me that I was never her girlfriend? _

_Panic rises in my throat as I try to end this._

"Britt, I…" _I just want to end it; I just want her to end my misery. I just want her to say that this is just some fucked-up game we are playing._

"Shut up! Remember the rules!"

_She yells at me, as she takes another step closer. She looks threatening so I take a step back, but my back pushes into the door. Her words confuse me and her behavior just deepens my already torn feelings. _

_I try to clear my head and figure out what she is telling me to do. Remember the rules? Does this mean that…?_

"Rules?" _Rules? Remember the rules? Is she referring to 'those' rules? Is this what this is all about?_

"Yes, like you don't say anything until I ask you." _Oh my God, she is seriously doing this. When did she turn this into a game? Since when has she been playing with me? _

"Is this a game to you, Britt?" _Did I finally figure it out? I'm not even sure I want to know the answer; this is just too much already. _

"This is a game for us." _Her voice is authoritative and commanding as she takes another step towards me and stops just a few inches away from my body. Her intense stare doesn't leave any room for objection, but I'm not sure I want to do this now. I'm not sure I can do this now_.

"I don't know_…" I whisper my hesitating words as I search her face for any clue on what this whole thing means. _

_I feel too vulnerable for this now. I'm afraid how it would turn out if we got into this tonight. Or did we already get into it? Maybe it is too late now. _

"It's funny you think you have a say in this." _She is almost mocking me and I remember back a few nights ago, how she was doing the same thing so perfectly. How is she doing this to me? _

_I'm so torn about it. My mind tells me that I should stop now, I should say the word, but my body says an entirely different thing. All the pent-up want spreads through my body and I can feel it in every cell. I want her so much, but…_

"I…" _I'm still not sure, but she doesn't care._

_She cuts me off as she pushes her tongue into my mouth. She doesn't wait for any reaction, she starts to lick the inside of my mouth and bite my lips. She is rough and demanding with her mouth as she grips my hands and pushes them above my head. _

_I'm completely at her mercy. _

_Should I think that she is just using me for her own needs? Should I think that she is disrespecting me? Should I think that she is hurting me? Should I feel that this is all wrong?_

_Or should I just listen to my body and let myself feel? _

_What is right?_

"Now I hope you get it. You know are not my girlfriend, but who are you?" _She asks me as she pulls away from me to take a breather. Her eyes bore into mines and then I remember the answer._

_What feels right is right._

"I am…I am your little slut." _It's hard to say these words every time, but I can feel the effect between my legs all the time. She knows I like saying it, maybe even more then hearing it. _

"Yes, you are my little slut." _She sets her hands on my cheeks and wipes the tears off from them. Then she tilts her head and catches my bottom lip between hers and sucks on it. _

_This kiss is everything I needed to be sure that we can do this. She is telling me that she knows how I feel; she is making sure that I know that she keeps me safe. _

_I trust her judgment._

"Pull off your clothes!" _She whispers her instruction as she rests her forehead against mine. We are so close our breaths are mingling in the air and her smell and her words are making me go crazy. _

_She pushes away from me and just trails her eyes all over my body as I undress myself. I stare at the floor when I'm finished, feeling embarrassed about the amount of wetness I feel on my thighs. _

"Lie on the bed now!" _I can't imagine what she is planning for tonight, but I don't even think about it, I just respond quickly to her words and lie on the bed._ _I spread my legs without her asking me to do it, hoping that she will appreciate my gesture. _

_I feel that I'm dripping on her sheets, as she starts to pull off her clothes and reveal her naked body for me, the first time in long and torturing days. _

"Close your eyes!" _She orders and I obey immediately. I take deep breaths to calm my heartbeat, but I fail miserably. I feel my heart pumps lust all through my body in my veins as my ache starts to take over me._

_I can hear that she is making noises all over the room. I hear that she opens a drawer and takes something out. Then I hear that she pulls something out from under the bed. But I don't know any more than that; and the anticipation is killing me. _

_I can hear her coming closer, and then finally I can feel that she is moving on the bed. She suddenly straddles my hips and I almost jump out of my skin. I can feel her arousal coating my lower stomach and it's extremely hard not to touch her or at least look at her._

_She grabs my right hand and brings it over my head. Then I can feel something metallic touching it. I recognize the feeling immediately. She locked up my wrist in our handcuff. I take a shuddering breath as she takes my other hand and locks it up, too._

_When I feel that she is finished, I try to bring my hands down, but I can't. I drop my jaw as I realize that she locked my hands to her headboard._

"Try not moving so much! Let me do the work this time!"_ She whispers into my ear and her hot breath makes my shiver. I don't know what kind of work she is talking about but I'm almost at the edge just thinking about the possibilities. _

_She climbs off me and then the bed and a second later I can hear her handling something like a box maybe. What kind of box would that be? _

_I do have one particular box in my mind. But is that it? Would she actually do that to me now?_

"Spread your legs wider!" _She remains commanding and I try to please her with my eagerness. I spread my legs as much as I can and wait for her to do whatever she wants to me. It's really hard being so subdued, but deep down I like the feeling of being this exposed to her._

_I can feel her on the bed again, as she slowly comes closer to me. _

_Then she touches my knees with her hands and squeezes them. She starts to softly stroke my skin upwards on my legs until she is circling the inside of my thighs with her fingertips. I lightly pant as I try not to come just by her fingertips stroking my sensitive skin. I can feel the ache all over my body. I can feel it in my chest, my limbs and mostly between my legs. _

"Please…"_ I whisper to her after a minute, when I can't stand the teasing anymore. I know I break the rules, but I can't bear it anymore, I'm going crazy with my overwhelming need. My hands are locked up, my thighs are shaking and my heart is beating rapidly._

"Oh look at you begging me…"_ She is mocking me, but I don't care. I'm willing to beg her. _"Tell me what you want!"

"I want you to…"_ The rest of my words die somewhere inside me as she brings her hands to my breasts and starts to squeeze them. I let out loud moans and I desperately squirm with my body to find any more contact with her. _

"You have to tell me!"_ She commands me as she plays with my nipples. I bend my back to get more of her heavenly touch, but she takes her hands away suddenly. _"Do it!"

"Fuck me! I want you to fuck me!"_ My desperate words echo through the room and I can feel her hand on my lower stomach. She strokes my skin and then she softly trails a path down to my center. _

_She dives into my wetness with her fingers as I bend my knees and push my hips up from the bed to meet her hand. _

"You forgot one word!" _She reminds me as she pulls away her hand. _

"Please, please, please fuck me! Please!"_ I've just begged her to fuck me again, but I don't care, all I care about is that I want it. I want it so much I would give anything to her to do it already._

"I will."_ I can feel her leaning closer to me as she whispers her promise._

_Then I feel something huge pressing to my entrance and suddenly I open my eyes widely as panic rises in me. _

"No!"_ My instinct is telling me to say no and I try to close my legs, but she grips them firmly and keeps them apart with her strong hands. _

"Don't you want me to fuck you?"_ She knows I want her to do it, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the pain every time and now I will be completely at her mercy. It's hard to let myself go and just feel without thinking._

"I do…"_ I whisper finally and she doesn't waste one more second and presses into me. I yell out from the overwhelming pain as she grabs my hips and pushes the whole head into me. _

_She starts to stroke my clit with her fingertips to ease my pain, but it's almost unbearable. I'm panting heavily, as I feel myself stretched to my limits. She presses soft kisses all over my chest and after a few more seconds I start to feel that all these impulses subdue my pain and pleasure takes over. _

_When I start moaning, she holds my hips firmly and suddenly pushes into me all the way. _

"Noooo!"_ I cry out and try to push her away, but I can't move my hands and she is too strong. The pain is making my head swirl and I'm barely conscious and the only thing I can remember is one word all over again: Red, red and red. _

_I'm paralyzed. I can't move as I feel the huge shaft inside me is tearing me apart. _

_But I don't say the word. _

_She tries to help my struggle as she circles my clit with her fingers again and she leans down to take my left nipple into her mouth. I push into her with my chest and I hurt my wrists again as I try to bring my hands down to press her head into me more. She licks and sucks on my nipple as she strokes me between my legs to make me comfortable. As she fastens her motions I start to feel less tight inside as I slowly manage to accommodate the huge penis inside me. She takes my other nipple into her mouth and when she bites on it softly I let out a loud moan and shut my eyes again at the strange mix of pain and pleasure. _

_These two things I can feel all over my body now: pain and pleasure at the same time. _

_She pulls away from my breasts with her head and I can feel that she sets her hands on my cheeks. She holds me face firmly, while she slowly slides out of me so only the head stays in._

"Look at me."_ She whispers and it doesn't sound like an order at all anymore. _

_I open my eyes and a couple of tears stream down on my cheeks onto her hands. She kisses them away, then she nuzzles my nose and the intimacy between us is making me overwhelmed. I let out a sob, but she quickly tilts her head and captures my lips with hers. She swallows my crying and slowly our heavenly kiss turns my sobs into moans. _

_She rests her forehead against mine and looks into my eyes, as she slowly slides into me again. It feels easy now and the pleasure makes me push up my hips to meet her movement. I feel myself filled up finally and not just between my legs. She fills me up everywhere; she fills me up with her love. _

_She thrusts into me like an expert and slowly I start to feel it's not enough. I cry out every time our hips meet, but I still want more, I need more. I cross my ankles behind her legs to pull her into me even more and she immediately understands what I'm trying to say with it. She fastens her movements and thrusts into me hard. _

_I feel her deeper than ever before, I feel her everywhere. I feel that every cell in my body come to life after being hibernated for long days. _

_I moan louder and louder, as I feel the pressure taking over my whole body. I'm so close, but I need more of her, I need a last push._

_And she knows it, like every other time. She cups my breasts and pushes her tongue into my mouth. She kisses me wet and deep, all tongue and teeth, just what I need. She pumps into me roughly, hitting my most sensitive spot inside me. She swallows my moans as she brings me closer and closer. She brings her hands down to my lower back and pulls me even closer to back up her moves. _

_She hits me so deep I feel like she enters the core of my body, she reaches the roots of my whole being. _

_One last time and then all I can feel is that every muscle in body clenches, then I bite down on her lip and we grunt loudly at the same time. Me from the pleasure and her from the pain. _

_Or is it all the same now?_

_Then I start shaking and I feel that I have no control over my body. I'm barely conscious, but she keeps me grounded in her embrace with her strong arms. _

_I feel like I've climbed off the highest cliff on Earth, but instead of falling down, she catches me and sends me up towards the sky._

_I'm seeing stars…_

* * *

_**Thanks for reading! I really hope you liked it!**_

_**I wonder what will be the aftermath of this chapter. What do you all think? **_

_**And should I write another chapter from Santana's point of view in the future? Or maybe one from Brittany's?**_

_**Tell me in a review what you all want! **_


	5. Those four words

**Dear readers!**

**New chapter here and it's the continuation of the previous one and it's about the aftermath of what's happened there. **

**Jesus, all I can say is that I don't know how my characters are not tired of talking so much.**

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter and maybe it will help look at the previous one from a different perspective! Enjoy and tell me what you all think about it!**

*** I started a tumblr, so check it out! ***

* * *

_**Tuesday**_

The moon provides the only source of light in the room, but it's not dark enough for her. It could have been considered like quite a romantic sight, as the moonlight makes everything gleam in the room. A stranger would say it looks magical, but everything here is painfully real.

The beauty of the scene just makes it all the more tragic what is happening now in the room.

Brittany is sitting on the bed with her elbows tucked under her bent knees, as she wonders how something that not so long before made them connect on so many levels brought them so apart now, she feels there is an invisible wall between them. A wall she doesn't know how she will ever break down again.

Not so much apart physically though, since Santana is lying on her side in fetal position on the other side of the bed. She's been lying there for the past thirty minutes since Brittany freed her. She hasn't opened her eyes since she came down from her high and she hasn't stopped crying since.

She looks like a little porcelain doll with her tiny fragile body. A porcelain doll Brittany feels was hers and should have flown with pride to own. She should have done everything to keep it safe. But instead, she broke it into shivers and she is not sure she could ever piece it together again.

She doesn't dare to touch her, not yet. She doesn't, because she fears Santana will not let her and she is not ready for that. She is afraid of all the consequences she is not yet ready to face.

So she is just watching her, as Santana tries to find comfort in gripping the sheets close to her body and muffling her quiet sobs with her hand over her face. She is just a few inches away, if Brittany held out her arm, she would easily reach her. But she is more out-of-reach now then she's ever been for the last months.

The true tragedy is that this whole night shouldn't have happened; she could have stopped it any moment. But she didn't and she will never forgive herself for it.

She hates herself for hoping that Santana will. She doesn't deserve hope.

She doesn't deserve anything from her.

It hurts to look at her knowing that she was the one who caused her to suffer like this now. Every little cry is just another stab into her heart. And the heartache is what makes this feel so real, so much that she can't mistake it for her greatest nightmares.

…

The sound of the front door opening cuts through the silence of the house. Brittany hears the familiar sounds her parents make downstairs and knowing that someone is here in the house other than them is a relief for Brittany. It makes her feel more at home and she needs to feel that now.

She hears them coming up on the stairs, as they are trying to speak quietly with each other. She can't really make out any of the words, until she hears them stopping in front of her door.

She notices that Santana has pressed her face into her pillow to soften her voices to prevent Brittany's parents from noticing her crying in the otherwise dead silent room.

"Do you think she is sleeping?" Brittany's mother tries to whisper quietly, but it can easily be heard in the room.

"I think so." Her father answers, like it's quite obvious.

"Last week she forgot to lock her door once and I opened it in the morning. I saw her and Santana sleeping. They held each other so close. I've never seen something so endearing in my life." Brittany's heart aches at her mother's words. She knows that she would swell with warmth any other time, but now she doesn't feel it from the ice that freezes her heart.

"They really love each other, don't they?" Brittany can't help but hope that it's still true, she hopes that they love each other so much they will survive this somehow.

"I've never seen such young people have what they have now. I think they will marry each other." Brittany hears Santana's breath hitch at her mother's words and she wants nothing more than to whisper into her ear that she's been planning to do that since the first time they kissed.

"I'd like that, Santana is already like a part of the family." Santana turns her head a little towards the door and Brittany thinks that maybe she can't believe what she is hearing right now. She should know it's true though, since she is being treated like a member of the family with all the highs and lows that come with that privilege.

"I bet Britt is dreaming about her." Brittany can hear the smile in her mother's voice and she wants to smile herself at her sweet comment, but she feels that she can't. She feels numb, she can't smile, but she can't cry either. She is just sitting there, staring at Santana and listening to her parent's whispers.

"Yeah, but come on, let's not disturb her now!" Brittany's dad cuts off the conversation and a few seconds later they close their own bedroom's door.

Brittany would have been so giddily happy to hear her parent's words just a day ago, but now they make her feel so sad, reminding her what she is losing more and more with every passing second.

"Britt…" She hears Santana whisper her name so quietly she doesn't dare to believe it's not just her imagination playing with her head.

"Britt…" Santana tries to repeat it more loudly as her voice cracks a little. She pulls out her right hand under her pillow and holds it out over her left shoulder for Brittany. She wants to take her hand, she wants her touch. Brittany almost can't believe it.

She hesitates for a moment and it makes Santana slowly pull back her hand a little, but Brittany quickly responds and takes it. She takes it and she holds it gently in hers. Santana presses their clasped hands into her shoulder and the touch of her soft skin is the last push Brittany needs to crumble on her spot.

She lies down on the bed behind Santana, just inches from her body and grips her hand firmly to get strength to stop her own heart-wrenching sobs. The roles are reserved now, but Brittany feels there is a big difference between their situations. She is crying from her regrets, her blames and fears.

What she doesn't know is that Santana cried from exactly the same things. They don't know how the other feels yet, but their connected hands make both of them hope they will be able to make a connection not just physically, but emotionally again.

…

The silence settles again in the room, as Brittany slowly manages to calm herself down with the help of Santana's softly stroking fingertips. She craves so much more of her now, she wants to bury her face into her dark hair and pull her close to herself. She wants nothing more than to get comfort from the familiarity of their pressed bodies and matching heartbeats.

But it's too soon for that now and Santana wordlessly agrees, as she squeezes Brittany's hand for one last time and then drops it on the bed. Then she takes a deep breath and slowly sits up on the bed and sets her feet onto the floor.

"San, we…". Brittany is alarmed by Santana's sudden movements. She tries to stop her twirling thoughts and figure out what exactly she wants them to do. She wants them to talk. Well, not really, because she dreads the moment when they will. But she knows they have to.

"Soon, Britt. I can't now." Santana knows it, too. But she doesn't feel ready, yet. She is in no state to even think about tonight, let alone express her feelings about it. She needs time and space. "I have to sleep." She settles for that and she hopes that Brittany will understand.

"You can…" Brittany does understand, but there is a voice in her that tells her to stop Santana. There is a tiny little voice in her that says that if she lets her go now, she might not want to come back.

"At home. I have to sleep at home." Santana corrects her sentence, then she takes a deep breath and gets up from the bed. She lets the sheets fall from her body and Brittany catches a glimpse of her bare backside, but she feels such guilt rush to her at the sight, she has to close her eyes.

While Santana is picking up her clothes from the floor and dressing up again, Brittany sits up and rests her head on her bent knees. Then she hears Santana pulling out a drawer and searching for something in it. She is curious, but she doesn't want to disturb her with her stares. She only opens her eyes, when Santana sits on the edge of the bed again and gently nudges her arm to make her look up.

She feels her heart warm up a little at the sight, as Santana is wearing her favorite sleeping shirt over her dress. It makes her feel a little bit less lonely, knowing she is not the only one who craves this kind of familiarity now.

She glances up to look into her eyes for a second and that's the first time they make eye-contact since she brought Santana to the edge more than an hour ago.

Santana's look is full of meaning and Brittany feels overwhelmed by the different emotions that rush to her head and heart at the same time as their eyes bore into each other's.

"Can I…?" Brittany whispers, her voice matching her miserable state. "Please?" She asks Santana, as she opens her arms out for her a little bit with hope, but preparing herself inwardly for rejection.

But rejection doesn't come, as a whole lot of unexpected things come instead. She is suddenly wrapped up in Santana's arms, her locks tickling her face and her smell…The smell that makes her feel always home is all around her now. She tries to savor the way Santana's body presses into hers, the way her heart beats so close to hers and most importantly, the way it makes her feel.

For a moment, it feels like both of them is afraid to ruin this moment of feeling united again, but Santana knows they can't get too wrapped up into each other now.

She pulls away carefully as she glances into Brittany's eyes again for one last time; then she gets up from the bed and makes her way to the door. She sets her hand on the door handle and then she tilts her head to the side as she has the urge to say something.

Not just something though, but four words that are imprinted on her mind forever. _I love you, Brittany... _But she is just standing there as the words that scream so loud in her head don't come out somehow.

"I am so sorry." Brittany whispers in a shattered voice and Santana knows these other four words will be repeated many times by both of them in the near future.

It's not one of those apologies a person just tells the other to make peace. It's not one of those apologies a person just tells the other to make them forget what they did and move on. It's not a closure. Santana knows these words are needed to be said not to finish something, but to start something new. It's a beginning of a hard way they have to go along together without knowing how it will end.

It's one of those apologies that come deep within a person's heart to relieve that certain heaviness they feel from the weight of their actions.

"Me, too." Santana whispers back lowly and then she opens the door and steps out of the room. She locks the door and carefully makes her way to the front door, trying not to wake Brittany's parents up.

The sound of the front door closing makes Brittany let out a choked sob, as she buries her head into her arms and cries herself to a dreamless sleep.

/

_**Wednesday**_

Brittany wakes with a start in the morning, gripping the sheets with her fists and sweat covering her whole body. She must have had a nightmare.

Or maybe she just remembered the night before.

She shakes her head to erase her dark thoughts and takes a shuddering breath as she gets up and walks to her bathroom.

It takes an incredible effort from her to look into the mirror, but she knows that today she has to face herself. It's time to face her actions and the consequences.

"What did you do?" She whispers to her reflection as she looks at it with disgust and utter confusion. She can almost imagine it answering _'You have only yourself to blame'_ and she has the strongest urge to shatter the mirror into pieces with her fists.

But she doesn't, because she knows it wouldn't change anything.

So she just steps into the shower and tries to clean off all the angst she is feeling in her heart with the sweat that is covering her skin.

…

Santana slowly takes steps towards the kitchen, hoping that her mother is still sleeping and her father has already left for work by now.

Only the second part of her wish is true, as she notices her mother sitting at the kitchen island. Santana can only see the newspaper she is reading and she hopes she is too wrapped up in an article about expensive clothes or maybe beauty tips on how to look like a twenty year old at the age of fifty to notice her presence. She really does hope that, because she is in no state to have their usual small talk this morning.

"Santana" Her plan to escape with a cup of coffee without any interaction with her mother has failed hard now, as her mother calls her name looking up from her paper. "You are up so early." Yeah, well she kind of gave up sleeping after an hour or two, so she was just mostly lying on her bed and staring at the ceiling, sometimes wiping off her escaped tears from her cheeks.

"Yeah." She hates that her voice is cracking and it doesn't go unnoticed by her ever so observant mother.

"Is something wrong?" Her mother asks carefully, bracing herself a little from her daughter's reaction. Questions like these usually lead to Santana yelling an unconvincing 'no' and storming out of the room. It finishes with slamming her bedroom door so hard, it echoes through the house.

But none of these come, as Santana just stares at the floor, averting her mother's eyes. She is afraid that if she opens her mouth, a lot of words will come out that her mother won't understand and it will just make her feel more alone in this miserable and stinking world.

This unfamiliar vulnerable state her daughter seems to be in makes Santana's mother worry, so she stands up from her place and carefully takes a few steps closer to her. Santana glances up to her mother's eyes for a second, but she instantly regrets it as she remembers the sight of her puffy and red eyes in the mirror earlier.

"Darling, were you crying?" Santana doesn't know which is more surprising, the affectionate tone of her mother or the urge she feels to throw herself into her arms. She hasn't felt that for a very long time.

She just nods her head and a second later her breath hitches as she feels herself wrapped up in her mother's arms. She would feel that it's forced and awkward in any other situation, but now that she can't get comfort from another person's embrace, she is just truly grateful for her mother's brave move.

"Is it about Brittany?" Santana's heart-breaking sob is enough for her mother to know that the answer is 'yes'. So she just tightens her arms around her daughter's fragile form and rocks her gently, like she used to do years ago, when it was her job to console her, if she got hurt. She knows it's not her job now and she is truly sad that the person Santana needs now is the one who caused her to be so sad.

"Love hurts sometimes…" Santana can barely hear her mother's whisper over the sound of her crying, so it takes few seconds for the words to sink in.

It's the first time her mother mentioned by herself that what she and Brittany have is the same love anyone can feel with their other halves. She is so stunned that she forgets about everything else for a second and looks into her mother's eyes. She is searching for signs there which might imply that her mother didn't really mean what she said, but as their similar brown eyes bore into each other, the only thing she can see is earnestness.

"I'm sure you can figure it out together." Her mother's reassuring words give her an unexpected amount of strength.

"I hope so." She nods her head while she wipes her tears off her face. Her eyes hurt from crying so much and she has the strongest urge to wear her glasses at school, which she's never done before. But she inwardly shakes her head at the idea, knowing that the stares she would get from others are not exactly the thing she needs to survive this day.

Her mother senses that the moment they shared is over, so she takes a step away from Santana to give her space.

"Thank you!" Santana tries to express how grateful she is, with these two words she rarely tells anyone.

"Anytime, darling." Her mother's warm smile tells her that she is just as grateful as Santana that she trusted her and let her help.

Santana leaves the kitchen, thinking about how proud Brittany would be if she'd seen what happened in the past minutes.

This thought makes her feel warm inside, more than any word her mother could ever say and any embrace she could ever give.

…

She notices Santana the first time today before their first period together. She is standing at her locker, slightly frowning with her left hand on the lock. She looks deep in thought, so Brittany takes her steps towards her slowly not to startle her.

"It's the date of my birthday…" Brittany says lowly, clearly referring to her locker combination.

"Brittany!" Santana is snapped out of her thoughts by her presence, so much she has to push her hand to her heart to calm her heartbeat a little bit.

"Hi" Brittany mumbles almost apolitically, sensing Santana's discomfort by her sudden appearance.

"…" Santana just smiles a tight-lipped smile at her as she is waiting for Brittany to speak. She can see her struggling to find the words, which she is sure she rehearsed in her head for many times since yesterday. But Santana knows it's much harder when she has to say them out loud for real.

"I was just wondering if maybe…" Brittany stops her rushed words in the middle of the sentence and then blushes a little at her failed attempt to ask a simple question. It's supposed to be an easy question, then why is it so hard to ask it? "Is there any chance that… that we could…talk?" She barely manages to falter out, as she inwardly prepares herself for Santana's refusal.

"Yes, but not here, please." The refusal doesn't come, just a reasonable request instead of it. "I need some space today. I need you to...to leave me alone for a bit." As much as these words hurt Brittany, she knows that Santana has every right to ask for some privacy today. "Can you do that for me?"

"I will do anything." Brittany answers instantly and her unconditional statement makes Santana fill up with hope. Knowing that Brittany is ready to fight for her makes her hope that she was right when a long time ago she said they could do anything together. Now she knows she has to take the next step on this hard road.

"Come over after school and then we can talk. Okay?" She offers Brittany, not really sure how she will survive sitting on her ass for more than a few seconds today if Brittany says yes and their possible meeting will hover over her head like a cloud all day.

"Yes. I'll be there." Brittany answers her without a second of hesitation and so it's a done deal. It's real and it will happen and the thought makes Santana fill up with anticipation and apprehension at the same time.

"Thanks!" She says politely, appreciating Brittany's eagerness.

"I mean it Santana, I will do anything." Brittany's voice is firm as she repeats her previous sentence, making sure that Santana knows her intention. Of course she knows that proving she means it will be much more important, but she settles for the words now. "I love you." She tells Santana, because these are the only words that are good enough now.

"I know, Britt. I know…" Santana whispers lowly, hoping it will be enough for now that she reassures Brittany like this. She is not ready yet to do more than that, but it already feels like a big step.

Brittany feels that Santana is finished with their conversation, so she just nods to herself and turns on her heels to fulfill her wish by leaving her alone for a bit.

…

The next few hours are mostly bearable for Santana. Of course there are a few surprised glances and whispers when they don't sit together like any other times, but most of the people just let them be.

Of course a few of them, her 'kind of friends' don't really do that. Mercedes immediately notices that something is wrong, but she doesn't ask, she just makes sure to keep Santana entertained with her sassy comments all day. Sometimes Kurt and Blaine join them with their 'gays stick together' motto. Santana tries to pretend that she is annoyed, but after a while she just enjoys this strange new feeling.

This strange new feeling of having people around her who care. People other than Brittany. And this is exactly what she needs now.

She can't help but hope that Brittany has people around her who make her feel the same now. But really, who she is kidding? Brittany's always been much more likeable than her, so she probably has a lot of people around her who try to cheer her up.

She is thinking about what Brittany's doing right now, when she notices someone standing beside her at her locker.

"Um, are you lost?" She asks Rachel carefully, not really having the effort to try telling her something a little bit more offensive.

"No." Rachel shakes her head like it is completely obvious why she's here, but after a few seconds she notices Santana's utter confusion about the situation. "Look, since Finn and I are in such a great place now and I'm yet to do my weekly charity work, I thought you might need some relationship advice. So I'm here to help you out."

"Look Rachel, I'm tired and I… I'm not even in the mood to insult you, so please…" She really is tired to pretend that she is great, so she thinks it might be the best to be just honest.

"You called me Rachel." Rachel states in an almost hysterical voice with wide eyes and her jaw dropped near the floor.

"What?" Santana just shakes her head, trying to figure out what the hell Rachel is talking about.

"It's really that bad?" Rachel asks Santana as she searches her face for signs and looks at her like she might see her truly for the first time.

"Uh, yeah." Santana nods her head and blushes a little, because she's just showed weakness in the presence of Rachel fucking Berry and it's truly something to be ashamed of.

"I'm sorry Santana. And if you ever need…" Rachel tells her in an overdramatic voice, like she's the last one who might talk to Santana before she jumps off a bridge. She doesn't need to finish her sentence though, since Santana knows exactly what her next word would be. And she is grateful Rachel doesn't dare to go there yet (to call them 'friends').

"Thank you, but I'd rather be alone I think." Santana tells her and smiles a little, because in the end it was really a nice gesture from Rachel to offer. Rachel just smiles back and squeezes her arm a little, then she leaves her alone.

When she is gone, Santana breathes a sigh and looks around in the hallway. Her eyes catch piercing blue ones she wouldn't ever mistake to be another person's. It's Brittany and she just caught her watching her while she is talking to Quinn. Quinn immediately turns her head towards her, then she watches them whispering to each other. She knows that they talk about her and she doesn't know how to feel about it.

So she just turns on her heels and leaves for her next class, leaving them and her uncomfortable feelings behind.

…

In their next break her plan to avoid every freaking blonde in the school fails miserably, since Quinn is waiting for her at her locker.

"So I saw you got another bff, should I feel offended?" That dripping sarcasm in her voice is so Quinn, Santana would just smile at her remark any other time, but not now.

"Really, Q? I so don't need your bullshit now. I'm not really in the mood." She tries to scare her away before she might lose her temper.

"Look, I'm sorry. But I asked Britt what happened and she didn't want to tell me, she just told me that you are in a bigger need of a friend." Quinn tells her with a voice much softer than before.

"I don't need…" Santana tries to get her defensive mode on, but Quinn knows her too well, she's always had that annoying habit of reading her like an open book.

"Oh, for God's sake, Santana! You are past that. We are past that, okay?" Quinn reminds her that the times when they would do anything to fight with each other and destroy each other's lives are long gone.

"I can't talk about it, Quinn…" She shakes her head almost apologetically, trying to express how hard this is for her.

"It's okay. Just let me be there for you." Quinn gets it, because they are the same more than either of them would ever admit it.

They just stare into each other's eyes as a wordless understanding passes between them, then Santana closes her locker and takes a deep breath.

"Come on Lopez, you got this!" Quinn reassures her in her HBIC voice and it makes Santana laugh freely for the first time today as they set off on the now deserted hallway.

…

In Glee club, Brittany is sitting at their usual place in the back and she is feeling a bit worried since neither Quinn nor Santana are there yet. Everyone is waiting for them and they are asking her about Santana, but she just shrugs every time as she doesn't really have a better answer.

They finally step into the room together, and almost everyone let out a few 'oh'-s and 'ah'-s as they sit down in the first row without a word.

Puck leans closer to whisper into Brittany's ear, but of course what he says is perfectly audible for everyone in the room.

"What happened with your woman, dude? Trouble in paradise, eh?" He asks like he is a true expert at woman's issues and therefore her can perfectly relate to Brittany's problems. His question makes everyone turn their heads towards him and Brittany, except for Santana, who just stares at the floor in front of her.

"Leave them alone, you asshole." Quinn tells him off firmly and her threatening tone makes everyone avert their eyes and mind their own business.

Brittany mumbles a quiet 'thank you' to Quinn who smiles softly back at her. Then she watches her setting her hand over Santana's slightly shaking ones and whispering something into her ear. It seems to calm Santana's nerves a little and the little scene makes Brittany really grateful that they have such awesome people in their lives as Quinn.

…

The rest of Glee club flies away as Brittany can't really do anything other than staring at Santana or thinking about her. Or mostly both of these at the same time. She is getting more and more anxious about their afternoon 'let's talk – meeting'.

When the bell rings, she shakes her head a little, packs her stuff and sets off towards the door.

"Britt…" She freezes instantly, as she hopes that Santana hasn't changed her mind and wants to break up with her in front of all their friends. She slowly turns around to look at her, really afraid of what's to come.

"Yeah?" She asks in a shattered whisper, bracing herself for the worst.

"Just…text me before you come over, okay?" Santana tells her softly, noticing the miserable state she seems to be in.

"Oh, sure." Brittany feels relieved, as the bad stuff is still to come.

"Well, then see you!" Santana says a little awkwardly and then she turns on her heels and follows the others who already left the room.

"I love you" Brittany tells her before she is out of earshot, but she looks like she doesn't hear it as she steps out of the room silently and leaves her behind.

"I love you, too" Santana whispers back to her from the other side of the door a second later …

…

Since Brittany arrived home, she's only been focusing on two things. She's never been a big fan of multi-tasking, so these two things are enough to make her completely occupied. More importantly, she's trying to calm her nerves, which is almost impossible, since the other thing – rehearsing what she will tell Santana – is just making her more and more nervous.

After two hours of failing miserably at both of these activities, she gives it up. She quickly grabs her phone before she has time to backtrack and writes a text to Santana asking 'twenty minutes later is okay for you?'. Santana answers a few seconds later with the words 'yeah, come up if you arrive'. Brittany lets out a sigh and then she gets up from the bed to change into a tank top and her favorite jeans. She doesn't make a fuss about her appearance, since it's really not an important thing today.

She grabs her phone and keys and then takes off to go to Santana's house and have probably one of the most important conversations in her life.

…

She lets herself in the house and it's dead silent, as Santana's parents are nowhere in sight and Santana is probably upstairs as she told her earlier. She goes upstairs and stops in front of Santana's bedroom door. She thinks about how much has happened to her in that room. She's experienced many firsts here, things that changed her life and her forever. She hopes what will happen after she steps into the room this time will change her life again.

For the better.

She takes a deep breath and then slowly lifts up her slightly shaking hand to knock on the door.

"Come in" Santana's voice sounds emotionless from the other side of the door, so Brittany can't figure out what mood she's in yet. She opens the door, steps into the room and quickly closes it behind herself before turning to face Santana.

"Hi" She greets Santana, who is sitting on her bed with crossed legs. She is wearing her glasses, Brittany's sleeping shirt and sweatpants. Her natural look is Brittany's favorite, she just looks so comfy that Brittany wants to bury her head into her hair and hug her till they die.

"Hey" Santana greets her back, snapping her out of her daydreaming.

It's a bit awkward after that, since Brittany is not sure what she can do and what she can't now. She rarely has to think about how to behave around Santana, so it's definitely a new experience and a horrible one at that.

"Britt, you can come closer." Santana detects her discomfort, so she tries to make her a bit more at ease.

"Oh, okay" She sounds surprised at Santana's statement and she doesn't really know what to do all of a sudden. She takes a few steps closer, but she stops a few inches away from the bed, like it would be a dangerous area.

"Come on, sit on the bed!" Santana offers, tucking her legs closer to her body, leaving enough space for her on the bed.

Brittany does as she says; she steps closer to the bed and sits down on it facing Santana. Now they are close, she could even touch her if she wanted to, but she knows that what she has to say now is cannot be expressed through touch.

She has to say these words out loud.

"I…" As Brittany is thinking about where to start, Santana is a step ahead of her, but she can't let her be the first now.

"Me first, please." She requests, knowing that she is too nervous to just wait and listen now. "I'm so sorry, Santana." She says slowly while looking into Santana's eyes, trying to convey how much she means these words.

"I know…me, too." Santana repeats what she's said before she left Brittany's house last night. She is sorry for what's happened too and she is still not sure how that whole night turned out like this. "But…" She doesn't really know how to say this gently, but she has to say it out loud. Brittany has to know it. "…you hurt me so much, Britt." She whispers in a strained voice finally, still feeling her heart ache remembering everything that happened in the past four days.

"Why did you let me, though?" Brittany hesitates for a moment, but she decides to just blurt it out in the end. She's been confused about this the whole time, but now it's her chance to get an answer.

"So it's my fault now?" Santana demands, suddenly her short temper getting the better of her. She can't believe Brittany's just called her out on this and turned the whole thing against her.

"No, no, please, just…" Brittany wants to avoid getting into a serious argument so soon, so she tries to assure Santana that she is not talking against her. She is only talking to her. "You should have said the word." She should have, she made her promise many times. She hates herself for hurting Santana so much, but she can't help but feel a little bit hurt herself, because Santana broke her promise.

"But I couldn't." Santana tells her vehemently, sounding a bit harsh like she blames Brittany for her inability to say no. "Don't you see what you did here?" She shakes her head, not really sure how Brittany can't get what she's saying. "You ignored me and made me feel so unwanted for days, I couldn't say no to you. I missed you so bad…" Her voice cracks at the end, as her deepest emotions take over her body again and a few tears escape her eyes.

"But, I wasn't even here…" Brittany is confused by Santana's blame, so she tries to defend herself. She tries to convince her that she's never meant to cause her to feel like this. "…and then I was busy when I came home, but I told you that I was sorry." She remembers back, trying to find the points, where she should have acted differently. "Then you were so touchy-feely on Monday, that I had this idea to… " She knows this is the part, where she made a mistake. A mistake, which could cost her so much, it hurts like nothing else. "I don't even know, to tease you or something and then you caught me and somehow I thought you wanted me to..." She feels ashamed at how she could ever think it was okay to do this. How she could ever think Santana wanted to do this.

"Oh God…" Realization comes down hard on Santana as she buries her face into her hands and takes a few shuddering breath. She's got it all wrong, she's convinced herself that Brittany intentionally hurt her this whole time and she couldn't be more far from the truth. Why did she assume the worst? Shouldn't she trust the love of her life a bit more?

"I'm so sorry. I don't know how I could ever think it was a good idea." Brittany mistakes her reaction for something really bad, so she desperately tries to plead for her forgiveness. "Please forgive me, please" She grips her hands as she begs her, not ready to let go, even if Santana would want her to.

"Britt, I already did." She squeezes her hands to ease her agony a bit. "But are you saying that it was all in my head until yesterday?" She really can't believe it still. She really has a lot to think through if Brittany is honest with her. She doesn't know how she's gotten to the point that she questioned Brittany's love for her.

"It was never my intention to upset you. If I had known, I would have made sure to talk to you more or..." Brittany explains to her patiently, as she is trying to figure out how they could go to entirely different directions without even realizing in the past days.

"So you really didn't…really?" It's a lot to take in, so she has to be completely sure about it.

"Why don't you believe me?" Her disbelieving tone makes Brittany upset, which was really not her intention, but it's just so hard to admit to herself that she was in the wrong and it was her own fault that she believed those assumptions.

"I do, I just…" She tries to defend herself, but she really has no legit reason why she's thought Brittany would hurt her like that. She really has to a lot to deal with later.

They still have a lot to deal with, both apart and together.

"I could never not want you, Santana." Brittany's voice is so earnest, it erases every dark thought Santana's had in the past few days. "I could never not love you…" These honest words are the last push it takes her to pull Brittany closer and wrap her arm around her neck.

They press their bodies close and hold each other tight, trying to express their relief and happiness through their touch.

"I love you too, Britt." Santana whispers into Brittany's ear the first time since last night and it makes Brittany let out a breath she feels she's been holding for all day.

Silence takes over them, as they wordlessly enjoy each other's presence and the connection they can both feel between them again.

It feels so natural to be like this, sometimes they tend to forget it takes effort to have what they have. Sometimes they feel that what is between them is just meant to be, but times like these, they realize that it's all on them; they have to make it happen.

And they try to make it happen with all of their effort every time.

…

Minutes of embracing each other and whispering sweet words into each other's ears, they settle on the bed sitting side by side. Both of them are going over the words that have been said earlier and it takes a while for the different emotions to settle. It takes a while to be able to think straight again.

"Why can you trust me with your body, but not with your heart?" Brittany sounds deep in thought, like this is the greatest mystery she is yet to figure out. Maybe it is not the greatest, but it's definitely the most important. She knows this will be the hardest thing she has to deal with.

"I'm sorry, I…" There wasn't any resentment in her words, just simple curiosity, but Santana tries to defend herself anyway.

"No more of that please! Just tell me what you feel!" Brittany urges her to just be honest and open up. She knows it is extremely hard for Santana, but she has to hear her side of the story. She has to know her every thought and feeling to know where they stand now.

She takes her hand and interlaces their fingers to give her strength to confess her deepest feelings.

"I feel that…you make me go crazy, Britt." Her own words sound terrifying, even for her, but she knows they are true. She knows even more now, after Brittany made her realize how much she's just made up in her head. "When you were far away, I kept thinking about you and how much I wanted you here with me. Then you couldn't come over on Sunday and I just missed you so much already. And you told me that you had to deal with prom stuff instead of spending the night with me and you didn't even call and I thought…" The words are spilling out of her mouth as she tries to call back everything she's thought and felt in the past few days. "I thought you didn't want me anymore…" She is truly sad by this, even now. She can't help but remember back how much this thought made her hurt. "So, yesterday I decided to…I don't know, remind you of what you have or something…and then you were so disheartening the whole day, I got fed up and…" She knows she doesn't have to remind Brittany what came after that. Both of them remember like it was just a minute ago and they will definitely have it in mind for a long time.

"So you came over to talk to me…" Brittany continues the story carefully, searching in Santana's eyes for every hidden thought and emotion.

"Yeah…but you were there watching that…" Santana can't help but glance away, as she remembers the horrible moment she caught Brittany. "I felt so betrayed and…" She continues after Brittany's reassuring squeeze. "There was a point when I thought that you wanted to break up with me" Santana admits that there was a moment, when she thought her greatest fear was to become reality. "But then I realized that you just wanted to play and I couldn't... I couldn't say no, Britt." She sounds almost guilty and it makes Brittany feel so bad again that she even started this whole thing.

"I should have realized that you were in this state and I should have stopped it." Brittany frowns at her terrible mistake, her inability to adjudge the situation rightly. "It's all my fault. I was so stupid..." She can't believe how careless she's been. She should have seen it, she should have known it somehow…

"No, please don't say that." Santana hates it when she calls herself stupid, it makes her feel protective of her, because she knows Brittany is far from being stupid. Especially in 'feelings and love stuff'. "I promised you that I would use the word, but…" She knows she's made a big mistake, but she doesn't truly regret it. She regrets breaking her promise, but…she has a reason why she didn't say the word.

"But?" Brittany urges her to go on, curious about her answer and where it will take them.

"I wanted you to decide what was good for me." Santana tells her the reason why she didn't say no. It's the reason why she hasn't pressed Brittany that much to even have a safe word. She's wanted to experience this feeling of being at her mercy completely. Trusting her judgment with her everything.

"But it wasn't…" Brittany doesn't understand, she remembers Santana's cries and the pain she must have felt. It was not good for her many times, she knows that. She's seen it and she won't forget her pained face for a long time.

"It was in the end, Britt. You have no idea how high you brought me. It was only after, that all my pent-up emotions rushed to the surface and I just felt so lost in them…" Santana explains her what she's felt, and it makes Brittany feel a bit relieved knowing that it was good for Santana at least physically.

"So you don't regret it?" She asks her carefully to make sure she understood her right.

"I think I would never regret sleeping with you." Santana reassures her softly and her honest voice makes Brittany smile a little at her heartwarming statement. "But there is one thing I…" Santana is not finished yet, though. She has something to ask still; something she couldn't figure out completely yet. "Why were you so rough with me, Britt?" She asks her, her tone completely missing any sign of blame or resentment.

"You are not the only one who feels like she is going crazy sometimes, you know." Brittany mumbles reluctantly, not really happy to get these uncontrollable feelings sometimes. "I think I got too wrapped up in you offering yourself like that to me and I just couldn't control myself. I'm sorry…" She repeats these words for the thousandth times after explaining the strange state she's gotten into last night. It was truly a frightening feeling that she didn't have control over her body, she felt like a monster and she got really scared in the end.

"It's okay, Britt." And it really is okay for Santana, she knows it's not the part that made her feel so hurt in the end. It was the things in her head and her heart. She has to set those right and Brittany's similar actions wouldn't cause such harm. On a physical level, everything that happened last night was an overwhelming experience, but it ended with probably the greatest orgasm she's ever had. The problems happened on the emotional level and she feels they are on the right track to find solutions for those problems now.

"But this whole thing… it can't ever happen again, Santana." Brittany tells her firmly, meaning every word. They have to make sure somehow, that they will keep each other safe in the future. They have to make sure none of them will get hurt in the end.

"We will figure it out." Santana assures her, gently squeezing her hand and trying to make her believe that they will indeed do that together in the future.

"Promise?" Brittany searches her eyes for signs of weakness, but she can't find any. Santana looks completely certain of what will happen in their future.

"I don't have to." She shakes her head. There is no need to promise, since for her, it's a fact that will come true. "I know that we can do anything. You know, a genius told me this once." She grins at Brittany, remembering her words from almost a year ago. They were yet to get together at that time, they still had a long way to go before them, but Brittany knew already. She's always known it.

"Really?" She grins back at Santana, feeling so warm inside hearing these words she once told Santana, coming back from her. These are those moments she feels it was worth to suffer so much to get to this point together.

"Uh huh…" Santana chuckles a bit at seeing Brittany's face light up so joyously and so freely for the first time in long days.

She grabs a fistful of her top and pulls on it to make her get closer a bit. Brittany is hesitant, a bit afraid to get so close to Santana so soon again. But Santana tugs at her again, so she settles so close, their sides are pressed together.

"Britt, you don't have to be afraid of me." Santana assures her gently, as she takes her hand and presses a soft kiss on it. The touch of Santana's lips on her skin makes Brittany feel really warm inside, but she is a bit hesitant to fully enjoy this feeling again.

"It's not you. I'm afraid of myself, San. I'm afraid that I might make a mistake again…" Brittany confesses her why she is reluctant to just let herself be like any other time. She is afraid that this might happen again.

"But you will and it's all right. I will too and some of those mistakes, we will make together." Santana knows it's kind of inevitable, because things happen and people make mistakes. They are no different. The difference between them and other people is that they can always figure it out together.

"You are so brave, San." Brittany tells her, feeling proud that Santana is willing to take the risks of their relationship. For better or for worse, she is truly committed and it makes Brittany feel relieved and truly happy. "But there is just one more thing…" She gets serious again. "I want you to always talk to me, please." It's a request both of them know Santana can't refuse. It's the only way to deal with these things and she's known it for a long time now, but it's still hard sometimes.

"I know I have to improve in that department." Santana admits honestly that she still has a long way to go, but she knows Brittany will help her as she is going along.

"You are doing great already. I saw you today with Rachel and Quinn. I was really proud, you know…" Brittany assures her that she's already come so far, so she has a reason to feel proud.

"I know, Britt. You make me feel so loved even when I'm hurt. I honestly don't know how you do it…" Santana frown at her, like she really can't believe she has someone like Brittany to love her.

They share a moment and they even dare to glance at each other's lips a few times, considering the possibility of…

"Santana" Talking about ruining the moment, Santana's mother knocks on the door a few times.

"Mom?" Santana's voice is clearly frustrated, she felt that it was a great moment to maybe try getting a bit closer to Brittany and now her mother managed to ruin it.

"I just wanted to check…" Her mother stops in the middle of her sentence, as she opens the door and notices the two girls sitting on the bed. "Oh, hello Brittany!" She quickly remembers to be polite though.

"Hi, Mrs. L!" Brittany greets her back.

"I didn't know that you made up…" Santana's mother furrows her brows a bit, like she could expect to know about every update of her daughter's relationship after what happened this morning.

"Mom!" Santana throws her head to her hands dramatically and it's the big red sign to leave the room for her mother.

"I'll leave you alone, girls. Just tell me if you stay for dinner, Brittany." She gets it instantly, so she just kind-of-invites Brittany for dinner and turns on her heels to leave the room.

"Sure. Thank you!" Brittany answers her, surprised and a bit confused by the things she's heard.

She is full of questions, like since when Santana has been talking about their relationship with her mother. She is really curious about what she's missed out on, but they still have a lot of time to talk about that.

"Um, actually apart from getting on my nerves, my mother was kind of a genius here." Santana tells her nonchalantly. "You know, you could stay if you want…" She offers her while playing with her hand nervously.

"I'm not sure, San. I think I should go now, actually." Brittany tells her almost apologetically, a bit afraid to upset Santana with her rejection.

"But I miss you so much." Santana whines almost childishly. She really just wants to feel close to Brittany after these hard days when she felt so lonely. She wants to have some comfort from her and get some strength to heal her still fresh wounds.

"I miss you, too. But we have to do this right." Brittany tells her in a serious voice as she leaves no room for further discussion about it.

"Ugh, I know." Santana throws her head back and puffs dramatically, then she feels Brittany pull her hand away.

"What are you doing?" She asks, surprised by Brittany's sudden movement.

"Um, leaving?" Brittany asks back, like the answer is obvious, since she just mentioned it seconds ago.

"If you think I will let you go without a kiss, then you are seriously crazy." Santana shakes her head at her, like she can't believe Brittany even made an attempt to leave like that.

"Are you sure?" Brittany asks Santana like they are discussing the biggest decision in their lives and her consideration makes Santana feel so loved and cared for again.

"Britt, come here!" Santana's look is full of love and it's enough to make Brittany turn her head to face her again, waiting for her to take the first step.

Santana ever so slowly sets her hands on her cheeks as she glances between her eyes and her mouth. She just holds her face gently, making both of them familiar with their intimacy again, then she carefully tilts her head and leans in to nuzzle her nose. She knows how much Brittany likes this and the innocent gesture calms both of their nerves. They are so close they can't distinguish each other's breaths from their own and the anticipation is almost unbearable.

They finally close the distance and press their lips together gently. They let out sighs into the kiss as they both feel something they couldn't for some time now.

They feel like after a long and hard road…

_…they finally came home again._

* * *

**I hope you liked it. Review and tell me what you think, please!**

**Next chapter will be a bit more exciting as we can see how they try to get back on their 'journey'.  
**


	6. Just a role, or maybe more

**Dear readers!**

**New chapter, woohoo! I think this turned out to be a great mix of everything, so in my opinion, this is the best chapter so far. I hope you will agree with me. Tell me in a review if you do or not! :)  
**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_She tries to climb the stairs as quietly as she can, because her plan is to surprise Brittany. When she is upstairs, she walks down the hallway and stops in front of the familiar blue door. It's Brittany's bedroom door and it's been the same since she first came here, so it always makes her remember all those things that happened behind it. All those experiences, which defined their fates and made them who they are now._

_She carefully pushes the door open and she is greeted by the sight of Brittany sitting in front of her computer. She smiles to herself a little, figuring that Brittany must be editing one of her crazy videos as she closes the door behind herself. _

_Then she takes a few steps to get closer to Brittany and the sight before her eyes make her smile fade and her heart tighten instantly._

_Brittany is watching porn; her eyes glued on the screen, her lips parted and dry from her panting. And her right hand under her pants, evidently moving between her legs. _

_She feels her anger boiling in her veins all through her body, so much that she closes the distance between herself and Brittany and rips off her headphones. _

"_What the…?" Brittany turns her head abruptly towards her and stares at her in utter confusion. _

"_What the hell are you doing?" She demands an answer from her, while throwing the headphones on the floor. She feels so hurt and betrayed; she just wants to jump out of her own skin. _

"_What do you think?" Brittany asks mockingly and it makes her all the more upset about her girlfriend's strange behavior. She doesn't even feel guilt, but now she is torturing her?_

"_But why?" She can't help but be curious about the reason though. She thought they had a really good sex life and she hoped that Brittany was satisfied with it, too. "Am I not good enough for you?" That would be the only real explanation, but as soon as the question leaves her mouth, she dreads what the answer will turn out to be. _

"_You were, but..." Brittany shakes her head at her as she trails off and her words feel like stabs in her heart, they hurt so much. "I don't want you anymore, Santana." _

_It can't be true. She couldn't mean it like that. She must have been…_

_No, this isn't happening. _

_She tries to fight it; she tries to scream as her vision becomes blurry and slowly her surroundings fade away, leaving her floating in the darkness._

_The only things she can hear are the words that made her feel like she's dying now, over and over and over again. _

_I don't want you. I don't want you. I don't want you…_

_...  
_

She rouses from her sleep with a loud scream, which is so frightening even for herself that she has to put her hand on her mouth.

It takes a few seconds for her to grasp the situation entirely. She slowly takes in her surroundings, the familiar and comforting sight of her bedroom, as she tries to calm her breathing back to normal. She's panting lightly, like she's been fighting and her throat hurts from the screaming, while her clothes cling to her sweaty body.

She is so fed up with this shit.

It's the third night in a row. Wednesday, Thursday and now, they were all pretty similar. Each of them started like the afternoon in Brittany's room, a still very fresh and painful memory. And each of the dreams ended with darkness and these awful words Santana really hopes she won't ever hear in her real life.

She doesn't really have to hope for it though, because she knows these words are not true. She knows that Brittany wants her, because she told her and she trusts her not to tell her lies, especially not about her deepest feelings. She tried to make sure Santana believes her by repeating it a lot of times in the last three days, but…

But she still didn't want to sleep with her.

They spent the last three days with crying a lot, making up and talking things over on Wednesday, then easing back into their natural routine with each other.

It's been great really, they were having fun together and laughing so much that their stomachs are still sore from it. And they were kissing…a whole lot more.

And they were even touching occasionally. Until Brittany stopped it every single time. Santana truly understands why her girlfriend is full of hesitation when it comes to getting physical again, she really does, but it's hard anyway. She misses her so much, her closeness, her comfort and the safety she feels in her arms. She misses their intimacy.

She's truly longing for her.

Probably that's why she's having these awful dreams. She's always had a lot of nightmares, but never those times when they were sleeping together with Brittany. She's always been her wonder wall that protected her from even her own darkest nightmares.

She needs her now, she needs her wonder wall.

…

"Britt?" She tries to keep her voice low, like she hadn't already woken Brittany up by just calling her in the middle of the night.

"Uhm…honey?" Brittany asks with a yawn cutting her sentence in half. "Is everything okay?" She sounds so worrisome and caring; it makes Santana feel better in an instant.

"I'm sorry I woke you up…I just…" She got used to her dreams and she can deal with them alone, but this one…it hurts so much, she needs some distraction. "I just had a bad dream and I wanted to hear your voice."

"It's okay. Do you want to talk about it?" Brittany asks carefully, trying to avoid sounding like she's pushing her. Santana has never liked being pushed, so Brittany has always let her open up on her own terms.

"No…" Santana tells her quickly, as she doesn't feel herself ready for talking about her dream really. "It's just the same every damn time..." She trails off sadly, remembering her last three sleepless nights.

"The same? Like how many times exactly?" Brittany's tone is not accusing, but Santana feels a bit guilty for not telling her about her dreams sooner.

"Umm…past three nights." She admits it reluctantly, a bit ashamed of the fact even. She doesn't get it. Why can she not get over this issue already? Why is it still bothering her so much?

"I'm coming over." Brittany tells her firmly after a few seconds of silence, which she spent by going over her options. She settled for the best, though it's not the easiest one. But she's always willing to make an effort for Santana.

"Britt, you don't have to…" Santana tries to argue, but it's an attempt destined for failure.

"I do have to. I'll be there in twenty." Brittany informs her and then cuts the call quickly, not even waiting for an answer.

Santana didn't really expect that their call would lead to Brittany coming over to her home, but she couldn't be happier about it. She really hopes it won't be just a quick comforting session and Brittany will stay the whole night finally. She refused to do that yesterday and a day before, but it's different now. Santana doesn't have the same thing in mind like she did yesterday and a day before.

She just really wants to fall asleep in Brittany's strong and protective arms tonight.

…

Exactly 21 minutes later, she hears someone knocking on the door.

"Come in, Britt!" Of course, it's not just someone and she knows it by the sound. It's Brittany, who somehow thinks she has to behave this politely nowadays.

"Hi" She greets her after she's locked the door behind herself. "I'm sorry, I couldn't find my keys. I thought Lord Tubbington hid them away again, but I think it was me when I…" She is so cute when she's rambling, but Santana can't just wait it out right now.

"Britt, I don't care, just hug me please!" She is in serious need of comfort now, so she doesn't hesitate to whine like a pathetic child to get Brittany's attention.

"Oh, right!" Brittany shakes her head to snap herself out of her confused thoughts and quickly makes her way to Santana and wraps her arms around her waist tightly.

"How do you feel, honey?" She murmurs her question into Santana's cheek and presses a soft kiss on it.

"So much better now…" Santana answers smiling warmly as Brittany's lips make her skin tingle, then she buries her face into the crook of her neck and pulls her body closer.

It truly is the best place in the whole world. It's so soft and warm, Santana always feels so safe here. She smiles into the skin where Brittany's neck and shoulder meet and presses a light kiss on it.

"Come on, let's sleep!" Brittany tells her and her few simple words make Santana feel giddy inside in an instant. So it looks like Brittany will spend the night and she didn't even have to ask her or convince her to do so.

"Okay" She agrees happily, then she pulls away and lets Brittany climb on the bed.

…

They are both settled under the warm comforter, their bodies pressed close together in their usual position – Brittany spooning Santana, but sleep doesn't come for either of them. It feels like there is something missing, like they have a task they didn't complete but they can't figure out what.

"Britt…" Santana tilts her head to the side and whispers quietly, trying to decide if Brittany is asleep or not.

"Yeah?" She asks back not sounding sleepy at all, so Santana turns around in her arms to face her.

"I can't sleep." She states and she actually sounds a bit guilty, like it's a big failure she couldn't escape even now that Brittany is here with her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Brittany asks carefully, clearly referring to her dream.

"No, but I think I have to." Santana mumbles to her, staring down and trying to prepare herself for this conversation.

"You can tell me anything, Santana." Brittany's words are as reassuring as any other time and her support gives a bit more strength to Santana.

"I know, but it hurts and I don't want it to hurt you too." But it's still so hard, since it's not just about her. The dream is about both of them.

"It's okay, I will survive." Brittany tells her softly and then she leans in and presses a light kiss on Santana's nose to urge her on.

"So…you know it always starts with um…like Tuesday afternoon." Santana blurts it out in the end and she blushes a little, because she feels a bit ashamed that she still can't get over the happenings of that day, even though they talked it over many times already.

"Oh" Brittany doesn't know why she is surprised at all, since she should have thought it's about that day. Santana's always had nightmares that related to her recent past and this must have been quite a traumatic experience for her, even though she looked like she's over it the past few days.

"But then it's different a bit, you know." Santana continues, slowly edging closer to the hardest part.

"How?" Brittany asks as her curiosity takes over.

"Um…you say different things." Santana is really vague and she knows it, but repeating those words she's heard in her dreams? She really wants to avoid that somehow.

"Like..?" Brittany asks patiently, getting closer step by step to pull out an answer from Santana.

"It's stupid, really and I know it's not true anyway." Santana tries to shake the whole thing off, but it has no point really.

"Please tell me." Brittany really wants to know it, even though she knows that Santana is reluctant to tell her, because she doesn't want to upset her. She just hopes it's not that bad…

"You always tell me you don't want me…" Santana whispers quietly while averting Brittany's eyes she is sure are full of disappointment.

"I'm so sorry." Brittany feels disappointed, yes, but not in Santana. She's disappointed in herself, because though not intentionally, she hurt Santana and she continues hurting her in her dreams, so she feels the need to apologize over and over again.

"It's not your fault, Britt." Santana tries to convince her and she knows it's true since they cleared the issue between them and they both agreed that they made some mistakes apart and together, too.

"But I feel so bad still that I've ever made you feel like I don't want you." Brittany confesses quietly, her voice full of guilt and sadness. She feels broken and useless, unable to help Santana with her deepest issues.

"It's okay, we are over it." Santana tries to reassure her, stating that it is an issue from the past, not the present that continues to chase her in her dreams.

"Are we really?" Brittany asks sadly, shaking her head like she's suddenly not sure about anything. "Are you?" She asks Santana as she looks up into her eyes to search for her the truth there. Santana's never been able to hide from her there; she's never been able to lie even when she wanted to so badly in the past.

"Yes, I am. I trust you, Britt." Santana tells her without any hesitation, her tone matching the earnestness she's expressing with her eyes.

"I love you so much." Brittany tells her as she pulls her closer, both of them needing more contact between their bodies to match the connection they feel between their hearts.

"I love you, too." Santana replies and settles into her arms, which never failed to make her feel safe.

…

Santana wakes up from a dreamless sleep, but it's hard to decide if she's dreaming or not right now, because the sight in front of her eyes is just too gorgeous to exist in real life.

She slowly trails her eyes all over Brittany's face, trying to see details she's never discovered. It's impossible. She's spent a long time coming to know every little part of this angelic face.

The little freckles on her nose, which can only be seen if you are just an inch away, like Santana is now. The tiny scar on her chin, which she got a few years ago, when she was trying to bring down a kitten from a tree, but fell down after slipping on a branch. The barely visible wrinkle between her eyebrows, which is a consequence of her habit of frowning too much, when she is confused.

The parted pink lips, which Santana can't help but capture with her own lips now.

She kisses her lightly not to end her dreams all of a sudden. She sucks on her bottom lip a little and tastes the morning sourness on it. She lets out a sigh into her mouth; then she parts her lips a bit more and kisses her with more firmness.

Brittany slowly starts to react and kiss her back. She is a bit sloppy, since she is still trying to wake up properly, but Santana couldn't care less, it just feels simply amazing.

She licks her bottom lip and Brittany instantly tilts her head more to deepen their kiss. Their tongues meet halfway and the silkiness of their heavenly kiss makes Santana burn with desire she can't deny anymore.

She brings her hand from Brittany's back to her waist and slowly slides under her top to touch her. The contact makes her skin tingle, not just on her hand, but all over her body. She feels the want in every cell of her body now and it's taking over her. She forgets about the past, about every dark thought and doubt she's ever had about Brittany as she wants nothing more than make her hers, right here and right now. She strokes her smooth skin with her eager fingers, sliding more upwards under her top, until she's grazing her ribs and just an inch away from touching the soft skin of her breast…

"No, San." Brittany pulls away and stops her hand that is sliding up under her top.

"But I want to." Santana almost whines, unable to control her desire anymore.

"I know, but I'm not sure if you are ready." Brittany looks like she feels truly sorry, but she is still full of hesitation about this situation and Santana's state.

"Britt, I know I am." Santana tells her firmly, pointing with her eyes to convince her that she's a hundred percent serious.

"But there is still something…" It's not good enough for Brittany that she knows it, she still have doubts about her judgment.

"I don't care, okay? I just want you." She's losing her patience and it's not helping to come up with agreements, when she feels anger joining to passion in her body to get her on the edge.

"Sex is not the solution for everything." Brittany mumbles lowly and it makes Santana snap in an instant.

"How can you…?" She can't believe Brittany's just said that. She can't believe she would think that it's only physical, like she just wants to use it to forget about everything. "Do you seriously think it's only about sex?"

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." Brittany tries to backtrack. She didn't want to hurt Santana and she knows it was a harsh and unreasonable thing to say. It was not fair at all and she feels bad for it. "I just want to protect you."

"From what? Yourself?" Santana asks while shaking her head from the confusion that takes over her.

"Yeah…" Brittany admits it barely audible and lowers her eyes from Santana's.

"God Brittany, stop putting all the blame on yourself and just get over it!" Santana snaps at her, finally her frustration causing her worst side to show up.

"You are having nightmares…about me." Brittany mumbles as she blushes a little, because she truly feels ashamed that she is the main cause of Santana having these dreams and sleepless nights.

"And you are not helping me. I want you so much." Santana tries to convince her by repeating her words. It's the only thing she can do now, but her hope about convincing Brittany slowly starts to fade away.

"But you know I want you, too." Brittany repeats again for the hundredth time in the past three days, but it's not enough now. Not anymore.

"You have to stop telling me this once and just show me!" Santana snaps at her as she truly feels fed up with this argument and then she turns away from her and sits up on the bed quickly.

"What are you…?" Brittany asks her stunned by her sudden and vehement movements.

"I'm having a shower." Santana mumbles angrily as gets up from the bed; then she rushes to her bathroom without looking back and slams the door behind herself with a loud bang.

…

She immediately regrets her actions as she looks into the mirror and catches her reflection. She looks flustered from the desire and anger she feels inside. But it slowly turns into guilt. She shouldn't have been so pushy; she shouldn't have pressured Brittany so much. Sex shouldn't happen, if she has to convince her about it, it should come naturally if both of them want it the same.

'_When did this become so complicated?' _She asks herself inwardly while shaking her head from side to side disbelievingly.

Then she turns away from the mirror and starts to undress herself. She pulls her shirt over her head and drops it on the floor and then she pulls down her sleeping shorts. She is standing there, only her panties covering her body now. She is reluctant to just pull them off, because she doesn't want to see it.

She doesn't want to see the wetness on it, which she feels between her legs now.

After a few seconds, she shuts her eyes and shakes her head at her own stupidity, then she pulls the panties off and throws it away while mumbling a 'Fuck' to herself. She steps into the shower and turns the water on. She holds out her arm to grab the soap she wants to wash off all the guilt with, when she suddenly hears the shower opening.

She covers her body instinctively and turns her head to see who's there.

She catches Brittany's eyes, then she glances down at her naked body and blushes a little, because she doesn't know if she's allowed to do that or not. Brittany notices her torn feelings and quickly steps into the shower and closes it behind her.

"I'm sorry" She apologizes to Santana, as she turns the water off with her hand so they can hear each other.

"No, I am. I shouldn't have…" Santana tells her shaking her head as she lets her arms drop from her body to reveal her naked self to Brittany.

"I understand, okay?" Brittany replies seriously and then she takes Santana's hands into hers to squeeze them gently. "I understand, because I miss you so much, too." She tells her as she steps closer a bit while circling her palm with her thumbs. "I miss this" She says as she looks down at their bodies, which are only inches apart now and their clasped hands.

After a few seconds of taking in the sight of themselves, she drops Santana's hands and takes another step towards her and leans in close to her head.

"I miss this" She whispers into her ear as she sets her left hand on Santana's shoulder. She slowly starts to trail a path down to her collarbone with her fingertips. "And this." She whispers as she slides down her hand more and gently cups Santana's full breast. Santana lets out a moan at the contact as she pushes her torso into her hand more and rests her forehead on her shoulder.

Brittany gently strokes her nipple as she peppers light kisses on the smooth skin of her shoulder and neck. Santana pants into her ear as she crosses her arms behind her neck and pulls her closer. Brittany tilts her head and captures her earlobe between her teeth and it drives Santana crazy. She moans louder and she feels her knees trembling from the anticipation. She is dripping wet and the heat between her legs is almost unbearable.

Brittany stops her circling motions on her breast and slides her hand down on her torso to set is on her lower stomach. The pressure Santana feels there under her touch is starting to be too much and she wants Brittany to just ravish her.

"And I miss this the most." Brittany whispers as she finally dives into her wetness with her fingers. Santana is so sensitive she throws back her head and her legs almost give way beneath her at the contact, but Brittany sets her free hand on her lower back and presses her close to her body to keep her safe.

She strokes her up and down between her folds, enjoying the warmth and the softness of her core as she tilts her head and presses a few kisses on her cheek. Suddenly it's not enough for her as she feels her passion burning in her body, so she roughly pushes her tongue into Santana's mouth and takes another step forward to push her body to the cold tiles. Santana winces into her mouth as her back knocks up against the wall, but it quickly turns into a moan as Brittany starts to circle her clit expertly. She pushes her head to the wall and grinds into Brittany's hand to meet her moves while digging into her shoulders with her nails. She feels so much pleasure, but she wants more, she needs more of Brittany. She needs her inside and Brittany knows it, she always knows it.

She grabs Santana's knee with her free hand and pulls it up to set it around her waist to have more space for her hand between her legs to pleasure her. Santana immediately pulls her closer with her leg around her and Brittany doesn't waste more time and pushes two fingers into her.

Santana bites down on her bottom lip as she feels Brittany inside her, stretching her tightness. She feels her muscles loosen up as she accommodates her fingers and Brittany doesn't hesitate to add a third one. It makes Santana pull up her eyebrows in her surprise, but she lets out a loud grunt a second later as she feels herself filled up so amazingly.

Brittany starts to slide in and out of her with her fingers while she ducks her head to kiss and lick on the skin around Santana's collarbone. All these impulses are starting to bring Santana closer to the edge as she moves her hips to meet Brittany's thrusts. Brittany knows that she needs just a bit more, so she pushes her body to the back of her own hand and thrusts into Santana with all her strength. She finds that special spot deep inside Santana and presses the tip of her fingers on it, causing her to jerk into her hand and bite down on her shoulder.

She pushes into her hard a few times and crooks her fingers inside her and after a particularly deep thrust, Santana's whole body stiffens. Brittany doesn't stop her movements and she holds her close by pressing her leg to her waist. Santana starts trembling and she lets out a strained grunt from deep within her chest as she jerks her hips into Brittany's hand a few times. Brittany eases her movements in her and kisses her neck a few times to bring her down from her high gently.

Santana's whole body slumps after a second and Brittany has to pull out of her quickly and grab her other leg to hold her up. She sets it around her waist and Santana crosses her ankles behind her back with her last efforts. Brittany holds her tightly as she carefully turns around and steps out of the shower.

She can't help but smile a little as she catches their sight in the mirror. Santana is resting her forehead on her shoulder and she is clinging to her with her whole body. Brittany would think they've become one if she didn't see the beautiful contrast of their skins.

She presses a soft kiss into Santana's damp hair and makes her way out of the bathroom with her beautiful and mildly exhausted girlfriend in her hands.

/ / / / /

After their physical reconnection, they couldn't get enough of each other the following weeks. Firstly, they spent almost the whole weekend together, their activities altering between totally innocent ones like watching reality show reruns on Santana's request or feeding the ducks in the park on Brittany's to much more naughty ones, like having a 'bath' in Santana's hot tub or making a mess of the kitchen while trying to play a 'let's lick off sweet things from each other's skins' game. For short, they tried to take every opportunity to have sex and they couldn't be happier.

Through the next two weeks after the weekend, they managed to get back to their natural routine, now both emotionally and physically. They rebuilt the strong trust, which was always a defining part of their relationship. They became stronger than ever after overcoming their obstacles together. This regained connection they shared made Brittany think about their future.

She thought a lot about the evolution of their sexual relationship and more so about their recent experiments. Santana didn't show any sign or tell anything about wanting to continue it or not, so Brittany didn't feel the need to come up with the topic.

Until this afternoon, when something happened that caused her mind to be completely occupied with this question. So she thought that honesty might be the best solution here and decided to ask Santana about it.

/ / / / /

So a few hours later, they are lying on her bed side by side; trying to do their homework, but she is not able to focus on it at all, since she's trying to work out how to approach the topic carefully.

"Britt, do you have something to say?" Santana asks suddenly while keeping her eyes on her book.

"Um…" Brittany mumbles, suddenly not feeling that she has enough confidence to talk about this issue.

"You keep shooting me these nervous glances, it's freaking me out." Santana says teasingly, as she turns her head to look at Brittany's face. She is a bit surprised at the serious expression that took over her girlfriend's usually calm and carefree features.

"Well, I wanted to ask you about something." Brittany turns her head to face her and drops her book on the bed.

"Okay. Shoot me!" Santana tells her as she does the same with her own book and focuses on Brittany entirely.

"Um, it's not that easy to talk about it." Brittany glances away when she says the word 'it' and Santana kind of gets what that word means, but she has to make sure.

"Umm…what exactly?" She asks her carefully.

"Sex." Brittany blurts out and a deep blush takes over her face instantly. She's been always open about sex and it's always felt easy for her to talk about this stuff, but this is different after the happenings of their recent past.

"Oh. What about it?" Santana asks curiously while taking her hand to urge her on and give her some confidence.

"So umm…I've been thinking. And I mean, I'm not even sure what I think about it, but I just wanted to ask you if…" She trails off as she's edging closer to the hardest part of her question. "I mean, do you want to continue our, you know…?" She asks Santana, not really sure how to call what they've been doing.

"Experiments?" Santana asks slowly like she tastes the word on her lips.

"Yes." Brittany agrees and she quite likes how Santana decided to call it. It definitely sounds more serious than the word 'game' and it is indeed more serious as they experienced firsthand.

"I would love that to be honest. I think we are at a great place now, so…" Santana answers without a second of hesitation. She's been thinking about the same thing for a while, but she wanted to let Brittany come up with it by herself if she wanted to. Now she's just happy that Brittany is ready for it.

"Yeah, I agree." Brittany agrees happily, feeling relief wash over her by hearing Santana's enthusiastic answer.

"Do you have something in mind?" Santana asks her about her plans. Her last plan didn't really turn out so great, but they are over it, so she feels that they are ready to take the next step.

"Well, actually I have a surprise for you." Brittany smirks teasingly while playing with Santana's fingers.

"Hmmm…" Santana pulls up her eyebrows curiously. She is a bit surprised that Brittany has already prepared something for her, but she is eager to get to know what it is.

"Yeah, but I wanted to make sure that you are ready for it." Brittany wiggles her eyebrows while teasingly grazing Santana's skin with her fingertips.

"I'm more than ready…if you know what I mean." Santana tells her huskily, already feeling embarrassingly aroused by this conversation.

"You should save it for later." Brittany shoots her down jokingly and presses a smacking kiss to Santana's flustered cheek.

"Pfff, I don't think I will have a problem to be ready later again." Santana snorts and shakes her head. Brittany should know that she feels like a 14-year old with raging hormones around her, so her 'resources' are endless.

"Oh, is that so?" Brittany asks while pulling up an eyebrow. She loves making Santana blush with her direct flirting and now she has the urge to just jump on her and pepper soft kisses all around her adorable face.

"Yeah, with you around, it's impossible not to feel ready all the time." Santana tells her almost bashfully, obviously making an effort by being so open about her adoration for her.

"Aww, I love hearing this." Brittany almost melts by hearing her girlfriend's loving words. "You might get a present, if you finish your homework." She whispers into Santana's ear.

Santana's eyebrows shot up to her hairline and she quickly grabs her book and pen to finish her homework as soon as possible. Brittany giggles at her eagerness and shakes her head thinking about how easy she is to play with.

They are definitely in for a little more serious 'playing session' later.

/ / / / /

'Later' comes three days later exactly, when Santana happily announces that her parents are going out of town for the weekend, so the house is all theirs from the afternoon till late Sunday. Brittany is happy to hear the news, though she is not sure they will need that much time for her plan to work.

But to be honest, she is not only grateful that they have plenty of time, but also that their special night is set to happen at Santana's house, since their last and not so pleasant memory is from her own bedroom. She thinks it will be easier to start over for Santana in the most comfortable and familiar place that exists for her, her own bedroom. And that room is all kinds of sexy and grown-up by the way, so Brittany is truly a big fan of the place.

So now that the time and place is set, she is much more excited and also a bit nervous about her actual surprise for Santana. She tries to reason to herself that they've talked this whole thing over enough times already and they are both ready for it, so there should be no problems. Now she just has to make sure that the night goes as planned. She feels that it's mostly her responsibility to make sure that everything will be all right and probably for the first time, she feels completely capable of being the one in charge.

The last few days gave her enough confidence and strength to be sure of herself more than ever, when it comes to experimenting with Santana. She knows that it's her job to take care of both of them and make sure that none of them get hurt. After their last dreadful experience, the way back was long and hard, but in the end, she feels like they've grown from it.

Their connection has grown from it and now they are ready to take the next step and explore the boundaries of their relationship further.

...

Black pants check, black blazer check, 2 black ties check, black lingerie check, black stilettos check and finally, handcuffs and legcuffs check. All these items are laid on Brittany's bed as she's standing a few inches away, glancing between her list and the bed to check each and every one of them. Looks like everything is prepared, now she only has to dress up and put the accessories meant for Santana into her purse.

The whole idea came on Tuesday afternoon, when she was trying to find a costume rental that might need for their senior prom theme. It was full of different kinds of costumes, some of them even mildly inappropriate. Inappropriate and smoking hot, to be exact. Cop and nurse costumes almost got her drooling on the floor as she was imagining Santana in one of them. She didn't really have to make an effort with her imagination though, since Santana has already wore a nurse costume once. And it was probably the hottest thing she's ever laid her eyes on. So the whole experience made her think, what if she would be the one to wear a costume? And even better, what if she would play a role in it? And what if Santana would play a role, too?

The idea was all kinds of perfect, since role play was sexy, but also playful and creative, just what they needed.

…

She is thinking about whether Santana will agree with her about the idea as she's doing the finishing touches on her appearance. When she is perfectly dressed and her make-up is immaculate, she puts the remaining accessories into her purse and grabs her phone. She taps the screen to write a message for Santana. She types in the following instruction: 'wear a tight black skirt, a white blouse and your glasses' and sends the message for her.

As she steps out of her room, her phone vibrates with an incoming message. She opens it and it is Santana's answer saying 'anything for u'. She is smirking on the whole way to her girlfriend's house as she's imagining all the things she would be making her do tonight.

All those things that the word 'anything' could mean tonight.

…

Her heels are making rather loud noises on the hard tiles after she stepped into the house, so she knows Santana will notice her arrival in a few seconds. And it's okay, since her appearance will be enough of a surprise in itself.

She climbs the stairs to walk upstairs and then she slowly makes her way on the dark hallway, finally stopping in front of the dark mahogany door of Santana's bedroom. The door always reminds her of Santana, they are both hard to break through, but the color is so warm like Santana's heart. She takes a deep breath and stretches the tense muscles of her shoulders, before she finally grabs the doorknob and lets herself in.

…

Santana's mouth forms a little 'o' the second she takes in the sight of her girlfriend. She is a smart girl, so it doesn't take her too much to understand that tonight's menu will include some kind of role-play as the main course.

But she quickly stops her eyes that are trailing all over Brittany's sexy black costume and she drops them on the floor after Brittany shoots her an intense glare. So now she's just standing in the middle of her room, wearing her tightest black skirt, an incredibly sexy and revealing white blouse and her black glasses, just as Brittany ordered her earlier. She looks so incredibly delicious that Brittany is contemplating simply locking her hands to the headboards and taking a closer look at her gorgeous boobs that are spilling out of her push-up bra.

Oh, the things she would do for those amazing breasts.

She inwardly shakes herself, because she actually managed to lose her focus in five seconds after stepping into the room. She quickly turns into business mode, as she drops her purse on Santana's table and sits into her chair. She turns towards Santana as she crosses her legs and arms to look more serious and hopefully a bit more authoritative, which might help getting into her role easier.

"So, Miss Lopez" She sets her eyes on Santana's face to see her every reaction as she begins their game.

"Yes, Miss…?" Santana hesitates frowning a bit as she tries to search for an answer of her inward question about how to call her exactly.

"No, it's President Pierce. And you should look at me, when I'm talking to you." Brittany scolds her and her harsh tone makes Santana quickly look into her eyes fearfully.

"Yes, President Pierce?" She asks as she slowly realizes that Brittany is meant to be the President and she is meant to be someone working for her. She inwardly applauds her girlfriend for this amazing idea, since it's a fun game and it has a special edge since Brittany is the senior class president of their school. She really likes to 'play' the president at every opportunity she gets. And her full black costume, from her heels all the way up to her black tie, Santana really has no words for it, she already loves this idea.

"You seem to be rather popular in the office, I can't help but wonder…why is that?" Brittany asks Santana shaking her head a little in her confusion, like her question is the greatest mystery of the universe and she's trying hard to figure it out.

"Um…I work a lot?" Santana asks hesitatingly while searching in her eyes for the right answer.

"I think I'm the one asking the questions here, Miss Lopez." But it's not something Brittany tolerates. She is the one to ask and Santana is the one to answer her questions, these are the rules.

"I'm sorry for my mistake, President Pierce. I do work a lot." Santana tells her a bit more confidently, getting more and more comfortable with playing her part.

"That's what I heard myself. So, here's what I'm offering you. From now on, you will work only for me and if you please me, I will help you in return later." Brittany tells her offer vaguely and it would sound like an amazing opportunity in real life, but of course it certainly has its complications which are not revealed yet.

"I...it's an honor, President Pierce…" Santana replies slowly, as her voice is full of doubt since she is almost sure she hasn't heard every part of the 'offer' yet.

"Yes, it is. But there are some things you should know about. Your job will include satisfying my every need, and by that I mean…" Brittany trails off a little to make next words she will say even more effective. "Sexual needs." She clarifies after a couple of seconds.

"Uh…" Santana pulls up her eyebrows a little, pretending to seriously deliberate the offer.

"I'm not finished. You will do whatever I tell you to do and you will never speak about it to anyone else. What happens in this room Miss Lopez…will stay in this room. Do you understand the rules?" Brittany asks her confidently as she smirks a little inwardly at the already bit flustered state of her girlfriend.

"Yes. Yes I do, President Pierce." Santana answers eagerly, trying to express her enthusiasm about the 'offer' of the 'president'.

"So do we have a deal?" Brittany asks as she uncrosses her arms and sets her hands on her knees.

"Yes, we have." Santana nods her head up and down seriously, already thinking about what she would have to do tonight for Brittany to please her.

"Good." Brittany smiles a little, being completely pleased with their 'arrangement' and she uncrosses her legs and leans ahead to stare at Santana more closely. "Then show me what you got under that nice little blouse you're wearing, Miss Lopez." She gives her the first order to take the game on the next level, one that involves getting rid of some annoying clothing items.

Santana unbuttons her blouse at an excruciatingly slow pace to give Brittany the most possible pleasure by revealing herself inch by inch. When she is finished with the last button, she pulls the item down from her shoulders and drops in on the floor. Brittany is mesmerized by the sight, like every other time when Santana is only wearing a bra. And though, it's happening quiet frequently, it's not something she could ever get used to.

"Come over here" She tells Santana in such a low voice it's barely recognizable, as she holds out her hands a little towards her. Santana steps closer until she's just inches away from Brittany's fingertips and they can actually feel the heat of each other's bodies. It's a strange sensation to not actually touch, but feel each other like that. It's amazing.

It's amazing and Brittany enjoys it for a few seconds, but the desire to touch Santana finally takes over her. She sets her palms flatly on her stomach and she can immediately feel the muscles clench under Santana's warm skin. She looks up to her face and she can already see some color on her cheeks and it makes her feel so powerful to know that she has this effect on her girlfriend. She slowly starts to stroke the smooth skin of her stomach, edging more and more upwards by every stroke until she's grazing Santana's ribs with her fingertips. It makes Santana's breath hitch in anticipation and Brittany can't deny her as she lifts her hands over to her back and unclasps her bra.

Santana pulls off the straps and lets the bra fall from her shoulders to the floor. Brittany can't take a look at her now naked chest, as her eyes are locked to Santana's. The burning desire behind her dark orbs is consuming as Brittany feels herself heat up by her fire and suddenly her clothes feel too tight and the air too thick around her.

She gently sets her hands on Santana's waist and pulls her closer to her face, while still maintaining their intense eye-contact. She leans in and she only shuts her eyes when her lips finally meet the smooth skin of the valley between Santana's breasts.

Santana feels her whole body explode from all the want that tries to sneak outside and she can't help but press her hands to Brittany's head to encourage her.

"No touching." Brittany scolds her after pulling away from her chest that is rising and falling much more quickly than a few minutes ago. Santana looks down on the floor in embarrassment and takes her hands away from Brittany's scalp to grip the hem of her own skirt. She needs to distract herself somehow before she's gonna get her hands all over Brittany and break all the rules.

"I have something that will help you." Brittany tells her as she turns around and opens her purse to take out the handcuffs. Santana is not surprised, because they've used it a couple of times now, so it's not something new, but still, it excites her and makes her a little bit nervous. But in the end, she knows that she can trust Brittany, so she willingly holds out her wrists for her. Brittany can't help but smile a little at her eagerness of getting into bondage as she sets the cuffs around her wrists and locks her in.

Her smile fades as she looks up at Santana's face. Her eyes show vulnerability, but it's shielded by the endless trust she conveys with them to her. She wants to dive into her dark pools and be surrounded by her love.

"Turn around." Her voice cracks a little from being a bit overwhelmed as she gives Santana her next order. Santana cuts off their eye-contact as she turns around and shows her backside to Brittany.

Brittany trails her eyes all over her thick dark locks and her delicious back and soon her fingers are following her eyes as she starts to stroke a path down her spine. It makes Santana shiver and take a quick breath.

"Oh, look at this." Brittany says huskily as she trails her eyes lower from Santana's back to her perfect ass that is only covered by her incredibly tight black skirt. She sets her hands on both sides and starts to stroke her over the fabric with her thumbs. She starts to make her circling motions more firmly and it looks like it has an unexpected effect on Santana as she ducks her head and sticks out her ass as much as she can to make more contact with Brittany's manipulating hands.

"You like this, don't you, Miss Lopez?" Brittany asks teasingly and her lustful tone make Santana push into her hand even more to further encourage her actions. It surprises Brittany a little how much she seems to like it when her ass is getting so much attention. It didn't really occur to her in their previous sexual encounters or maybe it wasn't so obvious from Santana's part to make her notice it.

She loves it though, that Santana wants her touch so much and doesn't hesitate to show her desires. So she quickly grabs the hem of her skirt and pushes it upwards to reveal her toned ass and a tiny thong that barely covers anything of it. She just stares at her girlfriend's flawless features in awe, almost afraid to touch like she would destroy the perfect vision that's before her eyes by doing so.

She gets over her strange thoughts as she gently touches Santana's bare skin with her fingertips. The smooth skin under her fingers becomes goosy, as she manipulates the sensitive area. It feels like this is the first time she's touched her here, like it's a whole new experience. Of course it's not true, she's touched her here thousands of times, but she never gave it extra attention. She feels that she's never explored it like the most other parts of Santana's body and that's why it feels so amazing for both of them when she is touching her here.

She tries to stroke every inch of her skin and it seems to drive Santana crazy as she tries to push into her hands to get more contact. Brittany spreads her fingers on her ass and strokes her inwards with her thumbs. This sensational move causes Santana to let out a loud moan and then press her face to her shoulder to quiet the other moans that are following the first one.

Noticing her sounds and her struggling moves, Brittany widens her eyes and stops her hands as she feels like she's just woken up from a dream. She can't believe how much she let herself get away from her plan and she actually started to pleasure Santana. This new discovery about Santana's body made her totally wrapped up in it as she tried to explore it further.

What does Santana like and how can she touch her that she likes it even more? It's a question she certainly wants to answer by experimenting a little, but it should only come later. This is not the time.

This is not the time, she decides as she releases her grip on Santana's ass and brings her hands to pull down her skirt to her ankles. Santana wordlessly steps out of it and takes a deep breath to calm her light panting. She doesn't know what's to come now, but what she experienced in the last few minutes were so sensational, she is not sure it can get even better. She feels so wet by Brittany's expert touches that she couldn't stand not touching herself, if she was free. But she's not, so she can't do anything other than hoping that Brittany will continue to pleasure her.

But Brittany actually feels that she should be the one pleasured right now, so turns around and takes out the legcuffs and the black tie that's matching hers from her purse and sets them on the table. She turns back to face Santana's backside again and she shakes her head in wonderment as she grabs her thong and pulls it down her legs. Santana steps out of it, finally revealing herself in all her nakedness to Brittany.

"On all fours, now." Brittany whispers to her and she quickly obeys, then Brittany grabs the legcuffs and kneels on the floor beside her to lock her ankles in. She knows she's making Santana already feel vulnerable and exposed, but she still has something in her mind which she really hopes won't be too much. She gets closer to Santana's face and she cups her chin to make her look into her eyes. She can see what she expected there, so she gently strokes her jaw to make her more at ease.

"You are amazing, Miss Lopez." She whispers as she presses a soft kiss into her hair. She hopes it will give some strength for her.

She stands up from her floor and takes a deep breath, preparing for what's to come.

"Get on the bed on your back now." She orders Santana and it causes her to struggle a little with her locked limbs as she tries to stand up. "No, you are not allowed to stand up, you have to stay on the floor." She instructs her after pressing her hand on her back a little to keep her down. Santana's cheeks immediately turn into a shade of deep red and she ducks her head to hide herself with her hair, as she feels humiliation from her limited ability to move.

After a few seconds of hesitation, she starts to get closer to the bed by crawling on the floor. Brittany follows her clumsy movements closely until they are just a few inches away from the bed.

"Climb up" She says as she smacks her ass lightly with her hand to encourage her. It's a quite playful and innocent move, but the second her palm comes into contact with Santana's skin, Santana lets out a loud moan.

Both of them freeze at the sound she makes, Santana from her own embarrassment and Brittany from the amazement. Endless questions rush to her head, as she is standing there motionless and holding her hand in place on Santana's bare ass. What exactly caused Santana to let out this noise of pleasure? Was it really the way she smacked her ass? Does she really like that? Just a few minutes ago she noticed how much she likes it being squeezed and stroked, but does she actually like it to be smacked? Would she like it even better if she…

Would she like it even better if she spanked her?

She is completely wrapped up in her questions about this possible new discovery, so much that she barely notices her squirming girlfriend. She snaps out of her daze and quickly drops her hand from Santana's skin as she takes in her state. She is panting lightly as she tries to hide her embarrassment that's showing on her face behind her falling dark locks.

Brittany would say something to ease her up, but she knows it would just get worse for Santana if she acted like she actually heard her moan and understood what it implied. So for the sake of her girlfriend's already little bit demolished pride, she lets it go now and tries to forget about it for some time.

"Come on, Miss Lopez." She settles to encourage Santana with some words and she knows her girlfriend is grateful for it.

Santana manages to climb on her bed and she lies down on her back. Brittany tucks a few pillows under her head, so that she will have the perfect view for what she's about to do now. When she is pleased with her work, she walks to the end of the bed and turns to face Santana.

"Look at me now." She orders her and it makes Santana look into her eyes and search for clues about what she is planning. Brittany doesn't hesitate to show her, as she starts to unbutton her blazer and reveal her almost naked torso under it. 'Almost' is caused by her black lace bra, which is pushing up her tits so amazingly, Santana just stares at them like hasn't seen them for about a thousand times already, as Brittany drops the blazer on the floor. Santana lets out a loud sigh, as Brittany turns around and bends down to pull off her stilettos while sticking out her ass for her girlfriend's great pleasure. She could have just stepped out of them easily, but this is much more fun to tease Santana like this.

She turns back to face her and pulls down her pants slowly before stepping out of them. Now only her black lace lingerie and her black tie cover her body and she can see with her eyes easily how much Santana likes the sight. She teasingly trails a path with her fingertips from the waistband of her thong all around her torso to her back and unclasps her bra. She lets it fall from her shoulders and she can hear the change in Santana's breathing pattern as soon as her bare breasts and her perky pink nipples are revealed. She enjoys her effect on Santana for a few seconds and then she slowly starts to stroke her lower stomach, sometimes grazing the waistband of her thong with her fingertips. The sight of her flustered and possibly very wet girlfriend and her own manipulating fingers make her incredibly aroused, so she doesn't waste more time and pulls down her soaked thong from her hips and steps out of it.

After she looks up she can see Santana trail her eyes all over her body. Her lips are parted as she is heavily panting now and the quick rising and falling of her chest is making it impossible for Brittany to not stare at her gorgeous full breasts for seconds. They just explore each other's bodies, until her desire takes over Brittany finally.

She walks to the table again and grabs the black tie and then she steps to the end of the bed and slowly crawls up on it, her legs and arms on each side of Santana's locked limbs. Brittany waits a few seconds to heighten Santana's anticipation and then she carefully sits down on her, straddling her lower stomach. They both let out a moan at the contact, Santana a bit louder as she can not only feel their skins touching finally, but she can actually feel how wet Brittany is, as her juices coat the skin of her lower stomach.

She could actually find a way to touch Brittany with her locked hands now, but she is willing to wait for an order to do so. But Brittany has other plans as she carefully sets her hands on Santana's glasses and takes them off. She puts it on the bedside table and smirks a little at Santana, because she knows that she can barely see anything without her glasses. She leans down closer, stopping just a few inches away from her face, her locks tickling Santana's skin. She cups her cheeks with her hands and tilts her head to kiss her roughly.

Santana reacts immediately, their tongues meeting halfway to explore each other's wet and warm mouths. Their kiss is full of burning desire as they lick and bite each other's lips. Brittany is taken over by her lust as she grinds down on Santana's body and it causes them to moan into each other's mouth. Their breasts are pressed together and their hot breaths are mingling in the air, making both of them dizzy by all the different impulses. Brittany pulls herself together after a few seconds of resting her forehead against Santana's, so she lifts up her torso and grabs the tie from the bed with her hand.

"This will make it even better for you." She whispers huskily to Santana, as she puts the tie around her head and blindfolds her with it. Santana doesn't really know what 'it' means, but she is full of anticipation as she feels Brittany lift herself up from her body and adjusts her position on the bed.

She opens her mouth to take a deep breath bracing herself for Brittany's next move and what she doesn't expect is that her parted lips meet something incredibly moist and warm all of a sudden. Of course she immediately recognizes it as she can feel the familiar texture and the amazing smell of Brittany's core. She exhales through her nose after a few seconds as she opens her lips wider to press a full kiss to Brittany's incredibly wet core.

She can feel Brittany grind into her mouth and she can hear her let out loud moans as she starts to lick her with her flat tongue up and down. She can feel that her senses are much sharper now that she can't touch and see Brittany.

She can't touch her or see her, but she can smell her arousal and she can hear her sensual noises. And mostly, she can feel her more than ever. She can feel her juices coating her mouth and her chin and she can feel Brittany push into her mouth more and more as she can't get enough of the pleasure caused by Santana's circling movements on her clit. She can feel her own arousal soaking the sheets of her bed and she can feel the cold metal of the cuffs on her wrists and ankles. She can feel the almost unbearable ache between her own legs as she blindly works with her mouth between Brittany's.

Brittany's moves fasten on top of her as she licks her more firmly, sometimes pressing her tongue to her opening. She knows it drives Brittany crazy, as she can hear her letting out frustrated grunts when she pulls away with her tongue every time. But she can't enjoy teasing her for long, as Brittany firmly grabs her head and pulls into herself so close, she almost can't breathe.

She knows it's a sing from Brittany to make her come immediately and she can't deny her wordless order, so she slides her tongue inside her and starts to fuck her like that. She can feel Brittany hold herself tightly as she grinds frantically on top of her, encouraging her moves to be faster and harder. Santana tries to dive into her as deep as she can and lick her from the inside, the amazing sensation causing her own desire to almost take over her body.

She doesn't care about anything, except giving as much pleasure to Brittany as she is able to, so she turns her hands in the handcuffs and presses into Brittany's ass with them. She helps her ride into her mouth as she alternates between sliding into her with her tongue and sucking on her clit. She knows it won't take long to bring Brittany on the edge as she can hear her let out those high-pitched little moans that always come out of her before she orgasms.

She is right, it doesn't take long. After a particularly deep thrust with her tongue, she can feel Brittany's muscles clench so hard on it, she can't even pull out of her. She just holds her tongue inside as Brittany lets out a strained grunt and pulls on her hair so hard she thinks her skin might separate from her scalp. She can feel Brittany's juices flow all over her face and her muscles pulsating around her tongue as Brittany grinds into her much more slowly a few more times. She pulls out her tongue and circles her clit to bring her down gently and a few seconds later she can feel Brittany stopping her movements and loosing up her grip on her head.

She can feel her shaking on top of her with a few aftershocks of her intense orgasm and then she is finally freed as Brittany lifts her body from her mouth. She instantly takes a deep breath and she can feel the air that is thick with Brittany's arousal filling up her lungs.

Then a second later she can not only feel what's happening anymore, as Brittany pulls off the tie from her eyes. Of course her vision is so blurry, she can barely see anything, but she can see Brittany's form hovering over her body and staring down at her. She doesn't know if they are finished or not, so she doesn't dare to ask her for her glasses.

Her inward question is answered a few seconds later as Brittany crawls down a little and lifts her legs in the air to slip under them and set her locked ankles on her back. Her wetness pools between her legs as she can feel Brittany leaning closer to her core to return the favor…

…

"Britt…" Santana lifts her head from Brittany's chest - where she spent the last twenty minutes relaxing – and looks up to her face.

"Yes, Miss Lopez?" Brittany asks playfully as she looks down to meet her eyes.

"Stop it!" Santana whines and shoves Brittany's arm with her hand a little to make her stop.

"Why? Didn't you like it?" Brittany teases her and grabs her hand to press a smacking kiss on her palm.

"Pff, I thought it was pretty obvious how much I loved it." Santana snorts.

Hearing these words make Brittany incredibly happy. Of course she kind of realized how much Santana liked her idea, when she came hard inside her mouth, but it's good to hear her actual thoughts about it, not just see the responses of her body.

"You know I was a bit worried about this, but I think it turned out pretty good…" Brittany confesses her fear to her, which she tried to hide until now to be able to show the essential confidence she needed for her part.

"You are a genius, Britt. This was exactly what I needed. It was playful and it was easier for me like this after…" Santana trails off, knowing exactly that she doesn't need to finish her sentence. Brittany understands her point, which is actually the same reason she thought this would be a great way to start their experimenting again.

"I know and that's why I thought it would be a good idea. I just wanted it to be like…I don't know..." Brittany struggles a little bit to find the right words to express her thoughts. "I just wanted to show you that when we, you know…play…it's not me, it's just a role." She tries to explain why she liked the idea of role-playing so much.

"But it is you, Britt, if you think about it." Santana disagrees with her while shaking her head a little. "It's us. Just you know…parts of us." She unfolds what she meant with her first sentence and it kind of makes sense for Brittany.

"Maybe you're right…" She mumbles her hesitating answer, not sure how much she likes that there is a part of her that likes to blindfold her girlfriend, then lock her up and fuck her when she can't even move.

And she is not sure how much she likes the fact that she craves much more of this deep inside her heart.

"I know I am. And I love this part of you…" Santana smiles at her tenderly and lifts her hand to stroke her cheeks. She really likes that she is the only one in the world who can see this amazing part of Brittany, who she knows would go really far to pleasure her. She really likes that she's slowly getting to know this part of her and they can experience such things together she's never even dreamed about until a few weeks ago.

"Really?" Brittany asks her shyly, with some hope showing in her voice.

"Yes, I do. But I think I barely know this part of you, yet. I think there are still some things to explore."

"We can do that, if you want to, Miss Lopez." Brittany grins at her widely as she teases her with calling her like that.

"Pff, you are hopeless…" Santana shakes her head at her and then a grin breaks out of her to match Brittany's, as she puts her arms around her neck.

"I love you, Miss Lopez." Brittany tells her much more seriously, now only smiling with her eyes.

"I love you, too..." Santana replies and leans in to softly kiss her mouth, but she quickly pulls away for a second to whisper one more thing against her lips.

"…President Pierce."

* * *

**Thanks for reading! I hope you liked the chapter. It was hard to find a way to set them back on their journey.**

**Tell me what you think about the chapter in a review! **


	7. The present

**Dear readers!**

**Thank you for the new adds and reviews! You give me great feedback, so special thank you to everyone who made the effort to write! Some of you even gave me a few awesome ideas I'm definitely going to explore in the next chapters. :)  
**

**Now enjoy and tell me what you think!  
**

* * *

The first thing she feels in the morning is the one think that makes it completely worth to stop her magical dreams and wake up to reality.

She can feel her everywhere. She can feel the hot puffs of air she breaths out between her parted plump lips on her face, the dark locks of her hair that tickles her neck, the smooth skin of her body that lies underneath her hand.

And she can feel a smile creep up to her own face, when she remembers back to their night together, when she could feel her everywhere, too.

All she could feel was her.

She leans closer to her to nuzzle her nose and she feels guilty a little bit for probably waking her up, but she just wants her so bad to join her in this world full of wonders. She knows she thinks this is a miserable place sometimes, but she truly hopes she can make it better for her.

She strokes the soft skin of her waist, but her hand slowly finds the way down to her hip. She lazily circles her fingertips on it, enjoying the familiarity of her own actions, as she tilts her head a little and presses a soft kiss on her bottom lip. She can feel herself starting to get wet again, as she lays half on top of her, their skins covered by dried sweat from their exhausting but exhilarating lovemaking last night sticking together.

She admires the perfect curve of her hip as she grazes her fingertips on her flawless skin.

She is the most perfect thing she's ever seen and she feels so proud that she is hers. She is hers, but she knows that she wants to be hers even more. She's been showing it to her recently, through loving words too, but even more so with her body.

It's always been hard for her to open up about her fears and doubts, and ever more so about her love and her desires. But her body's never been able to hide away from her what's inside that special place in her heart.

Her mind sneaks back to a previous night, a night they shared a few days ago, when she discovered a secret desire of Santana's that is still buried deep inside her, tucked away with the other ones she hopes she won't ever find out about. But she did find out about it and Santana knew exactly that she did.

She's hoped that maybe Santana would be willing to talk about it by herself, so she's decided to let her come up with it on her own terms. But she hasn't so far and it sort of bugs her a little.

Doesn't she trust her with it? Doesn't she want her to act on her new knowledge about her? Is she afraid of the desires of her own body?

Does she feel embarrassed because she liked something what she thought she wasn't supposed to?

...

As she is trying to figure out the reason why Santana has avoided the topic so far, her hand slowly catches up to her wandering mind, as it slowly edges downer on Santana's body, until her fingers find the curve of her perfectly round ass. She just holds her hand there, enjoying the beautiful contrast of toned muscles and soft flesh. It's a wonderful place on her body, one she's yet to explore intimately, but the more she's toying with the idea in her head, the more she's fond of it. She feels giddily excited, like she's just explored the eighth wonder of the world.

It is truly a wonder, to discover something like that after so much time they've spent together, trying to explore every inch of each other's bodies. It's surprising; really, that it took her so long…or maybe it wasn't even there all along?

Maybe Santana didn't even know she liked it so much, until she paid some special attention to this part of her body that was previously ignored most of the time?

She decides that it doesn't matter anymore, so she just lets herself enjoy it. She scratches her nails gently on the smooth skin and she can feel goose bumps ruining the perfect texture of it after a few seconds. She loves how her little manipulations have such an effect on Santana's body, even when she is unconscious.

It doesn't take long though before she is not anymore, as she slowly scrunches up her nose a little and opens her eyes just to peek out between her eyelids. A few second later her eyes widen comically, as the pleasure caused by Brittany's touch register in her mind and she lets out a barely audible moan.

She instantly throws her hand onto her face and she blushes so deeply, Brittany can almost feel the heat radiating from her face from just a few inches away. Santana grabs her wrist with her other hand and stops her, while shakes her head making her point even more obvious.

"San" Brittany whispers as she gently detaches Santana's fingers from her wrist and lifts her hand to stroke her hair, comforting her when she knows she needs her to. Santana just shakes her head again and refuses to lift her hand off her face. She doesn't want Brittany to see her like this.

So ashamed.

But Brittany doesn't know she feels this way, because she honestly thinks this is the last thing she should feel, so she is eager to find out why she's so upset, when she's just made her feel so good. "Hey, look at me, honey" She pleads her. "Please."

Santana decides to peek out between her fingers, which she finds a rather pathetic move , only to be met with Brittany's blue eyes boring into her fearful ones. There is no judgment behind those eyes, only true love and deep trust. And this time, honest curiosity joins them.

She reluctantly lifts her hand off her face and tucks it under her chin. "Can we just forget it?" She whispers in a voice that is broken by the hopelessness of the attempt she's just made to ignore the issue.

"I don't want to." Brittany replies and she manages to be determined, without being pushy about the subject to Santana's wonder.

"Britt, I can't…" She pleads her to just move on, but it just makes her all the more serious.

"No, Santana." She argues, because she knows what Santana's said is the biggest lie there is. "I know you can, because you are the bravest person I know." She tells her earnestly, giving her encouragement to open up.

"But this is so…" Santana shakes her head and fumbles with her fingers to figure out what the right word is; the one she should use to express her confusing mix of feelings. "I don't understand…" She settles for that, and it's true, she is just mostly stunned by her own actions.

She's always been pretty confident about what she likes and what she doesn't in bed and most of the times she's been willing to do whatever it takes to get them. She's never pushed for them, but somehow, she's always made them happen.

Now she wants something, but she is afraid of it. She's not sure she is supposed to want it. She is not sure it is right to want it.

"We can figure it out together, like always." Brittany assures her and it's not even a promise, it's the simple truth and Santana can't deny it. "But I need you to talk to me, okay?" She pulls up her eyebrows questioningly, hoping that Santana will be accepting this time.

"I'll try." Santana reluctantly mumbles, dropping her eyes on the sheets between their bodies.

"I liked it, you know?" Brittany confesses her feelings about her discovery. "It was all new and I honestly don't know how I never…" She trails off, not really sure about how the whole thing never occurred to her before. "I liked it." She repeats, more confidently this time.

"Really?" Santana glances up on her face to search for signs that might expose a hidden lie, which she knows in her heart won't ever be possible for Brittany to use.

"Yes, but I didn't want to say anything then…" What Brittany warms Santana's heart, because she knows Brittany wanted to, but she was grateful that she decided not to do so. She is grateful that she decided to pretend and ignore the topic, even if it didn't last forever. "But I don't want you to think that I didn't like it."

"But I'm not sure I liked it, Britt." Santana tells her, trying to express how torn she is with a shake of her head. "I mean, yeah, I did. But I'm not sure I want to like it…"

"Please don't be afraid!" Brittany smiles so softly it always reminds Santana of a mother taking care of her child. It's the kind of caring and tender smile that makes her hope they will have a child together sometime in the future. "It's just new, it's the point of what we do, isn't it?" She reminds her and she has a point, but how could Santana know they would found out something like this about her?

Something so strange and confusing, which brought her so much pleasure by just a few touches of Brittany's hand it's almost scary to think about it.

"Experimenting?" She asks her to make sure she got it right.

"Yes. And I think it's amazing we found something so exciting." Brittany replies.

"Exciting?" Santana snorts, because though most of the time she finds Brittany's positive way of thinking endearing and admirable, she just finds it ridiculous and almost mocking now. "Not exactly the word I would choose to describe this. More like mildly embarrassing or maybe…"

"Stop it, Santana." Brittany cuts her off firmly, unable to swallow more of Santana's defensive and sarcastic tone. She really doesn't like it, this Santana reminds her too much of that scared little girl her girlfriend's been for a long time. And she is proud that she's changed so much and embraced her true self, so she kind of hates it every time, when she's trying to build up her walls again. "It's not a bad thing. You should embrace it."

"Yeah, sure." Santana doesn't listen to her this time, which is truly a rare occasion. "Ladies and gentleman, I'm Santana Lopez and I love it when my girlfriend smacks my ass." She mocks herself and her dark joke makes Brittany snap.

"Why do you have to make it sound like it's something to be ashamed of?" She doesn't understand why Santana's acting so harshly, pushing any kind of positive thought away from her as far as she can.

"You don't get it, Britt." Santana tells her, slightly frustrated, her tone the same one she's using every time she's explaining her something there is no chance she would understand, but trying anyway. But she tries it this time too, because she cares and she just wants Brittany to know how bad it feels to find something out about yourself you don't necessarily want to accept, though your body undeniably likes it. "It was not you, who got embarrassingly aroused by it."

"Santana, listen to me please." Brittany pleads her, as she feels that she's running out of agreements. She settles for the best one, which is kind of not fair, but it always has the desired effect. She's turning it on herself. "I told you I liked it. If you are so stubborn to ignore your own feelings, please just do this for me."

Santana shuts her eyes for a moment to let out a shaky breath and then she tilts her head and opens her mouth to ask in a much softer tone then before. "Do what for you?" She almost sounds resigned, like she's already accepted that she would do anything for Brittany, regardless of the answer.

Maybe she looks like she's putting up a serious fight, but in the end, there's nothing in the world she wouldn't do to make Brittany happy.

"I just want to…" Brittany struggles to find the right words. Explicit ones are out of the question, since this is not about the act itself, it's about the experience together. She doesn't want to tell her in details what she's thinking about, she wants to persuade her to accept the general idea of exploring something new and maybe something that seems scary for Santana yet, together. "I really want to explore this. I won't push you, but I think it would be awesome, if we could do this. Together."

"This is cruel." Santana hates it how Brittany can change something she would want to run away from to be something she couldn't refuse just by a few simple words. Words that express so much love and care, that she would never be able to deny her in the end. It's scary how easy and natural it feels to let herself surrender for her completely. "You know I hate to say no to you, Britt."

Brittany knows that's true, she is fully aware of how Santana always wants to do the right thing for her. But she wants to convince her, that she should also feel that it's the right thing, not just because she says so. "Then say yes for yourself. If you don't like it, I promise I will let it go."

Santana takes in her words and then drops her gaze on the sheets again to truly consider the idea. She reasons that Brittany is right; it's all about trying to find their boundaries and sometimes pushing them, that's why they started experimenting with new ideas. Trying wouldn't hurt much, especially with Brittany. She knows she would make her at ease and probably it would turn out great, like almost all the other things they've already tried.

But to be perfectly honest, her reluctance is not just about this particular idea, it's more so about the big picture she is looking at.

"I'm afraid a bit…" She whispers as her true feeling start to bubble up from deep within.

Brittany knows it's the moment of truth, so she takes Santana's hand to give her the encouragement and support she needs to unfold the true reasons why she's so scared. "You can tell me."

"I don't know. I just…" Santana furrows her brows and shakes her head to erase her inner confusion, as she tries to unravel her own heart-strings. "I'm afraid that if I like this, then what else is there?" She whispers brokenly, as she imagines what might come next, what she might find out about herself in the future, which might be equally as scary as this, or even more so.

What she might find out that would be hard to accept not only for her, but maybe for Brittany, too.

"Remember how you told me that it's all a part of us?" Brittany reminds her of her own wise words. "Please don't be afraid to find out more about yourself!"

"I think I could handle that, but…" Santana truly feels that though she might have a hard time to accept any more surprises she might cause herself, but she would get over them in the end. It's not herself she truly worries about right now. "I'm just afraid of what you might think about me…" She whispers so quietly, Brittany wouldn't be able to catch it if she wasn't just inches away.

"Santana" She calls her whole name, like every other time, when she's about to say those words. Those words that make Santana fall in love with her more, if that's even possible. "I could never judge you." She whispers quietly, but the force of true honesty behind her words makes Santana let out a shaky breath as the inevitable tears brim her eyes.

"Britt…" She whispers as she can't find any words that might be able to express how she feels right now.

Brittany gets it, like every time, when Santana feels overwhelmed by the amount of love that is contained in her heart. She embraces her to give her comfort and strength, when she feels weak to be able to handle all her emotions that rush to her heart. Some of them manage to escape somehow, in the form of bittersweet tears that drop on Brittany's shoulder now.

"It's okay to be afraid honey, but please don't be afraid of me!" Brittany pleads her as she strokes her hair to soothe her. "I'll always be here when it's hard."

She seals her promise with a soft kiss she presses to Santana's temple. Her lips linger for a moment on her skin and when she pulls away, Santana searches for the contact again that never fails to set her fears at rest. She pulls away from the warm place between Brittany's neck and shoulder and lifts her hand to wipe her tears.

Brittany prevents her from doing so, as she gently cups her face and wipes off her tears with her thumb.

"I love you." Santana whispers the second before she tilts her head and captures Brittany's lips with her own. She kisses her softly, just holding her lips in place as time seems to stand still around them.

"I love you, too." Brittany whispers to her lips after pulling away, when it feels too long without replying the loving words to Santana. She nuzzles her nose and pecks her lips a few more times, before pulling away to take a look at her. "Do you trust me on this?" She asks as she searches her face to find any signs that might indicate that there are still some fears or doubts hidden away and waiting to be unraveled by her.

Santana opens her eyes at her question and Brittany doesn't need to hear her answer anymore, as she knows all the answers just by looking into her eyes. They are so soft, full of vulnerability and trust. They are always like this when she opens the final gate to her heart and lets Brittany look into her soul.

After seconds of consuming each other with their eyes, Santana lets out a shuddering breath before nodding with her head.

"Is this a yes?" Brittany asks to make sure. She wants to hear the word; she wants to hear it to be able to believe that this is real, this is truly happening.

"Yeah" Santana lets out a shaky laugh at Brittany's expression. She looks like a kid who can't believe yet that something so wonderful would be about to happen to them, like a gift they don't think they deserve. After a second though, her features turn into serious again, as the reality sinks in. Now she said yes, there is no turning back. Her nerves take over her again, as she tries to find the right words how to ask Brittany to be patient and gentle with her. "Just please, please be…"

Brittany doesn't need her to form the words; she knows exactly what she wants to say.

"I'll take care of you." She assures her firmly, to signify the seriousness of her words. "I promise." She whispers before capturing Santana's lips in a kiss that makes all the words fade away in comparison.

/

The perfect opportunity rises a few days later, in History class, when the teacher announces that the next two hours will be spent with watching a film. To be honest, Brittany has never been a fan of historical films; she's never understood the point of making movies about reality. She'd much rather watch films about things that only exist in fantasy. She likes it when magic appears on her screen.

The thing is…the only real thing she loves watching on film is Santana.

But she can't let herself think about their films now, even though she would really like to watch them behind her eyelids as a special form of daydreaming. But no, she really has to focus right now, because she has a plan to set in motion.

A plan she's worked out through the last couple of days. The days since that morning, when Santana gave her consent to her to explore their new discovery further. She knows she has to handle it with great care, so she's made a detailed plan. She's awesome at planning, but she is rather nervous about the outcome now, because a lot depends on Santana's reaction. Too much to forecast the success of her plan. She can only hope that Santana responds the way she expects her to.

She can only hope that she knows her enough to expect anything from her.

…

Forty minutes into the film, she feels that she managed to muster up enough confidence for what she's about to do.

As she has a look round, she decides that it's the perfect time, since the lazy kids have already fallen asleep and the ones who actually care for the film are too engrossed in it to notice anything.

Of course the greatest blessing is that Santana decided to sit in the last row earlier, so she really has to look out for only a few people around them. She thinks Santana's action is a sign sent from above that her plan is meant to be successful.

She prays to every unicorn she's dreamed about in her life that she won't mess up and cause the greatest humiliation ever for her girlfriend.

…

She glances round one last time to make sure nobody's paying attention to them. Everything is clear, so she takes a deep breath to brace herself.

Slowly exhaling between her parted lips, she finally turns to Santana and puts her hand on her thigh. Her move is rather innocent from the outside, so Santana just puts her hand on top of hers and smiles a little at the sweet gesture. What she doesn't know is that sweet is the last word to describe Brittany's action with, it would much rather pass as naughty or inappropriate.

Brittany squeezes her thigh firmly to get her attention and Santana turns her head to look at her with pulled up eyebrows and questioning eyes.

She leans closer then, so she can whisper into her ear. "I want you to…" She husks as she grazes Santana's palm with her thumb. "…touch yourself." She licks Santana's earlobe to demonstrate the overwhelming want in herself. She would much rather touch Santana herself, then watch her doing it, but it's not the point right now.

A deep red blush creeps onto Santana' cheeks and her eyes widen comically at Brittany's bluntness as she takes a look round at instinct to check if anyone's noticed their unusual behavior. Nobody is paying attention to them, so she shuts her eyes for a few seconds to calm her ragged breathing. When she opens them again, she takes a glance at Brittany, only to be met by hooded eyes that are full of lust. Her girlfriend's state is the biggest turn on for her and she can instantly feel the effect of it in her body.

She can already feel her wetness between her legs, but she really hopes that her red spanks are still clear from any physical evidence of what is happening now.

She drops her gaze at their hands on her thigh and carefully slides down on her chair, so most of the table covers her body from the possible peery eyes. Brittany takes her hand away as she realizes that Santana's move is a sign of her willingness to obey her. She impatiently waits for her to start at last, as her excitement bubbles up in her and overtakes everything else.

Santana senses her girlfriend's fever of excitement, so she lets out a shaky breath and moves her hand from her thigh upwards until she's touching the waistband of her spanks.

She glances at Brittany one last time and her girlfriend's wickedly grinning face gives her the final push to slide into her underwear with her slightly shaking hand.

She bites down on her bottom lip as she feels her own wetness coating her fingers. She grips the edge of the table as she slowly starts to stroke herself up and down between her folds. She tries to control her breathing as much as she can and keep in any sounds that might reveal how much pleasure her lazy moves cause to herself.

It gets extremely hard as she starts to draw tight circles around her clit and she quickly figures that the best solution would be just to get over it as fast as she can. So she fastens her movements, until she is furiously rubbing her sensitive bud while shutting her eyes tightly.

She can only hope that when she will open them again, she won't face the greatest humiliation of her life.

She has to press her free hand to her mouth as she feels herself getting closer to the edge and the pleasure taking over her whole body as her thighs start to tremble and her moves get rougher. Her release is just seconds away, when fingers clutch at her wrist to stop her moves.

She opens her eyes instantly as panic rises up in her throat and winces as her pleasure turns into ache after not being able to finish what she's started. She furrows her brows and shakes her head at Brittany's strange move as she stares at her with questioning eyes.

Brittany just smiles mysteriously and it makes her frustration take over her. She tries to tear her hand away to get back to her unfinished business, but Brittany's has a firm hold of her wrist. Santana wants to yell at her, but she is aware of her surroundings, even though every fiber in her body wants her release now, whatever it costs. She tries to fight her off with the force of her eyes, but Brittany just stares at her with her unblinking ones, a rather odd expression on her face.

After a few seconds, she cuts off their staring contest and leans closer to her face, until Santana can feel her hot breath on her skin. It just makes her all the more frustrated that she is so close, but she doesn't want to help her or at least let her help herself out.

She doesn't know that Brittany would want to help her so badly, if she didn't think that she had an even better idea for later.

"I will let go of you in a second, but…" She whispers into Santana's ear and cuts off her sentence to heighten her girlfriend's anticipation. "…if you stop now, I will give you an awesome present later." She offers her a possible reward, if she accepts her tough condition.

Santana pulls up her eyebrows curiously as Brittany's words sink in. She doesn't exactly know what kind of present she would get, but the thought that it might be worth it sneaks into her mind. She is completely torn between what her body and her mind tell her. So she does what she always does in these situations, she listens to her heart.

And she knows that the person who holds her heart wants her to obey.

It takes all the effort in her body to be able to pull away with her hand from her underwear and set it on her thigh after wiping it carefully on the side of her spanks. Brittany still holds her wrist, much more loosely than before, but it annoys Santana to death. She doesn't want her to touch her, when she is so close to break the deal and just get herself off. She detaches her fingers from her wrist and puts her hand on her thigh, without as much as throwing a glance at her.

Brittany senses her rightfully resentful state, so she doesn't disturb her further. Santana spends the next hour gripping the edge of the table so hard her knuckles turn white and trying to control her still ragged breathing.

By the end of the class, she is much calmer, but it doesn't mean that her frustration has faded away entirely. She is still angry at Brittany for making her do this and she truly hopes that she will be rewarded later. A few seconds before the bell ring, she notices Brittany pushing a torn piece of paper in front of her. She leans closer to see the message and can't help the smile that creeps up on her face after reading the words. It says 'I'm proud of you. It will be worth it, I promise. Be in my room in twenty minutes'. She lifts her hand to grab her pen to write a message, but in the end, she just settles for a nod, to signal that she understood the words.

She figures it might not hurt if she plays the game properly.

…

Through the next 19 minutes and 30 seconds, it takes every effort to restrain herself from running into the toilet, throwing out every girl who's there and get herself off in a stall. Her mind fights with every cell of her body and she feels exhausted by her turmoil when the time finally comes.

…

After locking the door without any request to do so by Brittany, she takes a few steps further into the room and stops awkwardly in the middle. She doesn't know what to expect as she trails her eyes on the floor, her hands nervously clutching her Cheerios skirt. She's anxiously waiting for something, a word, a move…anything from Brittany.

Brittany senses her impatience, so she gets up from her chair and starts to clear off her table. The noises make Santana glance up for a second to check the source and when she notices Brittany throwing away her stuff from the table, she furrows her brows in confusion.

The table in her room?

Now that is surely a new thing for them. Not the simple idea of doing it on a table of course, but here in the school, it sounds all the more exciting. Santana gets so wrapped up in her naughty thoughts about Brittany fucking her on the table, that she doesn't notice her finishing her actions. Brittany catches her staring and pulls up her eyebrows at her recklessness.

"Hey" She calls out to snap her out of her daydreaming.

"Shit" Santana mutters as she instantly drops her gaze on the floor, afraid that her present might turn into punishment in a second. But considering their past experiences, the line between a present and a punishment is so blurry, sometimes Santana has to force her eyes to even see it. Sometimes she can't even see it and those are the times when it all comes down to two words in the end.

It's called 'good hurt'.

"Come here" Brittany's tender tone indicates that she doesn't even deliberate turning the situation into something rough and severe this time. "You were amazing today." She appreciates Santana's heroic achievement that she was able to restrain herself in such circumstances.

Santana glances up at her praiseful words as she takes a few steps closer. Brittany's smiling at her adoringly as she holds out her hands for her to take them. She reaches out to her and they just hold each other close for a few seconds, both of them anxious of what's to come after this affectionate and innocent action.

Santana's breath hitches when Brittany suddenly drops her hands and pulls her closer by grasping her waist. The feeling of Brittany pressing into her with her body and her hot breath on her neck as she holds her close makes the ache between her legs threatening to reach new heights. She likes feeling Brittany all over her body, her hands pressing down on the small of her back, her breasts pushing into hers and the soft skin of her cheek pressing into her temple.

She loves feeling her all over the body, but this time all she needs is feeling her on one rather specific place of her body.

Brittany strokes her waist over the fabric of her top, slowly edging closer to her hips, while she presses light kisses on the side of her neck. She knows that her moves are cruel and teasing for her frustrated girlfriend, but she just feels the affection overtaking her desire right now. She is so proud of Santana that she's gotten so good at discipline; she wants to convey her gratefulness with her gentle actions.

As she bites down on her shoulder, Santana lets out a strained grunt and Brittany decides that it's time to stop and catch up on her plan.

She pulls away from Santana and pecks her mouth so briefly Santana doesn't even have time to close her eyes. She walks around her and presses into her back. Santana can feel her breasts pressing into her back and her arms crossing on her stomach, as she shuts her eyes at the amazing feeling of their bodies molding together.

Brittany kisses behind her ear and licks her skin all the way from there to her collarbone, forcing out loud moans between the parted lips of Santana.

She slides down with her right hand on her stomach, while holding her close with the other. She runs down her hand to finally cup her mound as she husks into her ear. "Do you want to get your present now?"

Santana can no longer control herself, her legs trembling, her breath ragged, her blood boiling in her veins, she barely manages to stammer her answer. "Uh…yes…uh." She pants out between her moans.

Brittany hearing the desperate want in her voice presses into her firmly to move them closer to the table. Santana is barely able to move alone, so Brittany holds her close until they step so close they are just inches from the edge. "Bend over the table." Brittany whispers into her ear as she carefully monitors her reaction to her words.

Realization comes down quickly on Santana as she tilts her head to the side to get any kind of confirmation from Brittany that she really wants her flat on her table, exposing her behind completely to her.

Brittany kisses her flushed cheek before whispering into her ear. "I will make you feel good, I promise." She assures her, without giving any kind of detail, but still, her promise to make her feel good is enough for Santana to slowly bend over the table and lie down flat on her stomach.

She reaches out with her hands to grip the other edge of the table, as she tries to ease her own anxiety. She lets out a few deep sighs, moistening the table below her face. The cold feel of the wood on her forehead makes it easier to not explode from the heat she feels in every cell of her body.

Brittany presses down on the small of her back and hovers over her to look at her face. She gently nudges her arm as she whispers "Look at me, please." Santana turns her head to the side so they come face to face with each other. Brittany leans closer until they are just inches away, breathing the same air, sharing a bubble like there is nothing around them, like they are the only people existing in this world. She rests her forehead on Santana's, the intimacy making Santana suddenly feel that her heart is the warmest place in her body. "This is all about you, baby. You know the word, if you…" Brittany whispers, but Santana cuts her off with her eager lips capturing her parted ones.

The kiss is desperate and strangely calm at the same time, showing both the need and the trust Santana feels right now. It's enough for Brittany to know that they are going to be safe.

She pulls away from Santana and slowly stands up again, setting her hands on her hips. She draws circles over the fabric of her skirt, but Santana can feel her touch like it's on her skin, the memory of the thousand times Brittany has done the same making it feel like she's doing it right now. It's not far in real life though, as she feels Brittany stop and slide under her skirt with her fingertips. The feeling of her grazing fingers on her bare thighs make her cross her arms on the table and throw her head on them.

Her chest is rising up frequently from the table as her heart is pounding so hard in her ribcage, she can barely keep it from escaping. It only gets worse as Brittany slowly pulls down her spanks until they hit her ankles. Her underwear follows shortly after and the air hits the bare skin of her ass, making it cover with goose bumps. Finally, Brittany tucks up her skirt, paying attention closely not to touch her skin yet, until her ass is fully displayed in front of her. This is the sight that makes her feel like she wants to grow a thick cock and pump into Santana like there is no tomorrow. Just take her so hard she won't even remember her own name. So hard she won't remember anything in the end, apart from her name when she makes her come screaming it repeatedly from her pleasure.

This is the sight that makes her feel like she is going crazy.

Afraid of losing the contact with reality, she sets her palms flatly on Santana's buttocks, the contact of her warm palms on the heated skin making her let out a sigh. The fleshy, but still so toned and firm curves mesmerize her as she kneads them with her hands. Her circular movements cause great pleasure to Santana, as she can feel her muffled moans sneaking out from the tiny space between her mouth and the table.

Brittany's movements turn faster and rougher as she steps away from Santana a little to have a better sight as she spreads her ass cheeks. She can see the wetness of her center, making her hunger bubble up in her body. She is amazed by Santana's arousal dripping on her table, marking it like she wants to remind her how much she owns her, just like the table she is bent over now. She trails her eyes upper until she catches something she's never paid particular attention before. She wonders how it would feel like to…

Be somewhere that's never been visited by any other person. A place, that's never been opened up to anyone before.

The only place of Santana's body, that's never belonged to anyone else. The only place of her that is still waiting for Brittany to make it her own.

She wonders how it would feel like to be in that hole, the one that's always been ignored; because she's never even dreamed that there will be a day, when she wants to explore it. But now that she is staring at it with wide and curious eyes, she wants nothing more than to get to know it like every other part of Santana's body.

She promises herself that the time will come if Santana agrees, but it's definitely a question of the future, as she has another idea to focus on right now.

She loosens her grip on Santana's buttocks and she starts to teasingly stroke her again, barely grazing her skin and lightly scratching her nails on it sometimes. Her actions cause Santana to shake her head on top of her crossed arm as her desperation overtakes her and she almost opens her mouth to beg for it, when she feels Brittany stop and lift up her hands, leaving her sensitive parts without any kind of friction, aching to be touched again.

She takes deep breaths to brace herself as Brittany presses her left hand on the small of her back. Santana knows it's the sign that it's about to start now as her mixed up emotions rush to her head, making her senses sharper and her anticipation almost unbearable. She shuts her eyes tightly and clenches her muscles fearing of the pain she hopes won't be too hard to bear.

"Relax, baby" Brittany whispers, her low voice cutting through the silence of the room easily. The calming words make Santana let out a deep sigh and loose up her muscles a little bit, unable to completely relax from her nerves.

The first strike of Brittany's palm on her ass makes her whole body jerk, but surprisingly not from the pain, but the new and strange kind of pleasure.

She moans into the thick air as she feels Brittany stroking her with her thumb, before lifting up her hand and strike down again. This time it's slightly harder, but still far from being painful, more like a playful smack. But the overwhelming arousal she feels makes the situation nothing but serious. Brittany strokes her skin that becomes more and more sensitive by each slap and sometimes she teases the inside of her thighs before striking down again.

Santana can't help but stick out her ass after each slap, craving any kind of contact with Brittany's hand. She bites down on her own hand to muffle her embarrassingly loud moans as Brittany alternates between smacking her harder and harder and manipulating her with gentle touches. She clenches her muscles every time Brittany's palm comes into contact with her skin and eases up when she tenderly feels her up. They settle into a slow rhythm, Brittany's expert movements causing Santana to get closer to the edge by each passing second.

The pressure in her abdomen is growing solidly as Brittany intensifies her spanking, her slaps becoming harder until she is not even stopping between them to ease her up by her gentle grazing.

Strangely, this is when Santana feels the most pleasure, as she grips her hair with both hands and lets out short high-pitches moans, now echoing in the room, every time Brittany slaps her ass. It's painful now and she feels humiliated by the amount of pleasure it causes her. She tries to restrain herself as she shuts her eyes and attempts to hold back her moans by biting her bottom lip. It doesn't help a lot, because Brittany already slaps her like she is an expert at it, like it's the hundredth time they are doing this, so Santana can't do anything other than pulling away as much as she can after one particularly rough hit.

Brittany immediately stops her moves, as she notices her pressing into the table and trying to protect her exposed bottom. "It's okay baby. Don't fight it!" She whispers to her as she gently strokes her now slightly red and bruised skin. It makes Santana let out a wince as her fingers on her sensitive skin are not so pleasurable like before. Brittany reacts instantly to her painful sound by stopping her moves entirely and setting her palm flatly on her ass, just enjoying the feel of it.

With her other hand she slowly trails a path up on the inside of her thigh and gently cups her center. The different sensations make Santana's wetness pool between her legs and let out a shuddering breath as she grinds into Brittany's hand. The friction is not enough as Brittany just holds her hand there, not spreading her folds and touching her truly.

She desperately tries to get more contact with her hand by sticking out her ass, but Brittany still doesn't react. Her frustration takes over her, so without thinking she brings her right hand down between her legs and presses Brittany's fingers into her center. She can feel Brittany pressing into her back with her torso, until she can feel her breath hitting the side of her neck.

She turns her head to the side until her cheek meets the cold wood and opens her eyes to find Brittany staring at her in awe. Their eyes bore into each other's as they try to express all the different emotions that are whirling in them at this moment.

Brittany cuts off their eye-contact by pressing a soft kiss to her lips and when she pulls away Santana catches her expression which almost seems guilty.

She doesn't understand it until she feels her hand lifting up from her ass and come down so hard it makes her almost jump out of her skin. The rough slap makes her jerk into Brittany's hand that is pressed into her core, making her pain subdue in a few seconds.

She lets out strained grunts as Brittany spanks her, the slaps coming harder and more frequently as the time passes. As she tries to instinctively protect herself from the painful moves, she presses into Brittany's hand every time, the sensation of her fingers pressing down on her clit making the pleasure mixing with the pain deliciously.

She would wonder how Brittany became such an expert at this so soon, if she had just one remaining cell in her body that isn't wrapped up in all the impulses she is feeling right now.

She can't even decide if she enjoys the pain or the pleasure more, as it slowly becomes one and the same, pushing her towards the edge.

Her orgasm comes after a particularly hard slap, when Brittany suddenly pushes her tongue into her mouth, her wet tongue feeling her up inside while stroking her clit. Her whole body stiffens and she bites down on Brittany's bottom lip so hard she knows it will leave a mark. She doesn't care though as she feels the unbearable pressure releasing in her body, making her tremble violently until Brittany presses her down with her arm on the table, protecting her in the moment of complete vulnerability.

She jerks into her hand as Brittany tries to bring her down gently by drawing lazy circles on her clit and stroking her back.

After a few aftershocks of her orgasm her whole body slumps, her hand releasing Brittany's between her legs as she tries to catch her breath. She feels Brittany lifting her hand up from her center, making her jerk up one last time. She misses the close contact with her immediately, but she doesn't have to wait for long as Brittany slides her arms under her stomach and presses into her, molding their bodies together.

She buries her head into the crook of Santana's neck, as both of them are too tired to say anything. They are wrapped up in this wonderful intimacy of being able to convey all their emotions just by keeping each other close and hearing each other's heartbeats in the comfortable silence that surrounds them.

They joy of experiencing something new together for the first time overtakes them as they both smile into the kiss they share after minutes of just simply staring into each other's eyes and cherishing their love.

…

"Thank you!" Santana mumbles into Brittany's shoulder indistinctly, after spending long minutes of just enjoying the softness of her skin and her amazing smell. She is still so exhausted from their activities that she can hardly make the effort to speak, but she can't contain her feelings anymore without sharing it with Brittany.

They are embracing each other in the chair, Santana straddling Brittany's hips and pressing their torsos as close as she can. Brittany is lazily stroking her back and sometimes pressing a soft kiss on her damp temple or humming quietly into her ear.

"What?" She asks back as she pulls away to search Santana's face.

"Thank you!" Santana mumbles again, this time a bit more audible. "For the present…"

Brittany breaks into a grin at her words. It's the first true feedback from Santana, apart from her physical reactions. But she truly wants to know what she thinks inside, how she feels about what they did. "Was it worth it to wait?"

"Uh, yeah…" Santana mutters lowly and Brittany can see a blush coloring her cheek.

"You really liked it, honestly?" She asks seriously, to make sure she's done nothing wrong and Santana enjoyed it without any uncertainty.

"Uh, Britt, please." Santana pulls away suddenly from her shoulder, to look at her with wide eyes, her expression showing her frustration and reluctance to talk about the situation. "Please don't make me talk about it, it's too embarrassing already." She truly felt that she could let herself go and forget about her queries and fears while they were actually doing it, but now all her previous doubts rush to her, making her walls come up instinctively to hide away.

"That's not true, Santana." Brittany shakes her head at her ridiculous attempt to turn the experience into something bad, when both of them felt so good about it before. "It was amazing and I'm proud that we could do it." She tells her firmly, without leaving any room for argument. She can't let Santana ruin this special thing they've shared and she has to make sure she won't convince herself that her body lied to her and she actually didn't really enjoy it at all. Because she knows that it would be the biggest lie ever. "And you should be proud, too." She whispers in a much softer tone as she nudges her flushed cheek with her nose.

Her words and her affectionate gesture makes Santana let out a deep sigh and shut her eyes for a second to prepare herself mentally for the always very hard task of opening up about her feelings. "Why?" She whispers lowly, glancing into Brittany's eyes to decipher her words.

"Because you were taking it so good." Brittany tells her smiling, before pressing a few smacking kisses on her cheek. Her enthusiasm and almost childish joy about the situation makes Santana feel more at ease. She is really grateful that her girlfriend is able to help her accept her deepest and scariest feelings. "I didn't expect you to be so willing, you know?" Brittany confesses.

"Well, I guess it was because you were doing it so amazingly." Santana tells her softly, letting her doubts fade away as she plays with the little hairs on the back of Brittany's neck. "How did you even know how to…? She shakes her head, confused about how Brittany was able to make her come so hard by spanking her the first time ever. She can't believe someone can be so talented in sex, she must have a secret or something.

But honestly, she wouldn't be too surprised if it's just all natural.

"Research." Brittany blurts out grinning wickedly at Santana. She doesn't hesitate to share her secret, because she knows Santana will appreciate the effort she's made.

"Jesus, Britt, you are unbelievable." Santana giggles at her girlfriend's utter dedication for doing everything she can to satisfy her before pressing a praiseful kiss on her still smiling lips. She kisses her a few times playfully, careful not to hurt her slightly bruised bottom lip.

"Yeah, I try." Brittany mumbles to her lips before planting another kiss on them. "I wanted to make you feel good and I was a bit worried, so…"

"You were perfect." Santana nods her head up and down to back up her words. "Sometimes I think you know my body more than I do."

"Hmm…" Brittany smiles as she kisses the corner of her mouth. "So am I right when I think that you might want to try this again in the future?" She asks teasingly, but still expressing the seriousness of her question.

"Maybe…" Santana replies pretending to be nonchalant as she averts Brittany's gaze. She knows that her eyes would reveal how much she would truly like to repeat this experience.

"Well I have plenty of other ideas, too, so…" Brittany mumbles, trying to match Santana's fake careless tone.

"Oh, really?" Santana pulls up her eyebrows at the rare occasion of Brittany showing nervousness about something when it comes to sex. "What would those be?" She asks curiously searching her face.

"Uh…" Brittany is not sure how she managed to turn around the whole conversation in just a second, so that now she's the one being embarrassed and reluctant to share her thoughts. She knows she's deep into it now, so there is no turning back, Santana would surely not let her without pulling out her thoughts. "Well, it's um, there is this one thing, but I'm not sure…"

"Britt-Britt, you are making me nervous here." Santana whines as she nudges Brittany's nose with her own. "What is it?" She asks as she stokes her neck to calm her nerves and encourage her.

"It's not that easy, 'cause you already mentioned before that you think it's kind of gross…" Brittany blushes, already feeling embarrassed at the possibility of Santana thinking that she is gross, if she finally tells her what she wants.

"I can't tell you how I feel about it now, if you don't share it with me, right?" Santana asks softly, trying to give her the support she needs with her patient words. "So please!"

"Have you ever thought…I mean, I know you did, because you talked about it, but you…I mean you said you haven't tried yet, so…" Brittany is rambling, her fears of Santana not accepting her secret wish making her unable to control her nerves and come up with the right words. "I can't …just forget it!" She gives up disappointedly, dropping her gaze into her lap.

"Just spill it, Britt!" Santana pleads her, her growing curiosity fading her patience. "I won't bite!" She promises her softly, while cupping her chin to lift her head up. Brittany finally looks at her, her fear of being judged evident in her eyes, so Santana tries to reassure her with a firm kiss on her lips. "So?" She asks after pulling away.

Brittany lets out a deep sigh, giving up her hope to avoid this somehow as she tries to muster up her courage to finally share her secret. "Have you ever considered the idea of…anal sex?" She asks lowly, as the skin of her cheeks and the top of her ears turn into a shade of deep red at her words.

"Oh" Santana stammers out the only 'word' that comes into her mind as she stares at Brittany with wide eyes, completely stunned by her girlfriend's idea.

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to." Brittany mumbles as stares at her almost comical expression. "I hope you don't think I'm disgusting…"

"No, not at all!" Santana snaps out of her daze to assure her that she is not judging her, just taking in her words. "But wow…I'm not sure what to say, you really surprised me here, Britt." She lets out a forced chuckle, hopelessly attempting to make light of the situation.

"Sorry!" Brittany tells her, looking at her with her puppy eyes full of guilt.

"You don't have to be sorry." Santana shakes her head and takes a deep breath to win some more time to come up with the right words. "It's just that I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with that. I mean I've never let anyone even remotely close to doing that to me…" She expresses her hesitation, being completely honest with Brittany.

The idea of doing that with a boy or even the thought of letting one touching her there has never crossed her mind, but she is not sure it was the idea itself, more like all the people she's slept with, apart from Brittany of course. The only person who even attempted to approach this topic was Puck, but the conversation was shorter than the time he's managed to stay inside her without coming the first time they had sex.

Yes, it took seconds before Santana shut him down and threw him out of her bedroom, being horribly grossed out by the mental images.

There was no way she would have ever let a boy getting all up in her business, but what a surprise, Brittany isn't a boy, in fact, she couldn't be more far from all the lame teenager boys Santana's slept with.

She not only is a girl, but she is the most gorgeous girl inside and out she's ever seen and she is her girlfriend now.

This makes the whole situation all the more complicated.

"I know that." Brittany tells her, remembering that time when Santana told her about Puck's failed attempt. She's already grateful that Santana has not reacted the same way with her, because that would have been hard to bear, if she had gotten the same treatment. But Santana has already been much more open with her, so it makes her feel more at ease to share her real motivation. "But to be honest, that's why I like the idea so much." She confesses.

"Really?" Santana searches her face for some clues about what her words mean exactly. She's not sure how to she's supposed to understand them.

Why does she like something that she's never expressed any willingness about before? Maybe she likes proving that she knows what she wants even before her. Maybe she likes proving that she knows her body even more than her just like she told her minutes ago. Or is it entirely different?

Her inward question is shortly answered, as Brittany looks into her eyes, showing rare vulnerability in them. "Yeah, I want to be your first at something." She whispers her secret wish.

"Aww, Britt." Santana instantly melts at her out-of-the-world sweet words.

How can she call such a perfect human being her girlfriend? It's a true wonder that a person like Brittany is in love with her. She can't thank enough for the grumpy old man above for giving her all the chances to finally come out with her feelings and get the girl in the end. But even though Brittany is like flawless, she is being completely wrong here. "But you were already my first." She tells her with a little shake of her head.

"That's not true though…" Brittany frowns at her confusedly.

"It is." Santana smiles softly at her expression. She leans in to rest her forehead on hers and then she nuzzles her nose for a bit before parting her lips to whisper so quietly Brittany wouldn't be able to catch it, if they weren't surrounded by the comfortable silence of the room. "You were the first when it truly counted. You were the first person I've ever made love with."

Brittany knows that it's one of those rare occasions when Santana willingly opens the gate to the deepest chamber in her heart and she can't help but capture her lips with her own, trying to savor this moment of complete honesty with her.

It's one of those kisses when the physical contact sort of grounds them, preventing them from floating in the air from the lightness they feel in their hearts. It's one of those kisses that make them feel like what they have is real, because dreams just can't be felt so deeply inside.

"I really hope to be your last though…" She whispers to Santana's mouth, after she reluctantly pulls away to catch her breath.

"I don't think you have to worry about that." Santana replies before planting another kiss on Brittany's pink and swollen lips. She can't get enough though, so she peppers tiny kisses all around her mouth playfully.

"I love you." Brittany chuckles at her, but her smile fades shortly as she remembers her original idea, which Santana hasn't truly given an answer to. "Just think about this, okay?"

"I love you too, but I'm already done with thinking..." Santana tells her after a last smacking kiss on the corner of her mouth.

"Really?" Brittany pulls away, stunned by her words. She really hopes that it's not an immediate refusal and at least Santana will take time to truly think it through and make a decision, even if she says no in the end.

"You kind of made it sound like the most romantic thing in the world. I'm honestly not sure how you can do that with every naughty thought you have, but…" Santana trails off, her mind getting wrapped up in her thoughts about how her girlfriend is able to turn any sexual thought into something that feels almost sacred for some reason. "But my answer is yes." She assures her with determination.

"You shouldn't say yes, just because I make it seem like a good idea though." Brittany argues, not being able to accept her reasoning. "Promise you will only yes, if you honestly feel that it's right!" She pleads her, because she knows this is something that she has to make sure is a hundred percent comfortable for both of them.

"I do." Santana tells her in a comical high-pitched voice, mocking Brittany's disbelieving and worried expression.

"I'm not kidding, Santana." Brittany tells her huffily, making Santana say sorry with a soft kiss on her adorably pouting lips.

"Me neither, okay?" She says after pulling away, her voice matching her serious expression now. "I do feel that it's right. You know why?" She asks smiling softly at her, the love in her eyes already warming up Brittany's heart.

Brittany shakes her head a little shyly, making Santana's smile turning into a cheesy grin as she rests their foreheads together, creating that special bubble around them again.

"Because with you, everything we do together feels right." She whispers before capturing Brittany's lips in another of those kisses again.

_Another one of those kisses, which are all about remembering their past, cherishing their present and hoping for an even better future together._

* * *

**Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it! **

**Tell me what you think if you have some time! :)**


	8. Overcoming Part I

**Dear readers!**

**Thanks so much for the adds and reviews! Reviews are always appreciated and I'm grateful for the feedback.**

**So about this chapter, firstly, it's from _Brittany_'s point of view. Secondly, I actually had so much material for it that I decided to cut it into two parts. I promise you won't have to wait long for the second one.**

**I haven't decided if I would continue it from Britt's point of view or not, so you can tell me what you think.**

**Enjoy and review!**

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"I can stop, if you want." I offer her the third time, when I sense that there is something wrong with her. She is really easy to figure out, since I know her body so well. She squirms under my touch and I can feel her muscles clenching every time she anticipates my fingers coming close to her skin.

"No, no, it's okay." She is still reluctant to stop, though. I love that she's trying and she doesn't want to give it up, but this is just pointless. We are not even close to the hard part and she's already acting like it's some kind of painful thing I'm doing to her and she just wants to get over with it as fast as she can without being too hurt.

"But you are so tense." Just the simple fact. It's like I'm trying to knead a rock, which is yeah, not the most enjoyable thing in the world and she must feel the same way if she would be honest with me finally.

"Sorry. I'll try to relax." But she is not as she assures me in a kind-of-desperate voice, like she wants to convince not only me, but herself, too. She is being awfully stubborn to continue, but it just feels like an obligation for her and where is the fun in that?

She is not even close to being relaxed, as I lean back down again and continue stroking her skin.

I forget her strange behavior the second I take in the sight of her ass again. Her butt cheeks are like two perfectly round scoops of chocolate ice-cream and I just have the biggest urge to lick her until she's melting in my mouth. I'm starting to hear noises in my head; like they are calling me to have a bite or something…They just look so delicious and inviting. I can't help myself as I lean down and press a soft kiss on her skin.

The second my lips meet her skin, she lets out a dreadful gasp and that's the moment when I give up.

I lean back and crawl up on the bed to set my head on the pillow next to hers. She notices my presence, so she lifts her head from her crossed arms and looks at me with an odd expression. She looks frightened, nervous and kind of guilty at the same time.

"Santana, does this make you uncomfortable?" I ask carefully, but still straight to the point. I'm kind of fed up of her shrugging off the issue and pretending to try, when she's acting like it's the least she wants to do actually, but looking at her face now, my anger fades a little bit.

"Umm, no…" She mutters averting my eyes and I can't help but pull up my eyebrows questioningly at her pathetic attempt to convince me. Like, really Santana, that's the best you can do?

"Well, that was like as convincing as Lord Tubbington's excuse when I found his secret cigarette pack the other day." And I'm equally as mad as I was with him, to be honest. Double standards don't exist in my world.

"Are you seriously comparing me to your cat now?" She always tries to turn it on me, but it's hopeless. She's never been able to fool me. I'm not as easy as most people think and it sort of insulting that she is trying to be so defensive with me.

I hate it when she's so reluctant to talk to me. I don't really get why she is so hard to break sometimes. Is she afraid to tell me that she doesn't want to do this?

"You have a lot in common, even if neither of you want to admit it. But that's so not the point Santana."

"Oh, fuck" She puffs with a roll of her eyes. I sometimes wonder how they are still in place, that's like one of the biggest mysteries in life. "I'm sorry, okay?"

"First, don't be sorry for that, please." I really don't like it when she's apologizing for the wrong thing. "Just talk to me." I plead her as this is really the only thing I'm expecting from right now. I want her to be honest with me.

"I still think this is kind of…" She scrunches up her nose as she searches for the right word and I would think she's adorable any other time, but now she's making me kind of nervous.

"Gross?" I ask tentatively.

"No!" She widens her eyes and her overdramatic response just makes me even more suspicious. "But I'm freaking out every time I think about you sticking something up there." Well, her choice of words is kind of harsh and it makes me a bit annoyed.

"But I haven't even touched you there yet, let alone sticking something up." I tell her, as I'm not sure how she can already fuss over something that I haven't even remotely gotten close to doing yet.

Not that I didn't plan to stick something up in her eventually, but I would have only done it to please her and make her feel good.

"What?" She stares at me like I just said something crazy and confusing. "You want to actually touch me there? Like with your fingers or..?" She asks and I'm afraid how she will look like when we are forty if she continues to frown so much.

"Of course, silly!" Wasn't that kind of obvious though? I wonder how some people think she is the smart one in this relationship.

"I kind of thought you would just you know, use our toy or something." She mumbles. I kind of not get it, did she really think I would just fuck her in the ass with our strap-on and just get over with it? What's the fun in that? And she would be like dead if I fucked her without making her ready, so she can be only grateful that I planned to take my time and explore her. I don't know how she doesn't see that really.

"You're okay with an 8-inch long fake penis, but not my cute little fingers?" I ask as I wiggle my fingers in front of her face. I'm a bit offended and I can't help but be a little jealous of that monster that's lying in a black box on the night stand.

"Your fingers are like huge, Brittany." She shakes her head at me as she smacks my hand away from her face. "Not that I'm not grateful for them though." She mutters barely audible, but still as load that I can catch it.

"Santana!" I decide that enough is enough now.

"Shit, maybe I don't want you to get personal with my…you know…" She mumbles while averting my eyes desperately.

"Oh my god, you are such a prude sometimes. You can't even say it…" I chuckle at her while shaking my head. She is so lame sometimes, it's unbelievable. Most people would think she is so badass, even in bed, but she is a total sub and sometimes even shy, at least compared to me.

"Please don't!" She begs me in a high-pitched voice frantically.

"It's your anus, that's what it's called." I tell her mockingly, enjoying the blush that immediately creeps up on her face.

"Thank you!" She mutters as she buries her head into her hands. "Like this conversation couldn't be more embarrassing for me." She shakes her head, ignoring all my attempts to talk with her.

"Can you just try for a second here, please?" I don't even remember the last time she was this difficult with me.

At my annoyed tone, she finally turns her head back and looks at me apologetically. "Sorry!" She says after taking a deep breath and this time it actually sounds genuine, so I know that finally we are on the same page and I can actually talk with her, not just to her.

"It's fine, but if you have issues here, why haven't you told me?" I ask her patiently.

She averts my eyes again, like she is ashamed of her feelings. "I didn't want to disappoint you." She mumbles quietly, ducking her head to her shoulder.

"Honey, you wouldn't have. If you are honest with me, then I wouldn't ever be disappointed, okay?" She looks really torn with her feelings and it makes me feel bad that I was not able to sense her inner struggle sooner. "This shouldn't happen if you don't want my fingers to get personal with your you-know-what, because the reason why I wanted to do this so much is because I felt that it's really intimate and personal. It should be about us, so if you are not into it, it ruins the whole thing and I don't want that, okay?" I explain to her my motivations and why I'm so fond of this idea, but I also make sure she understands that we have to equally want it to be good. And if she doesn't, well then I will deal that.

"But I just feel so bad, that I'm not able to offer you everything." She looks into my eyes apologetically, her disappointment with herself evident in her brown orbs. I cup her cheek gently and she leans into my touch as I start talking to her again.

"You shouldn't push yourself so much. I can get over it and I definitely wouldn't want to do something you are not a hundred percent sure about." I assure her as I stroke her soft skin with my thumb. She nods her head and then we settle into a comfortable silence for a few seconds.

"Maybe I just need some time to get comfortable with the idea, you know?" She deliberates and I'm really grateful that she's even trying to come up with a true reason. And I would be really happy if she managed to get over her issues sometime in the future.

"Whatever you need, okay?" I assure her that she can take the time she needs. "And if you want to talk about it some more, just tell me!"

"I will." She nods again, before a mischievous grin spreads on her face. "But I have a much more awesome plan for now." She says suggestively and I'm happy that our failed attempt at trying this new thing hasn't ruined her mood entirely.

"Oh, really?" I ask while I stop my movements on her cheek.

"Yeah, I certainly wouldn't mind if your mouth got personal with my other hole, ya know?" She chuckles after winking at me and I don't get how she can be so dorky and insanely hot at the same time.

"Pff, you are so basic." I mock her, because eating her out? I've done that so many times I would definitely win a competition with my skill and experience. And she doesn't really hide it how much she likes it. If she could choose she would totally make me go down on her every time we have sex. So I guess good thing I'm the dominant one, right?

"What? That's just rude." She shoves my hand away from her face like she is rightfully offended. But I just shrug, since I simply told her the truth. "And it's not even true. I let you spank me like four times the last two days." She defends herself as she pulls up her eyebrows challengingly.

Oh boy, she really thinks she has a chance to win here right? Maybe it's time to give her a reminder about how much she is being my bitch these days.

"Let me? Like you have a say in it…" I mock her with copying her famous eye-roll.

"Oh, you don't think so?" She asks overdramatically and I can't help but think if Rachel gives her lessons on how to do that properly. I guess she is a bad teacher by the way, cause Santana's huffiness looks nothing but fake right now.

"Not really. I own that ass, just for your information." I tell her matter-of-factly with some special emphasis on the word 'ass'. Good thing I rehearsed that line for a couple of times before in my head, waiting for the perfect opportunity to use it.

"You are unbelievable." She huffs as she throws her hands in the air and turns on her back, pretending to be deeply insulted. Her reaction makes me giggle and shake my head at her silliness. Cutest thing on Earth, I tell you.

Good thing I know exactly how to make her speechless in a second and it's time to end this conversation and show her how much I own her really.

I lean closer to her face until I can whisper into her ear. "And you are about to be fucked by my talented tongue, so I guess you should just shut up already and let me do the work." I bite her earlobe teasingly and I can't help but chuckle as her breathing turns into a bit ragged and her face becomes flustered.

She is so easy and I love it. She is like my number one confidence booster. If it all depended on her, my ego would be up in the clouds with Finn's enormous head. But that's just totally gross to think about when I'm sliding down on my girlfriend's body to settle between her legs.

My disturbing thoughts quickly fade away as I press a full kiss to Santana's wetness and she grabs my hair to pull my mouth closer. She squeezes my head so tightly between her thighs that I lose my ability to concentrate on anything else, other than making her come really hard and really fast.

"Oh, God, fuck Britt…" She yells out as I start licking her just the way she likes it.

Yes, she is totally my bitch, no doubts about it.

/

Next day is Monday and we go to school together, but after arriving, we part ways, since we have different classes. I think that's kind of helpful for my performance at school, since she can be totally distracting when she's like sitting an inch away from me and sending me naughty glances every few seconds in our classes together. I honestly think I would have a constant boner in her presence if I were a boy, so I'm lucky I was born this way.

Anyway, I don't like it when she is acting all powerful and trying to make me go crazy. I always have to restrain myself from taking her on the table in the presence of all those kids and the teacher. Not that they couldn't use a lesson about how to fuck a girl like for real, but I guess Santana would be a pit pissed about it. At least until the point, when I would slide my fingers into her and kiss her roughly. That always makes her forget even her own name.

In the end, those are the times when I patiently wait for the bell to ring and after that I drag her into the deserted Cheerios locker room in the break for a quick reminder of who is in charge.

Well, now that I think about all this, I guess the idea of doing it in public is really tempting for me, but she would never consent to it. Or at least, not yet so...

…

After the second period, I'm walking to my locker while humming a song Santana showed me yesterday, when I spot her standing at her locker with none other than Rachel talking to her.

And oh my God, she is actually smiling at her.

Am I dreaming or something? This must be some joke my mind's playing with me. Maybe I took Lord Tubbington's pills this morning instead my usual vitamins?

My girlfriend, whose entire three and a half years of high school revolved around doing everything she can to be popular, being with me and insulting everyone, including Rachel Berry, is now having a conversation with her and she looks like she's even enjoying it.

Well, I guess I should be proud or something.

I decide not to disturb the blossoming of their friendship, which would be like the strangest thing in the world if it really happened, so I turn on my heels and starts walking to my next class.

I take one last glance at them over my shoulder and to my greatest surprise I catch Santana's eyes looking straight at me. She quickly averts them and turns back to Rachel, who looks like she's creaming her panties that Santana is even listening to her. And now Santana's laughing like Rachel is the most entertaining person on the whole planet. Well that is partly true, since her horrendous outfits are nothing but enjoyable, but her personality? I don't think so.

Looks like Santana disagrees with me, since seemingly she would rather talk with her instead of coming after me, but it's her loss really. Maybe she has just become temporarily insane, standing right there in Rachel's aura, so I don't pay many thoughts to the issue, as I take off again on the hallway.

…

In Glee club, everybody including me is waiting for the two people that are missing. Yes, of course it's Santana and Rachel, which wouldn't really faze me at all, but after our previous encounter today, I can't help but be a bit suspicious about them. Maybe I'm not the brightest bulb around here, but I'm an expert in everything Santana. I can read like an open book, well not like one of those we learn about in English class, but still.

I feel my forehead becoming numb as I'm frowning so hard, trying to figure out why they are late. I look around to find Finn and see if he shares my thoughts, but his expression is totally plain, except a little painful, like he is having cramps. Maybe he is having PMS.

Or even better, maybe he is afraid that Santana is turning Rachel into a lesbian, too. Well that would be a bit embarrassing for him, since he only slept with these two his entire life. Ugh, now I have the urge to throw up as I think about Santana ever touching his huge sweaty body. These are the times when I truly feel sorry for Rachel and I wish she could be a lesbian to experience sweet lady kisses. Maybe then she would be less tense when I try to teach her the moves to our dance routines, if she got some. I would totally tell Santana that we should have a threesome with her, if I weren't so obsessed with Santana being mine and only mine.

My strange thoughts are instantly erased as Santana bursts into the room, dragging a giggling Rachel by her wrist. They step into the middle of the room, in front of everybody and Santana finally finds me in the back row with her trailing eyes.

She winks at me, before she turns to the others with a smirk plastered on her face. Rachel just beams at her, like she's her own personal Barbra Streisand.

"Sorry for being late, except not really." Santana apologizes with her best fake sweet tone. "Anyway, we are here to show you the definition of awesomeness.

"In other words, we prepared a duet with Santana for your pleasure." Rachel informs us and she looks like her smile has frozen on her face. It's kind of frightening to be honest and her teeth totally blind me with their whiteness.

"Whatever." Santana deadpans, then she nods to the band before turning back to Rachel. "Are you ready, Rach?" She asks and I can literally feel the air freeze around me.

Rach? Did she just call her Rach?

I don't have much time to contemplate if I heard it right or it was a hallucination, since the song starts and my jaw drops on the floor. This is the number she was all obsessed about yesterday, we had to listen to it like a hundred times.

And if this wasn't enough, now they are like serenading each other, making Quinn, Kurt and Mercedes throw bewildered glances towards me. Looks like I'm not the only one, who can't believe her eyes. But in the end, it's my girlfriend who is singing a romantic song with Rachel Berry, and she even clasps their hands together as the song is slowly coming to the end.

I swear to God, if she dares to interlace their fingers, I will not hold back anymore.

Ugh, it's even worse, now they are hugging so close it makes my stomach churn. When they finally let go of each other, I shake my head to erase the disturbing memory, when I hear someone clearing their throat awkwardly.

"Umm, that was interesting." Mercedes states and she looks like she is still in shock from this experience, much like myself.

Rachel stares at her being mildly offended that she didn't use words like amazing to describe their performance, but Santana just smirks at her knowingly. "You are just jealous, that I didn't sing the greatest duet ever with you." She tells her cockily.

"I'm sorry, was this a duet? I thought it was a deleted scene from a B-category lesbian drama." Kurt chirps and surprisingly, he takes the words right out of my mouth.

It was like one of those sappy lesbian dramas Santana insists on watching when she has her period, while surrounding herself with ridiculous amounts of ice-cream, which she can't even eat properly, because she is crying from the first second till the last. I always offer to just snuggle with her those times, but sometimes she gets teary-eyed like I'm suggesting that she should separate from her favorite fluffy pets, so I always give in and watch her damn films.

"Like you would know anything about those." She shuts him down and maybe she is right, Kurt is not the expert of lesbian culture, but I am, so I guess I have the right to agree with him. "Whatever, this is ridiculous. Maybe you were just not prepared for our groundbreaking performance."

"Santana is completely right. You should have tried to listen more and maybe you would have been able to take in this…" Rachel joins her in defending, but I have a strong urge to stand up, walk up to her casually and punch her in the face. But I don't believe in physical violence and if I'm being honest, I don't even care about her, I'm just mad at Santana.

"I'm sorry I couldn't pay attention to the song, because I was preparing my camera for the moment you start making out." Puck comments while scratching his neck.

"That's enough guys." Mr Schue jumps in between Puck and Santana, before she can show her how it's done in Lima Heights. "Thank you Santana and Rachel, but I guess it's time to move on." He laughs awkwardly as he motions them to sit down.

Santana huffs dramatically as she makes her way to the back row to sit down in the chair next to me. I cross my arms, before she can initiate some kind of physical contact between us. I'm really confused and mad at her right now.

But that doesn't mean that I don't catch a few glances at her bare thighs for the rest of the hour. She is still so hot; I simply can't deny the pleasure of staring at her. When I don't look at her though, I try to drill holes into the back of Rachel's head, until I catch Quinn's eyes on me.

I look at her and she smiles at me softly, before throwing a questioning glance towards Santana. I just shrug, because I don't really have a proper explanation for her behavior.

Of course I have an idea, but it's so ridiculous it's just a waste of time to even consider it. Well it is the possibility of her trying to make me jealous. But I would laugh so hard if that was the truth, because me jealous of Rachel? Well it really does annoy me to death, but actual jealousy? Like no way in hell.

And I really hope Santana knows this, otherwise I'm offended that she is underrating me so much.

I try to brush off this insane idea and convince myself that they just took their friendship to the next level, not that it is not equally disturbing, but whatever, I would be just happy for her that she has another friend in the end.

When the bell rings, I catch a glance at her and she seems rather pleased with herself, turning my ridiculous thoughts into serious suspicion. I can't believe she would try to make me jealous of Rachel. I have to admit that since she knows I don't like her, she could have thought she is the best alternative for this. I decide to let go of my suspicion and pretend that I don't notice her strange behavior, really curious about how it will turn out, if I don't stop it.

"I didn't know you would sing this song today." I tell her nonchalantly, like it's no big deal.

"Oh, I wanted it to be a surprise." She smiles at me, obviously pleased that she was successful with her plan. "Did you like it?"

"Yeah. It was very convincing, you know?"

"Yeah, we rehearsed like a lot last week." I'm starting to wonder how much actually. Should I be grateful that she still found some times to spend with me, like her actual girlfriend?

"Cool. Wanna go now?" I ask her as I extend my hand for her to take it.

"Umm actually, I promised Rachel that we would celebrate our great collaboration." She says, pretending to sound apologetic.

"Oh, well have fun." I offer her as I'm trying really hard to say something to get back at her. "I guess I will catch up with the boys, now that I finally have some free time." Okay, I know this was just mean, but I'm really desperate here.

"Okay. Love you." She smiles totally unfazed by my sentence about me spending time with boys, before pressing a kiss on my mouth.

"Love you, too." I mumble to her, the disappointment evident in my voice. She doesn't seem to notice it though, as she turns on her heels and walks out of the room, leaving me and my growing confusion behind.

…

She doesn't call later and I try really hard not to care. It's impossible though, since I really miss her. Maybe it would just be easier to call her or something instead of waiting for her to make a move, but to be honest, there is a reason why I'm reluctant to do that.

I'm awfully curious if she will continue playing with my head tomorrow and if yes, then what she will come up with. Well, jealousy is something I feel really rare with her, since she is so obvious about her feelings, which keeps me really secure. Sometimes I have doubts and fears of course, but it's just healthy and nothing that can't be erased with a few words or kisses by her part.

So it really is not something I fuss about a lot, so right now I'm kinda tempted to see if she will manage to succeed in the end and how far she would go for it. Maybe this is a bit creepy, but I just don't care.

I can't wait to see her efforts tomorrow.

/

When I turn on the corner, I notice that she is not waiting for me at her locker like any other Tuesday morning. I'm sure she has her reasons and it doesn't take long to find out what exactly. I notice that her locker is not locked properly, in fact it is open a few inches. It makes me awfully curious, so I subtly take a look round and when the hallway is clear, I open the locker a bit more only to be welcomed a picture of Rachel Berry beaming at me with a disturbingly wide smile. What? Why is there a picture of her in my girlfriend's locker? Not just that it ruins the whole decoration, but what's the purpose of it? Doesn't she like see her every day or something?

This is a whole new level of strange and it disturbs me so much I quickly close the door with a loud bang. I rest my forehead against the cold metal and let out a sigh, before turning around. A few seconds later I see her appearing at the end of the hallway, so I try to calm down and pretend that nothing unusual happened in the last few minutes.

"Hey there" She greets me smiling after pressing a peck on my lips.

"Hi" Her smile fades at my not so enthusiastic answer and I inwardly shake myself to try harder.

"Is everything all right?" She asks innocently, like she has no idea what I just witnessed in her locker. I know she knows that I know. Wow this was a bit confusing, but anyway, I know she did it on purpose and now she's being cruel with me.

"Yes, of course. Why?" I try to leave the emotions out of my voice as much as I can. I don't want her to know that she is slowly getting closer to succeeding. I can't let her win and most importantly, I can't let her feel that she is in a winning position.

"Nothing." She shakes her head quickly.

"So how was your afternoon yesterday?" I change the topic quickly, as I'm really curious about how she spent her time with Rachel.

"Oh God, it was so embarrassing." She laughs awkwardly and I can't help but think if she has rehearsed this before. "We went into the Lima Bean and you remember that blonde waitress? She tried to flirt with me all along." Did she just say blonde waitress? Like that blonde waitress with those never-ending legs, who even I have to admit, is pretty hot? I mean I'm the only girl she's ever been with, but she sure has a type. "I mean, can you believe it?" She shakes her head unbelievingly at her own strange experience.

"Um, yeah, that sounds really interesting." I barely manage to find a suitable word for what I think, as I just stare at her with my eyebrows close to my hairline. I'm afraid that my face will be all wrinkly, if she continues with her weird behavior for long.

"She even gave me her phone number. She was so persistent, that Rachel had to pretend that she was my girlfriend to leave me alone."

"Excuse me?" I can't believe what she's just said. Did she really let Rachel act like she was her girlfriend? Like how far did they go to convince that girl? Did they like hold hands or what even?

Just imagining someone acting like that with Santana, it makes me nauseous and yes, jealous even.

"Yeah, she told me it was a great opportunity to practice her drama skills anyway." Of course Rachel would say something like that and I don't even blame her. But Santana? She should know she's crossed the line with this. Like that blonde girl wouldn't have been enough, now Rachel is like the icing on the cake. A cake I would literally want to throw at Santana now, but I know that being dirty with food would make her cry. And although I'm really mad at her right now, I don't want to upset her.

She really deserves some kind of punishment, but I'm not sure yet how to give it to her.

"Well, I hope you thanked her."

"Of course I did. You should have seen it though, she was really convincing actually." I really hope she wasn't that convincing that she believed that she was her girlfriend for a second. Like even a thought about it would disturb me. It's really not just about Rachel now, I realize that. Santana seems to jump on every opportunity to make me jealous, what she doesn't know yet is that I'm starting to plan how to get back at her.

And I'm sure she will be as surprised as I was when I noticed that picture in her locker just minutes ago.

"Right." I kind of side-eye her as I turn into the direction of our class room. "Now can we go? I don't want to be late." I ask her, but I don't really wait for her answer.

"Okay." She replies and follows me to our first class.

…

Well, three hours and a lot of awkward moments later, I'm walking to the cafeteria to have lunch. Santana told me she had some 'really important Cheerios stuff' to take care of, so I'm alone now and I'm kind of grateful that I have some time for myself to think about her.

She truly took her little game to the next level in the past periods we spent together today. I have to admit that she's getting pretty good at it and it's kind of disturbing now, since sometimes she even managed to fool me for a second.

Like in History class, she boldly checked out our new teacher's ass whenever she turned around to write something on the board. I didn't like it to be honest. I really should remind her whose ass she should be checking out. Or even better, I should show her that I…

"Hey, B" Quinn stops my twirling thoughts as she steps in front of me blocking my way.

"Hi" I greet her after inwardly shaking myself to erase my thoughts about Santana.

"Why is Santana acting like she's just found her soul mate in Rachel?" Well, there goes my plan to forget Santana for a second. But Quinn is a good friend and I know she means well, though I guess she is just mainly curious. Maybe she is even jealous a bit how Rachel tries to kiss Santana's ass instead of hers nowadays.

Great, now I have to mentally slap myself of thinking someone other than me kissing Santana's ass. Not that she would let me do that to her, unfortunately.

After a few seconds of hesitation, I decide to trust Quinn. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course, Britt." She whispers with wide eyes, like I'm about to share that we broke up because she choose Rachel. Well I can't offer her that kind of drama.

"I think she is trying to make me jealous." I share my suspicion with her.

"Why would she do that?" She seems a bit grossed out by the idea, but mostly she just seems really confused.

"I think she's really gotten into our games." I say suggestively wiggling my eyebrows.

"What games?" She asks tentatively, like she is really afraid that she might have understood exactly what I said, but she has to make sure before she tries to swallow it.

"Sex games." I tell her simply, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. To be honest, I don't really play other games with Santana, and even when we try it, we somehow always manage to turn it into something sexual in the end.

"Oh God, please stop!" Quinn mumbles as she buries her face into her hands. She can be such a prude sometimes or would it be really strange to talk about our sex games with her? I can't help but imagine her face if I told her that our favorite new activity is when I spank Santana, but probably she would have a heart attack or something. And I really don't want that, since I love her. "I have enough memories of you getting it on when you thought I was sleeping in cheer camp. I don't want to know more about your sex life." Um, I didn't really think about that. I guess we weren't as careful as we thought back then.

"Sorry Quinn." I mutter apologetically.

"It's okay." She replies with a shake of her head, like she is trying to physically erase the memories of me and Santana doing it in her presence. "But are you sure about this?" She asks with a voice full of hesitation, which makes me kind of surprised.

"Why? Do you think that I should be concerned?"

"No, I don't. I mean, she loves you so much, but this is so strange." She looks deep in thought as she says these words. Like Santana's behavior is some kind of great mystery for her. "Don't you think that you should talk about it with her?" She asks me and I have to admit that she is right; probably I should speak with Santana.

But to be honest, I think I found a much more enjoyable way to confront her and it's just too tempting not to try it out. And I really hope Santana will agree with me about it later.

"I think I have a better idea." I tell her vaguely and I'm really hopeful that she won't ask for details.

"Well, you know her the best B." We share a smile, before she grabs my elbow. "Now what do you say we get our lunch on?" She asks me, trying to come up with her best 'sassy Santana' tone, but she fails miserably.

"Pff, Quinn, that was so bad." We giggle loudly as she drags me to the cafeteria.

…

After lunch and two more periods later, we walk to our lockers side by side with Santana. These two hours was no different from the previous ones, she didn't try to distract me with her sneaky hands under the table, she didn't even throw a suggestive glance towards me.

It annoys me to death that she behaves like a horny teenager towards every female in the school, except me.

"So…" She mumbles as we arrive at our lockers, the usual place where we say goodbye on every Tuesday afternoon.

"So…I have to stay here for a while." I state the fact that we both know already. I have a meeting with Mr. Figgins in ten minutes and I really don't know when he will let me go, it always depends on his mood.

"I know, Britt."

"What are your plans?" I ask her curiously.

"I'm not sure. I guess I will just check out the Lima Bean…" She tells me, trying really hard to sound nonchalant about it, like it's no big deal.

Well I seriously hope she will just check out the Lima Bean and not that blonde waitress who's obsessed with her. But who am I kidding? She probably would do that and she knows that the thought of it is making me crazy right now.

"Sounds awesome." I reply with my best cheerful voice.

"Yeah, I really like that place nowadays..." She tells me and she really has no idea what she has gotten herself into with that little remark.

"I guess I will see you later today?" I ask her to make sure that she is planning to meet with me later.

"Of course. Just come over when you are finished." Oh if she knew what I'm planning when I'm finally going over to her…

"Right, now I guess I should go." I should go and get over this meeting as fast as I can to go to her house and turn my plan into reality. "I love you, Santana." I tell her before pressing a smacking kiss on her mouth.

She doesn't even have time to react, before I turn on my heels.

"Love you, too." She yells after me, after I leave her behind with a smirk plastered on my face.

….

Thirty minutes and a few horrible stories about Mr. Figgins' wife later, I'm sitting in my office chair, remembering back the last time I was sitting here.

Hmm, now that is a great memory, it was the first time I gave Santana a much deserved spanking. I'm kind of surprised she became such a big fan so soon, but I guess I'm a genius at it.

This memory is the last thing I think about before getting up from my chair and leaving my room, without as much as a glance at the growing stack of papers on my table.

…

As I arrive at her house, I notice that her car is not parked in her usual place, which means that either she is not here or her dad hasn't come home from work yet, so she had a place in the garage. Well I would be really grateful if her parents weren't here, since what I'm planning to do would definitely be hard without making noises.

I let myself in with my keys and I'm relieved that the house looks completely empty. It might be a special sign sent from above, now it would only be better if Santana wasn't home yet, either.

…

As it turns out, this is my lucky day, since Santana is nowhere to be found upstairs either.

I'm grateful for some time alone, since I haven't really had enough time to figure out what I want to exactly when she comes home.

All I know is that I need to remind her of a few things.

…

I'm sitting on her bed, drawing patterns on her sheets lazily, while naughty images are twirling in my head. I freeze the second I hear the front door opening. I pray to all the magical creatures in the world that it's not Santana's mom or dad coming home.

I let out a relieved sigh, when I hear someone humming a song downstairs, but my fear is replaced with a nervous anticipation as now I know that Santana will step into the room and find me a few minutes later.

I brace myself for whatever is going to happen in the near future and I get back to stare at the sheets, trying to calm my nerves. I know that I have to be calm and composed to be successful with my plan.

I can hear her stepping on the stairs and slowly making her way towards the bedroom as I take a few deep breaths. I really don't want her to notice anything strange on me or anticipate anything, since this is all about the surprise.

With one final breath I settle my eyes on the door as I see the doorknob turn.

…

"Britt" She drops her bag on the floor in her surprise as she notices me staring at her after opening the door. "Jesus, you scared me!" She puts her hand to her chest to slow her heart, which I'm sure is pounding hard.

I crawl on the edge of the bed and set my feet on the floor.

"Sorry" I apologize as she turns around to close the door behind herself.

"What are you doing here?" She asks as she trails her eyes all over her room like there are hidden clues everywhere on why I'm already here.

"Well, I guess I just wanted to surprise you." I say casually shrugging before getting up from the bed and taking a few steps towards her. "And now that you are finally here…" I trail off as I walk slowly closer to her.

I let a smirk creep up on my face as I stop just a few inches away from her. I might look quite intimidating now, but it's all good, she has to see who's in charge here.

"What are you doing?" She asks as she tries to step back a little, only to push her back to the door.

"You are busted, Santana." I tell her simply, pulling up my eyebrows. She immediately blushes at my comments and averts my eyes. "And if you keep pretending to be innocent, then things will just get worse…" She looks at me again, frowning a bit confusedly.

"What things?" She asks tentatively while searching my face.

I grab her wrists and push them over her head roughly, while I lean closer to her face. I let my breath wash over her before whispering into her ear. "Your punishment."

I can literally hear her gulp in the silence of the room. "My…?"

"You heard it right, your punishment." I repeat my words as I lean back to look at her face. She looks flustered and I can't help but think if she is aroused already. I bet she is; she is so easy to turn on with a little dominance. "I really didn't like how you behaved this past two days, so I think I should remind you how to behave well." I explain why she deserves her punishment.

I can almost hear the wheels turning in her head as she is trying to figure out how I will punish her.

"Uh" She mutters hesitatingly, like she actually has a choice here. I guess it's time for showing her who makes the choices.

"Shut up and bend over the edge of the bed!" I instruct her as I drop her wrists from my grasp. She just stares at me with wide eyes, slightly frightened, but definitely full of lust. I love that, but not her hesitation. "Now!" I tell her while pointing to her bed with my hand.

She doesn't dare to argue or even hesitate this time, as she senses my impatience.

She almost trips over her own foot as she quickly steps to her bed and kneels on the floor. Then she lays flat on her stomach on the bed, settling her head on her crossed arms. I can see her chest rising and falling quickly, I guess from both the excitement and her arousal.

I follow her moves and kneel down on the floor behind her. I firmly grab her hips to bring her upper, sticking her bottom out even more for me. I can hear her breath hitch as I almost rip off her spanks.

Her skirt and her panties quickly follow, before her bare ass is completely displayed in front of me for my great pleasure.

I take in the sight of her perfect curves before grabbing her butt cheeks firmly with my hands. I knead them roughly, since this is no time for some soft foreplay, this is her punishment. "I think you forgot who you belong to, so you might use a little reminder." I tell her as I straddle her legs with mine, to keep her in place.

I notice her wiggling her ass once, involuntarily as she buries her head into her arms even more. Her desperation is only making me feel more powerful, as I lift my hands off her ass. I take a few seconds before I strike down hard on her right cheek, making her wince.

I slap her hard for ten or so times, alternating between her cheeks, until I see her grabbing her own hair.

"Ow" She cries out after a particularly rough slap. I know I'm being hard on her, but she deserves this and she will love this if she lets me do it. I know I can make her feel good like this in the end, but she has to fight for it now.

"Don't complain!" I tell her harshly through the sounds of her taking deep breaths to calm herself. "You know you deserve it!" I say, before I start spanking her again, this time with little slaps on the underside of her cheeks.

I stop to let her take a breath, before asking her. "Who you belong to?" She doesn't answer instantly, as she is struggling to breathe properly. "Say it!" I order her as I start stroking her now slightly red skin.

"You!" She cries out immediately as she feels my fingers on her skin. "I belong to you!" She says and I slap her hard as a present. She winces at the pain and tries to pull away, but I keep her in place with my free hand pressing down on her back.

"It's that simple." I tell her as I scratch my nails on her bruised skin. I know this must feel awful, since she is sensitive, but she is here to learn a lesson, I have to be hard on her. "You are mine. Say it!" I order her with another slap.

"I'm…" She barely manages to stammer out the words now. "I am yours."

"Yes, you are." I tell her before I start spanking her hard again. I put emphasis on my words with a slap after each one. "Every" slap on her right cheek "part" and one on her left "of" right "you" and left again, before I lift my hand off her ass. "Do you understand?"

"Yeah" She chokes out before a sob escapes her mouth. I feel bad for making her cry, but it just has to be like that for a little time. I convince myself that it will be worth it in the end.

"Your body belongs to me and no one else." I tell her before another slap.

"Ow…" She cries out again and tries to push off the bed, but I sit down on her legs and keep her down with my hand on her back. I'm stronger than her and though I don't like to use my physical advantage on her, now it comes really handy.

"Don't pretend you don't like this! I know you do." I tell her as I hit her again, concentrating on the lower area of her cheeks.

"No!" She yells out, as she tries to push my hands away from her ass. It's frightening how much pain she seems to be in, but it's not only my fault. She doesn't let me do it properly, she doesn't let herself enjoy it. I can see her trying to fight it.

I grab her hips and lift off her legs to hover over her. I lean closer to her head to whisper into her ear. "Just take it, you know you have to take it!" I tell her through the sounds of her soft crying.

"Please!" She begs me desperately through her painful sobs. "Please stop!"

"You asked for it, Santana. You know you deserve it..." I tell her as I stroke her hair a little to soothe her.

"I'm…sorry." She whispers and I know it is a blatant lie.

"Oh, no, you are not." I tell her knowingly, since I know exactly she was working on making me jealous and I know she was expecting a reaction like this. "I know you wanted this." I tell her as I lean back down to take in the sight of the bruised skin of her ass. I start stroking her and pulling her cheeks apart to enjoy the sight fully. "I know you like being spanked so much." I tell her teasingly, as I knead her flesh, my thumbs grazing the inner of her cheeks.

"No" She shakes her head frantically, but I don't know who she wants to convince more, me or herself.

I can't be fooled though; I know exactly how much she likes this, even though all the pain. "Oh, if you don't, then I guess you are not dripping all over the sheets right now." I mock her, before bringing my right hand under her and casually cup her center. She immediately grinds into my hand and I can feel her juices coating my palm. She is incredibly wet and this gives me so much satisfaction and even some confidence to continue. "Huh, you are unbelievable." I shake my head at her, as I bring my hand back up to lick my palm. Her taste is driving me crazy. "Such a little slut." I whisper and I can hear her breath hitch at my words, before I bring my hand down hard again on her ass and she yells out again.

"Ow, no, please" She begs me as she pushes into the bed and clenches her muscles to protect herself. She is desperately shaking her head and I start worrying a little. I kind of expected her to feel more pleasure by now, but she is reluctant to let me work on her.

I know it must be extremely hard for her, but I don't want to stop. I feel that we are close, she just needs some encouragement.

I start stroking the inside of her thighs to ease her up a little. "It's only worse if you fight it." I tell her then I lean down to press a soft kiss on her back. I can feel her leaning into my touch and her crying seems to calm a little. "I would make you feel good if you weren't so tense." I whisper to her, before trailing my index finger between her ass cheeks.

"Ah" She lets out moan at the contact, but she embarrassedly pulls away from my hand.

I set my hands on her hips and softly stroke her, before edging closer to her ass with my thumbs again. "It's okay. Just feel it." I whisper as I lean down to press a kiss on the skin where her hips meet her ass.

She sticks her bottom out at the contact, craving more of my lips, but I send my hand down instead.

"Ah" She moans as my palm meets her skin and I proudly notice that she is trying not to clench now. "Fuck…uh" She yells out as I start spanking her again. It's sensational how she tries so hard to take it and enjoy it finally.

"I told you I know you better." I tell her as I stroke her red skin between my slaps. "Who knows your body the best?"

"Uh, you…" She breathes out a moan at the same time. Probably the most amazing sound I've ever heard. "You" She repeats it this time more loudly with a cry, as I slap her hard again.

She whimpers as I stroke her between her cheeks again. "That's right. I own you." I tell her as I circle her hole, making her wiggle her ass again. "And I own this ass"

"Uh…uh…Britt please" She yells between my short slaps and from the slight shaking of her thighs and her desperate tone I know she is close.

Her being so exposed to me is making me feel so dominant, I can't get enough of this power. "Beg for it!" I order her as I spread her cheeks again with my thumbs.

"Please…uh…" She pleads me while pushing her ass into my touch even more. "Please make me come!" She begs and I don't waste more time before I bring my hand around her and cup her again with my right hand and start spanking her with the other.

She jerks into my palm with every slap and it doesn't take long before a particularly hard slap sends her over the edge. Her whole body stiffens for a second, before she comes hard screaming my name and squirting her juices all over my hand, making me freeze with her from the surprise. I open my mouth at and mumble a quiet "Oh my…" as she jerks into my palm with a few more loud moans.

Her noises wake me from my stunned state and I notice that she's stopped moving and her moans turned into painful whimpers.

Panic rises in my as I quickly wipe my hand on the sheets, before I lift off from her legs to lie on the bed beside her. I stroke her damp hair worriedly, as I try to come up with some words to calm her.

"San, honey" I whisper to her, but she seems unable to calm down as she continues sobbing desperately. I can feel my own eyes starting to burn as my guilt rises deep down inside me.

Maybe it was too much, I took it too far?

"Please, just look at me" I beg her, but she just shakes her head at me. "Don't be so upset, okay? You did nothing wrong. You were taking it so good."

My words seem to have an effect on her this time as I can see her struggling to calm her breathing. At least she seems to be trying right now, but I know I still have to be patient with her.

I lean closer to nudge her arm with my nose, hoping that my intimate gesture will make her feel good and help her in her struggle. She has to know that I stand by her. "It's not a shame that you enjoyed it. You were so amazing. I'm so proud of you, San." I whisper into her hair as I stroke her back, softly trailing my fingers up and down her spine.

I pepper kisses all over her shoulder and her arm as I listen to her breathing. I can hear her sniffling a few times, making me relieved a bit, since it signals the end of her crying. She finally seems to relax a little, but I continue stroking her back, even when I notice her loosening her arms around her head.

"It really is okay, baby. It's nothing to be afraid of." I whisper as I hear her taking a deep breath. "Okay?" I ask her and she finally nods her head a little, before lifting her head a little to finally look into my eyes.

_To be continued…_

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**Thank you for reading! Tell me what you think if you have time!**

**I will try to post the second part of this huge chapter as soon as I can. Stay tuned! : )**


	9. Overcoming Part II

**Dear readers!**

**First, thanks for the new adds and reviews, I appreciate them more than you can imagine! **

**So this is the second half of this huge chapter. I have to tell you, this one was incredibly hard to write, so I really hope I will meet your expectations with it! **

**Sad news is, that I will have a shit ton of exams in the next four weeks, so updates won't come so frequently. I can't promise anything, but I'll try to post the next chapter on Friday. **

**I still have a lot of material for this fic and you also give me some great ideas, so I guess we are in for a long way still. **

**Enjoy this chapter and please review! I appreciate every word :)  
**

* * *

_Her noises wake me from my stunned state and I notice that she's stopped moving and her moans turned into painful whimpers. _

_Panic rises in me as I quickly wipe my hand on the sheets, before I lift off from her legs to lie on the bed beside her. I stroke her damp hair worriedly, as I try to come up with some words to calm her._

"_San, honey" I whisper to her, but she seems unable to calm down as she continues sobbing desperately. I can feel my own eyes starting to burn as my guilt rises deep down inside me. _

_Maybe it was too much, I took it too far?_

"_Please, just look at me" I beg her, but she just shakes her head at me. "Don't be so upset, okay? You did nothing wrong. You were taking it so good."_

_My words seem to have an effect on her this time as I can see her struggling to calm her breathing. At least she seems to be trying right now, but I know I still have to be patient with her._

_I lean closer to nudge her arm with my nose, hoping that my intimate gesture will make her feel good and help her in her struggle. She has to know that I stand by her. "It's not a shame that you enjoyed it. You were so amazing. I'm so proud of you, San." I whisper into her hair as I stroke her back, softly trailing my fingers up and down her spine. _

_I pepper kisses all over her shoulder and her arm as I listen to her breathing. I can hear her sniffling a few times, making me relieved a bit, since it signals the end of her crying. She finally seems to relax a little, but I continue stroking her back, even when I notice her loosening her arms around her head. _

"_It really is okay, baby. It's nothing to be afraid of." I whisper as I hear her taking a deep breath. "Okay?" I ask her and she finally nods her head a little, before lifting it up a little to finally look into my eyes._

Her expression is one of the most painful ones I've ever seen on her beautiful face and it makes me question if this was a good idea at all to begin with.

"How can I come so hard from this?" She chokes out before burying her face into the crook of my neck while strained sobs erupt from her again.

She's shaking and I can't do anything other than embracing her into my arms and trying to calm her again. Her body feels so fragile, as I rock her in my arms. She clings to me, craving the safety I really hope I can offer her. I shut my eyes and whisper loving words into her hair as I stroke her back.

When her breathing is calmer a few minutes later and she's sniffling next to my ear, I open my eyes again and the sight in front of me makes me question my judgment and my sanity.

What I've done on the outside is all there.

Her red and bruised skin may recover in a few days' time, but what she's feeling on the inside? I can only hope I will be able to help her accept her feelings, so she will find her peace of mind.

"Honey…" I whisper to her to catch her attention. "Please don't be ashamed!" I plead her desperately.

She pulls away and looks at me with confusion in her eyes. "How can I not be?" She asks with a shake of her head. "You have no idea how hard it is." What she says hurts me a little, since it makes me feel incapable of understanding what she's going through.

"I know and that's why I'm trying to understand and help you." I tell her patiently, hoping that she will let me help her if I show her how much I want to be able to understand.

"But you don't know how it feels, Britt." She tells me harshly and it makes me afraid where this conversation will go. I feel like there is a gap between us and I'm trying to build a bridge, but she's only reminding me how far we are from each other.

A few seconds of hesitation later, an idea comes to my mind. "Well, then show me!" I blurt it out before I can stop myself to think it through carefully. "Do it to me once!" I offer her.

"What?" She widens her eyes, like she can't believe what I'm suggesting.

"Like switching roles, you know? So I can see your side, too." I elaborate my idea and the more I think about it actually, the more I like it. I think it would be really challenging for both of us, but in the end, it would also be really helpful.

"I don't think so…" She shakes her head and she pulls away from me. It hurts me that she tries to put some physical distance between us, like the emotional wouldn't be enough right now.

She looks strongly opposed to the idea as she stares at the floor frowning. Her odd expression makes me really anxious as I ask her. "Why?"

"Because I wouldn't be able to hurt you like that!" She snaps and how her words make me feel right now must be much worse than any pain she could ever cause me on the outside.

Hurt me like that? Like how I hurt her now?

Yes, I know I've caused her pain, but only with good intentions. I've never wanted anything else than pleasure her and I know she liked that I used pain as a tool to make it happen. She must know that I would never cause her pain, if she didn't want me to.

She makes me feel like a bad person to be able to do that to her.

She must know that she's the most precious thing for me and I don't know how she doesn't get it how hard it is for me to cause her pain in any form. Especially physically, where I can instantly see the damage I've done.

How can she not get that I sacrifice so much to do that to her? I only do it, because I love her and now she makes me feel like a bad person for it.

"Is that what you think?" I whisper, still in shock as tears bream my eyes. "Do you think it is so easy for me to do that?"

"No, I'm just saying that I'm not sure I could…" She trails off and her hesitancy to give me an explanation is just making the situation worse. "I didn't mean it like that." She says in the end, this time her tone much softer and almost apologetic.

Almost is not enough now for me, as I'm not sure what would be enough to make me forget what she's just said. "It's good to know that you think of me like that…" I wipe my cheeks, before gripping the edge of the bed to stand up.

She panics at my reaction. "No, I..." She tries to backtrack as she whispers a low "Fuck" while standing up to search for her clothes. She winces as the fabric of her panties meets her sensitive skin and I feel guilt rush to me again, but I shrug it off this time. I'm not the only one who should feel guilty right now.

"I should be going home." I mumble as I gather my stuff.

"Please Britt!" She pleads me desperately and I honestly have no idea how this person who is standing in front of me now could tell something like that to me just seconds ago.

"I think both of us need some time to think, so…" I tell her before I walk to the door and grab the doorknob.

"Don't go! We can…" She follows me and tries to search for something to make me stop, but I know I can't stay here. I know I would only feel worse if I didn't have a chance to clear my head now. And I truly feel that she should do the same, so this day won't turn out even worse than it is now.

"Not this time, Santana." I tell her sadly, as I open the door and step out of her room before turning back for a second. "I'll see you later." And I close the door behind myself as barely distinct words escape the room.

'I love you'

Words I would always catch, even when the distance between us tries to fade them away.

"I love you too" I whisper as I stroke her door with my fingertips, wishing it would be her tear-stained cheek under my touch.

I can't stop my own tears, which start to flow as I walk down the hallway.

…

I spend the rest of the evening trying to distract myself from thinking so much about her. Of course I'm failing miserably.

I try to find the point where I could have done something wrong.

Maybe I shouldn't have punished her like this, but I thought she's gotten used to it enough to try it like this. Yes, this time it was definitely harder and rougher, but judging from her reactions, I must say that I've never seen her enjoy it so much, at least physically.

I barely touched her anywhere else and she came so hard like only a few times in her life.

I know she loved what I've done to her and I encouraged her to accept it. Maybe she felt that I was pushing her too much? Maybe I should have been more patient?

I wish she just accepted it.

But she was fighting it so hard; nothing I could offer was enough. Maybe it was too much to bear emotionally for her. I could see she was really torn about it and that must be why she's gotten into that state.

Into that state she was able to hurt me like this.

…

As I lie in my bed, surrounded by every fluffy pillow I could find in the house to give me some comfort, I can't help but wish she was here with me to make me feel so warm and safe again.

I can feel the end of the bed dip and a small smile creeps up on my face the first time since the afternoon.

"Hey Tubbs" I mumble as I hear him crawling up to me. I grab his cute little body and put him on my chest. He seems to be really enjoying that he's taking Santana's place right now.

"I really miss her…" I sigh and I swear he can understand me as he is looking at me with his sad eyes. He only lets out a 'meuw', but it makes me feel better than any word he could have told me.

"Do you think I should call her or something?" I ask him and he doesn't have time to answer as my phone beeps on the nightstand. I rush to pick it up, as Lord Tubbington jumps away from my chest with a loud 'meuw'. He must be angry at me as I ignore him all of a sudden and he must be really jealous of whoever has written me.

"Sorry Tubbs" I mumble, as the bright screen blinds my eyes. After a second I can see that there is an incoming message from Santana. Worry and excitement fill my heart, as I tap on the screen to open it.

'so sorry, britt. please forgive me' I read her words and I instantly imagine her lying in her bed, clutching her phone to her chest tightly and wishing I could forgive her. I know she can't sleep if something is wrong between us, imagining the worst-case scenarios and freaking out over them. I know how insecure she can feel sometimes.

And to be honest, I forgave her already; she didn't even have to ask for it. Yes, she's hurt me and I certainly expect an explanation from her, but I would never be able to deny forgiveness from her.

I tap on reply, but I barely have time to write a few letters, when the phone in my hand beeps again with another message.

'i can't sleep if you don't. i feel so bad.' She sounds so desperate, I wish she was here with me so I could reassure her. I know she needs comfort, just as much as I do now.

I know I'm the only one who could give it to her now, much like she's the only one who could give it to me. And she has no idea how much better she's made me feel with just a few words.

I quickly type in a message saying 'it's okay, honey bear & i love u too.' I feel bad for spending so many hours before I say these three words back to her, but this is the point when I can tell her 'I love you' without any stings in my heart.

She replies 'i love u so much xxxxx' and I can almost hear the relieved sigh she must have let out the moment she's read my message.

I fall asleep imagining she is lying beside me, hugging me close to her and burying her face into my neck. I recall the way she smells, so sweet and comforting, the way she feels in my arms, so soft and familiar, like the curves of her body are meant to fit perfectly with mines.

I fall asleep imagining her heartbeat matching mine.

/

I can't wait to see her in the morning.

I know there is some hard stuff ahead of us, but it looks like we are ready to face it together and it makes me feel less afraid of what's to come.

I notice her pacing in front of my locker, as I turn to the hallway. She is so cute with her wide eyes and her tiny clenched fists, waiting for me nervously.

She catches me staring as I'm walking towards her and she waves at me awkwardly. She couldn't be any more adorable, even if she tried.

"Hey" I greet her softly, as I stop in front of her.

"Hi" She replies nervously, searching my face. "Can we…talk?" She stammers, hopefulness in her voice. I'm really happy that she came up with it on her own and I really hope that she would be actually willing to talk to me for real this time, instead of being defensive and stuff.

"Yeah, sure." I nod my head, agreeing to the idea.

"Um, somewhere private though." She says quietly, throwing a few glances around in the now crowded hallway. I guess she is right with her suggestion, since we have serious issues to talk about here and they are only our business, so.

"Well, meet me in my room in our free period, okay?" I offer her.

"Perfect." Her eyes light up a little as she smiles a tight-lipped smile. I smile back at her before opening my locker to gather my stuff. I think that we ended our conversation here, but I notice her staying there beside me, so I patiently wait for her to say something. "Britt?" She asks quietly after a few seconds.

"Yeah?" I tilt my head to the side to look at her questioningly.

"I love you." She tells me, her voice breaking slightly, and the sincerity in her eyes almost erasing all my ill feelings about yesterday. She plays with her fingers as she waits for me to say something.

"I love you too, silly head." I bump her nose playfully and a huge relieved grin breaks free on her face. It lights up the whole world. The way she looks at me is totally worth overcoming every obstacle in our relationship.

She is really worth everything.

…

Two hours later I'm sitting in my office chair, staring at the clock, deep in thought. She should have been here like five minutes ago and I'm starting to get really anxious. I just want to talk to her as soon as possible. I feel that there are so many things I want to tell her, that my brain might explode any second. I've never been good at memorizing stuff, but now I'm trying to list all the things I would like to tell her, not to forget anything important.

My thoughts are disturbed though, by a soft knock on the door, which must have come from Santana. "Come in!" I yell to her, as I shake my distress off and force a smile on my face.

She opens the door slightly and peeks in, only with her head. "Hi" She matches my smile.

"Hey" I greet her and motion with my hand towards her to step into the room. She does so and that's when I notice that she's holding a huge rainbow slushy in her hand. I instantly melt in my chair at the sight. Now I know why she's late and I guess nobody could find a better reason to be late, like ever.

"I brought this for you." She tells me softly as she comes closer, then she puts the slushy on my table in front of me.

I stare at in wonder, then glance up on her face. "Are you trying to bribe me or something?" I ask her suspiciously, while narrowing my eyes.

"No" She rolls her eyes playfully at my question, but she turns serious a second later. "I wanted to make you happy." She tells me softly.

Oh, she knows my weak spots perfectly I guess. Rainbows are clearly one of them. But my biggest weak spot is Santana herself, so I guess whatever good she does, it instantly turns into a huge wonderful thing.

"Thanks!" I tell her before I take a sip to taste it and also to cool myself down a little. "Well, sit down!" I offer her.

She sits down slightly awkwardly in one of the chairs on the other side of my table and I notice her displeasure. I can feel my face get hot as I realize that it must be painful to sit for her after last night.

"I'm sorry for that, San." My smile is painful a bit, as I remember back last night, when I first saw the damage I've done on her skin. "Does it still hurt so much?" I ask her carefully, a bit afraid of her answer.

"It's okay. Just a bit sensitive." She shrugs, like it's no big deal. I guess she can handle it and I choose to believe her. Of course it's hard to see her hurting on the outside, but I worry much more about her struggles on the inside. Wounds on the outside can be easily healed, but on the inside? Now that is much harder.

I watch her trailing her eyes all over the room, like she's trying to win some time before we jump into it. I know how hard it is for her to open up, so I decide to set an example and maybe ease her anxiety. "Santana..." I call her name to catch her attention, so I can start a conversation, but she cuts me off quickly.

"No, me first please." She motions for me to stop with her hands, before she takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. The way she is looking into my eyes, her expression oh so painful, like she's carrying something huge on her shoulders and desperately trying to shrug it off. "I'm really sorry for what I told you." She tells me slowly, emphasizing every word, like she's trying to show me how much she means them. She doesn't have to though, since the sincerity in her eyes is enough to convince me that she means her apology with her whole heart. "I took my anger out on you. I felt ashamed and confused and I tried to blame it on you." She explains slowly, chewing every word before she says them and I can feel how hard it is for her to confess her feelings for me.

"It's all right, San." I assure her, trying to clear off that pained expression from her beautiful features. I guess someone so beautiful shouldn't ever look so troubled.

"No, it's not." She argues with me. "It shouldn't happen ever again." She shakes her head, repulsed by even the idea of repeating what's happened yesterday in the future.

"But it was my fault, too." I try to convince her that both of us are responsible for what happened. "I pushed you too far, I think." I tell her what I think, my guilt rising in me again.

"No, you only did what I wanted. I just wasn't able to accept it. I realize that now, you were right in everything." She tries to convince me, but it can't be true. There must be a reason why she snapped. There must be some deeper issue lying underneath.

"I don't think so Santana. I mean you told me I hurt you and even if you didn't mean it like that, there must have been something, you know?" I tell her, as it is obvious to me, that there must have been a hidden meaning to her words. I really hope she will tell me and I hope it won't hurt that much this time.

"No, that came out so wrong." She explains and then she leans ahead in her chair to put her elbows on the table. It means that she is craving to be closer to me, as she is trying to open up. "I know you had some issues with this whole experimenting stuff in the beginning. And I'm so grateful that you can go so far to please me now. I just don't think I would be able to do that for you…" She tells me, almost sadly, like she is a bit disappointed by this.

What she's saying now is entirely different from how it came out yesterday and I have to admit that it makes sense. I can't blame her for not feeling that she could do this to me, for me, but I'm reluctant to believe it. I don't think it is true, it may be challenging, but I think she could get over her issues for me.

"You can do anything, Santana." I tell her simply what I think and she smiles bashfully at me. She always thinks that I'm overrating her, but it's not true. I just simply believe in her. "You know, it's really frightening to see you suffer like you did yesterday, but I know that you want it, I feel that you want it. And it makes me think that it's right." I explain to her what makes me be able to cause pain to her in that way.

"I know it is, just…it would be extremely hard for me to be so dominant with you, because I…" She trails off, searching for the right words in the cracks of the wooden table. She hesitates for seconds, before she looks up at me again with her warm eyes. "I love to surrender to you so much." She confesses and I know how hard it was to take this step for her, so I'm really proud of her that she seems to accept her feelings at last.

"I really love it this way, too." I tell her as I reach out to take her hands. She quickly reacts and grabs them, like she couldn't wait one more second to touch me. I stroke her palms, enjoying her closeness again. "But I don't want it to distance us so much. I think it wouldn't hurt to try and switch roles sometime in the future." I repeat my idea again, which I still think would help us a lot. I really hope she will consider it now.

"I will think about it, I promise, but…" She trails off hesitantly, then she sets my hands on the table and pulls back hers, making me feel just a bit less safe instantly. "There is one more thing I wanted to talk about, actually." She tells me seriously, her tone surprising me a bit.

"Oh" I pull up my eyebrows, since I have no idea what else is there to talk about.

"Yeah" She laughs nervously a little, glancing at her side, before setting her eyes on me again. "Can I sit there…with you?" She asks waveringly and the warmness I felt before fills me up again, as I smile at her.

"Come here" I spread my arms as my smile turns into a huge grin, matching hers. She stands up quickly and rushes to me, but her enthusiasm dies down a bit as she carefully sits down in my lap. I try to ease her discomfort by pulling her close to my body and stroking her back. She crosses her arms behind my neck and looks at me like I'm the most precious thing in the world, which she thought she's lost for a second, but now she is relieved that she's not. I truly feel the same.

She shuts her eyes and leans closer to my face to rest her forehead on mine. She nuzzles my nose and strokes the base of my neck, her affectionate gestures making me feel overwhelmed suddenly. I take a deep breath to calm myself, but all I can smell is her and it really doesn't help. She stops her movements and opens her eyes again to look at me, before whispering. "I would like to give you something special."

"Something special?" I pull away from her just a little, so I can search her face for an answer.

"Yes" She smiles softly at me, her eyes gleaming mysteriously, making me giddily excited for what she's about to say. "I want to have that first time with you, the way you wanted." She tells me and I hesitate for only a second before pulling her in for a kiss we've both been longing for too much time now. Just the idea of her offering me this special thing we've already tried once, but failed in it, after yesterday shows me how much she trusts me truly.

But it doesn't mean that I can instantly agree with her. I have to consider this idea carefully, because I definitely have some worries about it.

"You have no idea how much this means to me…" I try to express her how grateful I am as I lift my hand from her back to stroke her cheek. "But you were pretty dismissive the last time and we just had this argument…" I explain why I'm reluctant to say yes, at least before we talk about it some more. I have to make sure she's over her issues. "Do you think you are ready now?" I ask her as I search her face for any hidden doubts.

She smiles as she hears my concerns, then she leans in to whisper into my ear. "I felt something yesterday I've never felt before." She explains to me, why she changed her mind so soon. "I don't know if you did it on purpose or not, but you touched me there a few times and…I had to admit that it felt pretty fucking amazing." She tells me and I might explode from the heat I feel everywhere in my body. But mainly, in my heart. She has no idea what her words do to me. "I really wanted you to continue it, I wanted you to be inside me there." She whispers lowly, making the warmness spread to the place between my legs, too. How can she be so loving and sexy at the same time?

What she's just said to me has a huge effect on me, both physically and emotionally.

"Honestly?" I can't help myself as I ask back for confirmation. This just sounds too perfect to be true.

"Yeah." She pulls away and nods with determination. "So now I'm sure. I know how special it would be and I want to do it with you. I really do." She assures me with nothing but sincerity in her eyes.

"Wow, I don't know what to say." I'm still stunned by all this, so I really can't come up with anything. This whole thing needs some time to sink in for me.

"You just have to say yes, Britt." She giggles at my expression, which I imagine to be kind of shocked and a bit flustered, too. Her cute little noises snap me out of my daze and I just try to convey all my emotions in the kiss I press to her lips. She smiles into the kiss and I playfully lick her bottom lip, so she parts hers. I deepen our kiss and our tongues meet in the middle, exploring each other's mouth and tasting all the love.

I pull away to take a breath and rest my forehead against hers. "Yes, yes, a thousand times yes." I mumble to her mouth before pressing another smacking kiss on her lips. She catches my bottom lip and sucks on it, and I can barely swallow the moan that wants to escape my mouth.

She suddenly pulls away like something just hit her. "But one more thing though..." She says almost apologetically, like she's about to ruin my dreams. "I really don't want that monster stuck into me to be honest, just imagining it makes me nauseous. I think we definitely should use a smaller one…" She suggests and I can only agree completely with her idea. Her safety is the most important thing and although that monster is like my best buddy in the world, I happily substitute it, if her comfort depends on it.

"I will take care of that. You just prepare yourself, all right?" I pull up my eyebrows questioningly to make sure she understands that there is nothing she has to take care of, other than herself. But to be honest, I will take care of her anyway.

She shrugs off my seriousness, as she playfully bites my lip, before leaning closer to my ear. "I'd rather have you prepare me…" She whispers huskily and I feel dizzy from all these impulses. Her touches, her words, her smell…they are all making me crazy.

"San..." I whine her name, because she's being awfully cruel to me. "You can't tell me things like that now, we still have two periods." I pout sadly, because I really want to just get it on with her, but we can't now. One more reason why school sucks.

She doesn't share my disappointment though, as she kisses behind my ear and then a few times on my neck. "We still have fifteen minutes until next period, I'm just saying…" She tells me nonchalantly then she continues kissing my heated skin, making it tingle everywhere.

"Don't tease me!" I warn her, making her pull away and look at me questioningly.

"Hmm, why?" She challenges me and I don't like her tone to be honest. If she doesn't take me seriously, I might have to change my ways.

I grab her hips firmly to show her who's in charge before capturing her lips in a rough kiss. When I pull away, her face is flustered and her lips are swollen, her breathing ragged. She looks extremely fuckable, but I have to deny that pleasure from myself now. "Cause I might think that your ass is not red enough." I tell her vigorously and I can hear her breath hitch. I can't stop the smirk that creeps up on my face at the change in her behavior. It's so easy to put her in place. "This turned you on, right?" I whisper into her ear, before catching her earlobe between my teeth for a second.

She doesn't answer, but I can feel her lift off my lap and change her position to straddle me. I guess this is a perfectly satisfying answer.

She grinds down on me and a moan erupts from her. "I need you" She whispers pleadingly as she continues to move on my lap sensually. "Please" She begs desperately and I can no longer deny her.

I put my hands on her thighs and stroke her up and down, while kissing the side of her neck. She pants into my ear, until I slide my fingertips over the fabric covering her ass. She winces at the sudden contact, but I carefully stroke her, until she starts to move down on my lap again. I hold her left cheek in my left hand as I lift up my right to dive into her spanks, making her let out a moan as my fingers meet her wet center. No time for foreplay now, so my middle finger instantly finds her clit to draw tight circles around it. She buries her head into the crook of my neck and meets my movements, so we work together on making her come. As soon as possible I say, so I don't hesitate to replace my finger with my thumb and slide into her with two fingers. She lets out a surprised grunt and I can already feel her pulsating around me. She is incredibly wet, so my fingers slide in and out of her easily. I feel my hunger grow inside me, as I fasten my movements to pump into her furiously. She is barely able to keep up with my moves, as I fuck her with my fingers.

It doesn't take long for her to get over the edge. She comes with a grunt erupting from the back of her throat and jerks into my hand with her whole body. She lets out a few more needy moans, as she grinds into me ever so slowly now, before her whole body slumps.

"Told you we have enough time" She murmurs into my neck tiredly and I can't help myself as I lift my hand off her ass to slap her playfully.

"Ow" She winces at the contact and then pulls away, looking questioningly at me.

"Told you I might think it's not red enough" I challenge her, making her roll her eyes, before a smile spreads on her face.

"I hate you, Brittany S. Pierce!" She smacks my arm a little, before leaning in to kiss me for the hundredth time today. Her kisses are soft, slow and needy as she is clearly exhausted from our previous activity.

When she pulls away to take a breath, all I can say is "I hate you, too."

/

On Friday morning, she basically jumps on me on the hallway. She is so giddy, I immediately get curious about her overwhelming excitement. News is, her house will be empty on Saturday night, so she suggests that we have our 'special night on'. I'm really happy that she's so enthusiastic, so all I can tell her is a big fat yes.

My mind wanders into a different direction as I recall our conversation from two days before. I have something to take care of and I really hope I will be successful with my task.

I tell Santana that she has nothing to do, she shouldn't make a fuss and I ask her to just relax. I promise her that I will take care of everything.

…

In the afternoon, I can't really distract myself, so I decide that sooner is better than later anyway, it's time to go to the sex shop. I almost call Quinn to come with me, but I guess she would probably have like a nervous break-down and I don't want that, cause I love her. She's a great friend, but maybe not the most suitable one to join me in a strap-on buying experience. In the end, I guess I don't really have friends who go to sex shops like ever, so all of them would freak out to some extent. I would totally bring Rachel with myself though to see her reaction, but she is not my friend, so…

I guess I have to do this alone.

…

Well, this is one deserted sex shop, to be honest. This is the second time I've been here, but I haven't met any other people yet. Not that I'm complaining about this, but I guess I feel sorry for people in Lima. Haven't they discovered all the awesomeness this shop can offer them? It's truly their loss.

Everything is the same I remembered from the first time I've been here with Santana, so it doesn't take long to find the section I need.

I stare at the dildos in front of me deep in thought, when I recognize a familiar voice asking me 'Can I help you?'. I turn towards the girl, who's been really nice with us the last time. We share a smile, but mine quickly fades as I have no idea how to answer.

'Um, you could, but I guess my girlfriend would be pretty mad at me…" I hesitate, because I would definitely need some help, but Santana told me this is special and it is about us, so it wouldn't be right to tell strangers about it.

"Why?" The girl asks carefully, not to sound pushy.

"Cause we are about to do a special thing and she wouldn't want me to tell anyone about it." I explain her, but I have a feeling that I won't be able to avoid telling her in the end.

"Well, then maybe I could ask you and you could just nod, so technically you wouldn't tell me about it. Is that okay?" She comes up with this awesome plan and I can only shake my head disbelievingly.

"You are a genius." I tell her and I wonder how she ended up in a sex shop, when she is so smart. Almost like Santana, but I really hope Santana won't end up in a sex shop. As in working in one anyway.

"Okay, so…" She scratches her chin as she is thinking about what I might want to try with Santana. "Do you want to try out anal sex?" She blurts out after a minute and my jaw drops on the floor and my eyes widen so much I fear my eyeballs will fall out. I don't want that, cause then I couldn't see and I really want to see Santana when I have sex with her.

"How did you know?" I ask her, suddenly forgetting about our plan to not talk about it entirely.

"I have a talent for it." She tells me cockily and she kind of reminds me of Santana a little. That is a big plus point for anyone.

"Wow…" I shake my head a little to wake up from my surprise and finally concentrate on the task ahead of me.

"So, I guess this will be your first time like that, right?" She asks to confirm and I just nod my head as an answer this time.

She turns to the wall and trails her eyes all over the different dildos. After a few seconds, she picks up one and shows it to me. "I would definitely choose one like this. It's not too long and thick, but still a decent size." She explains and I can definitely agree with her. It's nothing like that monster we have, but it's still around 6 inches and it looks comfortable. Not that I would know what feels comfortable in my ass, but I hope that my senses are right here. "And it doesn't have a huge head, so it won't hurt that much when you..." She continues, making me snap out of my thoughts.

"I don't want to hurt her at all!" I blurt out as panic rises in me. I don't want to cause Santana pain, not this time. This should be gentle and enjoyable for her; I don't want the pain to ruin the whole experience.

"Well I guess I can give you some advice how to make it easier, but most people do feel at least a little pain, whatever you do." She tells me with a shrug, like there is nothing to do about it. I accept it, but still I want to do anything to avoid it.

"What can I do?" I ask her with determination, eager to know everything I can do to make Santana feel good and make this pleasurable for her.

"It's all about making her relaxed and ready." She explains and I wonder if she's some kind of expert at this or something. "So you have to work her up and you have to make sure to keep her safe, so you have to be slow and patient. Communication is also the key, so talk to her about what you do and ask her how she feels." She offers me with a smile. "And on the practical side, use a lot of lube!" She winks at me playfully and I couldn't be grateful for her. She gave me some awesome advice and she is really nice about it. She is like a sex coach and I wonder if something like that exists outside of my imagination.

"Got it. Thanks!" I thank her sincerely, before taking another look at the dildo in her hand. It looks better than any other on the wall and she told me she would choose one like this, so I guess I'm done here.

"I guess I will take your advice and choose this one." I tell her, motioning to the dildo in her hand.

"Great choice." She tells me as she sways it in front of me. I guess I didn't really need a friend to join me in the end, since she behaves exactly like one.

After that she shows me the collection of lubes they have and she offers to sell me her favorite at a reduced price.

Half an hour later, I leave the shop with our new strap-on, three different lubes and _one more thing, I still can't believe I just bought_.

/

As Saturday evening comes, I couldn't possibly be more excited. I already got ready and packed everything we will need into a bag. So now I'm pacing in my room, wearing Santana's favorite of my lingerie sets and a tight pale blue dress over it. This is a really special occasion, so I did everything to have the perfect appearance. I obsessed over my hair and make-up for an hour, but I guess I can be pretty pleased with the result.

Not to mention the whole looking-hot thing gives me the much needed confidence.

…

A few minutes later, a text comes from Santana saying that she can't wait for me to arrive. Well we are certainly on the same page in that department, so I quickly pick up my bag and my keys and exit my room.

…

I feel strangely calm, when I enter her house. I pull off my shoes, since I won't need them anyway and make my way to the stairs.

As I step on the hallway upstairs, I hear familiar sounds coming from her room. I walk closer and when I stop in front of her door, I can recognize Adele's beautiful version of 'Make you feel my love' playing in the background. I don't know what to expect when I step into the room, so I take a deep breath before grabbing the door knob to face everything that will happen tonight.

…

As I open the door, the sight in front of my eyes is not something I could possibly have prepared for at all.

Candles stand on every flat surface of the room, lighting it up beautifully. The bed is freshly made with our favorite sheets and a few extra pillows lie on the floor. There is a bottle of champagne with two glasses on the nightstand. The music sways in the background, giving a special atmosphere to the scene.

And I couldn't care less for any of this, because there is her.

There is her, standing in the middle of the room, looking into my eyes like…Like I just opened the door to her heart and she can be finally mine. I've never seen her eyes expressing such vulnerability, but still so full of determination. It feels like she's giving everything to me this moment and she's been waiting for this her whole life. We've been waiting for this our whole lives.

It feels truly like the first time all over again.

I take in her sight, so natural and still the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. She's wearing a black see-through nightgown and as I can see from here a new black lace lingerie set under it. I know it's my favorite set already. She wears almost no make-up and her dark curls fall on her shoulders, beautifully framing her gorgeous face.

She looks perfect, like something that could only exist in heaven, but it doesn't. She exists here, down there, in my world. She exists here loving me.

I'm afraid to move from my place and ruin this special moment, but she can no longer wait for me, so she reaches out to me with her hands to invite me closer.

I close the door behind myself, which is funny, because no one is at home apart from us, but still, it feels much more personal if the door is closed, so I always do this. Then I set my bag on the floor before stepping in front of her and taking her hands. Our palms meet and she instantly pulls me in, until we are pressed closely together. Toes to toes, legs to legs, chest to chest and forehead to forehead.

I set my hands on her lower back and she crosses her arms behind my neck. We are breathing in the same air, thinking about the same things and feeling the same things. It feels like we've become one and all the more so as she tilts her head slowly and captures my lips in a soft kiss. It's better than any 'thank you' I could have told her and any 'you are welcome' she could have replied with. And it's equally as good as 'I love you'.

Our kiss starts slowly, tasting and exploring each other, but it grows deeper and more intense, as our 'I love you'-s turn into 'I want you'-s. Her mouth feel so warm and wet, so welcoming, her full lips working against mine and our tongues dancing with each other in a familiar rhythm. I feel like I can't stop as I kiss her deeper and deeper, pressing her body closer and closer to mine. I feel like I can't breathe anymore, but I don't care, all I want is her and her more.

She saves me though, as she pulls away panting heavily and I'm grateful, cause I need the break, but I just didn't want it.

I feel the need to have her in so many ways tonight I couldn't possibly put it into words. I want to have her in every way and now, but…

This night is not about rush, desperation or need.

It is about cherishing our love the way it should happen, with care and gentleness. That's why I don't capture her lips again when I can feel that I'm able to breathe properly. Instead I start stroking her back up and down, then onto her hips. She lets out a deep content sigh near my face, before pulling away a little and taking my hands to guide them to the hem of her nightgown on her thighs.

It's not one of those times when I can't wait to rip her clothes off of her body; no, this is special. She wants me to undress her, slowly revealing her to me, the way it should be done. And the way I do now, as I grab the hem of her gown and pull it upwards, the back of my knuckles grazing the skin on her sides. More and more of her beautiful skin is bare now and then I can see her lace panties, new and so sexy, only for me. I pull the gown upwards, revealing her stomach and then her bra; and I stop here for a second to look into her eyes. She nods with her head, giving me permission and she lifts up her arms, so I carefully pull the dress over her head and drop it on the floor.

I take in the sight of her again, from her toes through her breasts to her eyes, finally settling on them. Because there is nothing more beautiful on her than the way she looks at me. It's too much, I can't bear it anymore.

I pull her in again by her waist and kiss her softly, with care. She tangles her fingers into my hair to encourage me, but I don't want to push now, I just want to feel her lips against mine. I press short, gentle kisses on her lips until she pulls away from my head and searches for the zipper on my dress.

She needs me.

She finds it and she pulls away, like I did before, to ask for permission. I give it to her instantly, so she pulls down the zipper, then grabs the straps on my shoulders and frees me from my dress. I want to step out of it, but she crouches in front of me and grabs my ankles to guide them out of it. I rest my hands on her head and she looks up at me with a soft smile. She keeps my hands on her face as she stands up again and I just stroke her cheeks for what feels like an eternity, before pulls them down on her neck, then over her collarbone to her chest. I kiss her again as I cup her still covered breasts, but I can't bear it for long, I want to feel them in my hands. I suck on her bottom lip, as I bring my hands to her back and she lets out a gasp between her parted lips as I unclasp her bra.

I guide the straps down on her arms and I don't open my eyes until the fabric hits the floor. When I do, I wonder how my heart can change from beating to pounding in my chest every time I see her like this. It is familiar, a sight I could remember all my life, but still, every time feels like it's the first. Sometimes I don't waste time on them, I just get to business, but I always regret it. I do, because I have no words to express how good it feels to hold her breasts in my hands, feeling the weight of the flesh and the smoothness of the skin covering it. How they rise and fall in my hands as her breathing picks up, it feels amazing. They are flawed, but that's what makes them perfect for me, much like Santana herself.

I squeeze them, the way she likes it and when I brush my thumbs over her nipples, she moans into the thick air. She quickly captures my lips and I swallow her moans as I knead her flesh, until her eager hands find the clasp of my own bra. I let go of her breasts, so she can pull it down from my shoulders and she does so, before pressing into me, until our naked chests are flushed against each other. It shuts down all my senses, as I can only concentrate on how her skin feels against mine, how her mouth works against mine and how she smells so close to me.

The music stopped long ago and I'm grateful, because there is nothing more beautiful than hearing the sounds she lets out when we part our mouths to take a breath. The champagne stands forgotten on the nightstand and I don't care, I don't want anything to influence me tonight.

I just want her.

I pull away from her and she looks up at me to find out what I want to do next. I show her, as I bring my hands to her scalp and slowly start to stroke her downwards, through her face, her neck, stopping just for a second at her breasts, then her stomach, finally setting my palms flat on her lower abdomen.

She knows what that means and she agrees to it with a firm kiss on my lips, so I grab the waistband of her panties and carefully pulls is down, gently not to hurt her still sensitive skin. As the item drops down on the floor, I can see it glistening with her wetness.

I look up at her again and her intense stare overwhelms me. "For me?" I croak out, my throat dry from not speaking for so long, but more so the emotions I feel inside me screwing with my voice.

She nods her head as a faint smile graces her lips, before she starts to stroke my lower stomach, just an inch away from the fabric of my panties, her intentions screaming loud and clear. She wants to do the same, she wants me naked completely and she wants to see if I do the same for her. Of course I do, I can already feel it.

I guide her thumbs inside the waistband and she pulls the fabric down my legs, then she crouches in front of me again to lift my ankles to step out of it. When she's done, she sets her palms on the outside of my ankles and strokes my skin all the way up my legs as she stands up. She presses into me and we both let out a contented sigh, before she continues her moves until her hands cross behind my neck again. I grab her hips and pull her into me, trying to press every inch of our skins together. She parts her lips and presses an open-mouthed kiss on my lips and I don't waste time to respond. This kiss is sloppy as we can't control our lips so well now. We can't control our bodies from the overtaking want inside. It's so wet, so deep and intense as our tongues dance with each other.

We pant into each other's faces as we pull away and I feel that it's time to take the next step tonight. But I know that I shouldn't be the only one who feels this way, so I pull away from her face to look at her, as I whisper. "Are you nervous?"

"A little." She whispers back to me and I'm happy she doesn't lie about it.

"Me, too." I reply with all honesty. There is a tingling feeling all over my body and I know that my heart doesn't beat so fast just because I'm aroused. I guess it's the same with her, but I feel the need to reassure her. "I will take care of you."

"I trust you, Britt." She says firmly without a second of hesitation, nothing but sincerity in her eyes. "Just tell me what I have to do." I nod my head to say okay, I will. She trusts me, she trusts me with all her body without a question and I know I have all the responsibility now. It's frightening, but it still warms my heart that she gives herself to me like this.

"Santana, you have to promise me that you will tell me how you feel, okay?" I ask her seriously and she nods her head before capturing my lips in a soft kiss to seal her promise.

"Are you ready?" I ask her after she pulls away. It's the only thing I have to make sure now, because I do feel ready for what's to come. I feel nervous and excited, but a hundred percent ready.

"Yes." She answers without any uncertainty and seeing her determination behind her eyes I decide that the time has come.

"Lie down on the bed with me." I say as I offer her my hand for her to take it. She does so and I lead the way to the bed; then stop at the edge to look up at her again. "On your stomach." I instruct her and she drops my hand without any hesitation and crawls up on the bed to lie flatly on her stomach, tilting her head to the side waiting for me to join her. I quickly follow her and lie down beside her, just a few inches away from her face.

I stroke her hair, tangling my fingers into her dark locks, massaging her scalp and she shuts her eyes.

"This feels nice" She murmurs as I guide my hand to the back of her neck and then down her back. I stroke her skin, up and down her spine as she lets out deep sighs. I lift my head to pepper tender kisses all over her shoulder as I set my hand on her lower back, just holding it there, not to rush into something she doesn't want yet.

As I linger on her skin with a kiss, she breathes out "Touch me, Britt". I open my eyes to look at her, but hers are closed. It's okay though, as I take in her calm expression, it's enough reassurance that she does want me to touch her truly.

I set down my head next to hers, so that our noses almost touch, as I stroke circles on her lower back, edging downwards with each one. I try to be as gentle as I can, when I carefully touch the skin of her ass. She lets out a quiet gasp and I stop for a second, afraid to hurt her, but a small smile creeps up on her face, so I continue to graze her skin with my fingertips. I stroke her alternating between her cheeks and she breathes sighs into my face. Her skin feels so warm under my touch, much like her breath on my face.

Such a nice feeling and I can't get enough of it. I spread my fingers on her left cheek, enjoying the curve of it in my palm as I squeeze it. She moans at my movements and all I want is her to continue to let out these sounds of pleasure. So I lift my left leg up from the bed and put it between hers to spread them. She smiles at my move, clearly pleased with it. I spread her legs as wide as I can and at the same time I capture her smiling lips in a firm kiss.

Our mouth work against each other slowly as my left hand starts moving on her ass again, downwards until I can stroke the back of her left thigh, then moving it to the inside of it, teasing her sensitive area. She pants into my mouth as I edge closer and closer to her core with my hand. I can feel that her skin is damp on her thigh and I wonder how wet she is truly. It doesn't take long to find out as I slowly cup her center from behind. It feels incredibly warm and her arousal coats my palm and I feel like I can drown in this feeling, it's so consuming.

She snaps me out of my daze as she grinds down on my hand with a high-pitched moan, almost like she's surprised how much pleasure she feels. I can imagine how sensitive she feels and the thought makes me really happy. I start to stoke her lazily between her folds, as I can feel my own wetness dripping on the sheets. I couldn't care less for it now really, because all I want is to make her feel good. She rocks into my fingers and I pepper kisses around her mouth in time with our movements. As her moans get louder and her moves fasten, it takes every effort in me to still my hand under her. She snaps her eyes open in her surprise, but she quickly understands as I move my fingers upwards, spreading her wetness all the way up in the crack between her butt cheeks. Her eyes widens a little at my surprising move, but at the same time she lets out a loud moan and sticks her ass out more, to get more of my touch. I stroke her with two fingers up and down there, until her moans come constantly, expressing how much she likes it. I'm happy that she doesn't fight it at all, instead she moves into me, searching for more contact.

She stops suddenly and searches for my eyes, before parting her lips to whisper "Britt, I want you to…" She searches for the words but I can already understand. "Inside me." She settles for these two words, that I've wanted to hear for what feels like too long now. My heart flutters hearing it, finally this moment has come and I couldn't be happier.

I stop my hand and smile at her, before giving her a squeeze on her left cheek again. Then I lift up from the bed to search for a big pillow. When I found the perfect one, I tap her back saying "Lift your hips a little." She obeys immediately, so I tuck the pillow under her, until her bottom sticks out just the way I want it. "I will be back in a second" I tell her and she nods in understanding, so I move to the edge of the bed and get up. I open my bag and put everything I will need on the bed beside her legs. Then I climb back up and settle between her legs confortably.

The first kiss I press on her right cheek makes her let out a surprised gasp, but I don't stop now as I pepper gentle kisses on her still sensitive skin. I grab her hips with my hands as I explore her to pull her closer, parting my lips to lick her skin, making her let out little noises of pleasure.

I can't wait anymore and with a bold move I simply stick out my tongue and lick her all the way up in her crack. She almost jumps into me and I can hear her breathing turning into almost erratic now. Her taste is so distinct, I can't compare it to anything else, it's so her, I can't get enough of it as I lick her up and down.

It's nothing like the first time we wanted to do this, because than I was the only one who did. But this time she doesn't fight it, she surrenders to me completely and lets me bring pleasure to her the way I want it. I couldn't be grateful and I decide to finally give her what she asked me a few minutes ago.

To give her, what we both want now.

I lift my face up from her body and search for the lube I have put on the bed. She turns her head to the other side to see what I'm doing. I crack the lube open and squirt a decent amount on my fingers. I drop it back on the bed and settle between her legs again.

I press a few soft kisses on the lower area of her cheeks before taking a deep breath and pressing my fingers on the spot just under her hole. I circle it lazily, until she moves into my hand, clearly desperate now for more contact. I brace myself for what's to come as I set my index finger on her hole and ever so carefully press down, until the tip of my finger slides inside her. It feels entirely different from anything I've experienced in sex before, as her muscles squeeze so tightly around my finger, trying to push it out, but consuming it inside at the same time. She gasps into the sheets as I ever so slowly start to move around with my finger to spread her hole and explore her from the inside here for the first time.

"Is this okay?" I ask her to make sure, even though her sounds and her moves clearly indicate that she enjoys it very much. "It feels so good." She breathes out reassuring me, so I don't hesitate to slowly push into her more until the first knuckle. Her muscles are pulsating around my finger and it feels so strange, but amazingly strange. I pull out my finger until just the tip of it remains inside and she protests against the loss of contact by sticking out her ass even more, so I slide inside her with one smooth movement until my whole finger is inside her. She lets out an incredibly loud moan as she tries to accommodate my finger inside her.

I'm so relieved that it feels easy to be inside her and she hasn't felt any pain from my moves. Her muscles tightly wrap around my finger, but I can move inside her, so I must do something right, even though I have no idea what I'm doing to be honest. All I know is that she seems to enjoy it and the growing ache between my legs is enough proof that I enjoy it just as much.

I start to slowly slide my finger in and out of her, sometimes stopping for a few seconds to work on her inside, trying to spread her and make her ready for more. She obviously wants the same and she seems to think that she is ready as she suddenly breathes out "More", before letting out another sensual moan.

I can't deny her, so I pull out my finger and quickly squirts some more lube on them, before pressing down at her ring of muscles again, this time with my middle finger joining my index finger. I decide to push the middle finger inside first and she moves backwards with her ass to consume more and more of it, until it's all the way in. I spread her more and more, before pulling out again.

"This will be a bit tight." I whisper as I press down on her hole with both fingers firmly, until they dive into her, making her let out a little wince as I spread her. I don't panic though; I just put my free hand under her center and press down on her clit to ease her discomfort. She rocks into my hand with a moan and I continue to carefully slide into her with two fingers. It is easier than I expected, so I can go into all the way in as she grinds down on my hand. She seems to be wrapped up in the pleasure from my moves on her clit to care for how much I spread her. I start to slide in and out of her as I continue to circle her clit to subdue any pain I might cause. She seems torn a bit about how to move as she craves for more at both places.

After a few minutes, I look up at her face and I notice that she has buried it into the crook of her elbow. I can hear her let out muffled grunts at my moves. Then I stop both my hands to ask her "Are you ready for one more?"

She lifts her arm and peeks under it at me, before slowly nodding her head. With a deep breath, I move back down to continue teasing her clit as I set a third finger on her hole. I ever so slowly press down on it and dive into her, resulting in a high-pitched grunt coming from her. It feels incredibly tight now and I'm afraid that I'm gonna hurt her, so I try to be as gentle as I can. I draw tight circles around her clit and slide her in slowly, until my first knuckle. I can hear her throwing her head on the bed and pant heavily, so I stop there to look at her.

"Am I hurting you?" I ask her quietly and she shakes her head frantically as an answer. I'm relieved at her response and with new confidence, I continue to explore her with three fingers now. She rocks into my fingers on her center and with every move, she clenches her muscles a bit around my fingers in her ass, giving me incredible feelings. It's an amazing sight as she moves sensually, while sticking out her whole bottom, exposing herself completely to me.

As I can move my fingers in and out of her without problems, my mind wanders to the accessory lying on the bed beside us. I slow my movements and pull out of her eventually, making her jerk up her hips missing the contact.

I continue to stroke her clit with my left hand, as I adjust my position and lie down half on top of her, setting my head next to hers. As she feels me moving on her, she lifts her head to look at me. I lean into her and nuzzle her nose as she continues to rock into my fingers. It's so incredibly hot and intimate at the same time, I would want to continue it forever. But I can't, because there is one more thing I want even more.

"San" I pull away and whisper to catch her attention so I can ask her if she feels ready. She looks at me, her eyes gleaming beautifully from the candlelight. Her lips turn into a small smile as before she parts them to whisper "I want it, too". Emotion rush to my head at her words and I can't do anything other than capturing her lips in a searing kiss, hoping that it will calm me a little and stop my twirling thoughts.

She pulls away again, to whisper "Please", her desperation to go all the way finally evident in her voice. I can't deny her anymore and I can't deny us from having that experience, so with one more soft kiss on her lips, I slide my finger out from under her center and sit up on the bed.

With a deep breath I pick up our new accessory from the bed and try to figure out how to put it on properly. It's not that difficult, so I can set it comfortable on my hips in a few seconds. It feels incredibly strange, but surprisingly arousing.

I can't help the faint jealousy that rises in me for a second as I look down at the fake penis attached to me. I so want to have a real one right now, just for a few seconds, to be able to be with her that way.

But I shake my head at myself, I can't be that silly, she loves me like this, so I wouldn't change anything about myself.

I set my hands on her hips, circling her soft skin, as I lean closer to her and press the tip of the dildo to her exposed center. She lets out a surprised moan, but moves into me after a second as she grasps the situation. I slide between her folds up and down, coating the head with her juices and pleasuring her. She rocks backwards to meet my moves, and I bring my hands from my hips to her ass, spreading my fingers on her cheeks and pulling them apart at last. I tease her center with the head as I knead her flesh, resulting in loud moans erupting from her. Then I suddenly stop and with one bold move I guide the penis upwards in the crack between her cheeks.

I've rarely felt so wanted by her like now, as she bends her back and sticks out her ass for me. I grab the penis with my right hand to slide it up and down in her crack, spreading her own wetness. I wish it could be just like this, so natural, but I know it's impossible, it would cause her much pain, if I didn't use any lube.

And I really want to avoid causing her any pain, in fact, I'm really afraid how she will react and if it will hurt her too much.

I try to shake off my anxiety as I pick up the lube again to spread a huge amount on the dildo. I guess nothing is too much, so…When I think it's enough, I hover over her to warn her "This will feel a little cold" before squirting some lube on her hole, making her wiggle her ass a bit at the feeling.

I almost come on the spot from the sight.

I spread the lube carefully on her hole with my fingers, before adjusting my position to hover on top of her, closer to her body. I press a few kisses on her back, as I guide the penis up and down her folds, then her butt crack. I rest my head on her back and shut my eyes for a few seconds, preparing myself for what's to come.

I stop moving the penis on her and set it on her hole as I slide under her with me left hand to circle her clit again, making her as ready as I can.

I grab her hand with my right to catch her attention and she tilts her head to the side to look at me. She lets out quiet moans between her parted lips as I work on her clit and she is barely able to keep her eyes open from the pleasure.

"Are you ready, honey?" I ask her in a whisper and she nods her head firmly, before setting her forehead down on her crossed forearms again.

I press a few more gentle kisses on her back, before grabbing the penis and setting the tip on her hole in a perfect position. I continue to circle her clit as I grab her hip to keep her in place with me right hand.

After saying a quick prayer, I take a deep breath and slide into her with the tip of the head. She jerks her hips and winces at the contact, and I can hear her breathing pick up.

"Try to relax." I whisper to her as I work on her clit to ease her up. She moves into my hand and she seems to relax, so I push into her carefully until the head is inside her.

She pants heavily, almost frighteningly so and her thighs start to tremble as she is struggling to accommodate the penis inside her. I whisper soothing words to her and press soft kisses on her back to ease her discomfort. "Breathe, baby" I whisper to her and she tries to do as I say, taking deep breaths and exhaling them slowly.

I hover over her more, almost lying down on top of her, so I can slide under her body with my right hand to cup her left breast. I squeeze it and play with her nipples, trying to subdue the pain she must be feeling. Her muscles seem to ease up after a minute or so, and she voices her pleasure with a few moans.

I press down on her clit and pull her closer by my arm under her, as I carefully continue to slide into her more. She lets out a strained grunt and pulls at her own hair when I'm halfway in. I'm desperate to help her somehow, so I work on her clit eagerly, while sliding out from under her and grabbing her right hand with mine. I interlace our fingers on the bed and press kisses on her shoulder, hoping that my intimate gestures will be helping her relax. "It's okay, we are almost there" I whisper to her as I continue to push into her, carefully monitoring every reaction.

"You are doing amazing, honey" I praise her, because really? This is nothing how I expected it to be. She is taking it so amazingly, doing everything she can to accommodate this huge thing inside her for the first time. "Just a little bit more" I whisper, as I squeeze her hand tightly to give her some strength, when I slide into her all the way. Her breathing picks up again and she lets out painful whimpers, making me feel bad for hurting her, but still feel relieved that we are past the hard part.

"Britt" She whispers painfully after tilting her head to the side and I instantly lean closer to her. "Breathe, just breathe, it will get better" I try to assure her, as I nuzzle her nose. "Feel this" I tell her as I stroke her clit with more pressure and after a minute of trying to swallow the pain, she starts to respond by rocking into me slowly. I press a praising kiss on her lips and she drops my hand and presses down on the back of my head to push me closer and deepen our kiss. I push my tongue into her mouth and explore it, licking her teeth and sucking on her bottom lip, giving everything I have to her in this kiss.

Her movements fasten and she grinds down harder on my fingers, so I assume she is ready for more. I start to slide out of her very carefully and she immediately cuts off our kiss to pant into my mouth. "Is this okay?" I ask her and she nods her head to encourage me to continue, so I do. I slide out of her until just the head remains inside, then I carefully push back and she meets my movement to my great surprise. I kiss her again as I slide back into her all the way in and she bites down on my bottom lip when my hips meet the skin of her ass.

I can't believe this is happening to me, with her.

To us.

I can't feel physically what I'm doing to her, but I can feel everything that is truly important. I remember how amazing she felt when I was inside her with my fingers and I start to slide in and out of her with this memory in my head. She meets my movements and moans into my mouth, and I couldn't be happier about how she seems to enjoy this so much.

I feel so close to her now, but not enough, so I slide under her torso with my arm again and cup her left breast, so I can feel her heart pounding. I kiss her again and again as we move together towards the edge, for the first time ever this way.

The connection between us feels so deep now like never before as our bodies find the perfect rhythm, just like our tongues. It's gentle, but still so passionate and sensual; it's simply overwhelming as I feel my heart almost bursting from all these feelings.

She has to pull away from my mouth to breath, but it's hard since she can't stop letting out these amazing high-pitched moans, which always means one thing. She's about to come soon.

I circle her clit and fondle her breast to give her as much pleasure as I can, while I continue to pump in and out of her, my hips making smacking sounds when they meet the moist skin of her ass. There is something animalistic about our moves, but still, the care and love we work together with makes this so human. I get so wrapped up in this amazing experience that I barely notice her moans turning into desperate whimpers as her release is coming closer to her, but she needs me to give her the last push.

I literally give her a last push, deeper than ever before and I keep it all inside as I press down or her clit and push my tongue into her mouth. All these impulses make her body tremble, but I keep her safe with my arm, pulling her close to my chest. A second later she pulls away and her face screws up as she comes with a grunt that erupts from the core of her body. She jerks into me, unable to control her moves and I press my forehead against hers to keep her somewhat grounded as she experiences this earth-shattering orgasm.

She feels like she's half-conscious as the aftershocks shake her body, resulting in a few more loud moans to escape her mouth. When she's come down, she slumps under me and I pull my hand away from her center to slide it under her body, crossing my arms under her, pulling her even closer to me.

I try to use her as a shield from the tears that are threatening to come, but I fail miserably, as a choked sob erupts from my body, my emotions bubbling up from deep inside and escaping in a form of crying.

I let them wash over me, as I lie there on top of her, every inch of our bodies touching and still buried deep inside her. "Breathe, Britt, just breathe" I hear her whispering to me, and I desperately try to do so, as I take deep breaths between my sobs to calm myself. "Just feel this" She tells me as she guides my hand upwards under her body to the spot where her heart lies underneath her skin.

Then all I can feel is the beating of her heart, and what happened between us tonight proving again that it is for me and only for me forever.

And that's when I find my peace again.

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**Wow, thank you for reading! Hope you liked it! Tell me what you think please! :-)  
**


	10. Reversal

**Dear readers!**

**Thanks for the new adds and reviews! I'm really glad that everybody seemed to like the last chapter, as I was a bit afraid of how you would react. **

**Now I don't really know how my brain was able to force out this chapter, but I hope you will be happy with it! And a big thanks to those who encouraged me to explore the topic of this chapter. **

**Hope everybody will like it! Enjoy and please review! **

***I strongly suggest you listen to Madonna's 'Justify my love' while reading that scene where it plays. ***

* * *

"Britt" Santana's voice is hoarse from the amount of screaming she has been doing for the past hours. And she has been able to do it without any care, which is a big upside of having parents, who go away and leave her behind every other weekend. It sucked when she was younger, but she didn't really know all the pro-s about it, the possibilities their absence could mean for her. Sometimes she even felt lonely, when she was not out doing everything she thought she was supposed to do as a teenager.

But now, she is not lonely anymore.

"Hmm?" Comes Brittany's lazy reply, and her far from quick response can be only blamed on the fact that natural exhaustion took over her after she slumped on the bed twenty minutes ago, when she finished making Santana come for the third and last time this beautiful Sunday morning.

"Can you come up here?" Santana asks her as she turns her head to the other side to look at her and maybe get her attention properly, which she knows will be hard, because even she barely has energy to speak and she wasn't the one who acted like a sex monster the past hours. She kind of just let Brittany do her things, but those things; wow, they left her pretty drained, too.

"Do I have to?" Brittany asks, clearly uninterested in moving from the place she's been resting her head on for the past minutes. "Cause this feels so good down here" Yeah, 'down there' meaning Santana's right butt cheek, to be exact. She is lying there, face turned to the side, melting into Santana's soft flesh, her eyes barely open, as she is grazing the other cheek with her fingertips.

It just feels so comfortable and warm and yeah, she is kind of obsessed with it, she has to admit.

"I'm not trying to interrupt your bonding time with my bottom half, but I actually want to talk to you about something." Santana tells her, trying to convince her to move already.

"Can't it wait?" Brittany whines like a child trying to win some time before their favorite toy is taken away from them.

Santana rolls her eyes, which is like a reflex in situations like this, frustrating ones. "I'm sure my ass will survive if you leave it alone for a few minutes."

"Maybe I won't!" Brittany challenges her and tries to swallow the giggle that wants to erupt from her, as she is imagining how Santana must be looking at her now. Wide eyes, frowning, mouth hang open, cheeks slightly flustered with frustration.

Then the perfect image in her head is quickly ruined as Santana moves out of her, causing her head to fall on the bed with a thud.

She scratches the back of her head before propping herself up on her elbows to look at Santana.

"You're mean." She pouts, then they share a giggle, before Santana's face turns into serious. It alarms Brittany, so she crawls up on the bed and settles on her side facing Santana. "What is it?" She asks softly, as she senses that Santana is struggling a bit to talk.

She glances up to Brittany's face as she asks "Um…do you still want to try this switching roles thing?"

"Yes." Brittany nods firmly. "I feel that there is a distance between us and I guess it comes naturally with our roles, but it made us struggle a lot, because we didn't understand each other. Of course we could like talk more and stuff, but I believe in demonstration…" She chuckles, happy that she managed to make their conversation a bit lighter.

"Oh, I'm aware of that, Britt" Santana grins at her, her features smooth again, as Brittany makes her feel at ease even though it's hard to talk about stuff like this.

Brittany presses a kiss on her bare shoulder, before setting her eyes on her face asking "So…what do you say?"

"I guess…." Santana glances to the side, dragging out her answer. "…my answer is yes."

"Really?" Brittany's face lights up as she asks for confirmation. It's hard to believe Santana has made up her mind so soon, she didn't expect her to agree to her idea, but she guesses she was quite convincing with her arguments.

"Uh huh" Santana nods, before letting out a slightly nervous chuckle. "But I guess I'm a bit in the dark here." She says uneasily.

Brittany notices the hardness sneaking back on her features, so she strokes her arm, trying to reassure her and showing that she is here. She is here to help her. "I'm here you know, if you want to talk about it."

"Thanks" Santana smiles softly at her. "It's just that you are so good at what you do to me and I don't really know what I'm supposed to do to you." She shrugs, slightly embarrassed by her poor knowledge on how to act dominant with Brittany. It's not like she doesn't have any experience, but in the past, it was entirely different. This is not about 'who is on top' or 'who does who' right now; it's much serious and much frightening for her.

Brittany stops her hand on her arm, as she stares at her deep in thought. "I guess just use your imagination, try to think freely!" She comes up with her advice. "Or maybe you can try what I've done to you and see if I like it too." She offers, before continuing her calming motions.

"But what if I do something you don't like?" Santana asks quietly. Brittany wonders if that's the whole reason why Santana has been reluctant to agree to the idea. She seems really afraid of hurting her, and of course it's natural, she is constantly feeling that fear, when they are together in that way. She fears that she might hurt her in a way she doesn't want her to, so she can understand Santana completely with her doubts about this.

"I will let you know, I promise" She assures her as she pulls her closer by her arm until she is lying face to face with her on her side. "So don't worry about that part!" She tells her as she cups her cheek.

"I'm still not sure I can actually do this." Santana shares her doubts about her own ability to act so dominantly with her, like she did to her.

"I wasn't sure in the beginning either and I guess for you, this is even harder." Brittany shares her thoughts. "It definitely takes some time to be comfortable with it, but I'm sure you can do it." She smiles at her sincerely.

Santana shares her smile, before confessing "I really want to do this for you."

"Us, for us." Brittany corrects her, before pressing a soft kiss on her lips.

She strokes her cheek absentmindedly as they settle into a comfortable silence.

Santana glances down, before looking up at her with a slightly painful expression. "But what if I fail?" She asks as she bites her bottom lip.

"Oh, don't worry so much, honey!" Brittany kisses her forehead. "We will give it a go and if either of us doesn't like it, then it's all right." She tells her, making sure that she knows it's all about trying. There is no such thing as failing or succeeding here. Of course, this is hard to comprehend for someone like Santana, who is a natural competitor.

"Okay." Santana nods, when Brittany settles back on the pillow they share. She enjoys the comfortable silence that dawns on them again and the closeness and warmth of Brittany.

Of course, this perfect state is meant to be ruined, as Brittany pulls up her eyebrows asking "Can I go back down now?"

Santana rolls her eyes at her saying "You are ridiculous!"

"But San, this is serious." Brittany whines. "I feel like I have saturation anxiety." She says seriously.

"That's separation anxiety, Brittany." Santana informs her with slight frustration, but still, the patience behind her words as she corrects Brittany is evident. She doesn't ever want to make her feel silly for mixing up words. She doesn't ever want to make her feel like others make her feel all the time. "And so I noticed. In fact, I'm waiting for the invitation for your wedding now." She says, her voice dripping with irony.

But it doesn't have the result she expected. It just makes Brittany stare at her in wonderment, unfocused as she breathes out. "Wow"

"What?" Santana puffs.

"Just imagined the wedding night…" Brittany shakes her head, her mind obviously replaying every memory she has when she was exploring Santana's bottom. Yeah, pretty great memories for both of them.

"Urrggh" Santana groans at her answer, as she turns back on her stomach to bury her head into the pillows.

Brittany snaps out of her daze, as she senses the opportunity. She crawls back down on the bed and presses a soft kiss to Santana's warm skin, before resting her head on her again.

Best Sunday morning ever, she smiles as she dozes off.

…

They don't do much the rest of the day, just enjoying each other's company and their privacy as long as they can. It's not like they can't do anything when Santana's parents are home, but Brittany has set some clear rules for herself if they are around them. And things like smacking their daughter's ass as she bends to look into the oven when they are cooking lunch are clearly out of the question.

So yeah, it's much better when they are just by themselves.

Unfortunately, it can't last forever. The evening comes and Brittany gets a teasing phone call from her mom, asking if she should tell her their address, in case she forgot where she lived. Brittany gets it, so they say goodbye with a ten-minute make out session, before Santana basically pushes Brittany out of the door, unable to control herself, if her girlfriend stays just for one more second in the same airspace with her.

…

She has already eaten, had a long relaxing bath and changed into her comfy clothes, so there is not much she can do with herself, but sleep is out of the question yet as her mind is wandering around certain topics.

Okay, one certain topic to be exact.

She gives up trying to distract herself by flipping through channels on her tv, so after a deep sigh, she grabs her laptop from the nightstand and opens it up.

She recalls a conversation with Brittany, the one they had after they tried spanking for the first time and she remembers she asked her how she knew how to do it so perfectly.

Well, Brittany said one word: research.

So she doesn't waste more time and gets her research on by clicking on the browser. Well, this is the point where it gets harder, since she doesn't exactly know how she should do this. What is this even called that they are doing? They call it experimenting, but there must be like a more serious word she should use.

She shakes her head, trying to focus and come up with something. She settles for 'role play' in the end, but the results are not really showing anything about their kind of role play. She laughs a little as she adds the word 'sexual' as a third word.

After that, it is entirely different.

She is satisfied as she notices a Wikipedia link, so she quickly opens it up. Her lips part in her surprise as she takes in the site. She realizes that they've started to explore things that partly fall into the category of BDSM, without even knowing that something like this exists for real, like a term.

Apparently, she is 'the controlled individual who is called the bottom or submissive' in the relationship. Good to know how to define herself properly, she muses, as she reads the words further.

But this time actually, their plan with Brittany is to switch the roles, so she would be the dominant one…well if she knew how to do that.

She scrolls down on the page, until she finds an organized section, full of links leading to further pages. As she trails her eyes all over the words and categories, her head starts to twirl with different emotions. She shakes her head to brace herself, as she decides to check out the more interesting ones.

A couple of minutes later, she wonders why she feels so dirty and grossed out reading about these things or seeing pictures, when she feels entirely different while doing some of them. She thinks it's pretty fucked up in some way that she feels so free when she is cuffed, she feels loved when she is hurt and she feels pleasure from the pain. Looking at these pictures, it all feels so sexual, but when they do them with Brittany, everything is about showing their love to each other in some way, sharing the experience and enjoying the intimacy that allows them to explore each other so deeply.

She wonders how many people could do what they do, especially people their age, still relatively young and inexperienced. Maybe it's the love they share, and how natural and comfortable they feel when they are together. She wonders how far they would go, how far they could go together. She wonders what would happen if there was ever a thing either of them would want really bad, but the other wouldn't do it.

She wonders if there could ever exist a thing like that at all.

She wonders what Brittany would say, if she revealed her darkest fantasy to her, something she tried to push away so hard, as she thought it was sick and not healthy, something a person shouldn't ever wish to happen to them.

But now here it is, on this site, among all the other stuff they've tried to some extent already, these two words that make her hand shake a little and her heart speed up as she grabs the mouse to click on the link.

She feels ashamed that she's even remotely interested in reading this page, but at the same time she can't help but feel a bit relieved as she is assured now, that she is not the only one in the world with this fantasy. She feels less alone in some way, now that she's realized that this is not just her darkest thought. No, it is something that exists in the real world, it's something people do. She feels assured that it's okay to think about it.

But still, that is so far from doing it.

And she would never be able to do it. Not because she doesn't want to, she does if she really has to admit it to herself, but…she would never be able to tell Brittany.

This is the last thought she has, the only thought she has as she shuts her eyes and the laptop at the same time.

/

Monday comes, which means that Santana is forced to spend the whole day apart from Brittany because of their shitty schedules. She always tries to survive these days by being extremely productive in her classes, since it's a great distraction and quite useful, too.

But today she is afraid she won't be able to do that.

The memory of last night's sneaks back into her mind, no matter how hard she tries to push it away, she can't help it. The first period hasn't even started, but all she is thinking about is what she wants to do to Brittany.

She is so wrapped up in her naughty thoughts, that she almost misses her locker as she is walking on the hallway.

She shakes her head to wake herself up before she opens it up to grab her books.

The second she takes a look inside, her eyes widen and she carefully peers around the hallway if anyone is watching her. She is pretty lucky that she arrived so early today, as she was hoping that she would have a little time with Brittany before their first period.

Well, it seems that Brittany arrived even earlier, but had some different plans.

Santana doesn't know if it is a curse or a blessing that Brittany knows her locker combo, since what she finds in her locker is quite disturbing and arousing at the same time. There is an item, which makes Santana's face heat up and her hands get shaky, as she reaches out to touch it.

It's a whip.

One of those shorter ones, basically like a riding crop. It's all black and it's covered in leather. She imagines how it would look in Brittany's hand and she has to gulp as she imagines how it would feel like on her skin.

She recalls the memory of the first time they went to the sex shop together and how much this section excited her. The difference is that, back then she was not sure if she would even consider using this ever, but now she can't deny that she wants to.

But what does Brittany want with it?

What is she trying to say by putting it in here? Is she trying to encourage her to use it on her? Or is she just trying to tease her and basically making it impossible for her to think about any other thing other than her today?

Brittany doesn't keep her in the dark though, on the contrary, she is quite direct with her intentions, as Santana can see, when she finds the picture she's put in the book she needs for her first class.

She is completely naked on it, sitting in her chair with wide spread legs, leaving nothing to imagination as she looks sensually right into Santana's eyes. And there it is, a clue for her, as Brittany holds up a familiar item in her left hand, their handcuff.

Santana stares at the picture for a full minute, before she is able to flip it to see if maybe there is a message on the back. Well, there is and the bluntness of Brittany's style surprises her yet again. Her message says 'ready to be your bitch' and Santana fears she might faint on her spot as she reads it over and over again.

Any chance to spend this day productively is completely shattered for her, thanks to her girlfriend. Her girlfriend, who seems rather enthusiastic about being dominated by her.

…

Six periods and a lot of planning and day-dreaming later, Santana notices a smirking Brittany, leaning to her locker casually as she is waiting for her.

She rolls her eyes, because of course Brittany would embarrass her even further by asking if she's found her 'surprises'. She tries to shake off the memory of the morning and pretend that she's cool as she approaches her.

"Hey Britt" She greets her and she rolls her eyes at herself as her voice comes out higher than usual. She really has to control herself more.

Brittany pulls up an eyebrow as she greets her with a simple "Hi"

"Um, what's up?" Santana asks, her nerves still showing in her voice.

"Just wanted to check on you before I take off to dance class…" Brittany shrugs. Her phrasing is quite strange, but it can't be a surprise for Santana after such a long time of being around her. But still, she wonders what she means by this.

"Check on me?" She asks frowning.

"Yeah like, see if you survived today without going home and having a marathon with…" Brittany wiggles her eyebrows, obviously referring to Santana's vibrator which she has a serious love-hate relationship with.

"Brittany" Santana cuts her off by pushing her hand on her mouth. She lets go a second later, but continues to stare at her with wide eyes.

"It's not a big deal, San" Brittany shrugs. "I mean I'm pretty hot on that picture…" she smirks before continuing "and that whi…"

"Stop it!" Santana smack her arm overdramatically before she can say any more teasing words. She is extremely flustered now and she really hopes people won't notice her state, because that would lead to never-ending teasing by her friends (or something like that).

Brittany turns into serious after a second, and Santana hopes it means that she's done with this awful part of mocking her. "Only if you tell me what you think" She smirks at her, offering a deal.

"You are crazy, I hope you know that." Santana chuckles. "And it was just cruel, so I'm mad at you." She pulls up her eyebrows, checking if Brittany is pleased with her answer, as she told her exactly what she thought of her surprise.

Brittany stares at her for seconds and Santana notices a mysterious gleam in her eyes, which always means one thing, she is up to no good. She leans closer to Santana's face as she husks "I guess I need to be punished then."

Santana knows that she is trying to throw her off of her game, but she doesn't let her now, not this time. She takes a deep breath before slowly exhaling and answering her "I guess you do" She agrees with her confidently, blatantly challenging her.

Brittany seems amazed by her confidence as she says "I can't wait!" She winks at her before changing to serious and announcing "But I have to go now."

"Text me later?" Santana asks, hoping that this won't be the last interaction they have today. She hates Mondays, with all these awfully long hours they have to spend apart.

"Anything you want" Brittany wiggles her eyebrows playfully, making her giggle, before she pulls her closer to her.

"Kiss me!" She whispers and Brittany obeys immediately by pressing an open-mouthed kiss on her lips. She is not really shy as she pushes her tongue into her mouth without any hesitation. They make out for two minutes before Santana hears a familiar voice yelling 'Get a room for God's sake!' at them. She pulls away and shoots a glare at Kurt, before turning back to Brittany who smirks at her, noticing her breathless state.

"Love you" Brittany tells her, before giving her another kiss, this time only an innocent peck. But of course, how can anything be innocent if Brittany does it? She manages to lick her bottom lip for a nanosecond before pulling away, but still, it has an immediate effect on Santana, who doesn't let her get too far and captures her lips again. She kisses her deep again, then sucks on her bottom lip, before biting it playfully. Apparently she doesn't care if anyone is watching them anymore.

"Love you, too" She whispers to Brittany's now even more pink lips, before she pulls away to look at her. She is pleased as Brittany stares at her in wonderment, clearly stunned by her actions, which are quite rare when they are not in private.

She throws a wink at her, before turning on her heels and walking towards the front door, swaying her hips even more than usual, thinking that maybe this whole reversing roles idea will be much more fun than she thought.

…

She's never been happier that Brittany is such a devoted dancer, never missing a class, even when she is sick or when Santana whines like a child to spend time with her instead. Now she is grateful for the great opportunity it offers her to complete the first part of her plan, sneaking into Brittany's room without anyone knowing and picking up something she needs for later.

As she arrives to her house, none of the families' cars are there, so the chance of going totally unnoticed seems really good.

She carefully enters the house and tiptoes to the stairs when she rolls her eyes at herself, because if no one is here, why is she acting like she can be busted any second. She continues her way to Brittany's bedroom, which she finds rather chaotic. Clearly she left in a hurry, Santana figures before the memory of the morning comes up in her mind, offering the reason why Brittany left her room like this.

She is not so pleased with her girlfriend now, as she has to find what she is looking for in these circumstances.

…

Twenty minutes and an awkward staring competition with Lord Tubbington later, she finally manages to find the accessory under Brittany's bed in a box with 'Top secret stuff' written on it. She didn't actually thought Brittany would keep their 'secret stuff' aka their sexual accessories in a box that screams 'open it'. She prays to God that Brittany's mom hasn't figured out what lies under her daughter's bed somehow. Her thoughts about how mildly embarrassing that would be are interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and closing.

Panic rises in her as she frantically tries to open her bag and push the item into it with her slightly shaking hands. She calms down a little as she recognizes Brittany's mom's voice coming from downstairs. She is singing some cheesy 80's hit song, clearly thinking that she is alone in the house. Not that the audience would bother her. The Pierces are really not shy people.

Santana takes a look around the room, checking that she left everything in place and made no signs that she's been here at all. When she thinks all is clear, she grabs her bag, takes a deep breath and exits the room.

She is welcomed by a startled Mrs. Pierce peeking out from the kitchen. "Santana" She greets her smiling, when she notices her. She is clearly grateful that it's just her daughter's girlfriend sneaking into their house and not a robber doing the same.

"Um, hi Mrs. P!" Santana waves awkwardly, shifting on her feet.

Mrs. P. clearly senses that she has something to hide and of course she is not one to let this go. "Not that I mind it, but what are you doing here alone?" She asks with a faint smirk, pulling up her eyebrows challengingly.

"Just picking up something I left here…" Santana trails off nervously, hoping that she will be let off the hook this time. She really wishes just to get out of here as soon as possible.

Brittany's mom shakes her head at her, before she asks teasingly "I shouldn't ask, should I?"

"Uh" Santana mumbles nervously as she feels her face heat up a bit. She really hopes she won't catch it, because she would never hear the end of it. Sometimes it seems that her only goal in life is to make Santana embarrassed in every occasion they meet. To be honest, she is succeeding easily so far.

"Right" Mrs. Pierce says before flashing a victorious smile at Santana. "So, are you staying or?" She asks, changing the topic and offering a chance to Santana to finally escape.

"No, actually I gotta go now, sorry" Santana stammers, before quickly pulling on her sneakers and opening the door. "Bye Mrs. P" She yells before she closes it in a rush.

Mrs. Pierce just stares at the door for a second, before shaking her head and muttering a quiet "So cute…" to herself as she wanders back to the kitchen.

/

The next morning Santana wakes up full of excitement. She barely manages to contain her emotions inside all day, but she forces herself to do so, because it would suck so hard if Brittany would notice any change in her behavior.

She manages to survive the day without making it obvious that she is preparing for something in her mind.

After the end of their last period, she walks to Brittany's locker with her. She seems completely in the dark about Santana's sneaky ways and her plan for the afternoon.

They say good-bye to each other with some words and a lot more kisses, before Brittany takes off to go to Mr. Figgins' office for their usual Tuesday afternoon get-together.

When she is not in sight anymore, Santana's soft smile turns into a devilish smirk, as she turns on her heels and starts walking into the opposite direction to her own locker.

…

A few minutes later she is settled in Brittany's huge comfortable chair in her office, filing her nails absentmindedly as she is waiting for Brittany.

She is grateful that her girlfriend had this awesome idea to give her a key to her office some time ago for the cutest reason ever. She said that she already has a key to her house and her heart, so why not having a key to her office. So now they share everything, which is a perfect start for a future where they hope to continue sharing everything they have, even more important and serious things than now.

There's not much to do here in this little office, so as a good lesbian that she's been aiming to be recently, she is working on keeping her nails at perfect length. She is kind of obsessed with this actually, but not just for the obvious reasons, but also because it's a great stress reliever for her. And now she needs it to keep her mind off of how she is planning to surprise Brittany.

It takes a few more minutes before she hears the sound of footsteps coming closer, so she quickly spins in the chair to face the wall and hide herself for a little longer.

The door opens, but no one is coming in, and Santana guesses that Brittany probably has no idea who the hell just broke into her office. She decides that it's time to reveal herself, so after a deep breath, she musters up all the confidence she has and slowly turns around to face Brittany.

Brittany is clearly stunned by her presence, as she is staring at her with unblinking eyes. "Santana" She shakes her head a little to snap herself out of her daze.

Santana waves at her with her free hand teasingly. "Brittany" She husks sensually, before dropping the nail file and setting her elbows on the table. "Lock the door" She points to the door, which is still wide-open, offering a great view to the peering eyes on the hallway.

"Okay" Brittany says frowning, before locking the door behind herself and taking a few steps towards Santana. "But I don't really understand…" She seems a bit lost about why Santana is here, since they just said goodbye like twenty minutes ago and she told her that she would be going home. Santana takes in her confused state, which is quite a bit adorable, but she decides not to keep her in the dark longer. She tries to give her a clue, as she opens the drawer under the table and takes out the whip Brittany hid in her locker yesterday.

"Maybe now you do" She tells her smirking, as she strokes their newest accessory up and down.

Brittany's eyes widen comically and Santana can see her gulp, before she mutters a quiet "Oh".

Santana definitely doesn't plan to use the whip on her this afternoon, or any other occasion to be honest, but she thought it's a great way to reveal her plan. And it seems that she just managed to surprise Brittany just the way she surprised her a day before. She laughs inwardly as she thinks about how this accessory has already been a good purchase, though they haven't even used it for real yet. She stares at the item, thinking about when would be the perfect time to use it, of course with her on the receiving end, when she hears Brittany walk up to the other side of the table.

She glances up to her, while trying to stop her twirling thoughts. "Umm, I would really love to do that, but I sort of have stuff to do." Brittany tells her apologetically, with a slightly painful smile, like it causes her actual physical pain to say no to Santana. Well, it's not that hard to imagine for Santana, as she feels the growing ache between her legs. She really wants Brittany to help her getting rid of that ache, so she clears her throat and decides that it's time to be completely direct.

"No, you don't." She tells her confidently, shaking her head. She leans ahead on her elbows and strokes a path along her jaw with the end of the whip as she informs Brittany "You have only one thing to do this afternoon." She licks her bottom lip and tries to come up with the most sensual voice she can muster as she says "Me!"

Brittany's ears turn into a deep shade of red, making Santana quite pleased with her performance so far. She gulps, before mumbling a quiet "Right." The slight crack in her voice makes Santana pat on her own shoulder inwardly.

This game seems like the best freaking confidence-booster ever, she thinks as she contemplates her next actions.

She spins the whip in her hands for a few seconds, before setting her eyes at Brittany again. "Hmmm, now that we cleared that, let me remind you of the rules." She points at Brittany with the whip. "No talking, no touching…in fact, you shouldn't do anything without me asking you to." She reminds her of the rules she herself set the first time they tried this game. "Am I understood?" She asks while pulling up her eyebrows questioningly.

Brittany nods, before setting her eyes on the floor. Santana is pleased with her, but of course what did she expect? Brittany invented the rules of this game, so it really shouldn't be hard for her to play it right. Well, she might behave perfectly so far, but Santana will do everything to make her crazy and force her to make a mistake, because that would be the real fun.

"So, I've been thinking, you know…what to ask of you…" Santana shares with her "…and I guess I came up with something really fun, at least for me anyway." She shrugs, because this game is a great opportunity for her to be selfish without any guilt and think about her own pleasure. But of course what she has in mind might be quite fun for Brittany herself, at least she hopes so.

She sets the whip on the table and grabs her phone to search for a song she's spent quite a lot of time picking out for this occasion. When it's just a click away from starting, she looks up to Brittany with hooded eyes.

"I want you…to perform…" She tells her slowly, dragging out her words and heightening Brittany's anticipation "…a striptease for me!"

Brittany's eyes snap at her for a second, as she seems surprised by Santana's wish, before she sets them on the floor again. She bites her bottom lip as she takes in the words, but then she seems to remember that she shouldn't hesitate that much, so she slowly grabs her hair tie and pulls it out of her hair, freeing her blonde locks. She shakes her head a little to fix her hair, before looking up at Santana to see if she's pleased with her.

Santana is really pleased, she is quite amused actually. This already seems much more fun than what she imagined in her head. She watches as Brittany quickly pulls off her shoes and socks, before standing up and waiting for her a sign that she should start.

Santana doesn't waste more time and taps on the screen of her phone to start the song. A faint smile creeps up on Brittany's face as she recognizes the first tunes of Madonna's 'Justify my love' coming from it and filling the air.

Santana leans back to settle comfortably in her chair, so that she can completely concentrate on Brittany. She watches her as she starts to sway her hips to the beat slowly. Brittany catches her licking her lips, as she looks up at her while continuing her sensual moves. They stare into each other's eyes intensely as Madonna's sultry voice fills the room.

_I wanna kiss you in Paris  
I wanna hold your hand in Rome  
I wanna run naked in a rainstorm  
Make love in a train cross-country  
You put this in me  
So now what, so now what?_

Brittany starts to mouth the lyrics as shestrokes her body all over through the fabric of her clothes, giving special attention to her partly bare thighs and her breasts. Santana has to grab the arms of the chair to control herself from jumping at her and ripping off her clothes herself. Brittany's moves are incredibly sexy and teasing and just perfect in every way and she hasn't even started to undress herself.

_Wanting, needing, waiting_  
_For you to justify my love_

She watches her with unblinking eyes, not to miss even a second of her performance. Brittany continues to mouth the lyrics for her as she grabs the zipper of her Cheerios top and excruciatingly slowly pulls it down.

_Hoping, praying_  
_For you to justify my love_

She pulls off her top gracefully, only losing eye-contact for a second, before dropping the item on the floor. She strokes her now bare stomach up and down as Santana can't take her eyes off of her just revealed bra, which is an incredibly sexy black one, pushing up her tits perfectly for her great pleasure. Her mouth waters at the sight and she feels her eyes burning as she forces them to take in as much of Brittany as she can.

_I want to know you  
Not like that  
I don't wanna be your mother  
I don't wanna be your sister either  
I just wanna be your lover  
I wanna have your baby  
Kiss me, that's right, kiss me_

Brittany points at Santana at the same time of mouthing the words 'your baby' for her sensually, while her hands wander all over her body. She tangles her fingers into her hair, then trails a path down on her neck, stopping for a second at her collarbone and then edging downwards to cup her breasts. She continues to sway her hips sensually, while squeezing her covered breasts in her hands. Then she scratches her nails on her stomach, before grabbing the hem of her skirt. She pulls up an eyebrow as she grabs the zipper of it, teasingly playing with it for a few seconds.

_Wanting, needing, waiting  
For you to justify my love_

_Yearning, burning  
For you to justify my love_

She slowly pulls it down and lets the item fall on the floor, revealing the black thong that matches her bra. It barely covers anything and Santana has to lick her dry lips as she takes in the sight of her now almost naked girlfriend. How her blonde locks frame her beautiful face, how pink her lips are and how much lust she catches in her eyes. How she moves perfectly in tune with the music, teasing her own body with her wandering hands and pleasuring both of them in a way. Her flat stomach, her toned thighs, the amazing contrast of her pale skin and her black lingerie, it's a sight that Santana will never forget in her life. And if maybe she does, she knows that Brittany will be there to remind her.

_What are you gonna do?  
What are you gonna do?  
Talk to me - tell me your dreams  
Am I in them?  
Tell me your fears  
Are you scared?  
Tell me your stories  
I'm not afraid of who you are  
We can fly!_

Brittany strokes her lower abdomen, sometimes ducking her fingers under her thong to tease Santana, but never going too far. She is so incredibly sexy that Santana has to grip the arms of the chair so much that her knuckles turn white as she tries to control herself. She is lightly panting and suddenly the air seems too thick around her and her clothes too tight, as the ache between her legs becomes almost unbearable.

She can't bear the distance between them anymore. What Brittany is doing now, for her, it is fun, really, probably the hottest thing she's ever witnessed, but she can't control herself anymore. She needs to touch her, she needs to kiss her, she simply needs her.

She lets go of the arms of the chair and motions to her to come closer. Brittany obeys immediately; she walks around the table and stops in front of her, just an inch distancing their bodies now.  
_  
Poor is the man  
Whose pleasures depend  
On the permission of another_

The second her fingers come in contact with the back of Brittany's thighs, they both let out a deep sigh, enjoying the feel of being so close again. Santana looks up at her and their eyes bore into each other's, as the music continues to sway in the background.  
_  
Love me, that's right, love me  
I wanna be your baby_

Brittany whispers these words to her quietly and Santana can only hear her and her only, her tender, but still so lustful voice making the sound of the music fade. She gently strokes her skin, first on the back of her things, then edging upwards to her perfect ass and onto her hips.

_Wanting, needing, waiting  
For you to justify my love_

She grabs her hips a bit more firmly to pull her closer, before leaning in slowly and pressing a soft kiss on her stomach. She rests her forehead against her body for a few seconds as she lightly pants, moistening her skin. She can hear her doing the same, as she lifts her head and presses another kiss on her warm skin. She circles her thumbs on her hips as she peppers wet kisses all over her stomach, edging lower until she is kissing millimeters away from the waistband of her thong.

_I'm open and ready  
For you to justify my love  
To justify my love_

She hears Brittany muffling her moans, which want to escape her mouth so badly, but she doesn't want to let them. Her sexy sounds make Santana want her to get closer, so she looks up at her while pulling at her hips. Then she glances into her lap to make her understand where she wants her. Brittany instantly climbs on the chair and straddles her lap, setting her hands on the back of the chair, not to touch her, just as the rules say. Santana decides not to touch her either, so she grabs the arms of the chair again to keep her hands in control.  
_  
Wanting, to justify  
Waiting, to justify my love_

They pant into each other's face, their hot breaths mingling in the air, as their skins burn against each other. Santana feels that her whole body is burning in fire, as the passion takes over her. She tilts her head and licks Brittany's bottom lip to seek entrance, which Brittany quickly grants her, so their lips meet in an incredibly wet kiss. They stroke each other's tongues as the last words of the lyrics can be heard in the background.  
_  
Praying, to justify  
To justify my love  
I'm open, to justify my love_

The music slowly fades away, but they don't care at all, as their kiss intensifies and it becomes wild and passionate, with biting each other's swollen lips and sucking on each other's tongues, muffling each other's moans.

They fight for dominance, and Brittany doesn't seem to give up anytime soon, so Santana roughly grabs her waist and pushes their torsos together with one hand, while her other tangles into Brittany's locks to push her mouth even more into hers.

The kiss leaves them both breathless for seconds, panting against each other's mouth as they rest their foreheads together.

It takes all the effort in Santana's body to pull away, but she convinces herself that it will just get better.

And it truly does as she lifts her hands to Brittany's back and unclasps her bra, before pulling it down and dropping it on the floor. She immediately leans closer and takes a nipple into her mouth, making Brittany throw her head back and moan loudly into the air, which is filled with music again, as the song starts again on replay. But this time, they couldn't care less for it.

Santana teases Brittany's nipples for minutes with her warm mouth and her soft tongue, before she decides that it's time for Brittany to give her pleasure and not the opposite. She pulls away and searches in the drawer for the handcuff. The sound of the metal making contact with the wood of the table makes Brittany snap her eyes open curiously. She instantly grasps what Santana wants to do, so she willingly brings down her hands between their bodies, ready to be locked in.

They share an intense stare, filled with love and lust, as Santana locks her wrists into the cuffs. She strokes Brittany's arms, all up until her shoulders, before tangling her fingers into her soft locks and pulling her head closer again. She softly captures her pink lips again, this time in a much gentler kiss, just lightly sucking on her bottom lip and licking her sensually, before she breathes into her mouth "Make love to me". Their mouths hover over each other's as their hot breaths make them feel like they are burning in fire together. "Make love to me" Santana repeats and she almost sounds begging, and Brittany immediately senses the overwhelming need in her voice. She pulls away and seeks confirmation in her eyes, which she finds easily, as Santana's eyes are almost all black now with the lust that slowly overtakes her body.

Santana helps Brittany climb off from the chair as her movements are limited by the handcuff. Then Brittany kneels down on the floor and looks up at her with hooded eyes, her own need pouring out from her body, radiating off her skin. Santana watches her lightly panting between her parted lips as she pulls off her own shoes and socks. She catches her licking her lips as she lifts her hips and tucks her thumbs into her spanks. Brittany's eyes never take off of her as she undresses herself completely, finally revealing her glistening core, making Brittany let out a gasp as she takes in the full effect she has on her lover.

Santana just stares at her, as her angelic face slowly leans closer to her, until she is just a few inches away from her center. Brittany looks up at her with her passionate, but still so tender eyes and Santana can't help, but cup her cheeks with her hands gently. They stare into each other's eyes, conveying their deep emotions as Santana slowly guides Brittany's mouth to the place she wants her the most.

The feel of her velvety tongue between her folds makes her roll back her eyes into her head and dig her nails into Brittany's scalp. She hasn't been this sensitive for a long time and every little move Brittany makes with her warm mouth makes her almost jump out of her skin. She grinds into her as Brittany explores her intensely with her tongue and when she first presses down on her clit, she lets out a loud moan, which cuts through the music-filled air easily. Her back bends almost painfully and her thighs tightly hold Brittany's head, craving to get more and more of this amazing pleasure.

She gasps as Brittany sucks on her clit and she has to pull her lover's hair to relieve some of the pressure that's building up in her body. She rocks into her mouth as Brittany dives inside her with her tongue, and a deep moan erupts from her body. Brittany starts to alternate between sucking on her clit and sliding into her with her tongue and it makes her go out of her mind. She feels that she is close, so she presses Brittany's head even closer to her core with one hand and pushes her hair out of her face with the other, as she wants nothing more than to see her face when she comes.

She holds her in place as she rocks into her, high-pitched moans escaping her mouth and when Brittany looks up at her finally, her loving expression is enough to bring her over the edge. She stiffens for a few seconds, as Brittany pushes her tongue incredibly deep inside her and she pulls out to press down on her clit when Santana's whole body starts to tremble. She can't control herself, she feels like she is almost escaping her body, but Brittany keeps her in place, she grounds her with her tender eyes and her soft licks as she brings her down.

Santana's whole body slumps and she has to close her eyes, as she feels that she has no strength to keep them open anymore. She feels Brittany pressing a last soft kiss to her core, making her jerk into her one more time before she falls back into the chair. She hears Brittany standing up and then she feels her straddling her legs again. She peeks at her between her eyelids, before closing them again, unable to do anything that requires energy at the moment.

Brittany notices how spent she is, so she does everything for her on her own. She lifts her cuffed wrists and pushes them behind Santana's head, settling her forearms on her shoulders to hold herself up as she leans closer to her face.

Santana can feel her hot breath on her skin and then she feels her nuzzling her nose affectionately, causing her to smile tiredly. Brittany nudges her upper lip with her nose, before pressing a soft kiss on it.

Santana can taste herself on her lips as they kiss tenderly; healing each other's bruised lips with soft licks as they enjoy the closeness of their bodies again. It gives enough strength to Santana to lift her hands to Brittany's back and press their torsos together. She feels how warm Brittany's skin is under her palms; she feels her burning under her touch as she strokes her lower back with her thumbs. Brittany pulls away and breathes a deep sigh to Santana's mouth, before she buries her head into the crook of her neck. She presses a few soft kisses on the skin where her neck and shoulder meets as Santana strokes her hair and her back.

They don't need words to express their feelings this time, their touches able to convey everything they feel inside, how much they care for each other and how much love they share.

They melt in each other's arms, as time seems to stand still around them and the song plays in background over and over and over again.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed it! Tell me what you think! **

**Next update will come on next Wednesday or Thursday probably. Stay tuned! **


	11. For each other

**Dear readers!**

**New chapter here and it's from Brittany's point of view, yaaay! It was pretty hard to write, so I hope you will like it. **

**Enjoy and please review!**

* * *

"I can't believe I agreed to this!" She huffs as she fastens her seatbelt.

"It's going to be fun!" I try to convince her patiently, though she is really starting to get on my nerves. She's already called me twice to beg to cancel our double-date with Kurt and Blaine. I have to admit that she came up with pretty awesome alternatives, but I don't want us to be like one of those couples who get so comfortable, that they forget life exists around them. Of course I like to have a lot of alone time with Santana, but sometimes it feels good to have other's people company also, when we are together. And honestly, it makes me really proud when people notice that we are 'together' together, like girlfriends and they throw me those envious looks. Yeah, sometimes I like to show the world that she is mine.

"Ugh, no?" She rolls her eyes. "It's going to be hell!" She is being awfully overdramatic. Probably it's the influence of Rachel, who she spends an offensive amount of time with nowadays.

"Santana, when are you going to stop pretending that you don't like these people?" I ask her, pulling up my eyebrows questioningly.

"What?" She asks like I'm out of my mind. "I don't!"

"That's not true and we both know it." I tell her simply, with a shrug, not taking my eyes away from the road.

"It is though…I only like you." She says softly and I'm happy that we had to stop at a red light, otherwise it would have been extremely hard to keep the car on the road when she is being so cheesy and adorable. I resist the urge to call her a sap and settle to take her hand and squeeze it lovingly.

"You only love me, that's not the same as like." I explain to her and we both know that I'm right.

"Okay, whatever." She replies reluctantly, giving up her resistance. "But the second they start on how cute I am or shit, we are leaving!" She threatens. I don't know why she has doubts that this is how it's gonna go down. Kurt would never miss an opportunity to tease her, turning every conversation they have into an insult competition and making everyone around them want to pull their own hair out. I'm pretty sure that this dinner will also turn out like this, so her threat sounds a bit empty.

I don't tell her that, instead I decide to warm her up a bit. I catch a glance at her, before turning back to the road and muster up my best poker face.

"But you are cute…" I shrug, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. And it is for me, but recently other people seem to discover this side of Santana, too. "Sanny baby" I tease her.

"Britt, stop!" She whines, as she shoves my hand away lightly. A giggle escapes my mouth as I sense her frustration. Looks like Kurt won't be the one to start the tease-fest tonight, I've already done it. "You know I hate that name!" She shakes her head disgustedly, like she literally wants to erase all the memories when she got called 'that name'.

"Okay, seriously, stop whining!" I tell her, as I turn on the street her favorite restaurant in the whole world takes place. "Just think about the sticks!" I wiggle my eyebrows at her.

"Hmmm…" By the sounds she lets out I instantly know that she is settled. I don't have to expect any more complaints from her, at least not until her mind is occupied enough with the images of her obsession.

…

"May I remind you that we were supposed to meet at 7?" Kurt asks before he musters up the biggest fake smile on her face I've ever seen. With Blaine, they sit in a booth in the middle of the pretty crowded restaurant, which is not so surprising, considering it is Friday night. It's strange to think that probably I and Santana would be at a popular guy's party if we weren't together actually. I mean we would be together there, but not like that. Or like that, but only after the party.

Well, it was all so confusing, so I'm happy it's over now and there exists just one kind of together for us now and that covers all the meanings.

"Well excuse me that I want to look somewhat presentable!" Santana throws back as she tries to sit down gracefully in her extremely tight dress. It hugs her form so amazingly; I had a mini heart-attack when she got into my car earlier. Her breasts are spilling out deliciously over the front and the dress really compliments the amazing curve of her ass. She is smoking hot and I guess the boys in front of us are the only ones who don't realize that in the whole restaurant. I look around and quite a few men and even some women turn back quickly to their company as I catch their eyes leering at Santana. Sometimes I wonder if she likes that, the attention, but she always erases these thoughts by showing me that she only wants my attention and she only wants me to like her, to want her. She is pretty convincing when she is whispering these words into my ear while we make love after we get home from these public appearances.

I snap out of my daze as I hear Kurt snorting. "Oh, it must've taken approximately ten seconds to pull that dress on!" He comments as he looks at her disapprovingly.

"I got distracted, okay?" Santana huffs and I just have the biggest urge to roll my eyes at her, since she was the one who distracted me, not the other way. "And why are you picking on me all the time anyway?" She attacks Kurt, while picking up a stick from the basket.

"I can't believe you're saying that!" Kurt throws his hands in the air, his expression deeply offended, but we all know he's just being overdramatic, much like Santana herself.

"Will you two just grow up already?" Blaine chimes in and for like maybe the first time in my life I agree with him. He has always been nice to me, but he can be way off with a lot of things, judging people here and there and I don't like that. And he tried to rap to my girlfriend when she was in the middle of coming out, like the situation wasn't enough disastrous already.

Anyway, he is actually right with his question this time.

"He started it!" Santana widens her eyes and points at Kurt with the stick, making me wonder how someone so grown-up like her can be so childish sometimes. She is acting so silly and of course, Kurt is being a supporting partner, like any other time.

"Santana?" I pull up an eyebrow questioningly at her, the way that says 'really, honey?' and I hope she will finally let it go. I'm here to have fun tonight, and though it's pretty entertaining to watch them fight like kids, it gets to annoying level after a while, so I want to prevent that.

"Okay, okay, I will shut up, just give me my food!" She huffs, throwing her hair dramatically over her bare shoulder.

"Oh, thank God!" Kurt mutters, as he pushes the menu into her hand.

…

One of the biggest advantages of Santana being a lefty is that we can hold hands while eating. We do that pretty much all the time, when we don't need two hands, so I expect her to take my left hand as I notice her right one lifting off the table.

But she doesn't take my hand that lies in my lap. No, she puts it down on the seat between us casually, before setting her hand on my thigh. I glance at her curiously, because though she is pretty good at that PDA thing nowadays, certain things like what she's doing now is meant to be kept private in her opinion.

It seems like she changed her mind, now that she is teasingly stroking the inside of my thighs. I let her, because duh, it feels good and I'm kinda adventurous publically for an extent.

It gets interesting though, when she moves upwards and I almost choke on my food when she cups me between my legs. I look up if the boys have noticed anything, but they are too wrapped up in a conversation about which Broadway musical is gayer and suits them better. Santana chimes in sometimes, as she starts to stroke me over the fabric of my now damp panties.

I continue eating to distract myself and keep the noises that want to escape my mouth in somehow, as she presses two fingers to my most sensitive spot.

I shut my eyes for a second to control myself, but I hear someone clear their throat rather loudly, so I snap them open again quickly. "Brittany, are you okay?" The boys are staring at me curiously and I steal a glance at Santana, who struggles to hide a pleased smirk. She is failing miserably and I just pray to God the boys won't be able to figure out what is happening under the table.

"Uh, yeah" I try to be as convincing as I can, but it's pretty hard, considering Santana draws a light circle on my clit with her fingers.

"But you are all red and you seem like you might faint!" Kurt argues and I know that he must be right, since the air feels awfully hot around me and I have to take deep breaths to keep myself from exploding right in the middle of the restaurant.

"She is all right, don't shit your designer pants!" Santana talks him down. "She is just a bit hot, aren't you Britt-Britt?" She smirks wickedly at me and I wonder who that girl is and what she has done to my girlfriend. Cause my girlfriend sure as hell wouldn't try to almost finger me in the middle of a dinner with thirty other people in the room. Or would she?

"Yeah, wow, it's so hot in here!" I widen my eyes, like I have no idea why I'm feeling so hot all of a sudden, but of course it's rather obvious why I do. Santana and I both know it, but the boys remain clueless fortunately.

"You two are even weirder than usual…" Kurt shakes her head at us and turns back to Blaine to go on with their boring conversation.

I take the opportunity to stare at Santana with wide eyes, expressing my desperation. She takes in my state, which would be rather obvious for anybody who's seen a girl being turned on at least once in their life. Well, no wonder that Kurt and Blaine didn't notice what is going on with me.

But of course, Santana has seen girls… well…me being turned on for hundreds of times in her life, so she knows the deal. She knows that she should stop because I'm like a minute away of having an orgasm in the middle of a restaurant and I sure as hell don't wanna share that experience with these strangers.

Well, she seems to think differently, as she blows a kiss to me, before pushing aside my panties and diving into my wetness with her fingers.

I stand up so quickly, she lets out a little loud giggle and a lot of eyes stare at me around our table. The level of my frustration is already somewhere far up in the blue sky, but now she is even laughing at me. I narrow my eyes and shake my head at her, before mumbling a quick "Excuse me!" to the boys and set off in the direction of the bathroom.

…

I almost miss the sound of the toilet's door opening; as I'm too wrapped up in finding my release, but the clicking sound of Santana's stilettos is so distinct, I instantly recognize them. I don't care that much for the fact that she can hear me, as I push two fingers into myself. I have to grip the edge of the stall with my free hand as my knees feel all wobbly from the pleasure that starts to take over my body.

"Britt" She calls my name loudly. "Britt, where are you?" She asks, but I'm not able to speak properly, when I'm about a second away from my orgasm.

"Uh…" I moan into the silence of the room, helping her unintentionally to find me. I hear her coming closer and stopping in front of the door, before she knocks.

"Brittany!" She calls me again with unusual firmness in her voice. "Let me in!" She knocks harder again.

"Uh, no" I answer weekly as I bite down on my lip, rocking into my fingers with all my strength.

"Let me in now!" She demands and she basically starts banging the door to convince me to open it. I'm sure she knows exactly what I'm doing and she probably knows how close I am to burst, but she seems desperate to prevent that.

I'm so torn about what to do.

It really would just take a few more circles on my clit and some hard pumps before I would trash and it would be all over. But there is a little voice in my head that says she would be so pissed at me. There is a little voice that says I shouldn't do this, even though I'm awfully mad at her right now for putting me into this situation. "Fuck" I mutter, full of frustration as I start sliding out with my fingers. A painful whimper leaves my mouth as I pull out entirely, leaving the ache I feel in my body almost unbearable.

I don't wipe my hands or pull up my panties, since I couldn't care less about the signs now. She already knows what I was doing so there would be no point. I just unlock the door as I try to calm my ragged breathing, in case she wants me to be able to talk.

She practically bursts into the stall and she seems just as mad as I thought she would be. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" She glares at me, almost threateningly as she takes in my state. Her eyes catch my glistening fingers and my panties hanging at my knees before she stares at me again, questioningly.

"Finishing what you started!" I tell her simply, not backing down.

She is clearly not pleased with my answer. She takes a step closer and pulls up her eyebrows, trying to intimidate me. "Only I get to do that." She tells me firmly as she sets her hands on the wall at either side of my head. She tries to corner me as she stares at me intensely. Her eyes are hard, but passionate, so consuming with their blackness.

I stare at her parted lips, which are covered with her favorite red lipstick and my mouth waters. It would feel so good to kiss her now, but I resist the urge to do so. I trail my eyes all over her face, before staring into her eyes.

She looks at me like she owns me.

And it just snaps something inside me. I don't know what that is, but it makes me push my tongue into her mouth and grab her wrist tightly and pull it between my legs. She lets out a surprised gasp into my mouth and wants to pull away, but I keep her in place with my free hand pressing down on the back of her neck. She struggles to break free with her hand, but I quickly change our position and push her into the opposite wall roughly.

Her head thuds on it and I almost feel guilty for hurting her, before she shoves me back and tries to regain control. She meets my tongue and tries to dominate our kiss, while firmly cupping my wet core with her palm. I moan into her mouth and take a deep breath through my nostrils, before I muster up my strength to push her backwards again.

She is tricky though, because as she starts stroking me between my folds, I lose control and she has a chance to push me back to the opposite wall and…

"Fuck!" She breaks away all of a sudden, and when I open my eyes, she is holding her hand to her mouth. "I can't believe you bit me!" She stares at me with wide disbelieving eyes, like she doesn't know what is wrong with me. I don't know either, as I can't even remember that I've done that to her just now, I feel like I there was a black out for a second. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what caused me to hurt her like that, but I know that I regret it now.

"Let me see it!" I ask her softly to show me her mouth, hoping that it won't look that bad.

She reluctantly pulls away with her fingers and I see that her bottom lip is bruised pretty badly. I feel guilt rising in me, as I catch a drop of blood on it. I turn away and tear a piece of toilet paper to soak it up.

"Ow" She winces painfully, as I press it lightly to her lip.

"I'm sorry!" I mumble to her as she turns away from me and opens the door. She goes to look into the mirror and she shakes her head at her reflection.

"I can't go back in there like that!" She tells me as she closes her eyes and pushes her fingers to the bridge of her nose to ease her frustration.

"I'm sorry!" I plead her to forgive me, but she just shakes her head again.

"I'm going home." She mutters as she drops her hand and turns away from the mirror. "Fuck, I don't have a car." She realizes that we came here together in my car, so she can't go home alone.

"I'm taking you home. I will distract them, while you sneak out, okay?" I offer her, as the guilt makes me want to do everything she wants, even more than usually.

I follow her to the door and she doesn't answer me until her hand is on the doorknob.

"Okay" She agrees to my offer finally, without as much as a glance at me. It hurts me that she seems reluctant to stay in my company, but I let it go, since I hurt her much worse.

"I'm sorry, honey!" I tell her again, as I feel awfully bad for what I've done and my heart feels tight until she says that it's okay.

"Don't honey me, Britt!" She tells me harshly, as she looks at me finally, but now I wish she didn't do that, since her eyes are hard and unforgiving. "Just go, please!" She mumbles as she opens the door and motions with her hand for me to go.

…

After I pay for our food and come up with an excuse to Kurt and Blaine, I leave the restaurant and go to my car. She is waiting for me next to the passenger door and she quickly gets in after I unlock the car.

She turns to the window, after fastening her seatbelt and I want to say something so badly to her, but I can't seem to come up with anything. I shake my head disappointedly at myself, and decide that it would be the best if I just took her home really.

She ignores me the whole way home and whenever I glance at her I see how hurt her expression is. I know it's not about the bruise on her lip, I know that I hurt her much deeper than that. She is frowning like she wants to figure out how our night turned out like this. I don't have a proper answer to her inward question, as it is still a mystery to even me why I've done that to her.

I guess I really have to clear my head and think about it tonight, so I decide not to offer to spend the night with her, when we arrive to her house. Probably she would say no anyway and this thought hurts me a bit deep down.

So I settle to turn to her and take in her miserable face again, while I try to come up with anything that would make this situation better.

"I'm really sorry Santana." I tell her again and the desperate tone I use makes her turn her head and look at me finally. "Please forgive me!" I plead and she lets out a deep sigh.

The frown is still intact on her pretty face as she looks at me with utter confusion. "I…I just don't understand." She shakes her head. "I thought you liked last time, when I…" She trails off, since it's obvious for both of us what she is referring to.

The last time, well, the first and last time we switched roles and she acted dominantly with me. I loved it, I really did, but it was so different than now. She was still tender and caring, not like this time.

"I did, I told you" I try to convince her, since I don't want to ruin the memory of that afternoon. It was special and I want her to remember it that way.

"Then why?" She doesn't get it and I can't blame her. It's pretty hard even for me to figure out why I reacted so strangely.

I try to remember the way I felt when we were fighting for dominance in the bathroom stall. I felt like I couldn't let her win, I felt threatened when she looked at me that way, like she was stronger than me. It made me feel insecure and I was desperate to turn back things to normal, the way they always were, with me being the stronger one, dominating her.

"I guess I'm just not used to feeling like that…" I mumble quietly as I stare at my hands in my lap. I feel a bit embarrassed that I couldn't handle my feelings and responded so badly.

"Like what?" She asks curiously as she searches my face.

I hesitate for seconds, trying to come up with the right words to make her understand how I felt. "Out of control" I breathe into the silence at last, looking into her eyes.

She looks surprised for a second, but then her expression changes into understanding as my words sink in. She nods a little, like she expected this answer deep inside.

She shifts closer to me on her seat and takes a deep breath before telling me softly "You should have told me Britt…you know I would have stopped."

"I was just torn…" I explain further and I guess she understands completely as she smiles a little painfully at me. "I didn't know that this would be so hard, you know…to surrender" I confess her and my broken tone makes her lift her hand and cup my cheek gently. She strokes me with her thumb, and I glance at her, curious about how she feels. She looks at me tenderly, no sign of that previous hardness. Her eyes look like melting chocolate and it makes me feel so warm and safe again.

"I get that." She says softly as she tries to comfort me. "I really do."

I smile back at her, but then it fades as I drop my eyes on her bruised lip. It makes me feel so disappointed to see that I was able to do that to her, even if I was struggling. I shouldn't ever react like that. But I know that she wasn't so hurt because of that, she was hurt, because I wasn't honest with her and I didn't trust her, not just with my body, but also with my feelings.

I know I can't heal her on the outside, but I could try and make it better on the inside. I need to make it better for her.

"Please let me make it up to you!" I ask her as I clutch her wrist. She seems surprised by the sudden change in the conversation. The frown creeps back on her forehead and she seems tensed again.

"I don't know, Britt" She shakes her head, hesitating to agree. I get that she is afraid and I wouldn't push her, but I think I need this; I need to prove that I trust her completely. So I can't let it go.

"I can do it, I'm sure I can…I want to do it for you." I stroke her wrist with my fingertips to ease her nerves, as I try to convince her. "Just please let me try again!" I ask for a chance and I can see her cracking as she stares at me. I know that she would never deny me, if I asked for a second chance.

She takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, before narrowing her eyes and asking "Are you sure?" She tries to see right through me, like she is afraid that I have doubts, but she has nothing to be afraid of.

I nod up and down with my head while I shift my hand on hers to interlace our fingers. My gesture makes her smile and I decide to take a chance and lean closer to her. When we are just inches away, I whisper a quiet, but determined "Yes" to her.

"Okay, okay baby" She nods before tilting her head to show me that it's okay to kiss her. When I press a feather light kiss on her upper lip, I feel her smiling into it and it makes my heart flutter as utter relief wash over me.

/

I spend the following days trying to come up with ideas how to show her how much I trust her. I guess I'm pretty awesome at planning our special activities, but this time I have to be extremely careful, so I try to work out every detail.

Because she deserves to have a perfect experience.

She's put her fears away for me, she's done her part, now it's time for me to give her back what she deserves.

…

On Thursday, my mom announces that we are going away to celebrate one of my aunt's birthday, which would be totally fun, but now that I have plans with Santana, it doesn't sound good at all. I come up with an excuse about school, hoping that she won't find out somehow that I'm lying. She is pretty good at cracking me, but this time she lets it go and I'm relieved.

Now it's all just pure excitement what I feel.

…

I tell her the next day that we have the house to ourselves on the weekend. I just state it as a simple fact, since I don't want her to feel that I push her. The way she smiles at me after that makes me sure that she wants this just as much as me.

**/**

I practically jump out of my bed on Saturday morning. I know I have much to do, so I set my alarm yesterday, but I woke up by myself an hour before I should have. Well I guess it's a sign sent from above. I know that Santana goes for a run every Saturday morning when we are not together, so she won't be home for at least an hour. It presents me a great opportunity, so I get up from the bad quickly to get ready.

…

I gladly notice that her running shoes are missing from its usual place near the front door, so indeed I was right, she went for a run. It looks like her parents went out also, which is a bit strange, but it just makes it easier to surprise Santana. I rush up on the stairs to her room.

I hesitate for a few seconds, trying to figure out which the best possible place would be to hide my surprise, to make sure she finds it in time.

The perfect idea strikes me out of nowhere. She will surely have a shower after she comes home, so I walk into her bathroom and place her surprise on the counter. It's a picture of me, well a very naked version of myself. It's from the same set of pictures like the one I put in her locker last week. It has a little message on the back, saying 'The house is ours. I'm yours. Tonight?'

I try to imagine her face when she finds it all the way home.

…

I don't have to wait for long, an hour later comes her message 'u r unbelievable…can't wait for tonight! i'll be there at 8'. So it's settled then, she will be here in ten hours, now there is no turning back.

Not that I would consider backing out, but still, this whole night makes me a bit anxious.

…

When it's five in the afternoon, I decide that I shouldn't try to distract myself further and just start to get ready.

First, it's my appearance. I jump into the shower and wash my hair, and after it's dried, I curl it into natural locks, just the way she likes it. Then I spend ten minutes standing naked in front of my closet, trying to figure out what to wear. I'm torn between wearing the sexiest lingerie I have and just wearing simply nothing. I kind of don't know which one she would prefer, but then I decide that maybe it would be a good start if I let her undress me how she likes. So I pick out the baby blue set she loves really much. She always tells me how it matches my eyes perfectly. I pull up my bathrobe over it, because although I'm completely alone in the house, it would feel weird to wander around only in my underwear.

I go to my table and pick up a red pen, then I pull out a couple of papers from my drawer to write her some messages that I want to place around in the house. When I'm finished, I grab two of them and the red rose I've bought on my way home from her house earlier, and make my way downstairs.

I walk to the front door and place the first message on the doormat. It says 'Welcome to the place where all your dreams come true tonight'. The second one goes to the table near the stairs, the one that says 'I want to show you how much I love you.' I place the rose next to it, then I go back to my room to grab something special from under my bed.

It's the box where I keep all our accessories, the things she can use the way she wants tonight. I want to make it perfectly clear for her, that she has every possibility, she is in control of everything tonight.

I set the box on top of the stairs with my last message saying 'I will fulfill all your wishes tonight. Yours forever, Britt'.

I hope she will be in the right mood by the time she arrives at my door.

…

I hear the front door opening at exactly eight and I bite down on my lip imagining her reaction to the message on the doormat. My heart already pounds so hard in my chest, but when she doesn't close the door for seconds, I have the urge to fly down on the stairs and drag her inside myself. But not tonight, since I don't want to ruin the experience I set up for her myself.

When I hear her closing the door, I let out a relieved sigh and get up from my bed. I pull down my bathrobe and put it on my chair, then I contemplate what I should do with myself, how I should wait for her. I hear her making her way to the stairs, then she stops again, this time even longer. I decide to sit down on the bed, so she would be the taller one and I could look up at her. Of course sitting in one place is really hard when I'm this nervous, but I get over it quickly. For her, I want to get over everything tonight.

I hear her moving again, taking the stairs slowly, until she stops at the top. Now she's really close, so I can hear almost all the noises she makes. I can hear as she picks up the box and walks to my room.

I set my eyes on the floor and take a deep breath to calm myself, as seconds pass without her making the next move. When she does, I exhale slowly and as I hear her turning the doorknob, a strange crush of calmness washes over me.

I feel settled, like it's all came to a point when I have nothing to be nervous about. She is here finally with me and I feel ready. It makes me feel silly how I could ever feel that it's wrong, that I couldn't, that I didn't want to…to surrender to her completely.

I wonder how I could feel that way not so long ago, since it all feels right now.

She walks into the room and I can see from the corner of my eye that she sets the box, the rose and the messages on my table. She turns to me and just stands there for a few seconds. I can feel her eyes boring into me and it's extremely hard to keep my eyes on the floor, when she takes a few steps closer to me.

It looks like she wants the same thing as me, since she cups my chin and lifts it up so I look up at her.

"Baby…" She leans down and whispers, her voice cracking from the emotion as she shakes her head at me, like she can't believe what I've done for her. She should believe it, she should get used to it, since this is what she deserves.

Everything.

I capture her lips in a chaste kiss to prevent her tears from escaping her eyes. She takes her hands on my cheeks and holds my face as I deepen our kiss. It leaves both of us breathless when I pull away and she rests her forehead on mine.

"This is…" She still can't find the words, but it's okay, I'm here to help her out.

"All for you." I finish her sentence. "I'll do anything for you. Just tell me your wishes!" I tell her and then she pulls away to take in my expression. I think my eyes are enough proof that I'm serious here, because she lets out a deep sigh, before dropping her hands from my face and pulling away. When she looks at me again, her eyes look more determined and confident, so I know that she is ready too.

"I want to…" She licks her lips as she tries to figure out what she wants. "Just close your eyes" She settles for that and I do as she says immediately. I hear her walking away, then coming back again. Then she covers my eyes with a silky material, and my other instincts instantly sharpen as I can't see now.

She takes my hands and pulls me upwards, so I stand up to her. She doesn't let go of my hands, instead she grazes her fingertips all the way up my arms. She puts my hair behind my shoulders and I let out a sigh between my parted lips when she strokes my skin next to the straps of my bra. She doesn't waste a lot of time before unclasping it and pulling it down, leaving my heaving chest naked.

I suck in my bottom lip when she starts to play with my breasts. It's not the usual gentle caressing, she's more rough and demanding with her squeezing now. She pinches my nipples and it's a little painful, because I'm really sensitive, but still it feels delicious.

I can feel the heat settling between my legs as she works me up and I can't wait for her next move. We are on the same page again, as she stops her movements on my breasts and strokes my stomach, until she settles her hands on my hips, circling them expertly. I try to muffle my moans and keep my hands to myself, but it's getting harder and harder.

She seems to sense my desperation, as she hooks her thumbs into my thong and pulls it down slowly. She kneels down in front of me, and she takes my ankles and guides them out of my thong, before trailing her fingertips up on the sides of my legs. She settles on my thighs, the thighs that I have a hard time keeping from trembling from the anticipation. She widens my legs a little and I can feel her leaning closer to my center. The imagine of her head inches away from my aching core makes the heat spread all over my body and when I hear her sniffing, I almost explode. It makes me incredibly self-conscious, though she's like gone down on me for a hundred times before, but still her smelling me so directly there, it's strange and I never thought it would affect me so much. She does it again, this time even deeper and it makes me wonder if my scent turns her on as much as her smelling me turns me on. This is something new, the way she explores me like that, it's like animalistic, but in a good way. It's just new and I wonder what else she has on her mind that will surprise me tonight.

She stands up and grabs my waist as she leans closer. I can feel her body heat radiating off her skin and it makes me burn with desire. It just gets worse as her hot breath hits the side of my neck.

"I want you on the bed…" She whispers into my ear. "On all fours." She adds, before dropping her hands from my waist as a sign that I'm allowed to move now.

I turn around and crawl up on bed, until I settle in the middle on all fours, just as she wished. I can hear her taking a few steps again and taking something out of the box, then I can hear her undressing. I try to imagine the way she is pulling down her clothes, revealing her naked body, which I can't appreciate the way I want now.

Then she comes closer again and I can feel the bed dip as she climbs on it next to me. She settles in front of me, which I find a bit surprising. I try to figure out what she's planning to do, when all of a sudden she shifts and I feel something cold pressing to my closed lips lightly, just a little pressure to know that something is there.

I barely have a second to realize that the tip of a dildo is making contact with my lips, when she pushes it into my mouth. I widen my eyes, as I struggle to accommodate the thick shaft inside me. She is slow and careful, but it's still a tight fit. She supports me by cupping my cheeks with her palms, as she slides it into me inch by inch.

I know how much she loves this. She loves how I make 'her' ready myself, with my own mouth, before she fucks me. She never has to ask for it, I always do it without a question. Because we both enjoy it, the sight of each other when we do it. But now she is the only one who can take pleasure from the sight, as I move my mouth blindly.

She stops when I guess we are around halfway and I start wondering why she just did that, but she gives me an answer by herself, as she pulls the blindfold away from my eyes, giving me back my vision and offering me the pleasure of watching her moving.

It's not just her moving, it's her holding me, guiding me, controlling me. And she does it with so much care, if feel unshed tears burn my eyes, as she stare at me while sliding more inside me.

This feels so much more real than any real blow-job I've ever given.

She doesn't do it for the physical of it, she doesn't do it for her release. She can't even feel it like that, but still as I take in her parted lips and her heaving chest, I know she feels much more than any boy who's ever had me this way.

I've always given blow jobs, because I felt so much control over the boy I've given it to. I've always made sure that we played according to my rules, I've never let them roughly push themselves into me, like I knew they wanted to, pressing my head closer with their sweaty hands on my scalp, clutching at my hair to ease their pressure, afraid of the embarrassment of blowing the second I wrap my mouth around them.

I've never let them do that to me, no. I've always given them, not let them getting it from me. It was always about me in a way, it always about the power I felt overtaking me as I knew what I could do to them with just a flick of my tongue.

What we are doing now couldn't be any more different, it's the total opposite of it.

It's about me giving her pleasure by letting her control me completely.

She bites down on her bottom lip as she pulls out almost all the way, before she tucks a damp strand of hair behind my ear. I know she wants to see it all, she wants to see my face as I give myself to her this way. She tangles her fingers into my hair and grips my head a bit more firmly, before she slides into me again. This time she is faster, hungrier to see my mouth enveloping the thick shaft. When the tip hits the back of my throat I screw up my face from the displeasure and she carefully pulls out again. I look up at her, expecting to see her worried face, but no, what I can see is an almost desperate expression.

I frown at her questioningly, as I can't voice my thoughts at the moment. It's not my sexiest expression, I know, but I just want to know what bothers her. I want to know how she feels. She pulls out entirely and just stares at me with different emotions passing her face. She shuts her eyes for a second and exhales slowly, and when she opens them again, she looks like she's managed to fight off her turmoil.

I encourage her by opening my mouth again, offering it to her, but she shakes her head at me and then it's all black as she blindfolds me again.

Then she moves on the bed and settles behind me. I know what that means, she wants to take me from behind. The thought itself is extremely arousing, and with the way she worked me up before, I feel completely ready for it.

She pushes my knees further away with hers to widen my legs, exposing my dripping core. It makes me feel strange that my intimate parts are on full display like this, but I know it's only for her, so I get over my self-consciousness.

She grabs my hips with her hand and I feel her hovering over me, then she presses a wet kiss on my back. She peppers hungry kisses all the way up my spine, and then she starts nipping my shoulder. Her little, almost playful nips turn into bites, as she moves around my shoulder and the side of my neck.

She's marking me.

The sensation just increases as she presses the tip of the dildo between my folds and starts to coat it in my juices. I don't try to keep in my moans anymore, I let them erupt from me as she circles my clit with the head while she licks the marks she's made on my back.

She moves the tip to my entrance and I let out a grunt, anxiously waiting for her next move. But she doesn't push inside me instantly, she just holds it there, then she presses her forehead on my back and grabs my hips with both hands. My breathing becomes ragged and it gets harder and harder to wait patiently for her without moving. The only sound I can hear in the silence is what my own heart makes as it pounds loudly in my chest.

Then she is inside me.

I let out a strained gasp and press my forehead to my shoulder. She's pushed inside me almost all the way in one motion and I'm not sure if I'm frozen by the pain or just the surprise. I feel like I can't move, though my legs are trembling. I'm so full, more than I've ever thought was possible and she is stretching me to my limit. Or maybe over it?

She is making it clear that she wants to push my boundaries, as she pulls out almost all the way, then thrusts inside me again, making me whimper. She repeats it for a few times, and I try to move out of her way somehow as I feel my tears threatening to escape my eyes. She is merciless as she holds me in place and pumps in and out of me roughly.

When a choked sob escapes my mouth, she stops and moves her hands to caress the insides of my trembling thighs. It makes the pain better a bit, but not enough and she seems to get that. She widens my legs even more with her hands, then she presses down on my clit with two fingers. I rock into her hand to get more of her touch and for the first time the fullness inside me feels just right.

She starts kissing my back and thrusting into me again. It feels much better as she circles my clit in time with her pumps, it feels great and I move backwards to meet her moves. We settle into a comfortable rhythm, we move sensually together and I feel that it's bringing me closer to the edge, but I need something more.

It's all so confusing, she is thrusting into me expertly; her moves are perfect, so it should be enough. But I feel that there is something missing and it makes me frustrated. Like I have a wall around me that needs to be broken down by her for me to get my release. I try to get my mind around it, but it's awfully hard when she slides so deep inside me her hips slap my ass…

Then it strikes me.

I pull away the blindfold from my eyes, before whispering to her. "San…" I call her name, but she doesn't seem to notice it, as she continues to fuck me hard. "Uh…Santana" I call it again, after a loud moan and this seems to catch her attention. She shifts on top of me, but stays buried deep inside as she leans closer to my face.

"Are you okay?" She asks worriedly, as she nuzzles my neck.

"I want you to…" I try to vocalize my wish, but it's extremely hard as I know exactly how she will react. I muster up all my courage as I whisper "I need you to…hit me."

"What?" She jolts away, like she's been burned by my words. I tilt my head to look at her and she stares at me with wide eyes, full of horror.

"I need you to spank me." I tell her, trying to convince her that it's okay with my determined tone.

"No" She shakes her head at me frantically, like she wants to erase my words from her mind or rather both of our minds. "No" She repeats and her face screws up like just the simple thought of doing that to me makes her feel pain.

"Please" I plead her as I cup her cheek to press her face to mine, hoping that my closeness will comfort her a little.

"No…" She whispers again, brokenly, like she is disappointed and sad by saying no. "I can't…" She tells me and bites down on her lip as she struggles to keep her tears from escaping her eyes.

"You can, baby" I encourage her with a few kisses I press on her temple. "…and I want you to" I tell her, making sure that she knows that I want it completely, that she wouldn't do anything wrong by doing it.

"Britt" She whispers my name in a pleading tone as she shakes her head against mine. I know exactly how hard it is, but I need her to do this for me. I need to experience that, I need to know how it feels. I need her to get over her fear for me.

"Please do it for me" I whisper barely audible, but her breath hitches, so I know she heard me just right. I know that I get her here, asking her to do it for me. Even if she doesn't want to do it, she would do it for me.

She stays silent and motionless for a few seconds, so I know that she is preparing mentally for what she's about to do. Either to say yes or no to me.

Then she takes a deep breath and whispers "I love you…". It sounds like an apology, like she feels guilty already for what she's about to do. And it also sounds like a reassurance, like she wants me to know that she loves me, before she hurts me.

She pulls away from my face and leans back on her knees. I can almost feel her eyes boring into my backside. She grabs my hips and starts thrusting into me again, but this time much more slowly and gently. I almost think she's backed out, but then she moves her hands lower to the side of my ass. She sets her palms on my cheeks and I feel my skin burn under her touch.

I start moaning again, as she fucks me passionately, while stroking my skin. As her thrusts get deeper again, she kneads my flesh in her hands and scratches her nails on my sensitive skin. I'm so close to exploding, but we both know that I need her to…

And then it happens.

She does it, she slaps me, just a little, I can barely feel it from the pleasure I feel inside, as my muscles clench around the shaft. But I do feel it, as my skin tingles strangely, a way I've never experienced before.

I move backwards, craving to get more of this sensation. She strokes my skin with her fingertips lightly and I can imagine her confused face like she can't believe how she's done it. Then she pulls away and does it again, this time a bit more daringly. She caresses my skin after each slap and it feels amazing as she thrusts into me in the breaks. She starts spanking me while she continues to fuck me and I think that I've never felt so many things at the same time. I meet her moves every time, craving more and more of what she has to offer.

It seems to calm her that I enjoy it so much, I cry out after each slap. I feel that she is slowly getting into it, hitting me harder and sometimes taking a break to spread my ass cheeks to watch how she fucks me with the dildo.

I feel that I'm getting really close when she starts hitting me even deeper than before, while alternating between my cheeks with her hard slaps. I have to grab the sheets to keep myself from falling on the bed, as she hits that special spot inside me at the same time of striking down with her palm. She senses my desperate state, so she grabs my cheeks with her hands and pumps into me even harder and faster, thrusting upwards.

This is how I fall apart.

She sends me on the edge by burying her fake member deep inside me and slapping me with both of her palms. I feel my muscles clench hard around the shaft, as I bend my back and throw my head back with a loud scream. I can't control myself, as the pressure inside me explodes. My whole body starts trembling and I feel her wrapping her arms around my torso to keep me safe as I cry out her name. I don't even recognize my own voice as I feel like I'm in a strange half-conscious state.

"Britt" I hear her whispering, but the only thing I can concentrate on is the overwhelming wetness I suddenly feel between my legs. I feel like I was gone for a second and now I try to find a way back to real life. "Britt, baby" She calls my name again and that's when I realize how close she is.

I press my forehead to hers as the first tears escape my eyes. She kisses them away and pulls me even closer to her body to comfort me when I need her. I lift my hand to the back of her neck and tilt my head to press a kiss on her mouth. It's gentle and caring, just the way I need it to be now.

When I pull away, there is only one thing I can tell her.

"I love you too" I whisper and with those words, everything feels right, because I mean them so much, like never before.

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**Thank you for reading! **

**Tell me what you think about it! :)  
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**Next update will come a week later probably. Stay tuned!**


	12. You and only you

**Dear readers!**

**Thanks for every new add and review! Your nice words and your great feedback always make me happy. **

**And I'm sorry I wasn't able to update sooner, but I still have two exams, so it was hard to find time and inspiration to write. Though this is not a long chapter, I hope you will be pleased with it. **

**Enjoy and please review if you have time! :-)  
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"Wow" Santana has been repeating the same word for the umpteenth time for a while now. After taking care of Brittany and getting rid of her special addition - which helped her to…well, fuck her girlfriend like there is no tomorrow – she lay down on her back and didn't move ever since. Apart from absentmindedly tracing her fingertips on Brittany's bare shoulder and sometimes mumbling a quiet 'wow' into the silence of the room, she really didn't move a lot. She still keeps staring at the ceiling, like it's a movie screen, where the events of their night replay over and over again.

She didn't really mind if that would happen.

But it really was just twenty or so minutes ago, when Brittany came all over her lap, so her memory of said event is pretty sharp. She shakes her head in amazement, as she still can't get her mind around how the hell that happened. That, as in how she went from denying Brittany's wish to enjoying how that beautiful pale skin turned into a light reddish color.

She still can't believe she was able to do that. It was enough surprise already that Brittany asked her to spank her – well, it kind of turned into begging as she was reluctant to obey her, but she really didn't think she would get over her fears and do it actually.

The answer of why she was able to do it is there in the back of her mind, and if she gets over her pride, she has to admit it, that she would do anything to Brittany. She kind of thought that it meant that she would let her do anything to her, but it turned out that it's more complex than that. It means that she would also do anything to her if she asked her to. Now she knows that it's also a form of surrendering to her lover.

"San" She snaps out of her thoughts as Brittany mumbles into the crook of her neck. She's laying half on top of her, their skins sticking together, as her locks tickle Santana's chin. She holds her warm palm on Santana's ribs, while her leg lays thrown over her thighs. Her still wet center presses to Santana's side, but neither of them thinks it's anything sexual right now, as both of them are pretty dazed after their exhausting activities. Brittany's cute sleepy voice couldn't be different from the low scratchy voice she kept grunting with before, as she asks "Did you forget how to speak?"

Santana chuckles at her half-teasing, half-worried question about her inability to say any other word than 'wow'. She tears away her eyes from the ceiling and looks down at the ocean of blonde hair that spreads on her shoulder and chest. She smoothes the damp locks away from Brittany's forehead as much as she can to have a better view on her. But it's kind of impossible as Brittany just nuzzles more into her neck.

"No" Santana smiles at her softly. "But we can't really have a proper conversation if you keep hiding there." She teases her while she taps her shoulder with her fingertips. Brittany finally pulls away and pops herself up on her elbow while pouting at her.

"You're mean." She pretends to look mad, but instead, she looks just adorable with her frown and her pouting pink lips. She still basks in afterglow after her earth-shattering orgasm and it's pretty hard for her to look anything other than content and satisfied. So she fails really hard at pretending to be mad at Santana, who caused her this immense pleasure.

Santana watches her pretty face with a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"You're beautiful." She bites down on her bottom lip to prevent her mouth to break into a cheesy grin at her own words. A faint blush colors Brittany's cheeks and Santana muses how fucking funny is that Brittany gets embarrassed by her loving words, but not by getting her ass spanked.

Well, that's Brittany for you.

Brittany, who drops her head on her chest and shakes it incredulously at her own ridiculous behavior. She just can't help herself; Santana being so sincerely sweet to her always unsettles her in a strange way. It's so rare with other people, so it always surprises her how differently her girlfriend acts with her.

"Aw, Britt-Britt" Santana chuckles at her, then she slides down a little bit and turns their bodies to their sides by embracing Brittany's waist with her arm. She pulls her even closer and nudges her nose with her own. Brittany's mouth breaks into a wide smile and she lets out a little giggle as she nudges Santana back. Then they tilt their heads and their lips meet halfway in a sweet little, almost chaste kiss.

When Santana pulls away, they open their eyes and the playfulness fades away entirely. Blue eyes bore into browns as they explore each other, trying to figure out what the other thinks about what happened between them.

"You were amazing" Brittany's whisper breaks the silence. She feels the need to be quiet, though they are completely alone, but still…it feels like a secret that she shares, something she just wants to keep between them and only them forever. And she always whispers her secrets.

"You were pretty dope, too." Santana chuckles, trying to make light of the conversation. But her eyes can't hide away how much it means to her to hear these praising words from Brittany.

Brittany pulls away a little and her scanning stare forces Santana's eyes away. She ducks her head and bites down on her bottom lip as she feels her emotions rising in her throat. She really doesn't want to cry, but now that they are settled after it, she suddenly feels how much she kept inside during for the sake of getting over with it. She knew she wouldn't have been able to finish it, if she had started to think about how freaking hard it was for her. Probably for both of them.

"I'm serious Santana." Brittany lifts her chin to make her look at her, then she starts stroking her jaw softly with her fingertips. Santana finally snaps her wide gleaming eyes at her, so she continues. "I was not sure we could do this, but…" She shakes her head a little and then she cups her cheeks into her hands to keep her still as she tells her slowly "I'm so proud of you."

There is nothing that means more to Santana.

These words are worth anything, letting down her walls, getting over her fears, overcoming any obstacles in the way. Her heart feels too tight from everything tucked inside and she can't hold herself together anymore as her face screws up. She sucks in a shuddering breath, then a second later she finds herself pressed to the warmest place on Earth, the place where she can find comfort whenever she feels that the weight of what happened to her pulls her down. Her tears moisten Brittany's soft skin on the spot between her neck and her shoulder, as her relief washes over her.

When she is finally able to stop, she feels light again as her crying eased herself of a burden. Brittany stops whispering soothing words to her and stills her hand on her head. She just holds her as she waits for the moment Santana feels ready to express her feelings.

From Santana's part it comes in a form of pressing a soft kiss to the spot behind Brittany's ear. Then she turns her head and peppers pecks all over her cheek until she finds the corner of her mouth.

"You asked me to do something Britt…you know what that means." She whispers to her and then all she can feel is the warmth of Brittany's mouth as it wraps around hers, sharpening all her senses as she shuts her eyes and sinks into this feeling. All she can feel is her, as Brittany pushes her velvety tongue into her mouth, erupting moans from both of them. Her hand find the back of her neck, urging her closer as she explores her, licking her teeth and sucking on her tongue. Santana feels the heat settling between her legs and she remembers that she completely forgot about her own relief before. Suddenly the pressure in the pit of her stomach feels overwhelming and she breaks away breathlessly from their passionate kiss to formulate words.

Brittany pants into her face and her hot breath doesn't really help her to be able to find the words to express what she wants.

"I want to make you come…" Brittany husks suddenly and Santana doesn't even have time to wonder how the hell she knew exactly what she wanted to tell her, because she is pushed to lie on her back and her thighs are lifted to Brittany's shoulders and then...

"Oh fuck" She grunts as Brittany's tongue dives into her wetness. Brittany gets to work without any hesitation and Santana has to grip the headboard to find something, fucking something to not come the first time she licks a path from her entrance to her clit. As Brittany presses down on it with her flat tongue, she presses her palm to her scalp to hold her there and savor the feeling.

Brittany sucks on it and she lifts off the bed for a second, before Brittany presses down on her stomach, keeping her in place as she starts lapping her sensitive core. She locks her ankles behind her back and rides her mouth, but she is barely able to move in time with her licks as she feels dizzy from the overwhelming pleasure she feels in every cell of her body.

She can't control herself anymore, when Brittany dives inside her with her firm tongue and fills her up so freaking deliciously. She pushes her head into her core with both of her hands now as loud moans erupt from the core of her body in an unrecognizably raw voice. They echo back from the walls and she feels like they are in a bubble, where nothing exists apart from her, Brittany and this feeling that wants to bursts out of her with every move of her lover's tongue.

She trashes her head to the pillows and bends her back almost painfully when Brittany replaces her tongue with three fingers and moves upwards to suck on her clit again.

"Fuck, fuck…oh god, Britt" She cries out and her words make Brittany hungrier, as she moves her free hand upwards on her stomach and cups her breast roughly. She squeezes it and pinches her nipple while crooking her fingers deep inside her, causing her thighs, which wrap around her head tightly to start trembling uncontrollably.

She falls apart with a loud scream as Brittany bites down on her clit. She grinds into her mouth as she basks in the pleasure and Brittany helps her dragging in out with her expert licks and the slowing movements of her fingers.

When her drained body slumps into the sheets and her mind slowly wanders back into real life after the seconds in a place that felt life heaven, she notices Brittany's head and shoulders shaking with laughter.

"What?" She croaks with her scratchy voice, before she breaks into a tired giggle matching Brittany's. Brittany peeks at her from her place between her legs, then she sets her chin on her pubic bone, revealing her face. Santana widens her eyes as she notices how her whole chin, mouth and her cheeks are covered with her juices. It's almost embarrassing and she can feel her face heat up at the sight, before Brittany presses a smacking kiss on her mound and they both break into giggles again.

"We are just so awesome at this" Brittany grins goofily. "I mean…sex." She chuckles again and Santana finds her adorable, though she is laying inches away from her still dripping center with her face sticky from her arousal, so fucking sexy might be a little bit more appropriate words right now.

"We are baby, we are." She agrees, though she shakes her head at how ridiculous they are acting, praising themselves for being able to have such amazing sex. She tugs at Brittany's shoulders, so she crawls up on her body and settles at her sides with her elbows. They smile at each other, then Santana pulls her in for a kiss and her smile quickly fades as she can taste herself on Brittany's tongue. It doesn't really help that Brittany presses down on her hips as they kiss hungrily.

"Fuck" Santana moans into her mouth when she grinds down at her, their centers meeting, making her wetness pool between her legs again. "I can't, Britt" She whines, because she really feels too fucking sensitive to let Brittany anywhere near her again, but her moves contradict her words as she lifts off the bed to get more friction somehow.

Brittany pulls away and kisses her way up to her ear, before whispering lustfully into her ear. "Well, I say we go downstairs and have a bite and then maybe…" She sucks on her earlobe, making her eyes roll into her head. "…then maybe we can have some more awesome sex on the kitchen counter."

Just the image of Brittany fucking her where her family had breakfast yesterday is enough to make her let out a moan, before she pulls herself together and pushes Brittany's shoulders away from her.

She holds her up, and Brittany grins wickedly at her, then she can't help it as her own mouth breaks into a wide smile.

"You are crazy" She shakes her head, when Brittany wiggles her eyebrows playfully. "And I fucking love you." She chuckles, but her voice is serious as she can't even emphasize enough how much she loves this ridiculously adorable and sexy girl hovering above her.

"I fucking love you too" Brittany smiles before leaning in and capturing her bottom lip with her teeth.

It takes at least another twenty minutes for them to finally get up from the bed and make their way to the kitchen with only a sheet covering their bodies.

…

Next morning, they decide to have breakfast at the Lima Bean. Since Santana didn't bring any clothes for the day, Brittany lends her the shortest skirt she owns and a low-cut tank top. She argues that it's so hot out there now that the Ohio summer is approaching slowly. Santana enlightens her that it's still April, but she puts on the clothes without any hesitation. Brittany throws on some jeans shorts with a simple tank, then picks up one of her crazy hats and they are set to go.

They sing the songs coming up in the radio so loud that Santana is almost sure even Brittany's parents can hear them, though they are still staying at another town. They are being crazy and people stare at them as they drive through the town, but she doesn't give a fuck what they think about them.

They are happy and that's all that matters to her.

…

They sit down inside the cafe, enjoying the cool air after getting a taste of how freaking hot it is already out there where the sun shines brightly. They pick up the menus and they discuss what they should eat to have the amount of energy they will need for 'their later activities'. When Brittany muses absentmindedly that she wants something with a lot of whipped cream; Santana lifts up her left foot and touches Brittany's toned calf teasingly with her toes.

Brittany pulls up her eyebrows at her direct flirting, but she keeps her eyes on the menu as they start to play footsie under the table.

They fun ends, when a certain blonde waitress clears her throat to make them pay attention to her. They both look up at her as they recognize the voice, Santana with wide unblinking eyes and Brittany with narrowed ones as she feels herself stir up with jealousy already. She remembers when Santana told her that the girl flirted with her when she spent an afternoon here with Rachel and suddenly she has the urge to jump at her and crawl out her eyes, which are set at her girlfriend right now. She reminds herself that she is not a person, who uses violence, but it's really hard, when she feels threatened.

"Hello" The blonde girl welcomes them with an extra sweet voice, but it's painfully obvious that she is only interested in Santana as she blatantly stares at her cleavage. "Did you manage to choose?" She asks, before smirking at her.

"Uh…" Santana blushes under her intense stare, which costs her a kick under the table from Brittany. "Ow…I mean…" She stammers as she fumbles with her menu. "I would like to have a caramel macchiato and…"

"Don't you want an iced one, since it's so hot in here?" The waitress asks her playfully, while she takes in Santana's whole appearance, pulling up her eyebrows at her barely covered thighs. She licks her lips at the sight and Brittany's jaw drops on the floor at her obviousness. Santana quickly closes her legs as tightly as she can and tries to pull herself together, because her girlfriend seems to be freaking mad at her already.

"No, thank you." She clears her throat and looks down on her menu again. "But I'd like a blueberry muffin, too." She says before setting the menu on the table and throwing an uneasy narrowed smile at the waitress.

"A muffin…really good choice." The blonde girl winks at her and Santana can see as Brittany exhales deeply through her nostrils to calm herself. She grabs her hand as a desperate attempt to ease her misery of watching someone flirting with her. The waitress pulls up her eyebrows at her move in her surprised, and that's when Santana realize that the last time she was here, Rachel pretended to be her girlfriend. She winces at the mildly humiliating memory and curses herself for being so stupid to come here instead of making a freaking PB&J sandwich for breakfast at Brittany's.

She interlaces their fingers to make it obvious that they are together and a faint smile plays at the girl's face as she sets her eyes on Brittany finally.

"And what can I bring you?" She asks, her voice dripping with fake sweetness. She looks like she might want to hang Brittany on a lamp with the ties of her apron.

Brittany lifts her chin high and stands her stare, while Santana starts to feel like the last piece of meat hungry lions are fighting over. "I would like to have an iced vanilla latte…with extra whipped cream and…" She trails off and widens her eyes. "…a blueberry muffin, just like my girlfriend." She emphasizes the words as she stares at the girl smugly.

"Okay" She says and then bites down on her bottom lip to keep in the chuckle that wants to break out of her at the obvious jealousy that shows on Brittany's face. "I'll be right back." The second she turns on her heels, Brittany snaps her eyes at Santana, who seems like she wants to crawl under the table and hide there from Brittany's penetrating stare.

They spend the next two minutes in awkward silence as Brittany waits for Santana to look at her, but then she runs out of patience, so she drops Santana's hand on the table and pulls out her phone from her pocket. This makes Santana lift her head and look at her at last with guilty eyes. Brittany continues texting, when she leans closer to her on her elbows.

"Britt" Santana whines to make her look at her.

"What?" Brittany mumbles while she keeps her eyes on the screen of her phone, ignoring her.

"Don't give me the silent treatment." Santana pleads with her puppy eyes, but she still doesn't look at her. She grabs her wrist in her desperation and with a deep sigh, Brittany reluctantly glances at her.

"Don't act like you don't deserve it." She tells her then she shrugs off her hand. They are too wrapped up in their fight to notice the waitress coming back to their table, causing the awkwardness level to increase even higher.

"Ladies…" The girl singsongs and Brittany can't help but roll her eyes at her. She sets their drinks and food at the table and Santana leans back in her chair disappointedly. Even the sight of her delicious muffin can't make her happy now that Brittany's so mad at her. "Thanks" They both mumble quietly when the girl is finished.

"Just tell me if you want anything more." She practically husks to Santana as she leans back from the table, before throwing her hair behind her shoulders and leaving them both stunned for different reasons at the table.

"Jesus Santana, you really have a type, don't you?" Brittany laughs painfully as she shakes her head seeing Santana's flushed face. "You like them tall and blonde, huh?" She teases her, but she can't really hide how hurt she is. She sips from her drink, trying to at least enjoy that, now that her good mood is ruined.

"No, Britt." Santana argues desperately. "I only like tall and blonde, because well…you are tall and blonde." She explains and Brittany would find her bashfulness really cute, but not now when she can't really see anything from her blinding jealously and anger.

"Don't tell me you don't find her hot!" Brittany tells her and pulls up her eyebrows waiting for her response. She thinks that Santana must find the girl attractive as she was acting like a virgin teenage boy with a supermodel when she flirted with her.

"What?" Santana widens her eyes at the accusation. To be perfectly honest, she does find the girl hot, but can't tell that to Brittany. She wouldn't understand, that even though she finds her hot, it doesn't mean anything to her. It's like a beautiful picture, which she can appreciate, but she doesn't want to buy it and bring it home. And Brittany, well…she feels like she is the most fucking brilliant masterpiece to ever grace the planet Earth and all she wants to do is hang her on the wall of her bedroom and stare at her all day. "Uh…no" She stammers. "I mean, she has nice legs, but I…"

"No shit, Santana." Brittany snorts. "You are really making this situation better…"

"I'm just not used to girls flirting with me." Santana throws her hands into the air as her frustration takes over her. She really can't argue with Brittany, she always feels like her brain is a mush and she can't come up with the right words, not like with everyone else.

"Well, you shouldn't get used to it, because I can't really stand it already." Brittany shakes her head disappointedly, then she picks up her muffin to have a bite. It's delicious, but she can't really appreciate it, as the taste in her mouth is all sour.

"Why are you making such a big deal out of this?" Santana asks her pleadingly.

"I don't like sharing what's mine!" Brittany snaps her eyes at her, almost threateningly.

"It's not like she touched me or anything…" Santana mumbles.

"She might as well have, the way she stared at your boobs." Brittany points at her chest angrily, then she leans closer to her above the table. "I hate when someone stares at you like that. Like they want to…" She shuts her eyes as the image of someone having Santana that way makes her sick to her stomach. It suddenly doesn't seem like a good idea to eat that muffin, so she pushes it away from her as she tries to erase the disturbing image from her brain. She leans back in her chair and pinches the bridge of her nose.

It really worries Santana, because she rarely sees her this stressed, and knowing that she caused her frustration just makes the situation all the worse.

"Britt, baby, you know it doesn't mean anything to me." Santana tells her softly, before mustering up the courage to touch her hand carefully with her fingertips. "I don't want them to do that to me. I only want you."

"Okay." Brittany replies as she lets her squeeze her hand, but her voice doesn't sell that she is okay. She doesn't seem even close to being okay. "Now eat please, I want to go home…" She mumbles, clearly still hurt about what happened.

…

Santana can't really remember having a more awkward breakfast in her whole life, maybe the one she had with her parents after the night she told them she is gay. They started to ask questions about her 'experiences' with girls and by the time she finished her eggs, her face was redder than the ketchup on her plate.

Okay, maybe this is the second most awkward breakfast of her life.

But it's worse, because it's with Brittany and she is not really used to feeling so uncomfortable with her. It feels like Brittany just cut off their argument without any resolution and now she is working herself up over the whole thing again without letting her talk to her.

"Britt…" She mumbles, when she is finished and Brittany seems to be also, as she is just tearing the wrap of her muffin into little pieces angrily. "Um…we can go, if you want." She offers and Brittany just nods, without throwing as much as a glance at her. "Right, I'm going to pay, okay?" She asks softly, but Brittany doesn't seem to appreciate her generous gesture at all.

"I'll wait in the car." She mumbles as she stands up, then she turns on her heels and she is out of the door in a second.

"Fuck…" Santana curses as she stands up, then she tugs at her skirt, which feels to be really fucking too short right now that everybody stares at her in the cafe.

….

After paying, she quickly makes her way to the door before the blonde waitress could stop her with some shitty excuse. She walks to Brittany's car in the parking lot and notices her sitting in the passenger seat. She finds it strange, but doesn't dare to question her as she gets in the car.

It doesn't take long to figure out why Brittany choose to sit there, as she spends the whole way home turning her head towards the window and ignoring her completely.

She feels desperate to ease the tension in the air and she hates her inability to come up with anything to lift her girlfriend's mood.

…

After stopping the car in front of the garage at Brittany's house, she wipes her sticky hands on her skirt before turning to Brittany with her head.

"Do you want me to go home, Britt?" She asks nervously, as she hopes the answer will be no and they will try to figure this out together. She really doesn't want to leave Brittany in this state alone. "It's okay, if you want that…" She offers her sadly.

She watches Brittany take a deep breath, before she tears her eyes away from the window and finally turns to her. She stares at her with a strange emotionless expression and then all of a sudden, she practically jumps on her, gripping the back of her neck with one hand while the other sneaks up under her skirt as she is kissing her hungrily. She pushes her tongue into Santana's mouth and scratches her nails on the bare skin of her thigh, trying to get back to her dominant role she's gotten so used to in recent times.

Santana touches her back, but Brittany pushes her hand away roughly, before pulling away from her swollen lips.

"Get in the house now!" She hisses, before she leans back a bit in her seat. Her eyes are full of lust and for Santana, it's almost intimidating as she stares at her like she wants to ravish her right now and right here in the car.

Santana gulps and lets out a shuddering breath, before she grabs the handle and pushes the door open. Brittany quickly follows her and walks to the front door behind her.

"You are fucking slow" She scolds Santana, when she fumbles clumsily with her keys, her hands shaking embarrassingly. She really doesn't get why Brittany's harsh tone makes her even more aroused, but that's just how it is nowadays.

When she finally manages to push the door open, things happen at an incredibly fast pace as she finds herself pressed up to it a second later and Brittany's hands are all over her again, pushing up her skirt to her waist.

Brittany really doesn't waste a lot of time, as she tears away her panties and dives into her with three fingers, causing her to trash her head back to the door with a loud thud. She winces at the sharp pain as Brittany pushes inside her incredibly deep and her knees want to buckle up, but Brittany presses her body into the door so closely, she can't even move with her as she starts to pump in and out of her fast.

She pulls down her top roughly with her free hand and bites her skin all over her neck and shoulder as she fucks her with her fingers. Santana digs her fingernails into her shoulder blades as she feels her orgasm approaching and she moans uncontrollably as Brittany crooks her fingers inside her.

She really has no idea how she deserved this pleasure, but maybe it all turned out great that she let that waitress flirt with her. She didn't really imagine this happening when she found Brittany sitting in the car earlier. But now all she can think about is that Brittany is fucking her so good that she is practically dripping on their doormat. She feels she is seconds away from exploding, when suddenly it all stops and Brittany's hot breath hits the side of her neck.

"Now you have a choice. Either I continue to fuck you with my fingers and let you come, but then you have to go after it or…" She grazes her thumb on Santana's clit teasingly before continuing. "…or I pull out now and you let me punish you the way I want it." She husks into her ear, before capturing her earlobe between her teeth.

It's really fucking hard to think about the two options when all the impulses are making her brain melt, but she manages to croak "The second…" with a strained grunt following it.

She immediately regrets her choice when Brittany slides out of her with her fingers, leaving her all empty and aching inside. She whimpers painfully, and when Brittany pulls away with her body, her knees give up. She would fall on the floor like a fucking ragdoll, but Brittany catches her with her strong arms and bends down to pull her body over her shoulder.

It's sort of incredible how she can just pick her up like that and walk towards the stairs with her weight on her shoulder. She feels so exposed and weak, like she is being captured by Brittany who is about to have her way with her, when they manage to reach her bedroom finally. Like she is about to ravish her…even if she says no.

And it's so very disturbing how fucking hot she would find that.

Her arms hang behind Brittany's body motionlessly as she steps on the hallway upstairs. She doesn't fight her, because why would she? She trusts her and even if she plans to do something she is not prepared for, she won't say no.

She can't say no to her.

But it doesn't mean that she wouldn't want to pretend to reject her. She feels that she would give anything to get that sometime in the future and she doesn't think she can keep this fantasy to herself for long.

She snaps out of her thoughts when Brittany grabs her firmly and carefully sets her body down from her shoulder to the bed. She looks up at her to find wide blue eyes boring into her with desire. She feels like she gives in completely as she spreads her legs and arms, like she offers herself for Brittany to take her the way she wants to.

Brittany kneels down in front of her on the bed and licks her lips as she trails her eyes all over her body. She takes in her dark locks spreading all around her head, her flushed cheeks, her parted lips and her completely black eyes. "Undress yourself!" She orders her and Santana doesn't hesitate to lift off the bed with her hips and pull down her skirt. Her top follows quickly and then it's just her and her underwear. She swallows as she watches Brittany ravishing her with her hungry eyes, waiting impatiently to see her naked at last.

Santana sits up and unclasps her bra easily with one hand, then pulls it down with one fluid motion before throwing it away. She settles back on the bed and catches Brittany biting down on her bottom lip as she stares at her heaving chest, her own also rising and falling more quickly than before. When she hooks her thumbs under the waistband of her panties, Brittany follows her every move. She watches her slowly pushing down the fabric on her legs until it hits her ankles. She wiggles out of it and instantly spreads her legs as wide as she can.

They both pant lightly into the air that is still full of the smell of sex from before and Santana muses that it will just get worse as she can already smell the scent of her own arousal and they didn't even start it. Or well…Brittany didn't start it, since she is the one completely in charge now, just the way they got used to it in the last months.

Brittany finally crawls closer to her and kneels down inches from her core while leaning in and whispering "This is all mine." Then she cups her breasts all of a sudden and squeezes them roughly while saying "You belong to me." She pinches her nipples and Santana has to grab the sheets at her sides as the feeling of pain and pleasure mix deliciously. Brittany scratches her nails on her stomach and then cups her center firmly with one hand. "Only me, do you understand?" She asks Santana harshly as she presses the heel of her palm to her clit.

Santana nods desperately at her question as she's never been more certain of the fact that she belongs to this girl, who can control her with just a word or a touch so easily she's never thought possible before.

She tries to imagine what she might be planning in her head, but when Brittany drops her hands and finally tells her "Turn on your stomach!" she thinks that of course she would get her ass spanked. How could she even consider anything else, when she knows exactly this is how Brittany likes to punish her the most? She is kind of obsessed with her bottom, which she sticks up in the air as much as she can after settling on her stomach comfortably. She sets her head on her crosses arms and takes a deep breath to brace herself. Then she feels Brittany lifting her hips and pushing a pillow under her to have a better view as she is about to work her hard.

Santana frowns and tilts her head to the side, when she feels her moving from the bed and hears her searching for something. She doesn't really get it, what else does she need to spank her? Her palms were more than enough every time before.

"Close your legs!" Comes the next order as the bed dips again and Santana obeys instantly. Brittany straddles her knees and sits down on them, while she pushes down at the small of her back with her hand. She is not pleased, so she grabs a fistful of her hair and tugs it as she hisses "Bend your back more!"

Santana tries hard, but she is limited as she can't move her legs. She bends her back and sticks out her ass as much as she can and she can only hope it's enough for Brittany.

When she feels her letting her hair loose and her hand palming her left cheek, she thinks that it might be enough.

Brittany kneads her flesh deliciously and she moans into the air as she feels herself getting wrapped up in the pleasure again. But then she feels something strange pressing to her back and stroking a path all the way down her spine until the crack of her ass and the realization makes her gasp loudly. It's the whip that is pressing to the sensitive skin of her ass, making her wiggle it, just the way it makes Brittany go crazy.

Brittany presses down at her hips with her left hand, while she trails the leather tongue of the whip all over her cheeks. Santana pants into the air loudly as her anticipation increases with each passing second. She wants to know how it feels and dreads to experience it at the same time.

"I'll give you ten hits first…" Brittany tells her as she stops her movements. "Count it out!"

The first one barely grazes her skin; it just makes it tingle nicely. "One" Santana says while pushing upwards to have more of the sensation. The second hit is harder a bit, but it still feels more playful than serious. "Two" She counts and then they continue until seven, when Brittany slaps her just enough hard to cause her to feel a little pain. "Eight" She winces as the eighth slap lands on her ass. It doesn't really help that Brittany doesn't stop and rub her skin to ease her muscles that clench after every slap. "Nine" She hisses between her teeth as Brittany strikes down at her again. "Ten" The final hit is even rougher and she can't help but let out a low grunt at the pain.

"You are doing great, but that was just the warm-up." Brittany tells her as she strokes her now reddish skin with the tip of the whip. "You don't have to count anymore…just feel it!" She tells her then she starts to softly tap all over her cheeks with the whip. It feels amazing and Santana tries to do as she said, she tries to concentrate on not clenching her muscles and just simply feeling the hits, without trying to protect herself and avoid the pain.

After the next hard thump a moan breaks free from her and it seems to encourage Brittany as she starts to give it to her hard, alternating between her cheeks as she hits her again and again. Santana can barely bear the pain without screaming, but she continues to push back after each thump to get more. She is addicted to this kind of pain that only Brittany has ever been able to cause her and make her enjoy it.

She can't get enough, even when a choked sob erupts from her after a particularly rough hit. She pulls her own hair to subdue the pain down there, but the pressure she feels inside doesn't seem to fade.

"You deserve this." Brittany grunts as she strikes down on the underside of her left cheek again, before giving it to her right too. "You know you do, baby..." She says and Santana can barely understand her words over the sound of her own crying. Brittany hits her a few more times, before she stops and leans down to throw away her hands from her head and grabs a fistful of her hair to pull her upwards. "Come for me, Santana" She orders her while she strokes her skin with the tip of the whip again teasingly.

She holds her hair in her hand as she leans back and hits her again. Santana cries out, but she doesn't know if it's from the pain or the pleasure anymore. Maybe it's all the same now.

She can finally let go at the next thump.

She trembles and her body jerks into Brittany's hand, which sneaks under her torso to cup her between her legs. She comes with a loud scream as Brittany presses down on her clit while tapping her ass lightly. She drags out her orgasm with her moves until Santana begs her to stop.

Aftershocks make her body jerk for a few times, then she spreads all over the sheets under Brittany.

She feels like she might have died and entered heaven, until Brittany lies down on top of her to remind her that this – this feeling of utter relief – is all real.

And she is the one who caused it, not any other blonde and tall girl in the world.

* * *

**Well, that's Brittany being jealous for you! :D **

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Tell me what you think! **


	13. Breaking points Part I

**Dear readers!**

**Thanks for every new add and review. You have no idea how happy they make me. :) **

**! And I have an announcement. After the recent panic about this site, I decided to make a livejournal, so if my story gets deleted, you can find it and all my other stuff elsewhere. And I might as well start using tumblr, like everyone else seems to, so I'd rather you follow me on one of these sites in the future ! **

**You can find me here: **

**emmanuelle-s(.)livejournal(.)com**

**emmanuelle-s(.) **

**So this chapter is the first part of three dealing with the same topic. I hope I will handle it well, because I think it's the most serious thing I've written about yet! Now enjoy the chapter and please review if you have time! Thanks:-))))**

* * *

Brittany tries to be careful not to press too close to her sensitive parts as she rests on top of her, but after a few minutes she can't hold it any longer and has to voice her displeasure.

"Ow" She groans loudly, as she tries to move under her girlfriend's naked body and unintentionally bumps into Brittany's hipbone with her ass.

She suddenly has the urge to push her away, as the burning pain and soreness makes her frustrated. In her sated state, all she wants to do is spread on the bed and fall into a peaceful slumber, but after her incredible orgasm, it seems there is a pretty big price to pay.

"San?" Brittany props herself up on her elbows and tilts her head to look at her worriedly.

"Britt…my…fuck" Santana winces as she clumsily tries to find a position where she can stay under Brittany and not drive herself crazy at the same time. Brittany doesn't seem to get what her problem is, as she watches her struggle, so it doesn't take long before she gives up. "It hurts…" She whimpers as she motions with her chin to the part of her body that causes her to pathetically whine instead of jumping on Brittany and make her as satisfied as she was a few minutes ago.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Brittany widens her eyes as she realizes that Santana is in pain.

Santana almost rolls her eyes at her, since it seems pretty inevitable to be in serious pain after she's been hit with a fucking whip on her ass for what seemed like hours. And since Brittany was the one who's been handling it, she really should have known this.

Brittany quickly climbs off of her, careful not to hurt her even more and lies down on her side.

"It fucking hurts." She groans again before she throws her head into the pillows. "I won't able to sit for a week…" She mumbles mostly to herself.

She thinks about if it was worth it at all, but the stickiness between her legs and the overall warmth she feels in her body is enough proof that it was. The pleasure took much shorter probably than the time the pain will hold up, and maybe the intensity can compare too, but it was the overall experience that makes her think she would do it all over again.

She feels Brittany crawling closer again and then soft fingertips find the curly little hairs on the back of her neck. She shivers at the sensation, before she shakes herself, because really, it's ridiculous how affected she is by Brittany's every subtle touch. She imagines how Brittany must be softly smiling at her reaction. Long fingers sneak out from her locks and find their way to her neck.

Brittany pushes her hair out of the way, before leaning closer to lay a feather-light kiss on her bare shoulder.

She forgets all about the pain.

She tilts her head to the side and casts her eyes up to find Brittany's face. She smiles at her adoringly and she suddenly doesn't understand how she could ever question that it's worth to do anything for this girl.

Especially if it comes with an intense orgasm.

"We will figure something out…" Brittany soothes her and then pecks her temple a few times.

Santana likes this part almost just as much as the part that makes her scream out of her mind and causes her vision to become blurry as she feels her whole body coming alive on a whole new level.

That part is nothing she'd ever experienced sex to be like in the past and frankly, she hasn't even imagined it could be like this at all.

But now that Brittany gazes at her like she is the eighth wonder of the world, while she draws circles on the low of her back tenderly with her soft fingertips, she knows that she would give up that part for this, when Brittany tries to take care of her so attentively.

It just makes her feel so loved.

And this feeling doesn't really compare to anything else really.

Good thing these two parts mostly come together, she muses as a smile tugs at the corners of her mouth.

She is really lucky to have a girlfriend like Brittany and such a stable and loving relationship like theirs, so they can consider discovering new things in sex together. She knows exactly how rare it is to find her perfect partner, her match at such a young age and she couldn't be more grateful.

But of course it wasn't just like that, with a blink of an eye.

They've faced many obstacles together through their journey of exploring themselves and each other, but fortunately, they've always managed to find a way to work it out.

They are in it together.

Even though their roles might indicate that they are not equals in their sexual relationship, after experiencing both sides recently, Santana realizes that their situation is not that different at all.

She discovered that it takes just as much effort to set her mind on hurting the person she loves the most and wants to protect at all costs as to trust Brittany with her body completely and let her hurt her, hoping that she will take care of her.

She knows that it means Brittany completely surrenders to her, when she fights her fears and hindrances to pleasure her like this, just like she surrenders to her when she exposes herself to her completely and let her control her the way she wants to.

"What are you thinking about?" Brittany's quiet sweet voice snaps her out of her thoughts. Her bright eyes are full of curiosity as she waits for her to let her in.

She contemplates her answer for a few seconds, before she shrugs a little. "It's just that I'm really happy." Her voice cracks a little and she clears her throat to hide that her emotions took over her for a second, but she can't deceive Brittany, not after so many years of being an open book for her.

Brittany doesn't press her with questions, she just bites down on her bottom lip a little, before her mouth turns into a bashful smile at Santana's words.

Santana is grateful that she lets it go, because she really doesn't want to cry again after sex, which she does an awful lot of times nowadays. She knows exactly that Brittany will come up with it later when the time is right and she has to talk about what she feels.

It doesn't even bother her anymore. Secretly she even likes it when they talk about 'feelings and stuff', because it just makes her feel closer to Brittany, though she would be pretty reluctant to admit it. Even to Brittany.

She returns her smile, which slowly becomes a wide cheesy grin, causing Brittany to break into giggles. She joins in and they laugh at themselves and how awfully they are in love with each other.

Suddenly Brittany's carefree laughter dies down and her eyes start to gleam with what Santana suspects as some serious mischief. Her fingers stop moving on Santana's back and then they slowly slide to the side to touch her hipbone.

She pulls up her eyebrows questioningly, when Brittany starts to draw circles on it.

It shouldn't be sexual by all means, but since it's Brittany who is doing it and her smile already turned into a seductive smirk, Santana can't really interpret her move to be anything other than a subtle invitation for another round. Possibly a round, where not only she will be satisfied in the end, but both of them, just like the way they both prefer it.

She glances away from her eyes as the state of her body comes into her mind. She almost gets frustrated again as she thinks about how she can't really lie any way other than on her stomach right now, when she receives a wet kiss on her shoulder.

She snaps her eyes back to Brittany to find her lustful eyes boring into hers as she kisses her way up to her neck. She has to shut hers tightly as a moan breaks free when Brittany nips with her teeth at her neck.

Brittany's tongue finds her ear shell and it takes a really fucking huge effort to stay motionless on her stomach when her body tells her to turn around and pull her naked girlfriend on top of her.

Her knees almost start trembling when Brittany's hot breath hits the now moist skin of her ear and when she whispers "Let's have a shower!" Santana almost comes on the spot.

"Okay" She agrees, her voice shaking with arousal before she has to bite back a moan as Brittany plants another open-mouthed kiss on her neck.

Her legs are slightly wobbly, but this time Brittany doesn't pick her up, just hugs her waist firmly with her strong arm and leads her to the bathroom. She doesn't stop kissing her neck and shoulder, so she has to concentrate really hard not to stumble and fall hard on her already aching ass.

...

They manage to find their way to the bathroom and they are welcomed by their reflection in the huge mirror above the sink.

Santana finds it almost embarrassing how messy she looks, her skin is sweaty all over her body, her cheeks are flushed and damp strands of hair stick to her face. And her neck and shoulder are full of hickeys and nip marks. It looks like she has to apply a lot of make-up on Monday, if she wants to look somewhat presentable at school.

Brittany beams at her innocently, watching her as she trails her eyes all over her own ravished body. She shrugs after a couple of seconds, convincing herself that she shouldn't care about it right now how she looks, she has time to figure it out Monday morning.

Now she has much more important and enjoyable activities to do, so with one last glance at the mirror, she turns to Brittany with her whole body and takes a step forward to press their bodies flush while she grabs Brittany's shoulders to keep her in place.

Their skins are clammy and it would make her feel uncomfortable and gross as they stick together, but as Brittany's erect nipples dig into the top of her own breasts and her hands sneak under her arms to cross behind her back, she couldn't care less.

She has a sudden urge to take Brittany right there and she gives in without hesitation.

She musters up her strength to push Brittany backwards. Brittany groans as her tailbone meets the hard edge of the sink, but her displeasure is instantly erased as Santana grabs the back of her neck and rises on her toes to kiss her. There is no teasing as she pokes out her tongue and parts Brittany's lips to invade her mouth. She explores the roof of her mouth and sucks on her tongue, erupting a moan from Brittany, which she swallows eagerly.

She burns with desire as she feels her center throbbing, like her blood stopped flowing in her veins and it all settled between her legs, making incredible heat spread there. She pushes forward with her hips, until they meet Brittany's and they both pull away and gasp as their wet centers press together.

Her body screams for more as her core aches for some kind of friction, so she spreads her legs until she meets Brittany's thigh, making her breath hitch at the sensation of soft skin pressing to her dripping folds.

It feels so amazing and she wants to share it with Brittany, so she quickly pushes her own thigh upwards until it meets her center and Brittany's nails dig into her back as she groans with pleasure.

She starts grinding into her and rests her forehead on Brittany's shoulder as she lets out short high-pitched moans. Brittany does the same, so much that after a while she can't even distinct the sounds she makes from Brittany's as they rock into each other relentlessly. They become frantic as they are rubbing their swollen clits on each other's thighs faster and harder by the second, until they fall totally out of sync overtaken by their pleasure so much that Brittany has to slide her hands down to grab Santana's ass so they can find each other again.

The stabbing pain Santana feels at her move shoots such an intense jolt of pleasure to her clit that she comes with a strained grunt from the back of her throat, spreading her juices all over Brittany's thigh as she grinds into her some more to drag out her orgasm.

Her uncontrolled and clumsy moves are enough to make Brittany's muscles clench in her thighs as she stiffens before she comes with a jerk of her hips and a loud moan into Santana's ear which sends a shiver down her spine, despite the fact that her own orgasm surprised her like five seconds ago.

They try to control their breathing as they hold on to each other's bodies after coming down from their highs.

Santana nuzzles into Brittany's neck and sighs contentedly, causing goosebumps to spread on the moist skin. She smiles at the sight as she tries to fight her dizziness and pull herself together to have the ability to formulate words again.

She snaps out of her daze when she feels Brittany letting go of her ass and that's when she is reminded of how she reached her orgasm. It was really strange, as Brittany's bold and probably unconscious move caused her such an overwhelming amount of pleasure that it made her get over the edge sooner than what she was prepared for.

"I'm not really sorry, you know…" Brittany mumbles into her ear with thick voice all of a sudden.

It makes her chuckle that they were thinking about the exact same thing without either of them voicing their thoughts, until Brittany blurted out the truth, just the way she always does, so simply with pure honesty and without any care what others think. Of course she does care about what Santana thinks, but it doesn't stop her from treating her just the same and telling her what she thinks straight out.

Santana likes it this way very much and sometimes it can be pretty funny and amusing, like right now.

"I can bet…" She teases her, but they both know that she is also not really sorry for the pain, since the stunning pleasure she felt after it caused her to forget about it pretty easily before her moves made Brittany follow her quickly.

No, she is not sorry at all.

"Good thing we did this before the shower." Brittany muses lazily and it lingers in the air for a second before they both break into fits of giggle at her statement, which is obviously very true.

"It's because Auntie Tana always thinks forward…" Santana replies smugly, as she feels really proud to be the one who initiated their round two of sexual activities before they started to clean up.

"San, Auntie Tana is creeping me out." Brittany whines as she pulls away her face from Santana's neck to look at her. "I always think about my own aunts and they are old and like…not sexy at all."

Santana smiles at her cute frown and her strangely awesome way of thinking, before she opens her mouth to tell Brittany that if she found her aunts sexy, now that would be creepy.

But she decides against it and lets it go with a shrug of her shoulder and instead she takes a step back to give Brittany some space. They both whimper as she detaches her body from Brittany's, removing her thigh between her legs and letting go of her shoulders.

Brittany pouts a little as they are not touching anymore, but Santana quickly makes her forget about it.

"So, you still in for that shower or what?" She asks Brittany as she holds out her left hand for her.

Brittany nods with comical eagerness and takes her hand, before quickly turning away from her and pulling her towards the shower.

As she moves out of the way, Santana glances into the mirror again and she instantly stops moving, squeezing Brittany's hand tight as she stares at her reflection, her mouth agape and her eyes wide as they take in the sight.

To be more exact, the sight of her ass.

Her ass, which is full of red welts, which are pretty apparent, even on her darker skin tone.

She is completely stunned and she can feel her cheeks heat up as she feels weirded out by it.

She's come a long way in accepting that she likes spanking and she's managed to handle the conflicting emotions caused by it, but as she stares at her severely bruised skin, she can't help but feel a bit ashamed.

She can see from the corner of her eye, that Brittany follows her cast until they both stare at her ass, making her feel self-conscious even and wanting to hide herself and her disturbing feelings with it at the same time.

Brittany can obviously sense the shift in her mood, as she squeezes her hand back and then she snaps her eyes away from the mirror to look at her face. Santana can feel her searching for her eyes, but she suddenly doesn't feel very comfortable looking at her, or at herself for that matter, so casts her gaze down on the tiles of the floor.

She stares at the cracks between the tiles, which feel somehow too cold now under her bare feet, as she is trying her best to overcome her feelings that seem to bother her again, after some time of being able to just simply enjoy this and not care about the aftermath.

She can feel Brittany taking careful steps towards her until she's so close that her toes invade her eyesight, then she covers her hand with both of hers delicately.

"Please don't go back there, San" She whispers to her pleadingly, referring to that dark place Santana once found herself after the first time Brittany was really rough with her punishment.

It was the first time she left marks on her, but that was different. After coming to terms with her feelings, she even found them arousing when she looked down at them and the whole marking thing made her feel like Brittany wanted to show literally who she belonged to. It made her feel like she was owned by her and she truly liked it after a while. But they were never so prominent and they never seemed like she was strongly abused.

But they do now and it seriously disturbs her, because she can't help but wonder if this is healthy at all.

If she is healthy at all.

She imagines what other people would think about her if they saw her in this state. They would think that this is not normal and a knot forms in her stomach as she thinks that they might be right. Her twirling thoughts make her nauseous and something is blubbering from deep within her body, making her vision blurry as tears wells up in her eyes.

She feels like she's building back up all those walls she's managed to break through and she can't help it.

She can't help it, like she also can't help the memory of Brittany pressing her into the front door and then carrying her to the bedroom on her shoulder a few hours earlier sneaking back into her mind.

Her chest feels too tight so much that it compresses her heart when she thinks about how much she would have loved if…how much she would love if Brittany…

"Santana" Brittany's firm voice barely cuts through her bubble as she is letting her dark thoughts wrap her up and consume her.

They play with her imagination as Brittany's shocked face appears inside her head, looking at her like she's not the person she thought she is as she tells her that she wishes her to do something to her that both of them think is horrible in real life.

All of a sudden, strong hands grab her shoulders and start to shake her whole body with such force she has to close her eyes to prevent herself from throwing up.

At her responsiveness, it all stops and hands rest on her shoulders, fingertips draw circles on her shoulder blades as the sudden emptiness behind her eyelids calm her a bit. She holds her eyes tightly closed, praying that the image won't come back, when she feels the hands edge upwards on the sides of her neck and jaw.

"Santana, please look at me!" Brittany begs desperately as she finds her cheeks and clutches them like she's holding on to dear life. "Please!" She chokes out with such force like she wanted to yell, but didn't have enough strength to do so.

It scares her.

Even in her confounded state, her instincts tell her to come to her senses, because Brittany needs her. She desperately needs her to do so.

It takes a huge amount of effort to open her eyes - causing another set of tears to flow down on her cheeks onto Brittany's hands – and focus on Brittany's face, that is much closer to hers than before. She takes in her expression and has to take a step backwards as the overwhelming guilt and fear she recognizes on her makes her stunned.

She stumbles on the tile, but Brittany quickly lets go of her face and hugs her waist instead to hold her up. She grips her shoulders instinctively, and it suddenly makes sense.

Brittany is the only one she can truly lean on.

Even though she is scared as hell of what she will think about her, she is the only one who she can trust with her darkest thoughts. She is the only one who can protect her.

She stares into her terrified eyes and she feels sure that she has to take a chance and tell her soon, because Brittany clearly senses that she's hiding something and it makes her feel like she's losing her. It would be simply cruel to let her feel this way, because she knows how much it hurts.

The fright in her bright blue eyes becomes subdued by desperation as she senses that Santana is slowly finding her normal self and she seems like she needs nothing more than a reassurance from her that she is back from her personal hell, that she is here and she is all right.

She gives it to her in a form of embrace that is the kind, which makes her feel like they are one person, as she presses their bodies flush and rises on her toes to bury her face into the crook of Brittany's neck.

She inhales her scent and it calms her like nothing else in the world.

She hears a relieved shaky sigh leaving Brittany's mouth, before she hugs her so tightly that it makes her chest almost crush.

But it's nothing like before, when she was squeezed by the pressure of her fears, instead it feels like it's coming from the inside as her heart fills up with too much love. It's so warm and safe as she hears nothing else just the way their hearts beat in sync so close to each other.

"You scared me so much." Brittany whispers into her ear, making her eyes snap open as she hears her quavering voice. "So much…"

She lifts her head and presses her forehead to Brittany's temple, nuzzling her cheek softly.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry." She whispers when Brittany starts weeping quietly. She starts rocking her body to soothe her while she continues to whisper to her. "I love you baby. I love you. I'm sorry."

Brittany pulls away just an inch so that she can look at her.

"I love you" She repeats as Brittany searches in her eyes for reassurance. It hurts her to see her so unsure of her, of them, but she knows she has every reason to be.

"I love you, too" Brittany breaths out, her voice still a bit shaky from crying, but the force Santana feels behind her words is enough reason for her to be hoping that they might be okay, even after everything will be out in the air.

But there is still time before she has to…they have to deal with that.

"Come on, baby" She whispers to Brittany, then she lets go of her shoulders and searches for her hands. She takes them away from her waist and interlaces their fingers while she musters up the strength to smile softly at her. She is surprised how easy it spreads on her face, when Brittany nods her head and matches her smile.

She leads them to the shower stall and only lets go of one of her hands when she has to open it. They both step into it, then she closes the door and quickly turns the water on, before stepping in front of Brittany again.

She wipes off her remaining tears from her cheeks with her thumbs before resting her palms on them. She feels the strong urge to get even closer to her after these past minutes, which felt like hours when they were being kept apart and so far that it scared both of them to death.

"Can I…" Santana gulps as she feels emotions rising in her throat again. "Can I wash you?" She whispers her question to keep her voice from cracking.

"Yeah" Brittany replies quietly before the sweetest smile spreads across her face, her eyes shining brightly again.

Santana nods at her as she acknowledges her answer, then she turns to her side for a bit to grab the sponge and hold it under the water. She puts some of Brittany's body wash on it and squeezes it so it becomes lathery.

"Turn around please!" She tells her and Brittany instantly does so, turning her back to her.

She gently pushes her hair to one side before she lifts her hand to touch the sponge to her shoulder. The scent of honey invades the air as she starts washing her back slowly, taking care that every inch of skin is covered in soft lather. She guides the sponge all over both of her arms until she settles at her neck again, massaging Brittany's muscles, causing her to let out contented sighs.

It feels so good to tend on her like this, to make her feel so peaceful that Santana wants to stay like this forever.

But she is not finished yet, so she gently pulls on Brittany's shoulder to signal her that she should turn back around. Brittany faces her again with a dazed smile making her features even more beautiful.

She lifts the sponge to her neck and squeezes it, then watches as the foam slowly slides down the valley between Brittany's breasts. She casts her gaze upwards when she feels the weight of Brittany's intense stare.

She watches as Brittany parts her pink lips when she slides the sponge down to start spreading the soap all over her chest. Soon perky breasts get covered in thick foam and she moves on to wash her defined abs. She can see how much effort it takes from Brittany to maintain their eye-contact and not tilt her head back at the sensation.

She arrives at her lower abdomen and suddenly gets a bit unsure, so she takes a glance at what her hand is doing. She almost lets out a moan as the foam slides down and disappears between Brittany's legs, then drops on the floor.

When she feels Brittany resting her hands on her shoulders again, she snaps back her eyes and forces herself to stay in control, though it gets extremely hard when Brittany nods in reassurance that she can wash her most intimate parts too.

She wants her to.

It is evident in her eyes.

She bites down on her bottom lip as she carefully slides the sponge to wash between Brittany's legs. She could easily tease her, but it's one of those rare occasions when she is touching her there, but not in a sexual way and she doesn't have the slightest urge to change this into something suggestive.

It feels strange, but there is something special about it, like it's even more intimate, because sex is something everyone can do, but this feels something really rare and even more precious to her.

Brittany watches her every move as she moves onto the inside of her thighs, then her breath hitches when she crouches in front of her to wash every inch of her legs. She rests her hands on the top of her head and Santana steals a few glances up on her face to catch her smiling softly as she works her way from her ankles to her knees and settle at her hips finally.

She stands up again and opens her mouth to say something, but Brittany catches her off guard as she presses into her body and starts to pepper soft kisses on her temple.

"Britt, I'm making you all sweaty again!" She whines, but she can't deny how much she likes her closeness as her hands sneak behind Brittany's back.

"I don't care…" Brittany says breathlessly. "Your sweat is awesome." She whispers into her cheek, before pressing a smacking kiss on it.

She chuckles at her statement, before pulling away from her face.

"Whatever…" She rolls her eyes at Brittany, but her annoyance is clearly fake, as she can't hide her beaming smile. "Now let's get you under the water!" She turns into serious, because she has a job to finish and Brittany is not helping at all.

She grabs the shower head and guides it all around Brittany to rinse the soap. When her body is all cleaned, she instructs her to turn around again and she washes her hair. She is careful not to get foam into Brittany's eyes, because she knows she hates that. When she is all clean, she pecks her nose softly, before grabbing the sponge again to wash herself.

Brittany quickly grabs her wrist and pulls up her eyebrows.

Santana doesn't really understand until she watches Brittany let go of her hand and grab the sponge herself. She inwardly rolls her eyes at herself, because of course Brittany wants to reciprocate, she shouldn't be so surprised. She doesn't dare to object, when Brittany starts washing her with just as much attention as she did.

Well, she doesn't even want to. Not even a slightest bit, when it feels so nice and relaxing.

Brittany slowly covers her front in soap, breaking her moves sometimes to lay a few kisses on her random body parts, like her ribcage, then her elbow, then her knees as she crouches in front of her like she did a few minutes ago.

She turns her around to wash her back and then it suddenly gets a bit complicated as they both remember her red marks.

"I'll be careful" She assures Santana, who tilts her head to the side to look at her. She nods her head slightly, so Brittany starts washing her back, careful not to let foam slide down to her ass, because from the looks of it, it would really sting.

Santana smiles at how hard she concentrates to make her feel good and she lets herself enjoys it by closing her eyes and getting wrapped up in the sensation of Brittany softly massaging her exhausted muscles.

It stops after a few minutes and with a deep sigh she opens her eyes again and wants to turn around now that she thinks Brittany is finished, but then she suddenly feels a little tingle on her ass.

"Britt?" She asks in confusion and then she widens her eyes when she feels it again, this time for longer. Brittany is very carefully touching her, her fingertips working almost like feather against her skin. It doesn't burn at all as she gently strokes her, it just tingles all over her skin and the sensation is amazing.

"Is this okay?" Brittany asks, stopping for a second as she waits for her answer.

She just lets out a sigh and it's enough for her to continue touching her. She feels her really slowly spreading her fingers and resting her palms on her cheeks.

She hums quietly and thinks how funny is that she thought she wouldn't let Brittany anywhere near her ass for a long time and now here she is, letting her handle it like it's some kind of a treasure. It feels like Brittany thinks this is the very last time she lets her touching her there and she is trying to say goodbye to it or something as she is holding onto it, savouring the feeling.

She thinks it's pretty ridiculous, but she knows how much Brittany likes her ass and of course, she clearly has her own 'issues', so she really can't judge her for her behavior.

After a minute though, she can't help but cut off this farewell, as she starts freezing and aches for the warm water.

"Britt, you can stop." She tilts her head to the side again to search for Brittany's face.

"But I…" Brittany tries to argue eagerly.

"It's all right. You can touch it again later." She cuts her off and she has the urge to roll her eyes at the hilarity of this situation. It's like Brittany is a child holding on to their favorite game, before their mother tells them they can get it back later.

"Oh" Brittany sounds clearly surprised, then she seems to get it, so she detaches her hands and presses a kiss to Santana's cheek. "Thanks" She says after pulling away and it makes Santana chuckle lightly as she takes in her beaming face.

Brittany resumes to cleaning her up, in an even better mood, now that she is reassured by Santana that she didn't hurt her so much that she will never let her touch her again.

She washes the soap off of her body and then she washes her hair, gently massaging her scalp during it.

As she closes her eyes, she suddenly feels how tired she is and all she wants to do is lie down close to Brittany and sleep until Brittany softly nuzzling her neck wakes her up long hours later.

Brittany finishes washing her hair, so now she is finally matching her completely clean state. She smiles fondly at her as Brittany runs her fingers through her dark thick locks, then she catches her glancing subtly at her lips. She thinks it's really cute how she pulls away her eyes so quickly, but she can't hide her intentions from her.

"You can kiss me, silly" She chuckles at how Brittany looks at her like a deer in headlights, before a grin spreads across her face.

She feels her smiling into the kiss and she is really gentle with her lips, as they press to hers. Brittany hums into the kiss and then pulls away a little to nuzzle her nose.

"You smell like honey." She murmurs to her, stating the obvious.

Santana shakes her head a little at her cuteness.

"You too."

"I really like it…" She pecks her lips again. "And I like calling you honey."

"I like it too, Britt-Britt" She smiles at her sweet words, before pulling away. "Now how abouts you and I get our cuddle on?" She asks her sassily, casing both of them to break into giggles.

Brittany agrees with a nod of her head, so she opens the tile and they step out.

She picks up a towel and they dry themselves, sometimes taking breaks to steal a few kisses from each other. She glances at the mirror and catches the sight of her marks again. Brittany watches her slightly worriedly, but she turns back to her and just shakes her head.

"It's okay." She assures her again. "Come on!"

She holds out her hand and Brittany takes it, so she leads them out of the bathroom, all the way to the bed.

"Um…San?" Brittany clears her throat. "How do you want to…I mean…" She tries to express her worry about Santana's ability to sleep in the position they usually sleep. She mostly spoons her pressing closely to her from behind, but that might really hurt now.

"Hmm…what if I sleep on you?" Santana asks with a little shrug, like it's just a logical suggestion given her situation, but in fact, she really wants to do that.

"It sounds awesome." Brittany replies sincerely, then she squeezes Santana's hand before letting go of it and crawling on the bed.

She lies down and opens her arms for her, waiting for her eagerly.

Santana doesn't hesitate a lot, before climbing on the bed to follow her. Brittany spreads her legs so she can fit between them comfortably. She settles on top of her and rests her chin between her breasts.

"It was totally worth it." She murmurs quietly, mostly to herself, but it doesn't go unnoticed by Brittany, who grins at her widely.

Santana plants a few soft kisses near her collarbone and the top of her breasts, then she turns her head to the side and settles on her chest comfortably.

It's better than any fluffy pillow in the world.

Pillows don't make this calming movement of rising and falling rhythmically like Brittany's chest. Also, pillows don't let out the best sounds when she presses her ear to them closely.

And Brittany's chest certainly does or to be exact, her heart inside of it.

She can hear her strong and steady heartbeat and it makes her feel so warm that the lack of comforter doesn't bother her the slightest anymore.

Brittany smoothes the damp strands of hair away from her face and starts stroking her jaw softly, while her other hand rests on her back.

"Sleep dreams, honey" She hears her whispering, but she barely recognizes the words as exhaustion takes over her body.

She parts her lips to answer, but she is not quick enough as she suddenly stops trying to formulate words and falls into a peaceful slumber.

…

She wakes up in the exact same position as she fell asleep and she instantly feels that her neck might need a good rubbing later, but all in all she feels great, refreshed and content.

That's until she opens her eyes and catches something glistening on Brittany's skin near her mouth.

She widens her eyes when she realizes that she literally drooled on her girlfriend. She carefully lifts her hand to wipe it off without waking Brittany up. She really doesn't want her to see what she did.

Her plan almost works, but when she is just an inch away, Brittany quickly grabs her fingers, startling her completely.

"Busted" She practically yells at her, before she breaks into a fit of giggles.

Santana buries her face into her chest and shakes her head at her behavior. Brittany's reaction is exactly why she wanted to avoid waking her up.

"San, stop, that tickles" Brittany tells her before she grabs her head to stop it from moving.

She reluctantly pulls away to lift her head and look at her with narrow eyes.

"Aw, honey…" Brittany coos mockingly before she lets go of her fingers and brings her hand to her mouth to wipe on it.

Santana shoves it away with a roll of her eyes and does it herself. Then she turns a little to wipe off Brittany's chest and this time she lets her. She cleans her hand on the sheets and settles back to rest her chin between Brittany's breasts.

"Hey" She mumbles slightly awkwardly as Brittany grins at her.

"Hi" She replies giddily, before her smile turns into a mischievous smirk. "You slept real good, huh?" She teases her, making Santana feel embarrassed again.

"Hahaha , very funny…" She deadpans. "It's not like I can control myself when I'm sleeping. And by the way, why do you have to be so damn warm and comfortable?"

"I guess I should take that as a compliment?" Brittany pulls up her eyebrows questioningly as her eyes shine brightly from Santana's words.

"Duh" Santana rolls her eyes, but can't help the smile that spreads across her face.

She pushes herself up on her elbows and settles on Brittany's lower abdomen, looking down at her. Brittany's eyes instantly wander downwards to stare at her breasts as she chews on her bottom lip.

"Eyes are up here Britt." Santana smirks at her, happy that she is on top now in both senses. "Well we haven't really managed to eat breakfast, so what do you say I gets my cooking on for us?" She offers with a little shrug of her shoulders.

"I'd love that." Brittany nods in agreement. "But San…I hope you didn't forget how to handle eggs." She tells her with an emotionless voice and blank face.

It makes her frown in confusion. Then suddenly she has the urge to inwardly slap her palm to her forehead as she realizes that her girlfriend just made a joke about her sexuality. Brittany notices that she got it and starts giggling at her again, for the second damn time this morning.

"I hate you" She groans and smacks Brittany's arm, before climbing down from her body to get up at last.

"You love me…" Brittany tells her knowingly, before she follows her moves.

She picks up some clothes for them to wear, not too many, just a tank top, panties and shorts for either of them.

When Santana has some difficulty to pull the panties on her still very sensitive skin, she offers that she should simply stay naked. She rolls her eyes at her suggestion and asks for a thong and a loose dress instead. Brittany apologizes for causing her such discomfort again, but when Santana pulls on the red thong she gave her, the sudden lust in her eyes tell Santana that she doesn't feel guilty all that much right now.

…

Brittany turns on the radio in the kitchen, while Santana starts to prepare 'breakfast' for them. Brittany dances around her crazily to the tunes and she has to concentrate real hard not to burn their eggs when she is rolling her hips like that.

She almost forgets about her unfortunate situation, until the moment when all they have to do is sit down and enjoy the food. Brittany looks at her with a sympathetic smile and offers that she will rub some aloe vera lotion on it after eating.

The thought of Brittany's talented fingers massaging her later makes it mildly easier to sit down on a chair at the kitchen island. That image is all she tries to focus on as her whole bottom starts burning painfully. She eats as fast as she can and Brittany seems just as eager as her. When she is finished, she instantly stands up and a relieved sigh leaves her mouth, making both of them laugh.

After cleaning up their mess in the kitchen, Santana practically drags Brittany upstairs to collect her prize for making through breakfast without constant whining.

She shimmies out of her dress and pulls down her thong hastily, before climbing on the bed and settling on her stomach comfortably.

She wiggles her ass a little, making Brittany giggle cutely while she picks up the lotion and settles on the back of Santana's thighs.

Her soft touches cause amazing sensations and the cold lotion cools off the burning a bit. Brittany gently rubs it into her skin, careful not to apply too much pressure and when she is finished, Santana wishes her to do it all over again. She willingly continues for a little while. When Santana feels completely relaxed, she tilts her head to the side and tells her to lie down beside her.

Brittany settles close to her on her side and starts stroking her back, up and down along her spine.

"Feel any better?" She asks her softly smiling.

"Hmmm" Santana practically purrs as an answer. It suddenly feels too hard to keep her eyelids open, so she lets them close as she enjoys Brittany's fingertips grazing her back.

…

She has no idea what the time is when she wakes up, but she thinks it's probably well in the evening.

It's really surprising that Brittany just let her sleep again like that, because she usually whines a lot that she will be bored if she falls asleep without her. She notices that she is not even in the room or the bathroom, when she gets up and searches for her.

She pulls on the clothes she wore earlier and goes to find her.

…

Brittany is sitting on the couch in the living room, watching some cartoons, which is pretty rare even for her apart from the mornings and when she is watching them with her sister.

The sound of Santana's footsteps makes her turn away from the screen and look around for her.

"Hey" She smiles softly when she finds her with her eyes.

They don't look so bright somehow like before, the usual piercing blue colors of her eyes are clouded with something Santana can't figure out from the distance. She makes her way to the couch and sits down carefully beside Brittany to take a closer look at her.

"Hi." She replies while she's searching for clues on her face.

She doesn't know what happened in the time they were apart, that might have caused the shift in Brittany's mood. She was so cheerful and energetic before, even making fun of her a few times and overall having a really good time, but now she seems a bit strained and even the smile she shoots at her seems a bit lopsided.

She knows what it means. Brittany is thinking about something that makes her worried and upset.

She has a wild guess that she is thinking about her and what happened earlier in the bathroom.

Brittany turns away and continues to watch their favorite cartoon, SpongeBob SquarePants, so Santana lets out a resigned sigh while turning to the screen and tries to enjoy it somehow.

It's tough, almost impossible as the air around them seems heavy with unrevealed problems, unspoken words and hidden feelings.

The only sound in the room comes from the television, but her twirling thoughts are screaming in her head and makes the sounds fade away easily. Minutes pass by and her frustration increases, so she catches a subtle glance at Brittany.

She finds that Brittany must feel the awkwardness of the situation too, since her eyes look unfocused, like she doesn't concentrate on the cartoon at all and there is a hard frown spreading across her usually smooth forehead.

Santana wonders why she doesn't say anything, when most of the times she is the one who suggests that they should talk. And they clearly have some serious stuff to talk about right now. She decides that it must have a reason why she is reluctant to come up with it on her own, so she exhales slowly before lifting her hand from her lap to touch Brittany's.

Brittany jerks her head to look at her with wide eyes as she looks like she's been startled from a nightmare.

"Britt, what is going on?" Santana asks her worriedly as she takes her hand between both of hers and starts circling her palm with her fingers soothingly. "I'm here, you can tell me."

Brittany visibly gulps and glances away for a few seconds like she is preparing inside her head for what she's about to say, before she turns to her with her whole body and casts her gaze at her. Santana adjusts her position, so they become face-to-face and waits for Brittany to answer.

"I was just…" It seems really hard for her to find the words. "I tried to figure out what happened you know, earlier and…I don't really…" She shakes her head and Santana's heart breaks a little at how lost and miserable she seems. "You have no idea how much you scared me." She whispers quietly and bites down on her bottom lip to keep the tears that glisten in her eyes from falling.

Santana sucks in a shaky breath and looks at her painfully.

"Do you regret what happened?" She asks her, because it's easier to ask than talk about it herself.

She really doesn't know what she would say if Brittany asked it back.

She doesn't regret the act itself, but she should have handled her issues differently. She knows her breakdown could have been avoidable if she was just simply honest with Brittany, but all her suppressed emotions caused her to explode in a way and it felt like all her past fears and doubts returned.

She regrets that and she feels weak that she let it happen.

"Um, in some ways yes." Brittany tells her carefully, like she fears her answer might upset her.

"How?" She asks curiously.

"It's a bit confusing for me." Brittany admits and hangs her head a little like she's a bit ashamed about her inability to figure it all out.

Santana feels guilty, because it must hurt Brittany that she is not in tune with her like she usually is. It's all on her; since there is no chance Brittany could understand her reaction completely without her revealing her secret to her.

"It's all right, baby. Just tell me what you feel!" She offers.

She thinks it might be better to hear Brittany out, before she comes out with her issues. It might be a bit cruel to let her think that it was her fault, but she needs some more time to muster up the courage.

It's selfish and weak, but she's like this, she is not perfect like the person who is sitting in front of her, willing to open up and give her everything when she asks her.

"It's just that I know I didn't have a real reason to be jealous, but…you were topping me before, which was great but maybe I was too emotional after… and with you letting that girl flirting with you so openly…I don't know…I just felt threatened I guess, like I was losing control over you?" She asks, mostly to herself like maybe this is the first time she is close to understand herself and she wants some clarification. "Maybe I shouldn't have taken it all out in a sexual way or I don't know…I shouldn't have been so rough. I'm a bit torn about this, 'cause you seemed to enjoy it and then…" She trails off, because there is no need for details, since both of them know exactly what happened after it.

The words sink in slowly and Santana tries to process everything Brittany shared with her.

"This sound so stupid…I'm sorry." Brittany whispers suddenly, apologizing again for everything like it was all her fault and Santana decides that it's enough.

She has to be brave, because Brittany deserves it.

"No, Brittany." She tells, while shaking her head firmly and then catches a tear that escaped from Brittany's eye with her thumb.

She strokes her cheek a little and after letting out a deep sigh, she feels ready.

"I do agree that you shouldn't have been jealous, because you know…there is no one else for me out there." She shakes her head. "I want you and I don't give a shit who wants me, it doesn't change anything. Remember what I told you when I confessed that I love you? I said I only want you and I…" She trails off a little, because the words she is about to say are so strong it makes her feel overwhelmed. "I truly think it won't change until I die…or maybe even after" She chuckles a little, but it doesn't sound light-hearted at all.

Brittany's soft eyes and sincere smile warm her heart and she feels the courage inside her to continue.

Brittany simply lets her.

"Still, I really liked you know…that you were so possessive, cause I find it ridiculously hot when you act dominant…" She shrugs, like it's a simple fact and shouldn't be a secret to Brittany after the past months. "But I was not in the right mood…"

"Oh" Brittany says sadly and ducks her head as a faint blush colors her cheeks.

"No, hear me out please." Santana searches for her eyes and doesn't continue until Brittany casts her gaze at her again. "There is something that's been bothering me recently and I kept it from you, because I was…I'm afraid of your reaction. But I realize now that I shouldn't have done that and I shouldn't have let you think that my breakdown was your fault."

"But Santana, you can tell me anything, you know this." Brittany frowns. "And I kind of want you to…" She says a bit more quietly, like it's a secret wish.

"I know, but it's just disturbing and I couldn't handle it…" Santana shrugs, a bit ashamed of her inability.

Suddenly she feels the need to draw back her hands.

Brittany looks a bit hurt at her move, but doesn't say anything. She lets her distract herself a bit as she starts fumbling with her hands in her lap.

After a few second of hesitation, Santana stops her moves and continues.

"The truth is that I love it when you are rough, you know…but recently I feel that it's kind of not enough. And I keep imagining what I want you to do to me, but then your face appears in my head and you are judging me and looking at me like I'm sick and I…" She trails off and hangs her head a little in embarrassment, but her eyes remain locked to Brittany's.

"I would never…" Brittany shakes her head firmly. She doesn't elaborate, because she doesn't have to, Santana understands and in the bottom of her heart, really hopes that it won't change in the near future.

She takes a deep breath and exhales shakily as she feels that the moment of truth is here.

The tension in the air is unbearable and Brittany waits for her on edge as she parts her lips to share her darkest secret.

"I have a rape fantasy."

* * *

**Well, it was quite a roller coaster chapter, huh?**

**Hope you liked it though. **

**Tell me what you think! :-)  
**


	14. Breaking points Part II

**Dear readers!**

**Thank you for the new adds and reviews! **

**Here is the second part of Breaking points, with a some discussion of rape fantasies, so I gotta warn you that this might be a sensitive topic for some. Third and final part will come later this week I hope!  
**

**Until that, find me here: .com**

**Or here: .com**

**Now enjoy and please review if you can! :-)  
**

* * *

The words are echoing in her mind and she feels an unsettling feeling overcome her. It's like she's been ducked in icy water from head to toe. Or she's been hit with a baseball bat.

She's completely stunned.

All she can do is to sit motionlessly on the couch and stare out of her head, focusing on nothing in particular as all of her senses seem to be less sharp than a few seconds ago.

She feels like she's gotten wrapped up in a bubble, all alone with these words replaying over and over in her head. Other words, other scary and confusing words start mingling with them and soon it turns into a big chaos.

It quickly becomes overwhelming.

"Please say something" Suddenly she hears Santana pleading with her in a shaky voice, causing the bubble to bursts around her.

She feels like she can breathe again.

Her eyes become focused and realization hits her that she is not alone in a weird and surreal dream.

Santana is here with her and she doesn't even need to touch her to know that she is all real with her wide frightened eyes and her shaking hand that is slowly approaching to grab her wrist.

She touches her carefully and the jolt it sends through her body is enough to wake her up completely.

As her thoughts are held back a little now, her hearing returns to normal and she suddenly has the urge to laugh, because the sounds from the cartoon that's still playing on the tv hit her. It's pretty funny that she was watching a cartoon made for children a few minutes ago and now here she is with her girlfriend talking about stuff that couldn't be more far from childish.

It really disturbs her somehow.

"Can you turn off the tv?" She asks, her voice cracking a bit from the weight that settled on her shoulders on her shoulders a few seconds ago.

"What?" Santana furrows her brows in confusion and it makes her feel unsure if she managed to ask the question she put together in her mind.

It seemed completely understandable, but this happens a lot of time with her.

"The tv…turn it off, please" She tries again, this time with a little more confidence in her voice as she is willing herself to get over this feeling in the pit of her stomach that makes her unable to breathe, think, talk or even exist properly.

Santana gets it the second time and she jerks towards the table to find the remote control as quickly as she can. She turns off the tv as Brittany wished and settles back to sit on the couch. She seems on edge to get as she is waiting for a real answer, frantically searching in her eyes for something.

She has to give her something, she knows it. A sign that means the world doesn't end, just because she confessed she has a dark fantasy, something Brittany really didn't expect her to confess or even have at all.

"I…" She has to force her eyes shut for a second as words fail her. "I just don't understand."

Santana seems a tiny bit relieved at her words. It's not a surprise, because knowing Santana like she does, she kind of expected her to think that she might break up with her or something horrible like that.

"I don't really understand either." Santana says slowly while shaking her head. The frown is still intact on her forehead and she really wants to smooth it over with her thumb, but she feels like it's too soon to touch. It would just distract them. "And believe me…" She laughs mirthlessly "I tried really hard to understand, but I just…" She contorts her whole face and it's painful to see her ruining her beautiful features so much as she tries her hardest to make sense of her own fantasy.

Something snaps in Santana's dark eyes and she has to jerk back a little as she stands up abruptly from the couch and turns her back to her.

"I'm sorry…" Santana tilts her head to the side to whisper to her. "I shouldn't have told you. I should have just…" She shuts her eyes as she tries to figure out how she should have handled it better. "I'm sorry…" She whispers again before she buries her face into her hands.

Brittany doesn't wait anymore to get up and wrap her arms around her from behind. Santana tenses for a second, but she quickly turns around to melt in the embrace, finding the safety she needs in her great distress.

Her body feels even more tiny than usual for Brittany as she buries her face into her chest and wraps her arms around her shoulders to pull her closer. She can feel how hard her heart is pounding against her ribcage and she is so afraid she might break down again, she ducks her head to kiss her temple, showing her that she is there, both physically and emotionally for her.

Santana pulls away, seemingly surprised by her affectionate gesture and she stares at her with wide eyes brimming with tears.

She still looks so scared, like she can't believe Brittany didn't call her horrible names or even worse, throw her out. She looks so scared of her, of herself and everything that might happen because of her confession, it truly breaks Brittany's heart.

She seems so consumed by her dark thoughts that she can't quite believe she didn't notice sooner that something is bothering her this much. She feels bad for not being in tune with Santana and not realizing she has an issue with accepting this fantasy of hers. She wishes she would have let her in sooner, because she likes to think that if she had known before, she would have been able to handle it and help Santana.

She likes to think that she will be able to do that now.

"Please say that you're okay with this" Santana whispers with pleading eyes, her whole face on the verge of screwing up from the pressure she must feel inside her. "Please" She begs her in such a weak voice she rarely heard from her before and it makes her wonder how long this has been eating her alive, how long she's been trying to escape it so that she would never have to deal with it.

But there is a thing that she is sure about. She knows that Santana must feel much worse than her, so she has to pull herself together and be there for her.

She has to be the strong one now, because she can deal with her feelings later when she has time to clear her head a bit, but now her job is to assure Santana that things will be all right.

"It's okay." She tells her, hoping that Santana will believe in her sincerity. "We will figure it out, I promise."

Utter relief washes over Santana's face at her words and she prays a little that she will have the needed understanding and patience to deal with this, because she would hate to break her promise.

She never breaks promises.

"Thank you" Santana whispers after setting her forehead on her shoulder. "Thank you, thank you" She repeats it again and again, before Brittany feels her tilting her head to the side and nuzzling her neck.

When she hears her inhaling her scent deeply, the thought of her finding comfort in her closeness warms her heart and the light kiss Santana presses on the side of her neck a second later gives her the strength to think that she won't have to break a promise this time.

…

"They will be awesome, San." She squeals from the excitement as she bends down to look into the oven.

They're baking brownies.

It helps them distract themselves and Brittany couldn't really think of anything better than sweet and delicious food to treat themselves with before she suggests that they should talk about Santana's fantasy.

And she surely needs the time to sort herself out before she even attempts to talk about this.

Santana seemed to really appreciate her idea and she didn't even whine about how she has to do everything since Brittany is useless in the kitchen. So here they are, waiting for the brownies to be done as the last rays of sun break into the kitchen through the large window, signaling that the last night before Brittany's family comes home is slowly approaching.

It would make her giddy with excitement, as she knows that any other time they would be eager to use the opportunity of being alone at night to the full. They would make love for hours, not caring how their moans echo through the whole house and how Brittany's bed creaks under their frantic movement. They would simply enjoy their freedom.

As she stands up and turns back to look at Santana, who is sitting on the kitchen island with her arms crossed, she can still detect the apprehension in her eyes and she knows that this won't be one of those nights.

She walks closer to her, completely forgetting about brownies and sex and reaches for her hands to gently untangle them, like breaking through her physical wall. Santana lets her, but she seems to remain deep in thought as she stares at her.

"San, aren't you excited?" She asks her softly. "They're our browniessss." She squeals in a funny high-pitched voice and she is a bit relieved when a small smile tugs at the corners of Santana's mouth.

"Yeah, I know" Santana says then lets the smile break across her face. She pulls their clasped hands into her lap and starts playing with Brittany's fingers, setting her eyes on them. "You're amazing, Britt." She says quietly, her face all serious again when she glances up.

Brittany knows that it's just another way of Santana to say thank you.

_Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for giving me space. Thank you for being there for me. _

She leans against her forehead and stares into her eyes, while she stops her hands on her to get her complete attention.

"I love you" She whispers and Santana's eyes look like melting dark chocolate, full of emotions she lets them freely show only for her.

Santana drops her eyes at her parted lips for a second and she doesn't know if it's just an instinct or a sign for her that it's okay to kiss her. When she shuts her eyes and nudges her nose softly, it's not hard to find out what it means.

She doesn't hesitate to tilt her head a little and gently capture her bottom lip with hers.

The little sigh Santana lets out sounds amazing and it makes her smile against her mouth softly, before she parts her lips again and dares to deepen their kiss. Santana easily lets her take control as they work their mouths against each other's, enjoying the wetness, the warmth and the heavenly sounds they both make.

She carefully licks Santana's bottom lip and waits for her reaction to see if she's okay with more. The hands that instantly cup her cheeks to pull her closer are enough for her to poke out her tongue and dive into Santana's mouth.

Which she doesn't anticipate is a little moan that breaks free from Santana.

As Santana freezes in motion, she guesses that it surprised her just as much and she almost decides to pull away, when Santana's tongue find hers.

She gasps into her mouth at the sensation of her velvety tongue wrapping around hers and she feels desire burning inside her, making her skin tingle all over her body. She knows that if they continue to make out, she will be seriously wet and that it would be a really bad idea now to have sex.

But she still can't keep her hands from sneaking under Santana's dress to stroke her bare thighs.

Santana jerks away at her reckless movement and guilt rises in her throat instantly and she almost apologizes when Santana pushes at her shoulders.

"Britt, the brownies!" Santana almost yells with wide eyes.

She doesn't know if she should be offended or grateful that Santana managed to remember that the brownies should be done by now while they were heavily making out and she was on the verge of palming her still sore ass and taking their activity on the next level.

"Oh" She breathes out and jumps out of the way to let Santana handle the issue.

She helps her climbing off of the kitchen island and watches her quickly walk to the oven to open it and take out the brownies she completely forgot about.

As the amazing smell of the them spread in the whole kitchen, she forgets she's been hurt and quickly follows Santana to take a look.

She hums appreciatively at the sight of their comfort food and Santana beams at her proudly.

She is adorable and Brittany has to bite down on her bottom lip when the thought of kissing off the smile from her mouth enters her mind. But the second Santana licks her lips hungrily, she lets in to the desire of her body and tackles her to start peppering wet kisses all over her face until she finds her mouth.

She lifts her up from the ground a little while they are kissing and when Santana's legs wrap around her waist, she completely forgets about the reason why they needed comfort food in the first place.

…

The thought only comes back about an hour later, when they settle comfortably on her bed, their stomachs full of Santana's heavenly brownies.

Santana, who is on top of her just like before, tucking her head under her chin and stroking patters lazily on her ribcage with her fingertips through her shirt. Her soothing moves and the usually comfortable silence around them should make her feel calm and content and it would probably lead to her falling into a peaceful slumber, but somehow it just makes her aware of the huge pink elephant in the room.

Suddenly a lot of questions start popping up in her head again, making her dizzy when she feels there are too many she can't possibly answer herself.

It takes a few long minutes for her to muster up her strength and open her mouth to ask the only person who can.

"Santana, honey?" She asks quietly, not wanting to startle her.

"Yeah?" Santana asks after setting her chin on her chest to look up at her.

"Um…can we talk?" She asks carefully. "About what you told me earlier." She specifies, but when Santana's face falls into what seems like resignation, she guesses that she was just waiting for this moment.

She nods her head, clearly nervous about what Brittany might ask her.

"It's just…talking, okay? It's just you and me. You don't have to be afraid of me." She tells her softly as her hands make their way slowly upwards from Santana's back to her head to cup her cheeks.

"I know, Britt…" Santana sends her a tight-lipped smile. "What do you want to know?"

"I want to know everything." Brittany shrugs her shoulders a little, because it suddenly feels all simple. "But firstly, I want to know…how long you've had this fantasy and how you feel about it."

Santana lets out a deep sigh, before she props herself up on her elbows and starts revealing details about her fantasy.

"It started out like…I don't even know…I was kind of fascinated by this fantasy…" She says slowly, trying to think through each word before she shares them with Brittany. "Wow, that sounded so bad…" She rolls her eyes at herself and ducks her head a little to hide her embarrassment.

Brittany lifts her chin with her thumb and strokes her cheeks soothingly. She prepares to do the same a lot of times in this conversation, as Santana seems even more reserved than usually when they talk about hard stuff.

It doesn't really help that she is the one who seems to judge herself for having this fantasy, but all Brittany can do is to show her that she is wrong to do that.

"It's all right. Go on!"

"I think it turned into something more like...these ideas started to enter my mind in certain situations." She pauses to mull over her own words and Brittany wonders how many times it happened that Santana had these ideas when they were having sex. It hurts her a bit to know that Santana's mind was kind of occupied with this when they were together, even though she knows she can't blame her for having thoughts. She knows she can't control them, because if she could, then they probably wouldn't be here and talking about this right now.

Guilt flashes in Santana's eyes, as she notices her expression, which must show how she feels about this piece of information.

But Brittany wants her to concentrate on only herself and let her deal with her feelings alone for now, so she shakes her head a little to show her that it's okay, she wants to hear more.

"Uh…" Santana bites down on her bottom lip a little as words seem to fail her. "…well, then I started to have these ideas when I was alone and…even in my dreams." She confesses quietly, her eyes searching for reassurance in Brittany's that she's done well and she doesn't have to be afraid of her reaction.

Brittany nods her head as the words sink in.

"I wish you had told me sooner, but I guess I can understand why you hadn't." She tells Santana sincerely.

She truly wishes she had confided in her sooner, because she thinks it wouldn't have gotten to this point and cause Santana to develop such hard feelings against it and herself.

"I'm sorry, Britt." Santana apologizes. "But this was really disturbing for me and I was ashamed and I felt…sick." She whispers, biting down on her bottom lip.

"Is that how you still feel about this?" Brittany asks her while tucking an escaped strand of dark hair behind her ear.

"No…I don't know…I'm just so confused" Santana says with a frown. "I mean…I detest everybody who does this to another person and I don't understand how I can…"

"What, baby?"

"How I can still fantasize about it being done to me" She finishes quietly, her own words obviously still bothering her.

It bothers Brittany in some ways, too. She is yet to ask about the issue that she is most concerned about. But the simple fact of Santana having a rape fantasy doesn't bother her and she is determined to make her believe that it's okay, as long as it's purely a fantasy.

"I think that it's called a fantasy for a reason, you know." She explains with a little shrug like it's all simple. "It doesn't mean that you wish someone would do this to you in real life."

Santana stares at her with a weird expression, one that she mostly uses when she is surprised by her unusual way of thinking.

"How can you be so okay with this?" She utters a humorless chuckle.

"I won't ever judge you, I told you this." She tells her simply, before she hesitates a bit as she tries to figure out how to vocalize her own feelings about the issue. Santana senses the shift in her mood and eagerly waits for what she's about to say. "But there is something that's been bugging me about this and I just need you to be honest with me please." Brittany asks her seriously and she nods her head in agreement. "Is it me in your fantasies or is it someone else?"

"No, it's you, every time it's you." Santana replies quickly, reaching for her wrist and squeezing it softly as her anxiety about the answer must be evident on her face. "But in my dreams it always starts like I can't see the person's face and I still…I still get wet and then I feel so guilty, but then the person always turns out to be you…" Santana continues, ducking her head and staring apologetically into Brittany's eyes for the fact that she gets aroused in her fantasies even before she knows for sure that Brittany is the other person in them.

"You know I was just wondering, because it's mostly men who do it in real life, so…" Brittany shrugs like it's not a big deal, but they both know how important this question was for her, even though it's about something Santana can't possibly control, therefore she wouldn't have blamed her if her answer had been yes.

"I know and I guess for most people it's like that, but maybe my brain knows that I would be completely grossed out by a man or like any other person touching me other than you, so I think that's why my fantasies are more specific…" Santana muses about the way her mind makes up her fantasies. "Does this bother you?" She asks her apprehensively.

"It's just confusing for me, you know…" Brittany tells her sincerely, because if there had to be just one word how she should describe this whole issue, she would say it's confusing. "…cause with another person, I get it how it would be like a rape. But with me? I mean, we have a lot of sex and you pretty much don't say no to anything, and you know that I would never force you if you did, so I don't get how this would ever be realistic…and why you would ever like the idea of me hurting you like this?" She is slurring the words all too quickly, but she always does it when she is either confused or nervous about something. These thoughts have been pressing her from the inside since Santana revealed her secret and it feels like she can't keep them in anymore.

Her question seems to make Santana wonder about the reasons herself, as she stares at her deep in thought like the answer is hidden in her eyes.

She seems to find it somewhere though, as she sucks in her bottom lip and brings her hands to rest on her stomach to play with them, trying to calm her nerves with the distraction.

"Uh…I just think that it's the idea of you not being able to resist me is what really turns me on…" She tells her slowly. "Like you want me so bad, that you wouldn't be able to control yourself and take me even if I…you know…" She trails off as she glances to the side for a second.

"Even if you didn't want it." Brittany finishes her sentence, but it's more of a question than a statement.

"Even if I hypothetically didn't want it." Santana corrects her a little after setting her eyes back at her and nods her head up and down.

Brittany feels like she can breathe easily again, because she understands now. She is sure now that she and Santana both know the difference between fantasy and reality and Santana gave her answers to the questions that were really bugging her.

"So you are definitely a different person than the one in your fantasies?" She asks again for reassurance.

"Yes" Santana sounds a hundred percent sure, so she breathes out with relief.

"Wow…" She mutters barely audible. This is the only word she can summarize the heavy and serious stuff they've just talked about.

Suddenly she remembers how much happened to them in just one day and it makes her feel completely drained emotionally. Santana must feel the same as she turns her head to the side and settles back to rest her head on her chest. She clasps their hands and brings them next to her mouth and her hot breath hits Brittany's fingers.

It's really nice to feel how she breathes in and out.

Her breathing evens out slowly and everybody else could think that she's fallen asleep but she senses that she is still widely awake.

She hesitates to ask her one more question she's been meaning to ask, but she figures that there is no reason to hold back now.

"Hey" She nudges Santana's shoulder a little.

Santana shifts quickly to look at her and shoots her a content smile. She feels a bit guilty to disturb her again, but she can't help herself, she is just too curious.

"Yeah?"

"I was just wondering about something…" She tells her vaguely. "Like you mentioned that you had these ideas in certain situations…so…can you tell me about them?" She asks. "Like when was the last time you had an idea?"

Santana doesn't seem to be surprised by her question, but she is definitely hesitating about the answer. Brittany really hopes that she's not contemplating to lie about this, but it makes her kind of nervous to see her pondering for seconds.

"Today" Santana blurts out suddenly, causing her to pull up her eyebrows in surprise. It feels weird to know that Santana was fantasizing about her when they were together and she didn't even notice it. "Um, when you picked me up to carry me on your shoulder…it kind of made me feel like I was your captive or something and I had this idea that you would bring me to your room and throw me on the bed…and rip off my clothes…well, you get the idea" She chuckles a bit, but it doesn't seem light at all.

She cuts off before the important part and Brittany wants to know what happens after that in the fantasy. She knows this is the hard part, but she wants to know it anyway.

"Rip off your clothes and…?" She asks for elaboration and Santana almost rolls her eyes at her, clearly reluctant to give details.

"I don't know…devour me like I'm a piece of meat?" She shrugs, her voice full of annoyance.

Brittany doesn't get it.

She wants to know every detail, but it seems to make Santana uncomfortable to share how her fantasies play out. It's strange since she was surprisingly open about the fact that she has them, so she doesn't really get it why she is being so difficult now.

"Why don't you just tell me?" She asks simply, because she knows that Santana can't come up with a real reason to hold back. "I have to know everything if we ever consider to act it out"

Her own words surprise her a little as she didn't want to come up with the idea of acting out Santana's fantasy so soon, but it was definitely in the back of her mind and it seems like she just wasn't able to control herself to hide it.

But her surprise doesn't even compare to Santana's, who drops her hand and jolts up to sit on her lap, staring at her with wide eyes, her mouth agape.

"Wha…what did you just say?" She asks in a high-pitched voice Brittany would find funny if Santana didn't actually look scared to death.

"Um I just mean that I would like to know every detail about this fantasy if we ever consider the possibility of acting it out…" She repeats carefully and hopes that she hasn't gone too far too soon with throwing in the idea of making Santana's fantasy come true in a way.

Santana gulps as the words seem to settle in her.

"Would you do that for me?" She asks quietly after a few seconds of hesitation.

It's a hard question and she is sure that if Santana had asked it a few months before she would have said no, though this whole situation would have seemed pretty unrealistic a few months before.

She's been thinking about this question in general for a while, the question of what she would do for Santana, how far she would go for her and she's come to accept the fact that she would pretty much do anything for her, even though it scares her in some way.

"I would say that there are a very few things I wouldn't do for you and this is not one of them." She tells her vaguely, not offering details about the things she wouldn't do, mainly because she is not sure they exist.

She would definitely find it really hard to say no to Santana.

Even though it takes a huge effort every time to bring herself to cause her pain and hurt her, she likes to think that she's gotten to learn how to handle it decently, how to separate the person who is willing to do that for the sake of Santana's pleasure from the person she is in other aspects of their relationship and in her life.

So she would definitely try her best to make her every wish happen, as long as it feels right.

"Really?" Santana's soft voice and her hands touching her stomach snap her out of her thoughts.

"Yes, I mean if we ever consider it, then I'm in." She tries to explain in a way that doesn't make it seem like she's pushing for it, because she simply wants to express that she is definitely open for discussion about the possibility. "I'm not saying that we should do it or we shouldn't do it. Because it's not my decision, it's yours. It's your fantasy, so it should be all about you."

Santana's eyes seem to melt at her words and she glances to look at her hands that are resting on Brittany's stomach. She starts stroking her through her shirt, making out the lines she feels between her defined abs with her fingers as a small smile creeps up on her face.

"Sometimes I feel that I don't deserve you Britt. You are too perfect…" She says quietly, her fingers grazing at her ribcage. Her smile falters a bit and turns into a tight-lipped one.

Brittany pushes herself up with the muscles of her stomach and surprises Santana a bit at how close she is suddenly to her. She lifts her hands from her stomach to put them behind her neck and pulls Santana even closer by her waist.

"You deserve everything you want, okay?" She asks her, eager to wipe off the sad smile off of her face and replace it with a happy one.

Santana softly strokes the little hairs at the back of her neck and nods her head a little.

Brittany comes up with another way to wipe off her sad smile, so she tilts her head to the side and nudges her upper lip with the tip of her nose. Her affection always makes Santana forget about her insecurities and just enjoy what Brittany willingly offers to her.

And she offers her everything she has.

Santana takes a deep breath before opening her mouth and finding Brittany's in a hard kiss, echoing 'thank you'-s as she holds her close by pressing her hand to her scalp. Brittany pulls away for a second to lick her lips, tasting Santana on herself and suddenly she is very aware of their close proximity and the position they are on her bed.

It makes her bring her hands to Santana's back and press their torsos flush when she leans back into the kiss again. She opens her mouth and deepens the kiss eagerly, Santana letting her control easily.

She doesn't need a soft lick or a gentle bite at Santana's bottom lip, Santana offers her mouth, letting her tongue explore the roof of it before finding hers and tangling them together.

Her complete willingness and the sensation of her incredibly warm and wet mouth shoot a jolt of arousal between her legs and she can't hold back any longer from bucking her hips upwards ease her ache. A moan erupts from Santana and she eagerly swallows it before she feels the urge to pull away.

Santana huffs in annoyance when their mouths part with a wet smack.

"Tell me what happens after I rip off your clothes" Brittany pants breathlessly into her face and she feels Santana's grip at her shoulders strengthen at her words.

"You push me to the bed and I try to fight you…" She whispers, her voice low and husky from her arousal. "…but you grab my wrists and press them to the bed, then I start screaming and…uh" She is cut off by a moan when Brittany sucks on her pulse point while her hands sneak up on her thighs to find the hem of her dress.

"Go on" She breathes into the damp skin of Santana's neck, making her shiver and guide Brittany's mouth back to her neck so she goes on too.

"You start licking my skin and biting me…uh, Britt" She grunts, when Brittany starts nipping at her collarbone. She grinds down into her lap and sensing her desperation, Brittany decides to dive under her dress and find her hips, circling them teasingly with her thumbs.

"And what happens after?" She asks, lightly panting herself as Santana continues to rock into her.

"You spread my legs and then I beg you to stop but I…" She whispers breathlessly. "…but I'm fucking wet." She gasps when Brittany suddenly cups her between her legs.

"Like this?" Brittany asks then she starts teasing her, stroking her over the damp fabric of her thong, causing her to let out desperate moans while she practically pushes Brittany's face into her chest.

She winces when Brittany pulls away with her fingers, but her displeasure doesn't take long, because Brittany grabs the hem of her dress and pulls it over her head in one swift motion, before getting back to tease her.

She peppers wet kisses all around Santana's chest and grazes her teeth at the top of her breasts, making her thighs tremble as she frantically moves on top of her.

"Please" She begs when Brittany strokes her near the waistband of her thong. "Britt, please touch me!"

"Is that what you say in your fantasy?" Brittany asks, stopping her hand to rest on Santana's lower abdomen.

Santana leans down to rest against her forehead.

"Fuck, no" She whines when she realizes that Brittany won't go further if she doesn't continue to give details. "I beg you to stop and you tell me that you know that I want it and then…" She gulps and searches for Brittany's eyes before whispering. "And then you push three fingers inside me."

She gasps when Brittany dives into her with two fingers, trying not to hurt her like the version of herself in Santana's fantasy.

Santana feels so wet and tight, wrapping around her fingers with her muscles and her soft flesh, she almost starts moaning herself when Santana starts rocking into her.

She holds onto her shoulders desperately as she is fucking her fingers with all her strength and Brittany just watches her showering in pleasure, her eyes shut tightly and her lips dry from her panting.

"I fuck you fast and hard…" She continues herself, because Santana is unable to do so as she is too wrapped up in getting off on top of her. "…and you scream loudly but I can feel that you are dripping around my fingers." She husks while she adds a third finger, causing Santana to form a little 'o' with her mouth and her legs to tremble from the fullness.

Brittany is surprised how quickly she can adjust to the change and start grinding down on her lap again, even faster than before.

She feels that she is close as high-pitches moans erupt from her and her muscles start pulsating around her fingers, like they want to consume them and push them out at the same time.

"I crook my fingers inside you and I make you come so hard around them" She husks, bringing Santana over the edge as she does what she says, crooking her fingers inside her and finding her clit with her thumb to press down on it.

Santana's whole body trembles from the pleasure and she gives her two hard pumps before she trashes on top of her, throwing her head back in pleasure as she grinds down again and again to drag out her orgasm. Brittany eagerly helps her by lazily stroking her clit and holding her fingers deep inside her, hugged by her warmness all around them.

Santana slumps when it ends and she leans down to rest her sweaty forehead on Brittany's shoulder, while Brittany gently pulls out of her, making her jerk a little. She brings her hands around her back and pulls her warm body close to hers again.

"I'm totally in." Santana mumbles into the silence after a minute, when her breathing returns to normal.

Brittany chuckles at her words lightly.

"If you say the same in the morning, then we can talk about it." She tells Santana, then she pecks her temple. She doesn't want to rush it and she knows that she has to make sure Santana is completely dedicated even if she says yes in the morning.

"Deal" Santana says softly, turning her head to nuzzle her neck. "Now can we go to sleep, so I can get up and say it in the morning?"

Brittany breaks into a giggle at her cuteness and she muses how Santana went from scared as hell to eager to discuss her idea in just a matter of minutes. She decides that probably the orgasm helped a great deal.

"Anything you want, honey." She tells her, before she leans back down to settle on the bed comfortably, pulling her sated girlfriend with her.

* * *

**So tell me what you think!**

**To be honest, I planned to end this with a cliffhanger too, but that would have been too cruel. But now you know what you get in the next chapter. It will be a pretty long one. **


	15. Breaking points Part III

**Dear readers!**

**Thank you for every new add and review! They make me feel it's worth to spend time writing this story.**

**So this is the third part of Breaking points and I'm slightly nervous about it, considering the anticipation about the scene it involves. Talking about that scene, I gotta warn everyone that this chapter contains a lengthy discussion of rape fantasy and a scene of acting it out. For those of you, who might not be into that, please try and give it a go anyway! **

**Well, two more things.  
**

**One, you can find me on tumblr or livejournal with the following name: emmanuelle-s **

**Two, enjoy the chapter and please review if you can! :-)  
**

* * *

"I'm in." She mumbles groggily her first words in the morning.

She's been up for a while now, but she could hear Brittany's even breathing and the rhythmic rising and falling of her chest under hers, and she didn't want to wake her up in case she was dreaming about something awesome. Not to mention that she deserves to rest, because she caused her not one, but two shocks yesterday, so she must have been exhausted as hell when they finally fell asleep.

But the first second she noticed her waking up, she couldn't hold back any longer from making her announcement.

Brittany starts stirring under her body, her hands settling on the small of her back and a second later the tip of her nose touches her temple. She knows it's a sign for her to move, but she has no intention to do so, because the rays of morning sun hitting her backside makes her feel so warm and content, and of course there is the fact that she likes to be as close to Brittany as she can. She likes to feel her all over her body and it's hard to bring herself to sacrifice this for being able to have a proper conversation.

"What?" Brittany asks back after a few seconds of waiting patiently.

"Ugh" She groans as there is no way Brittany would hear her repeating her words when she is mumbling it into her skin. She pulls away from the soft spot between Brittany's neck and shoulder to drop her head on the pillow and look at her girlfriend, who is waiting for her answer with curious eyes. "I said I'm in. I wanna do it."

Brittany's mouth forms a little 'o' before she breaks into a chuckle all of a sudden.

"You really didn't waste time honey" She shakes her head, before flashing a bright smile to Santana, so wide that it covers half of her face.

"We had a deal, so…" Santana shrugs and glances to the side, before she lifts her hand up to stroke Brittany's jawline with her fingertips.

She is gorgeous in the morning, with her glowing skin, her bright blue eyes so deep like the ocean and her blonde shiny hair framing her face. Like an angel, but so much better, because she is real, she can feel it as she is touching her skin, staring into her eyes and hear her calm breathing.

"But are you sure?" Brittany asks seriously, with a concerned frown suddenly ruining her smooth features. "Like a thousand percent sure about this?" She pulls up her eyebrows almost threateningly, so Santana knows that there is no place for lies, not even little ones.

She knows that Brittany wants to make sure she is completely determined. Good thing that she is, she can feel it in her bones that she is ready. Brittany's reaction to her confession just made her all the more certain that she can trust her with everything she has. She dared to trust her with her thoughts, and now she is confident that she can do the same with her body, letting her make her fantasy come true.

"Yes" She replies simply, because there is no need for convincing words and complicated explanations, as Brittany can see through her, right into her soul to know that she is sincere.

This is how they work. They can easily figure each other out by just a look and sometimes they don't even need a glance at the other, because they can simply sense their moods, like they are connected in some way.

And they know they are. They form a unity, which is hard to understand for others around them, who hasn't had the blessing of finding their perfect match yet. The piece that completes them, that part of them they lose when they are born and only find in the person they were meant to be with, finding their true selves in the love they share with them.

Santana's always felt that connection between them and she craved to be close to Brittany all the time. She was trying to be close to her physically, thinking that it would be enough for her.

It turned out it couldn't ever be enough.

Now it's different, they are settled and stable in their relationship, so the physical part of it turned from pretending that it's enough into a way to cherish the love they share. There is no occasion when it's without importance; there is always meaning behind every little touch.

Just like how their lips touch now, tenderly pressing close to each other, like they are sealing a promise.

Or more like hundreds of promises.

_I promise to trust you. I promise to take care of you. I promise to make your wishes come true. I promise to let you show me how much you love me. I promise…_

All of them revolving around the same thing, three short simple words, barely expressing the depth and force behind them.

_I love you._

…

Breakfast is light and fast, since none of them can disguise the excitement and slight nervousness they feel about the upcoming conversation they agreed to have before Brittany's family arrives home.

They got a phone call from them after they got up and after a few minutes long scolding from Mrs. Pierce about the lack of phone call from Brittany yesterday, she announced that they would be home in two or three hours, depending on the traffic.

So breakfast is fast and so is the shower that they share after. It is pretty hard to ignore each other's glorious nakedness and the water droplets sliding on warm skin, but somehow they manage to finish cleaning up without either of them dropping to their knees or touching at special places during.

They are pretty proud of themselves, but they can't control their hormones perfectly, resulting in a heated make-out session while drying each other's bodies.

In the end, this part takes more time than the shower itself.

After they are done, they put on fresh clothes, Santana slightly more appropriate ones than yesterday, since she doesn't want to welcome the Pierces with her nipples poking out behind the thin material of one of Brittany's light summer dresses. So she chooses to wear a simple tank top and shorts combo, matching Brittany's attire and she even borrows one of her crazy and 'sexy in a weird way' kind of panties. She is much less sore than yesterday, but it still feels a little uncomfortable to have anything covering the bruised skin of her ass.

She whines a little, but Brittany quickly silences her with one of those special kisses that she mostly uses to take her mind off of her problems. And also those times when she is lusting after her so much that she can't have enough of her, sucking on her tongue and biting on her lips like she wants to consume her.

It leaves both of them flustered, not to mention that the fresh and clean panties they put on are quickly ruined.

Santana is done whining, so after both of them regains their normal breathing, they agree to have the talk.

….

"Do you really for ready for this?" Brittany asks the second they are settled on the couch.

It seems like the best place to talk, since the close proximity of each other on a bed never helped them to stay focused. A couch is not that different, but still it's a lot easier to stay serious in a sitting position.

"Yes, Brittany." Santana replies, and though it really is like the hundredth time Brittany repeated this question, she can't be annoyed by her persistence. She appreciates that she cares so much about her state of mind.

Both of them know that it's extremely important for her to give consent before they act on her fantasy, since the point of the fantasy is that she doesn't ask for what's happening to her and she doesn't want it.

They will act out a non-consensual sex scene, so it's crucial that she expresses that she completely approves of the situation beforehand.

"Right." Brittany nods up and down with her head slowly, like she's chewing over how to continue. Her eyes light up when she seems to have it figured out. "I think we should talk about what I can do and what I can't, like a list or something."

She comes up with the idea and Santana thinks it's maybe the most basic thing people should talk about before acting out a fantasy. Since Santana described one of hers last night, though not in a very detailed form, because she was kind of distracted by Brittany's continuous molesting, but still, she pretty much touched upon all the main parts, she thinks she might not have a lot to say now.

"Yeah, we can do that." But she agrees to her idea anyway.

"I need paper." Brittany suddenly shrieks with wide eyes, startling her.

A list is completely understandable in this situation, but writing it down might be a little too much for Santana's liking. Knowing Brittany and the way she handles her own personal stuff, it's pretty dangerous to let her keep anything private about them in a physical form.

"Britt, you can't write this stuff down." Santana explains carefully as it's not her intention to offend her girlfriend and her crappy ability to handle their confidential matters. "What if someone finds it? Just imagine your mother's face when she finds a list called 'Things I can't do while I pretend to rape my girlfriend'?" She points with her eyes, to express the ridiculousness and the danger of that hypothetical situation.

It sure would be one of the most embarrassing moments of their lives, maybe the second one after the moment Mrs. Pierce would question them about their wild sexual activities.

"Oh" Brittany widens her eyes as the image of her shocked mother must pop up in her head. "But what if I forget something?"

"Britt, listen to me." Santana takes her hand and squeezes her palm to calm her nerves. She only continues after Brittany exhales a deep breath and sets her eyes on her. "Okay, for one, you won't forget it. Two, there aren't a lot of things I can think of anyway, so…" She shrugs, because she doesn't want to make a big deal out of this piece of information.

"Really?" Brittany asks with a slightly surprised expression.

She must have thought that she would have pretty limited opportunities, but Santana wants to give her a kind of freedom in this situation. She wants Brittany to control how it goes down, with her defining the boundaries now.

"Yeah" She nods confidently. "I mean, you can obviously do all those things I described yesterday."

"Um, ripping off your clothes…" Brittany starts listing with utmost concentration. "Licking you, biting you…um…pushing you down on the bed? What does that mean? Can I like tie you down too and everything?" She asks with a frown.

"I think so, I wouldn't mind any bondage." She says with a little smirk, thinking about the countless times they've used handcuffs or ties. They are pretty experienced in that department and Brittany has a great understanding of how exposed she can make her to the point when she still feels safe.

"Okay, then um…fingers?" Brittany asks, and then glances at her fingers in Santana's hand. She looks like she suddenly has an idea when she looks up at her with wide eyes full of hope, causing Santana to be intrigued and wait patiently for her to reveal what's on her mind. "San, you told me that it was me every time in your fantasies, but I was wondering if maybe...you would want me to use a strap-on?"

"That's up to you." Santana tells her without hesitation, causing Brittany to look at her skeptically. "I'm serious. I don't want to limit that part, that's up to you." She repeats seriously.

"Right. So this sounds great, but not so much different than the way we have regular sex, so…" Brittany muses deep in thought. "So what makes this a rape scene?" She asks carefully, full of anticipation.

The question is hard, since for them, rough sex is not something new. They've had a lot of sex involving pain, but they only had good intentions with hurting the other and the pain has always had a purpose. It was crucial to understand it for both of them, that it made all the difference. Because it was the purpose of the pain involved what separated their sexual relationship from violent or abusive.

But this time, when they want to act out a rape fantasy, it's a pretty hard question how pain should be involved in it.

Santana's been wondering about it a lot and she pretty much decided that she would handle everything in sex if the circumstances are right. But she knows that giving Brittany endless control and responsibility might be too much to handle for her the first time they act out a rape fantasy.

"Well, I suppose that you could be rough, like really, really rough." She bites down on her bottom lip to come up with something that might be out of the question for the first time. "But I guess, choking me or something like that would be too much…"

"Cho-choking you?" Brittany stammers with frightened wide eyes. "Whoa, Santana…then what is not too much?" She asks apprehensively.

Santana gulps as her throat gets dry suddenly.

Maybe writing a list would have been better since saying these words out loud makes her a bit uncomfortable.

"Sorry for that" She mumbles quietly for coming up with such a shocking example. "Umm…you could maybe hit me? Not just on my you know…but like…anywhere you might want to…" She forces out the words, slightly ducking her head from the embarrassment.

The words sound even stranger than in her head. She hadn't thought that she would ever wish Brittany to hit her, like really hit her with force, until a couple of months ago.

She watches Brittany on edge as she takes in her words with a slight frown on her forehead. Everyone else might think she is a lunatic to wish something like this upon her, but she really hopes Brittany understands and she will try to make this situation realistic for her.

And realistic means that she will use force against her, in a form of hitting or something else.

"I know this is hard, okay?" She asks after Brittany just stares at her with a strange expression. "There is no pressure, Britt. I want you to understand that you can say no, just like I can." She tries to assure her that she can decide whether to use this kind of force or not.

She wants her to, hell, she craves for it with her whole body, but she would never press Brittany to get her to do it.

"I have to get used to this idea, I think." Brittany says quietly after a few seconds of hesitation. She still seems a bit stunned by her suggestion, but her answer means she would make an effort and that's enough to make Santana grateful. "What else?" She asks carefully, like she's expecting her to reveal another shocking idea.

She needs a few seconds to mull over the answer. She can't really think of another particular detail that she would love to include in their scene, she simply wants it to be rough and close to realistic in a way, but it's just a general request she would like to make.

"I don't know. Basically, you can just force me like that, okay?" She tells Brittany, leaving her much space to make up her mind on what she would like to include in the scene. "As long as you feel comfortable with it, of course." She adds with a light squeeze of her fingers.

She lets her words sink into Brittany's mind and watches her patiently. She can sympathize with her, because they've had a couple of overwhelming conversations in their lives and in some of those, she's been on the receiving end of the heavy stuff.

The sound of Brittany's deep expiration snaps her out of her memories about their conversations in the past months and she eagerly waits for her to say something.

"So you think we are done with the list?" Brittany asks quietly, and looking at her slightly strained expression, Santana knows that she's had enough.

She doesn't have to hold anything back, since she pretty much shared everything she's wanted, so she can let Brittany off the hook without a hitch.

"Yeah, I guess. But you can ask later if you have doubts or something." She says with a soft smile.

Much to her surprise, Brittany doesn't seem relieved, on the contrary, her eyes become clouded and her expression turns into slightly frightening. She's rarely seen her this serious and tough, so she knows that she is preparing to share something that causes her a huge turmoil inside.

She wants her to unburden her mind, or at least share the weight on her shoulders with her so they can carry it together.

"I wanted to talk to you about our safe word, too." Brittany starts slowly, emphasizing each word like she's trying to make Santana understand how important this topic is, which is unnecessary, because she knows, but she lets her do it anyway. "Because you've never used it and I know you didn't really like the idea of having one from the start." Brittany continues and it makes sense why she's bringing this up. She's always been reluctant to use the safe word, but she knows this time would be different. "But I want to make sure you will use it, because Santana, this is a rape scene and judging from our list, things might get rough and if you refuse to use it, even though you are hurting then…then it would turn into a real rape. And I would never be able to forgive you or myself for that."

Brittany finishes breathlessly and what she explained makes her realize how serious this situation is. Not that she wasn't aware of it, but she can see clearly now that how dangerous it is to act her fantasy out. It could easily turn into reality, like Brittany described and she has to admit that it sounds scary.

But somehow, she doesn't feel scared at all.

She doesn't really know how to feel scared when Brittany pulls her hand to her own lap and interlaces their fingers.

It simply makes her feel safe.

"I promise. I promise, Britt. Please trust me, I know the difference and I want that kind of difference, okay?" She explains while slowly shaking her head. She hopes her words bring some peace for Brittany. "But the safe word is for both of us. If you are ever uncomfortable or feel that it's too much, then you have to use it, too." She adds, because it's very important to make it clear that the safe word works for both of them.

"I will, I promise." Brittany nods as her eyes seem brighter again and her face reflects how she got rid of the heaviness inside.

They settle into a silence, which doesn't feel weird at all for Santana. Considering the amount of serious stuff they've just discussed, it feels lovely to just swim in this feeling of complete understanding.

The soft grazing of Brittany's fingertips on her palm makes her feel all the more content and suddenly the normality of the whole situation shocks her. It's strange how calm she feels about what they're planning, but maybe it's due to the fact that she's planning it with Brittany, a person she trusts with her life.

"Is it normal that I'm not worried about this?" She asks all of a sudden, sharing her thoughts with Brittany. "Like I was so scared to tell you about my fantasy, but now it all seems so silly. I know you're gonna be great." She winks at her.

"I'm gonna try…" Brittany shoots her a bashful smile in return.

Soon her smile fades and she simply stares at her intensely, making her almost flustered.

"And when exactly would that happen?" She asks with a nervous chuckle.

"San, I'm all for planning every detail of it, but if you knew when it would happen, then it would pretty much ruin the whole point of it." Brittany explains with a little shrug of her shoulders.

"You're right." She shakes her head a bit, because her question was ridiculous considering what they're planning to do. It would totally ruin the mood if she knew when it would happen beforehand. "So what now? We agree that it can happen anytime from now on or…?" She asks with a frown.

"If you're comfortable with it, then yes." Brittany tells her and Santana has to admit that it's the only possible way to do this, though it's interesting to imagine that from now on she could literally expect it to happen anytime. "But the second you have concerns or you change your mind, you have to tell me Santana!" Brittany adds quickly, her expression turning into serious again.

"I will and the same goes for you, too." She replies and with those words, they pretty much finished covering every detail that was important to discuss.

Now she realizes that there is just one thing remaining, acting it all out and turning her fantasy into reality. It makes her mildly anxious, or more like so excited she wants to bounce up and down on the couch.

Brittany must sense where her thoughts are going, because she slides closer on the couch until their knees are touching and ducks her head to search for her eyes.

"Are you nervous?" She asks with her bright eyes boring into her soul.

"No, just excited." She tells her sincerely. "You?"

Brittany frowns a little at her question. It seems like she has more concerns about it than her.

"I don't know, it seems a bit tricky. I just don't want anything to change between us, you know?" She shrugs a little.

Santana gets it why it's on her mind. It is possible that it would change their relationship or certain aspects of it.

_What happens if it turns out either of them doesn't like it? What if they like it too much, like at a level it might be bothersome for the other? What if one of them goes too far? What if…_

These questions are constantly in the back of her mind too, but somehow they all seem so unrealistic and far, that she is not disturbed by them at all.

"I trust you, Britt." She tells her, before she lifts her hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Her hand stays there, cupping Brittany's cheek while she stares at her with eyes full of gratitude. "And I trust myself, too. I trust us."

"Okay, okay." Brittany nods her head and she seems to forget all her concerns at Santana's confident words.

She strokes her cheek softly with her thumb, before another question pops up in her head. It's about a slightly different topic this time.

"So can we snuggle a little more before your family comes home?" She asks with hopeful eyes.

"I'd love that, honey bear." Brittany replies with a playful wink, then slides away from Santana to settle on the couch comfortably.

She moves to her side, her backside pressing to the back of the couch and opens her arm wide, waiting for Santana. She is quick to join her and settle into her embrace, enjoying the warmth of her body and the amazing smell of her honey body wash and her own scent under it.

She's been kind of obsessed with it lately, like she's some animal, eager to smell their mate all the time.

But she is hopeless against anything Brittany, her smell, her taste, her look, her feel; she is obsessed with it all.

Brittany likes to mock her with it sometimes, but judging from the gleaming eyes she's staring into hers with, she loves it very much.

Santana feels she could stare into those eyes for hours and not be bored at all.

Just the way she could smell her for countless times, and feel her heart flutter with the feeling of arriving home, after every one of them. She could look at her anytime and appreciate every little detail of her body like she's discovered it for the first time. She could just graze her fingertips on her skin and however subtle her touch would be, she would never not find it wonderful.

There is no way to express how much she loves her, how much she wants her and wants to be hers.

So much that it makes her body ache.

Hell, she would do it all now. She would act out the scene with her now, even with the possibility of Brittany's family arriving home any second. That's how much she wants to be hers, on such levels she's never dared to imagine before.

Only Brittany would be able to understand how she feels and it seems she does, as she tilts her head and presses a soft peck on her lips.

It's not even close to being enough for her body, for her physical needs, but she settles for soft pecks and little touches for now, as she hopes she would get what she really wants soon.

…

She wakes up at the sound of a camera flashing close to her face.

Turns out Mrs. Pierce couldn't handle the cuteness of them cuddling so close on their couch and had to take a photo with her phone to 'save it for times she would only see them in college breaks'.

She would be totally embarrassed if she didn't have the sudden urge to break into ugly tears at the prospect of not seeing her second family almost every week.

Brittany senses her mood and quickly averts the sensitive topic, saving her from the teasing she would get later for her melodramatic behavior.

They all have a little chat about their trip, then they spend an hour of watching cartoons and eating the rest of the brownies with Brittany's little sister, when Santana thinks it might be time to go home.

They go upstairs and it is pretty hard to ignore Brittany's lustful glances while she changes into her own clothes. She gets ready, picking up all her stuff and she just wants to open the door to leave, when Brittany catches her elbow and pulls her in for a heated kiss.

Numerous kisses follows and she almost gives in to her needs, when Brittany suddenly releases her and whispers into her ear 'Just think about me when you finish this at home'.

She almost comes all over the carpet of Brittany's room just by hearing her words.

She thanks God when she gets into her car that Mrs. Pierce didn't ask her why she was so flustered when she said goodbye. She quickly pulls herself together and drives home so fast like she is trying to escape from the cops in a car chase.

…

She's writhing on her own bed, doing exactly what Brittany told her to do a few minutes later.

She's imagining it's her who's rubbing her clit feverishly and squeezing her breasts. She imagines her licking the sweaty skin on the valley between them and edging downwards to dive into her wetness.

She imagines her licking her fast with her flat tongue, like she can't get enough of her dripping juices. Her moans cut through the silence of her room when she imagines her entering her with two fingers and hitting her so deep with each pump, she's trembling from the amazing fullness of it.

She comes on her own fingers when she imagines her sucking on her clit.

…

She can't think of anything else on Monday at school. She meets Brittany for lunch, but they part ways after school, because Brittany has dance class and she has a lot to catch up on considering her lack of studying on the weekend.

When she settles in her bed at night, she can't help but feel a bit disappointed, cause deep down inside, she kind of wanted Brittany to burst into her room in a ski mask or something when she exited her bathroom a few minutes before.

She shakes herself inwardly for this ridiculous expectation and turns on her side to fall asleep as soon as she can.

…

Tuesday is totally different.

Brittany is teasing her all day at school and when it's time to say goodbye, she drags her into her room without a word and practically rips off her Cheerios top the second the door locks behind them with a click.

Brittany gets it.

She makes her come on her table in five minutes, then waits another five for her to make herself presentable before she announces that she has other obligations which she can't attend to if Santana distracts her with her presence.

They agree to meet later at her house.

She's torn about it. Agreeing to meet later at Brittany's means that they have the possibility to have sex, but on the other hand, it surely wouldn't be the kind she's eagerly waiting for now.

She quickly forgets her torn feelings, when she catches Brittany masturbating on her bed a few hours later. She scolds her for being late, before she invites her to join her.

…

The rest of the week passes quickly as she has a shit ton of school work and they have awesome regular sex for numerous occasions.

On Friday, she almost has a heart-attack at school.

She finds a piece of white paper in her locker and when she turns it around, there's 'Red' written on it with huge letters with red lipstick. Her knees instantly get wobbly at the thought of Brittany reminding her of their safe word. It's a freaking awesome way to do it.

She is waiting for the inevitable for three hours that night, but Brittany doesn't come.

…

The next day she desperately wants to ask her about the note, but Brittany goes beforehand. She asks what she thinks about the funny note she left for her about her getting her period on Friday.

She frowns in confusion at first, then narrows her eyes suspiciously at Brittany.

It turns out the information about her period is true unfortunately, but the wicked grin Brittany shoots her makes her sure that the note wasn't really about that fact.

It was just another way of making her fucking flustered and heightening her anticipation.

…

She gets her period on Sunday and she is fucking miserable.

She can't even go for a long and exhausting run to get rid of her frustration, because she has cramps.

Brittany calls her and they spend the day doing sex-free coupley stuff, like cooking and watching sappy films she's craving in her over-emotional state.

In the end, she isn't crying because freaking Richard Gere and Julia Roberts are so cute together, but because of the fact that all she wants is to turn around in Brittany's arms and beg for her to ignore the blood flowing from inside her and just fuck her until she's spreading on the couch on the verge of dying from exhaustion.

…

The next couple of days are how she's imagining living in hell.

She feels like she's a horny fifteen-year old all over again and to her great disappointment, Brittany doesn't suggest having period sex.

The shower head becomes her new best friend, but getting off in the shower doesn't really compare to getting off by Brittany fingers or mouth or any other fucking body part.

By Thursday, she becomes so grumpy that she wants to tear off Quinn's head when she suggests that she should turn to a professional, because the amount of her sexual frustration is not healthy.

A beaming Brittany walking towards her on the hallway stops her from getting her hands on Quinn, who just rolls her eyes at the sudden shift of her mood before leaving them alone.

Brittany only stops for a second to whisper into her ear that she left her a new note before she leaves.

She practically sprints to her locker and rips the door open.

The note is the same one she got the previous week, but there is a line through the word 'Red'. She knows that it means Brittany has no longer has her period.

She almost breaks into a little dance at the news in the middle of the crowded hallway, but instead she just grabs her phone and sends a little text to Brittany to inform her that hers ended yesterday.

Excitement rushes to her when she picks up the note again, staring at the word 'Red' to the point she feels mesmerized by it. There are no words to express how much she wants to act out their scene and she really hopes Brittany would make her wish come true as soon as possible.

They have a heated make-out session in the deserted girl's locker room in the afternoon, before Brittany invites her over.

She can't help but feel a bit disappointed, but it instantly turns into guilt. She has the urge to slap herself, because she must be ridiculous not to feel utterly joyous about the possibility of spending a night with Brittany.

She makes-up for it by making Brittany come three times in a row a few hours later.

…

On Saturday, she desperately hopes that today is the day.

Regular sex is great, hell any kind of sex is fucking awesome with Brittany, but for the past two weeks, the possibility of doing their rape scene kind of made any kind of sex fade in comparison.

That's why she feels like she's aching for her to take her so roughly like never before with every cell of her body. She desperately wants her as soon as possible, like she's a freaking bomb seconds away from exploding.

…

Brittany clearly thinks differently, she muses in annoyance on Sunday, when it's exactly two weeks since they planned their scene.

She didn't call the day before and she announced this morning that she has to go celebrate one of her cousin's birthday.

She hates that Brittany has such a huge family. Which is completely false of course, but it's better to blame it on them than on Brittany.

But she knows deep down that it's all Brittany. She had her opportunities yesterday or the day before and last week, too. She didn't use any of them and she can't help but wonder why.

_What if she changed her mind? _She wonders, but surely Brittany would have mentioned it. She promised to tell her if she had concerns.

She doesn't really know what else it could be and the confusion really isn't helping to lift her mood.

…

She is seriously contemplating asking her about the matter on Tuesday.

When they walk to their lockers at the end of the day, she almost does it, but Brittany cuts her off with a kiss. It leaves her breathless and she forces herself not to mention what was on her mind, when her brain starts working again.

…

She pretty much gives it up on Thursday.

She decides not to wait eagerly anymore, just go with the flow. She doesn't want to push Brittany to do it, so she decides to go on with her life and just appreciate it all the more if it ever happens.

Of course she would be really sad if Brittany changed her mind and didn't tell her. She should just tell her, since she assured her that it wouldn't cause any problems between them.

She doesn't really understand the whole situation, but decides that it's maybe time to let go of her fantasy.

…

It's not that easy, when she wakes up on Friday morning lightly panting and the feeling of arousal between her legs.

She's just had a fucking sex dream. Of course she would have one just a few hours after she decided not to think about this anymore.

She doesn't know what to do.

All she knows is that there is a huge wet spot on her panties, because she dreamed about Brittany fucking her hard with her fingers while her wrists and ankles were tied to the bed. When she didn't stop screaming, she even slapped her and she's never done that before in her dreams.

She can't stop her hand sneaking down to touch herself between her legs. She gasps loudly at how wet she is indeed. It doesn't take long to get herself off while replaying her dream in her head.

School is almost unbearable that day and she pretty much ignores Brittany, who doesn't really insist on spending much time together neither.

She goes to bed that night cursing herself for ever bringing up this idea.

…

Saturday is the first day she succeeds at not thinking about her fantasy too much.

It sneaks into her mind a few times while she's doing homework or watching tv, but she quickly pushes these thoughts away.

Brittany calls in the afternoon and their conversation is slightly awkward, and Santana can't help but think that her fantasy is taking a toll on their relationship. She realizes that it's not even just about the fantasy anymore, they didn't have sex since last Friday and now that she thinks about it Brittany has been much less physical with her this week. She wasn't counting, but she is sure there was a few kisses and touches missing compared to the usual amount.

She musters up her courage to come up with the topic the second Brittany announces she has to go.

The line cuts off quickly and she is left behind, alone with her confusion.

…

It's another Saturday night that her parents decided not to spend at home, so she has the whole house to herself.

She decides to treat herself with a relaxing bath in her parents' huge bathtub, listening to some classy jazz music while she is trying to erase all her thoughts about her fantasy, her relationship and Brittany.

When she feels completely content and relaxed, she gets out of the water and dries herself. She walks to her room, enjoying how she can do it totally naked and opens her wardrobe. She ponders on what to wear for the night, since it's pretty hot out there and the freaking air conditioner system broke down a few hours before. Of course there is no service on the weekend, so now she is pretty sure it would be best if she just slept naked.

She almost decides to do so, when two red items catch her eyes in the drawer of her not-that-sexy underwear. She picks them up and wonders how they got into this drawer, since they clearly belong to the top one, which contains her sexiest clothing items.

One of them is a gorgeous lacey push-up bra, and the other a thong that belongs to it. It's completely see-through apart from a little part between her legs. She mulls over the ridiculous idea of wearing them for a night she's spending completely alone.

She shrugs her shoulders a second later and pulls the thong up on her legs. She deserves to feel sexy she decides, so she quickly puts on the bra and searches for a nightgown. She settles for a red see-through one, which is so tiny it could be barely considered a clothing item to match her other red items.

She sits down at her vanity and looks into her mirror. She grabs her lipstick, thinking that she might as well look even hotter now that she decided to wear red lingerie for her own amusement.

After a last glance at her own face, she stands up and walks to her bed. She lies down on top of the comforter and her hands start fiddling with the hem of her nightgown after a few seconds.

She licks her lips and contemplates the idea of making her night even better by…

When the sound of the back door creaking loudly snaps her out of her nasty thoughts.

Panic rises in her throat instantly and she feels numb, because she is alone at night in the big house, her parents nowhere near and she just heard the sound of their back door opening.

_Or was she hallucinating? Or was it just a sound from the outside? _

She takes a shaky breath and thinks about her options. She could lock herself in her room and pray that the stranger won't break into it to find her or she could pull herself together and go downstairs to see what's going on.

She musters up all her courage to get up from her bed.

Her knees are shaking as she walks to the door to carefully open it, trying not to make any sound. She slowly tiptoes on the hallway to the stairs and prays to God that she won't find anyone downstairs. She turns on the lights and slowly starts walking, taking a little break after each step to listen.

She doesn't hear any sounds and she feels slightly relieved when she steps off of the stairs. She decides to walk to the back door to see if it's locked, her legs still trembling a little. She couldn't be more grateful that the only sound she hears in the house is her own heart pounding fast against her ribcage.

Then it all happens too fast when she starts moving.

A body presses into her backside all of a sudden, almost tackling her with force, while a gloved hand comes from behind to cover her mouth, another one hugging her torso tightly.

She is scared to death.

She wants to scream for help, she wants to turn around and punch the bastard, but she can't do anything. She is frozen by the fear as she imagines the worst things happening to her in the next minutes.

"You better not do anything stupid" The stranger hisses into her ear, their hot breath hitting the side of her neck, causing her to snap out of her thoughts.

The words barely make it to her conscience, but there was something about the voice, like she's heard it before.

She could barely hear it just now over the sound her own heart pumping in her chest and her twirling thoughts, but she could swear it was like…

"Cause if you do, you will regret it" The stranger spits threateningly into her ear.

And fucking hell, she is right, it's not a stranger.

_It's Brittany. _

It's Brittany, who opened her back door instead of the front one, so she wouldn't instantly think it's her entering her house. Brittany, who is pressing into her body from behind and holding her tightly in her strong arms, completely exposing her.

Just like she's wished her to do so.

She is making her fantasy come true finally.

All the teasing, the ignoring, the decreased physical aspect of their relationship, it was all part of Brittany's plan.

Her mind starts racing at the revelation and she acts on instinct as she starts squirming and bites down on her gloved hand covering her mouth.

"You fucking bitch" Brittany yells at her, grabbing her jaw firmly and forcing her to tilt her head to the side.

She can see her head now in her peripheral vision and it's covered by a ski mask, making her completely unrecognizable as her hair is tucked under it, too.

Her bright blue eyes stare at her intensely and she just has a second to get used to the whole situation, before she turns her around quickly and pulls her close, while pressing her wrists to her back.

"I told you to behave" She tells her with a threatening voice.

"Get off of me!" She yells at her all of a sudden, surprising even herself with how low and scratchy her voice sounds. She hasn't even realized she is so aroused, that now she can barely concentrate on staying in her role and holding back from grinding into Brittany's body.

Brittany strengthens her grip on her wrists, and she squirms to ease the pain and get away from her hold.

"Stop it!" She yells while shaking her body to get her to stop moving. When she stops, she holds her chin high and breathes out deeply through her nostrils, waiting for Brittany's next move motionlessly. "I didn't expect to find anyone here, but looking at you…" She pulls away a little to trail her hungry eyes all over her barely covered body. Her knees almost buckle under her intense gaze which settles at the spot between her legs as her mouth turns into a wicked smirk. "Fuck, I ain't even mad that I found a little toy to play with…"

She leans in and suddenly she is all over her, kissing her jaw and nipping at her neck. She can barely hold back the whimper that wants to erupt from her body when she starts grinding into her.

It takes a few seconds to realize why it feels so strange, so unfamiliar.

She must be wearing a strap-on under her pants, she can feel it pressing into her and she needs a huge effort not to give in to the pleasure.

"No, no, stop!" She yells while she starts to try pushing her away somehow with her shoulders. "Get away from me!"

She lets herself go, but she barely takes a glance between her legs to confirm her suspicion, when her vision is cut off.

Brittany hits her cheek with the back of her hand so hard, she almost stumbles from the force of it. The sound of the slap echoes in her head as a pang spreads in her cheek, numbing her whole face. She has to shut her eyes for a second to get rid of the dizziness, before she pushes her hair out of her face and slowly turns her head back to look at her.

She can't believe she's done it.

She's slapped her and pretty fucking hard. So hard she winces when she touches her cheek softly. She will feel this for days and the thought of something reminding her of this night makes her all the more aroused.

"Fuck you" She spits disdainfully as an answer to the slap.

Brittany just smirks and takes a step closer until their toes are just an inch away. "I'd rather fuck you, bitch" She mocks her before she lifts her hand all of a sudden to touch her between her legs.

"Don't touch me!" She yells at her, while she's trying to force her away by pushing her shoulders.

She is holding her close with her free hand pressing to the low of her back and she is much stronger than Santana anyway.

"I know you want it too…" She leans close to whisper into her ear. "You're fucking wet for me, I can feel it."

She presses the heel of her palm to the most sensitive spot on her body and it's fucking hard to restrain herself and not to let her moans break free.

Brittany suddenly turns them around and starts moving, pushing her to walk backwards with the force of her body. She is fighting her as much as she can and she seems to get fed up with it as she easily picks her up to carry her on her shoulder.

"Put me the fuck down!" She yells while she starts hitting her back with her fists.

It only makes Brittany move around faster, until she can see that they enter the living room.

She puts her down roughly from her shoulder, her stomach hitting the back of the couch and she is forced down to bend over it, her wrists in Brittany's firm grip behind her back again.

Her heart starts pounding hard in her chest as she hears her fumbling with the buckle of her belt.

"You asked for it" She hisses before she hears her opening it and searching for the zipper.

She can hear her pulling it down and it makes her realize how close she is to get what she wanted. It makes her determined to get the most of it by staying her role perfectly.

"No, no please!" She starts begging when she hears the sound of Brittany's pants hitting the floor.

Her thong is roughly pushed to the side, making the hot air hit her dripping folds as Brittany doesn't even care to undress her. She is so wet that she can feel it even on her thighs, which are trembling from the anticipation.

Something cold presses to her entrance and she screams out a second later when Brittany pushes into her until her hips slap her ass.

She starts banging her roughly, hitting her deep and leaving her breathless as the only thing she can do is to feel it. She winces from the pain after each thrust, but she craves to be filled the second she starts pulling out. She hovers over her and she can feel the warmth of her body on hers as she is fucking her hard.

"You like this huh?" She whispers into her ear before licking at her jaw. She slows down a little and thrusts more upwards, hitting her cervix with the head, causing her to feel displeasure.

"No, please stop!" She whimpers while writhing under her body.

She desperately needs to touch her clit to subdue the pain she feels inside from Brittany's rough moves. But Brittany's clutching her wrists tight and she knows she won't touch her there as she continues to pump in and out of her.

She changes for shorter, but more frequent pumps and fucks her like that for what feels like forever, until she pulls out almost completely.

"You are so tight, baby." She whispers and her dirty words shoot a jolt of pleasure between Santana's legs. "I bet I'm better than your boyfriend." She laughs mirthlessly.

"I have a girlfriend" She screams before the pain leaves her breathless again, as she is stretched to her limits by the dildo, the tip hitting her cervix again.

"Oh, so you're a fucking dyke" Brittany spits into her ear full of disdain after a few seconds, her words stunning her completely. She, who hates the word 'dyke' and every other hateful one people insult the likes of her with, she goes so far to use it right now. "Guess I'm gonna fuck that thing out of you now."

She can feel her quickly pulling away from her back to stand up and she can basically feel her eyes boring into her ass, when she starts fucking her roughly again.

She's fucking the breath out of her and a layer of sweat forms on her forehead, as the air feels so hot around them she feels like she can explode any second. Brittany's hips hit her ass with every thrust with a loud smack and she can't hold back her grunts anymore.

She bites down on the couch when she feels that she is close, trying to drag it out just a little bit more.

"Come all over my dick, baby" Brittany can feel how close she is like any other time and her dirty words doesn't really help her to hold back. "You will never go back to girls after this"

She spits, then she releases her hands to grab her hips and start pounding into her, fucking her so fast she fears she might tear her into pieces.

When she hits her special spot inside, she comes with a loud moan erupting from the back of her throat and her whole body jerks with the force of her orgasm.

She slumps on the back of the couch and Brittany pulls out, making her let out a whimper when she is all empty again.

She doesn't let her get her breathing back, as she is quickly turned around and pulled down on her knees before Brittany forces the dildo into her mouth. Her eyes roll back into her head, when she tastes her own juices on it.

This can't ever compare to any fantasy she's ever had.

Brittany acts so confident, so powerful and so commanding, so freaking perfect in every way.

She starts fucking her mouth, setting her hands on the sides of her head to hold her in place. She gags when she hits the back of her throat with the tip roughly, before she tugs at her hair all of a sudden and pulls her away from the shaft.

"Stand up now!" She commands her.

She stares into her eyes intensely and then she starts shaking her head in reluctance with her chin held high.

Brittany doesn't hesitate to pull her hair, until she starts standing up on her own from the pain. She barely comes up to eye-level with her, when she starts dragging her by her hair around the couch.

It fucking hurts and she has no idea what she's gonna do to her now. All she knows is that is sore already, but she can't help but be aroused again as she is pushed down to lie on her back. Brittany holds her wrists above her head with one hand and quickly spreads her legs with the other.

"You thought I was finished with you, hmm?" She whispers before she leans down to kiss her, the first time through the night.

The kiss is heated and rough, all tongue and teeth and she gets wrapped up in it so much she barely notices the dildo pressing to her entrance again.

She does notice it, when Brittany slides into her again, causing her to bite down on her bottom lip as she is stretching her too much too soon.

Brittany pulls away and looks so threateningly into her eyes, she thinks she might hit her again, but she only grabs her jaw and pushes her thumb into her bruised cheek.

"No, please" She whimpers, but she is quickly cut off with Brittany capturing her lips again.

She pushes her tongue into her mouth and sucks on hers as she starts thrusting at a fast pace. She swallows her grunts and her surprised gasp, when she brings her hand from her face down to press her thumb to her clit.

She rubs it, drawing tight circles while she continues to fuck her.

Santana feels so full of her, like she's all over her, on the inside and on the outside, too. Her velvety tongue invading her mouth, her smooth skin covered with a layer of sweat pressing to her hips with every thrust, her fingertip rubbing her clit in expert motions.

All these sensations bring her to the edge, hitting her with so much force her whole body trembles under Brittany until she feels like she's literally bursting between her legs.

She's seeing stars and she can barely hear the noises she makes from the pleasure dulling her senses.

It feels like she's released from all the pressure in her body, she feels so light all of a sudden. Her orgasm stunned her completely, as she didn't expect it so soon and now she just lies motionlessly under Brittany, swimming in the pool of her pleasure.

She can feel her releasing her wrists and her hands suddenly cup her breasts while she moves to kiss on her neck. It feels lovely and she starts wondering if it's over now, judging from her soft touches and gentle kisses.

She doesn't give much thought to it though, she just simply enjoys it.

She only forces her eyes open when she feels Brittany pulling out of her and sliding down on her body.

"See how hard you came for me?" She teases her and that's when she realizes she's squirted all over the couch and Brittany's lap. The sight makes her gulp, while Brittany manages to sneak her arms under her thighs and settle between her legs. "You will never forget this night" She tells her, before she dives into her wetness with her mouth.

She winces at how fucking sensitive she is and she starts pushing her still covered head away from her.

"Stop it please!" She begs with the last piece of strength she finds in her body, because she really doesn't feel ready for more.

Her desperate voice seems to catch Brittany's attention as she stops her tongue and looks up at her with wide ocean blue eyes. She looks worried and for the first time tonight, Santana catches her hesitating.

She doesn't say the safe word.

Brittany makes sure to give her enough time and watches her intently to notice if she's not completely sure about continuing.

She is though, and she must be convincing, because Brittany returns to lapping at her with her flat tongue. She's squirming under her and fisting the mask on her head as she is too sore and sensitive to enjoy anything right now, but Brittany's holding her in place with her strong arms.

When she presses down at her opening, she braces herself from the pain, but she is quickly reminded that she is not about to be fucked with a huge penis this time, when Brittany's soft tongue slides into her.

Her fists change from pushing to pulling at Brittany's head as the ache to be filled overcomes her again.

Brittany fucks her with her tongue and her nails dig into the material on her head to drag her even closer, as she is so spent herself, she can barely rock into her.

She can't even start thinking about what they are doing or wonder if this is still a part of the scene or just them anymore, as all her thoughts are faded away by the feeling of Brittany inside her.

It doesn't take long until her shaking thighs press to the sides of her head and her back bends as the pressure explodes inside her.

She swears she's had a blackout for a while, because when she opens her eyelids again, she is welcomed by the sight of Brittany's uncovered face hovering over her and her teary eyes searching for hers frantically.

She wonders what's happened to her, but her thoughts are quickly cut off by Brittany capturing her lips in a kiss, that makes her feel she doesn't need anything else in the world right now.

Because it makes her feel the one thing she's felt in the bottom of her heart all night long.

It makes her feel loved.

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**

**So I hope I managed to live up to your expectations with this chapter.**

**If I did, then tell me why! If I didn't, then tell me why not!:-)**


	16. Epilogue Part I

_**Dear readers!**_

_**I'm sincerely really sorry for not being able to update for so long. Don't wanna make excuses, but I really didn't have much time because of my summer internship. Some of you may know that I started a new story in the meantime - Loving you is like catching a falling star - check it out if you're interested.  
**_

_**So, it's time for this story to come to an end. This is the first part of the Epilogue. The concept might be a bit surprising here, but I hope you will enjoy these last bits and pieces of this story.  
**_

_**If you like my writing, follow me as an author, because I will definitely publish similar smutty-sexy oneshots or mini-fics in the future. Truthfully, I've already planned out my next one (my first try at writing a g!p story, but a rather different one).**_

_**Enjoy and please review! I appriciate the feedback.**_

* * *

**Epilogue Part I**

The sound of keys turning in the lock makes her grin widely.

She is not even attempting to hide her giddiness when a tired-looking Santana appears from behind the door. The great news she got today makes her hope she can lure some excitement from her, even though she knows this week of working overtime every day strained her.

She doesn't expect eruptive joy, just a little appreciation.

Though Santana hasn't agreed to what she's planning for them, she senses the love of her life may be up for the idea. They haven't done it for more than a year and now they have the perfect opportunity.

If Santana is not ready, Brittany will be accepting.

It won't mean the end of the world, far from it really, though she misses her _that way _very much, so a little bit of disappointment seems unavoidable.

"Hey honey" She greets her cheerfully and Santana only answers with a groan when she kicks off her obviously not comfortable but rather sexy looking high heels.

She enjoys showing off at her workplace and spicing up her business attire with designer bags, shoes and jewelry. It's never over the top or mocking for the less wealthy as she effortlessly sneaks in a little edge to the standard uniform of a highly successful private corporation lawyer.

Even though she owns a pretty extensive wardrobe now, her most precious accessories remain the two rings on her fingers.

Brittany has managed to hide the price of her engagement ring up until this very day, but it's not the price that truly defines her rings. They symbolize the only thing that truly matters in her life.

It's the love, the love she feels for Brittany.

They share this magical bond, this never-ending devotion for each other. What they share became the nest for their children to grow.

It's all contained somewhere in the two rings, and she could never buy something worth more than those gorgeous treasures.

An even louder sound of displeasure leaves Santana's mouth when she throws her tight-fitted blazer on the floor dramatically and quickly crosses the hall to enter the kitchen and hug Brittany from behind.

"Fuck" She whispers into the crook of her neck, before taking a deep breath to smell her. "I missed you so much."

Though they've been living in this house for quite a lot of years now, the feeling of coming home only warms her heart when she breathes in the scent of her wife. She peppers light kisses on her bare shoulder and neck, while she cuddles as close to her as she can.

"This may sound a little selfish, but I like when you're this needy." Brittany turns her head to kiss her temple and leaves her lips on her warm skin for a lingering moment.

"Hmm, you're so sexy in this apron." Santana husks into her ear, undisturbed by the teasing tone of Brittany.

She has to brace herself against the counter, because Santana is pressing to her backside with force, showing her desperation for the peace and warmth the familiar curves of her body offer her.

"Just what I was talking about" Brittany chuckles, cherishing the affection she had to endure a whole day without.

Santana sucks her earlobe into her wet mouth and that's the moment she has to let go of the wooden spoon in her hand and clutch Santana's hand on her stomach.

"Remember you used to wear nothing under this?" Santana mouths into the skin of her neck, while her hand sneaks downwards, stroking Brittany's lower abdomen through the layers of fabric covering her pale skin.

Oh yeah, they both remember vividly the old times when they had all the freedom in the world to walk around naked in the house and of course the plenty of occasions they took advantage of the exposed state of each other's bodies.

The memories turn Santana on incredibly fast while her free arm starts holding the now squirming Brittany steady by the waist, enjoying how her defined muscles twitch by her moves, responding to every sensation.

Brittany has always been openly appreciative of her wandering hands, the subtle tender touches and the frantic harsh groping too, depending on what kind of mood she is in.

There is no doubt she is seriously in the need now, just like Brittany vocalized and that's why her mouth eagerly joins in to work her wife up as soon as she can, not that Brittany needs much of the foreplay judging by her ridiculously arousing little sounds of pleasure.

"How - uh - could I not?" She asks back, moaning when Santana's fingertips reach between her legs.

Santana presses the heel of her palm into her covered center, sending a jolt of pleasure through her body. She can feel the warmth gathering there, caused by her confidently forceful touch, and the best thing is to imagine how it will feel when she touches Brittany's heated flesh and her fingers get covered in her juices.

She must be so wet.

"San-uh-tana" She whines, knowing they really can't get into anything serious right now, but she urges her on despite it by tangling her fingers into her loose dark locks while her hips start bucking into her.

Santana knows exactly why she's reluctant to give in, but her desire overcomes her not so surprisingly and she dives into Brittany's panties with her fingers, spreading her wet folds.

Brittany gives up easily.

She has to pull Santana's hair to encourage her more and they kiss deeply to silence each other's moans. It looks like they can finish off pretty soon, judging by the increasingly frantic thrusts of Brittany's hips and the amount of her sweet arousal, which lets Santana push two fingers easily into her without more teasing.

Driven by the amazing pressure growing in her body, Brittany bites down on her bottom lip, while she stars backing up the expert pumping of her fingers and they both know they are close to end this quickie with satisfaction, when the sound of fast footsteps hit them.

The reality is hitting them hard.

And the reality of their situation is that they're about to be majorly pussy blocked by their kids, again.

Yes, the days of fucking on the kitchen counter like rabbits after they come home from work are over.

Sometimes she can't believe she's matured as a person enough to sacrifice the possibility of expressing her desire for Brittany anytime she wants and of course, many more things. The most absurd thing is that she was the first from the bunch to move outside of Manhattan to have a house with a nice garden in Brooklyn, a perfect place to raise kids. But somehow, it felt the right thing to do, the natural thing.

But sometimes it's hard to restrain herself, like now when they only have a few seconds to pull themselves together and appear appropriately in front of their son, who seems to have a great sense when to interrupt their private moments.

It's typical for them that Brittany is the apologetic looking one and Santana is the more frustrated one, though normally their positions would indicate otherwise. Brittany tries soothing her with a chaste kiss on her pouty lips, and Santana simply melts into her when a loud squeal interrupts her wives' effort of comforting.

"Little bastard" Santana says lowly through gritted teeth, earning a questioning look from Brittany while they are pulling away from each other.

She rolls her eyes, because fuck, she's still far from being perfectly grown-up and calling their kids in whatever names she comes up with in her worst moments doesn't mean she doesn't love them the same.

Brittany knows this and the issue is more about the strict rule in the house of not swearing in front of the young ones.

Their first young one, Diego is standing with her little palms pressing into his eyes, cutting off his vision.

"Are you finished?" He asks, in a comically strict voice for a four-year old, earning an indignant frown from Santana.

She throws her hands in the air dramatically and steps away from Brittany to gain a respectful distance.

"You can drop your hands now" Brittany tells their son, who quickly does so and an all too familiar pouting face appears from behind his covering palms.

He doesn't resemble Brittany all that much at first sight, but his manners and the way he acts is so similar to her behavior, she couldn't ever pretend she's not his mother. He has huge brown eyes and thick hair, the attributions of Santana, but she always sees a miniature version of Brittany in front of her whenever he looks at him.

The pouting face is a sight that never fails to trigger a reaction from her, let it come from their son or her wife.

Her momentary frustration is overtaken by genuine worry while she's walking closer and crouches in front of Diego.

"What's wrong baby?" She asks him slowly, trying to open him up and have a bit of a serious discussion. "Since when I'm not allowed to kiss your mother, hmm?"

She is honestly curious about his issue with their kissing now. It's never been a problem before, showing affection in front of their kids with Brittany, so she is confused why it's suddenly such a huge matter that her son can't even bear to see them declaring their love through an act of physicality.

Now that she's asked about it, the little boy seems a bit confused himself, like it just occurred to him he doesn't have a genius answer prepared.

"Jake told me today that his parents never kiss." He blurts out finally, with wide eyes like he's just told them a huge, shocking secret. "Kissing is silly."

"For God's sake…" Santana mutters, not really meaning anyone to hear her instant reaction.

But she seriously can't believe this.

She would never deprive their son of having friends, on the absolute contrary she encourages them to be open and friendly with other kids, but it's hard to accept that someone other than them has such a huge influence over Diego's way of thinking.

If Jake's parents never kiss, why would she and Brittany do it?

It sounds an obvious conclusion for a four year-old to state that they shouldn't and it's stupid, but in truth, it's the biggest bullshit she's ever heard. She can only feel sorry for the boy's parents, but telling that to their son might be not the most mature approach she has to take here.

"Honey, please" Brittany's soothing voice snaps her out of her thoughts and she just realizes she's joined their little circle, her hand coming down to tenderly stroke the hair on the top of her head.

She shoots her an admiring smile before casting her gaze on the confused face of Diego.

"Kissing is not silly, baby." She declares, before her eyes light up, feeling like she's found the perfect way to explain. "You like when we kiss you on the cheek, don't you?"

A toothy grin appears instantly on the little boy's face by the mention of the sweet kisses she likes peppering his firm cheekbones with.

"Yes." He declares confidently.

He couldn't ever deny he likes being spoiled with affection, a typical mommy's boy.

"Yeah, it feels really nice, right?" Santana nods up and down while smiling, optimistic that she's found a solution to the problem. "But kissing on the lips is so much better, it means you love someone. That's why I like kissing your mom." She glances at Brittany, who is standing beside her, hand still on her head and looking at them like she's witnessing a wonder.

She might be doing something right after all.

"But why don't you kiss me? Don't you love me, Mama?" The ridiculous question comes from her son, who looks more and more scared by this possibility every second.

"Of course I love you, baby." She takes his hands and strokes his soft little palms to erase the nonsense thought from his head. "But kissing is for adults. When you meet a nice girl or a boy, it will feel really good to kiss them, I promise. You just have to wait for the right one."

What she is telling him sounds an awful lot of what Brittany may say in a similar situation and she is quite surprised she seems to be handling this right.

Diego seems much calmer, now that she assured him of her love and the fright in his eyes are replaced by his never-ending curiosity, only present in innocent children.

"Did you wait for the right one?"

"I did." Her answer comes so naturally like an instant reflex and she has to stop for a moment to think about its sincerity. "But it didn't feel like waiting." She adds, because that was the missing piece that makes her answer correct now.

He knows he can't perfectly understand what she is meaning to say, but there is someone beside her who can.

And Brittany does understand, it's obvious in her eyes when she crouches on the floor beside her and leans in to kiss her.

It's only an innocent peck, already gone after a split of a second, but it's one of those that remain imprinted on their mouths. The meaning behind the kiss makes them feel it for so long.

"Pierce-Lopez hug" Diego yells, before throwing his hands around their necks.

"Now that's more like it" She hums to herself while she's enjoying the closeness of them.

Now there's only one missing, the latest addition to the family and the light of her eyes.

"So, did you look after your sister while I was gone?" She asks after pulling out of his embrace a little.

"I was watching Princess 'Sol sleeping." He says seriously, and it sounds like he's been trying to protect the dreams of the little girl.

She shoots a questioning glance at Brittany, who simply nods meaningfully, so she knows there is more to the story. It must have been a really nice scene and in moments like this, she hates not being able to stay home forever after she gave birth to their daughter.

"Wanna come with me and visit her in her castle?" She chuckles, because being a mother has really made her all mushy inside. She is full of fuzzy feelings all the time, whether she is thinking about her family or being with them and she never gets tired of those feelings.

Diego nods eagerly, so they stand up and take off to walk upstairs to the nursery.

"Dinner is almost ready." Brittany yells after them, when they are halfway to the stairs. "Wash your hands, guys!" She adds and a faint giggle can be heard before she goes back to the kitchen.

It takes a second for Santana to get the implication behind her words and she instantly drops Diego's hand with wide eyes.

She subtly wipes her right hand into her skirt, but it's not enough to erase the embarrassment. It's gross and weird and just completely wrong that she hasn't thought of cleaning her hands before he took Diego's.

This is so not one of those cases she likes seeing, smelling or feeling Brittany's arousal on parts of her body.

/

After a pleasant dinner and a taking care of the kids, their nightly routine comes to the most peaceful part.

It's only her and Santana now.

This is their private time and though they are both pretty exhausted now, they enjoy it with all their hearts. It's different every night.

Sometimes they can't get enough of each other, not wasting a second to tear off the other's clothes and touch patch of skin their hands can reach. Other times, they are slowly diving into it, naturally progressing from pressing light kisses on each other's shoulders to sliding downwards under the covers and experience connecting on a higher level, where only the touches, the sounds, the smells and the tastes exist and they all make them feel it, the love.

And then there are nights they just appreciate the time they can spend talking, about their days, their kids, simply themselves.

Though Brittany feels the desire to make love to Santana right now, she has something important to discuss with her and nowadays it's a rare thing they can just be themselves, so she doesn't want to waste the opportunity.

"Honey" She calls out to Santana, when they are at the finishing touches of cleaning the kitchen. "There is something I wanted to talk about."

Her serious tone causes Santana to look up from her hands working on the last dishes in the sink.

"Is something wrong?" She asks, already worried that there might be something going on.

"No, no" Brittany shakes her head, but suddenly a little frown appears on her face. "At least I hope so."

"Britt, please, you're scaring me" She tells her, while wiping her wet hands into a kitchen cloth. "What is it?"

"Just…come sit with me a little and hear me out, okay?" Brittany asks, an unusual nervousness appearing on her.

She nods instantly, sensing they are about to have a serious conversation and makes her way to the kitchen island. Brittany settles next to her and takes a deep breath.

"So…I was thinking you know…about old times" She says with her eyebrows pulled up, but Santana doesn't really get it. "I don't want you to think I'm not pleased with how things are between us right now, but there is…there is something I miss."

Santana's heart sinks a little, hearing that she is not giving everything to Brittany. She wonders what might have changed, making her feel like that, to remember old times with such fondness that she started missing something in her present life.

"What do you mean?" She asks, her voice thick with emotion.

She can't hide that she is being upset and Brittany instantly takes her hand and strokes her palm with her fingertips while shaking her head. However attentively she's planned to handle the issue, it's obvious Santana's not taking it lightly. She really has to try her best to come out to her in the right way.

"Please don't take it the wrong way" She pleads, persuading her to try letting go of her ill assumptions and after a deep breath, Santana devotes her attention to her wholly. "You know it was really hard for me to handle what happened after Marisol was born."

"I'm sorry Britt" Santana shakes her head, remembering the difficulties after her pregnancy.

It was only natural she's put on weight while being pregnant. It was a part of the process and she didn't mind it all that much, because she knew it was healthy for her daughter that she's fed both of them well. She complained sometimes, because her relatively tiny body couldn't easily handle the strain the plus weight caused, but otherwise she didn't have any problems with her changed forms.

Their sex life was amazing, though for safety reasons they gave up some habits.

Santana didn't have an issue with being sexual while she was pregnant and she maintained the usual confidence about her body. Of course Brittany helped a lot in making her believe she looked sexier than ever.

She was curvier and softer.

She was glowing and Brittany admired it.

But it came to an end after Marisol was born. Everything changed. Something broke inside Santana and for the first time since she was a teenager, she started having issues with how she looked like.

Her body was a burden for her. She complained about hating how much she changed, how her stomach wasn't ripped anymore or how her skin became loosen. Every miniscule difference made her frustrated, while she was standing in front of their mirror in the bedroom, judging herself up and down for long minutes.

It went on for weeks.

For weeks, they weren't intimate with each other.

Sometimes it was awkward, sometimes simply so unbearable Brittany stayed up until she was sure Santana fell asleep already to avoid the minutes they had to spend silently beside each other in their bed before the exhaustion consumed them.

She couldn't bear not being able to touch her.

It was cruel, especially that she really enjoyed the slight changes on Santana's body. The way she saw it, Santana's body has only matured through the months of pregnancy and after she gave birth she looked like a gorgeous flower that just blossomed.

She had to muster up all her courage to talk to her, she was so afraid of her reaction.

Knowing Santana was still overly emotional and she took everything to heart, she spent a lot of time coming up with the right things to say. She didn't want to make her feel like it was just about sex, because it was far from being true.

She missed her.

The way she melted in her arms while they were making love, how she always gave herself to her, never hiding how much she enjoyed her touch. Never hiding how much it meant for her.

A part of their love was missing.

The situation turned out completely different than what she was planning. She's never realized how much pain those weeks caused her, just the moment she broke down the same place they're sitting now.

Tears were flowing, words were being whispered and finally, they were embracing each other. After that, Santana embraced herself again, Brittany standing beside her every step of the way. In a way it really felt different, making love to her for the first after that. The connection between them was stronger than ever and she felt so overwhelmed, she had to stop and just breathe while sliding down on Santana's torso. She hugged her back and pushed her face into her stomach, laying feather-light kisses on it.

She really would have stopped, just enjoying the intimacy, the closeness she had to suffer without for so long, but she wanted Santana to feel it, how much she loved every part of her.

"I'm not, baby. It taught us a lesson and I think we just became stronger, so…" Brittany shrugs, because all that matters is how they've overcome these problems together.

"Yeah, but I don't really understand. I think we recovered pretty damn well since then, so..." Santana trails off, not really getting what is the missing piece here to solve the problem.

They've managed to get back to have sex as regularly as they can, the exhaustion caused by working and raising two kids being their enemy all the time. Sex wasn't something obligatory though, it wasn't a task they had to complete to maintain a normal marriage. It always happened because they wanted each other, they had an immense desire still inside themselves after the many years they spent together.

"I know and it is more than enough for me, but I'd like us to try something." Brittany says, getting closer to the hard part. "If we both think we are ready."

"Brittany, please!" Santana pleads, desperation and impatience growing inside her.

"I'd like us to do a lost weekend again."

Santana can only stare at her with bulging eyes for excruciatingly long seconds.

"Okay" Her whisper is barely audible, especially that Brittany's heart is pounding against her ribcage wildly now.

She is nervous and she is scared, and worried, but mainly she is just freaking excited hearing her positive answer.

It takes another couple of minutes for her to make sure she's heard right and Santana is not just saying yes because she wants to fulfill her wishes. The last thing she wants is this to be one-sided. They both have to be a hundred percent into it to make it work, to make it work how they used to, like old times.

After Santana assures her that she really is open to her idea, she finally shares the good news. It's that Quinn and her husband is free this weekend, a pretty rare occasion to be honest, so they can bring their kids into the city and have a nice little weekend just for the two of them. Having the house to themselves means they have all the freedom in the world to spend their private time with sex, eating, sex, sleeping, and sex and so on.

They haven't had a lost weekend since she became pregnant with Marisol, so with a little help from Santana, Brittany realizes that it's been well over fifteen months now.

It's been fifteen months they haven't had sex _that way_ and they agree on how much they miss it.

The thrill of pushing the boundaries together.

/

After discussing the details of their weekend and calling Quinn to tell her they will bring the kids on Saturday morning, they simply can't set their minds at peace.

They are buzzing, the excitement flowing in their veins and they are simply too worked up to fall asleep right now. Agreeing on a watching a film, they settle comfortably on the couch in their best snuggling position.

Brittany starts fussing already in the beginning, when the film barely even started. Though she's agreed to this drama, films without animals or magical creatures barely grasp her attention enough to avert her thought from the reality. The reality is that her hips are pushing into Santana's firm ass and her hands are mere inches away from her deliciously full breasts.

Loving that Santana's changed and not wearing a bra anymore, she grazes her fingertips through the skin on her ribcage and lightly strokes the sensitive underside of her breast through her shirt.

"Britt" Santana's breath hitches at her touch and turns her head towards her. "What are you-uh-"

Her question is cut off by Brittany's sudden move of squeezing her boob firmly and pinching her nipple up to the point of being painful. Her touch is vigorous, just a tad more than she's gotten used to in these recent months.

"Shhh, baby" Brittany whispers now that their faces are so close her warm breath is hitting Santana's cheek. "I just want you to remember…" She quickly sneaks her hand under her shirt and circles two fingertips teasingly around her nipple, earning another moan from her. "…what you're in for the whole weekend."

Two days together without any distractions, in absolute privacy, when they can freely explore their intimacy, through the act of making love or just lying naked on their bed and looking into each other's eyes until the flashing images of the years they've spent with each other fade away and only the depth of their love remains reflecting in them.

Solely Brittany's touch would make her aroused anytime, but the idea of enjoying it and much more for in the near future turns Santana into a moaning mess in her arms.

Brittany kisses her temple while continuing her ministrations on her chest.

Santana stars moving backwards with every squeeze, her desperation to ease the increasing pressure in her lower abdomen getting more and more obvious by the second, but Brittany doesn't comply with her rawest needs.

She abruptly stops, resulting in Santana to express her dissatisfaction with a loud groan. Preparing inwardly to beg for more, she tries to roll over to properly face her, but Brittany quickly sneaks her other hand under her to hold her around the waist firmly.

Locked in her arms, confusion grows inside her and she almost voices it, when Brittany suddenly lets go of her breast and lightly slaps it.

"Uh" She jerks back into her, pushing her ass between Brittany's welcoming hipbones in time with her moan.

"You want some more of the reminder?" Brittany husks into her ear and licks her earlobe.

"Yes, please" She squeaks urgently, burying her bottom into Brittany's pelvis, desperate for some kind of friction. "Please, Brittany!"

Brittany gives in, knowing exactly what she needs.

She pulls her hands away to remove Santana's pants and almost rips her briefs, desperate to see her firm ass at last. Marveling at the sight of her beautiful brown buttocks, she pulls up her top until her chest is uncovered. She takes advantage of it, grabbing her tits and enjoying their weight in her palms and how Santana starts rubbing her bare ass into her covered center.

Thrusting like she's fucking her, her hands on her chest are moving in sync with her hips.

She digs her fingernails into the flesh suddenly, and Santana cries out. A succession of slaps follows on her tits and she moans into the air- thick with the smell of her arousal now – every time. Brittany is confident she could make her come simply by manipulating her breasts, but she has a better idea.

Locking her by crossing her arm across her chest and pinching Santana's nipple to the point it burns like she's been lit on fire, she moves her right hand over her pussy.

Santana instantly squirms closer and almost reaches her hand, but instead of a warm palm she is shocked to feel a little slap on her clit.

"Ow" She winces, but she is so scattered by the stimulations already the way her body reacts is not matched by her sound of displeasure.

Brittany doesn't stop and after every hit, she cries out, but still she is searching for the contact again. An expert at handling the pain and pleasure, Brittany doesn't let up on her breast also, making it impossible to concentrate solely on her clit. She is averting her attention between the two spots, squeezing and scratching her boob, and slapping her pussy, every time with different amount of force.

She is squirming and fighting when it feels too much to handle, but Brittany holds her in place, teasing her just a little further with trailing a finger through her dripping folds, before laying another slap on her clit.

"Fuck, please" Santana chokes out, before she returns to being a mess, unable to express anything complex.

"Just a little more baby, you are taking it so good."

She continues slapping her, but now she stops for breaks when she is just cupping her mound with her palm, resting on her heated flesh. Santana's juices are flowing to her skin and whenever she hits her the wet sound of the slap turns her on so much like she's the one being pleasured here.

"Please, Brittany" Santana almost sobs, when she circles her finger around her clit, avoiding the area carefully after one harder slap.

When she uses her whole name in heated moments, begging her, Brittany knows she's completely submitting to her, desperate for relieving her ache.

There is nothing she loves more than a begging Santana, especially when she is begging her to stop.

Pushing her limits until she's overwhelmed with the sensations causes her much pleasure every time. She always feels when it's really too much for Santana, the years of experience behind her back helping her to sense when it's right to cross the imaginational line and when it's time to stop.

They reached the point when she knows her body more than Santana does and the trust between them puts the decisions solely in her hands.

Literally so, as it's almost always her hands or the toys in them that reduce her wife into a yelping and trembling mess.

She is only satisfied when Santana clutches the sheets so tightly in her fists her knuckles turn shades lighter. Her cries echo from the walls of whatever room they're in at that special moment, when they're experiencing such extremities they enter a heightened state, for Santana bordering unconsciousness.

It feels like flying, and when Santana finally comes for Brittany, shaken up so much that choked sobs match the jerks of her body in the never-ending seconds of relief, it feels an irresistible force tears the chains away from her wrists and she can finally fly free.

She has only experiences such profoundness in Brittany's arms.

It is a real wonder she can take it just a little further every time, she can take Santana a little further away from the point she thought she couldn't bear more.

Her creativity to come up with new ways of pleasuring her - extraordinary ideas to satisfy her deepest wishes buried in the back of her mind until she helps her open that scary part of her up - never fails to surprise her.

It's hard to come into terms with her secret cravings, but Brittany guides her like a true partner through the struggle.

She is her mate, the only one she could have ever found true love with, in which she can explore herself, gaining knowledge every day about what kind of person she is.

They are lovers, wives and parents, two people in unity.

Their relationship is constantly evolving, every aspect of it leading them towards reaching that special wholeness one can only experience with a true soul mate. The development of their relationship has been changing their sexual one, the trust they've built together helping them to reach new heights over and over again.

But Santana made the realization that it is not a one-way process long ago.

The process comes hand in hand with a reverse mechanism. Exploring their sexual intimacy has a huge effect on other aspects of their relationship, defining new borders and stretching them further every time.

She still remembers the moment of revelation.

* * *

_**Well, I really hope you enjoyed me what you think!  
**_

_**I'll try to finish the next chapter by the next weekend. **_

_**If you have questions or something to share, find me on tumblr with the name emmanuelle-s,!**_


	17. Epilogue Part II

**Dear readers,  
**

**I'm not trying to drag this fic out forever, but I thought I might operate with shorter installments with the epilogue, since I'm not able to write 10k chapters in a week nowadays. **_  
_

**I hope you like it this way, since the wait won't be that long. I'm planning to write two more chapters and then my work is finished. :-)  
**

**Enjoy and please review if you have time!**

* * *

**Epilogue Part II  
**

_She can't even start thinking about what they are doing or wonder if this is still a part of the scene or just them anymore, as all her thoughts are faded away by the feeling of Brittany inside her._

_It doesn't take long until her shaking thighs press to the sides of her head and her back bends as the pressure explodes._

_She swears she's had a blackout for a while, because when she opens her eyelids again, she is welcomed by the sight of Brittany's uncovered face hovering over her and her teary eyes searching for hers frantically. _

_She wonders what's happened to her, but her thoughts are quickly cut off by Brittany capturing her lips in a kiss, that makes her feel she doesn't need anything else in the world right now._

_Because it makes her feel the one thing she's felt in the bottom of her heart all night long._

_It makes her feel loved._

_It makes her feel so loved, so deeply loved that it's hard to comprehend such profound feelings can exist in this world. She is stunned for a moment, feelings blooming inside her widely, squeezing her heart and spreading warmth in her chest while Brittany is holding onto her lips desperately. _

_Brittany gasps, pulling away and her heart - filled up more than ever - breaks at the terrific sound. _

"_I thought I hurt you."_

_She barely chokes out the painful and burdening words, before she crumbles, tears spilling out of her eyes and the weight slowly crashing down from her shoulders._

_The pressure was too much, Santana knew it._

_Now all she can do is assure her that she is not hurt, in fact the opposite, she's never felt more cared for._

"_I'm okay, Britt. I'm okay." She whispers, nodding up and down to make her believe. "I love you."_

_She adds the three words and not because it's an obligation. It's simply too hard to hold it back, especially knowing this might be the only words Brittany would find comforting enough. _

"_You have no idea how much I love you now."_

_More words spill out of her mouth, the exhaustion and the still overwhelming experience preventing her from using any kind of force to stop them. What would be the point anyway?_

_What she is telling her is the truth and she never would have thought tonight could turn out like this. _

"_You did this to me, Britt. I can't believe you did this for me." She can barely hear her own words with her ears, but they are screaming in her head with the blatant truth of them. _

_They still reach Brittany somehow, maybe through that special connection between them and shortly, shaking hands reach for her cheeks and fingers tangle in her hair._

_And they are kissing and crying, not really knowing which sound comes from which mouth or whose tears they can feel the wetness of. _

_But neither of them care._

_The only thing that matters is that they are sharing something tonight, but not just the special experience they've been longing for forever now. _

_It feels like they are sharing an existence, breathing and feeling the same way, and when it's time to catch their breath, they are not afraid to let go of each other's lips because they just know it. _

_They know this won't be the last time they feel this way. _

"Please, Brittany" Santana almost sobs, when she circles her finger around her clit, avoiding the area carefully after one harder slap.

Brittany knows she is bordering the point when the aching pain she has to endure for the relief is too much to handle. She is making her so sensitive she will burst in her arms and she will have to hold the pieces of her body together.

Her muscles will turn into stones for seconds and then loosen up like melting chocolate when she's coming down from her high. She will be holding her body close and feel the blood rushing under her skin all over it.

This is so familiar after all these years, she knows how it will go down second by second.

But it doesn't take away from the magic of it.

That's why she is doing her absolute best – however hard that is to deny her lover's orgasm – to bring her further and further, until Santana reaches the point when she can't hold herself together anymore.

She will give in and let her go.

Now she's still locking her body with her confident arms and doesn't let up from the force of her slapping even when Santana's hard jerks almost make the huge couch move under them. The tenderness of her tongue licking the sweat away from her neck is in complete contract of her hands' merciless movements.

Santana is not in control of her body anymore and it's amazing how she is slipping away second by second.

But she knows she can only let her drift away so far, until she is still able to catch her.

It's a dangerous game, but they've played enough that she can sense when it's time.

When Santana's breathing turns heavier and her body starts shaking from the effort of letting out sounds, until she is not even able to beg anymore, she lays one last hit on her clit and shifts from being forceful to being as gentle as she can be. It's the crucial part, knowing when to change, when to ease the painful ministrations and let the pleasure come crashing down on her lover.

It's so beautiful she can't not be a little selfish and slice a little part of it for herself.

She sneaks her hand upwards from Santana's breast to press down over her heart and feel the moment when it starts pounding, like it's been frozen for years and now it comes alive again. But it's not enough, she wants more.

She wants more of her, she wants _all_ of her, consuming her in this moment.

When her thumb presses down on her clit with the perfect pressure and Santana's breath hitch, her jaw hanging and the whole world stopping around them, she can't not slide into her with her fingers.

It can't be more effortless.

Santana's inner walls wrap around her long fingers like they are meant to be, her slickness enabling her to reach so far until her knuckles meet her entrance when Santana is coming at last.

It feels like a hundred different processes are beginning this moment, like little wheels turning mechanically in a watch and she frantically tries to take in everything. How Santana's whimpers cut into the nightly silence of the house, how her juices are flowing around her fingers, how her warmth is spreading into her own body, how her skin tastes when she kisses her shoulder and how she smells when she nuzzles behind her ear after it.

Forever wouldn't be enough of this experience.

/

Friday goes by so fast like a blink of an eye and it's gone already, an irrelevant part of the past.

Maybe it's the excitement, most probably yes, Santana muses when she puts their daughter to sleep, taking long minutes just sitting beside her crib and stroking her silky dark locks with her index finger. It's still hard to believe she's been a part of making something so pure and perfect like this tiny miracle.

Now all she has to do is not screw it up.

They're certainly going the right direction with Diego, as far as she can tell, but sometimes her insecurities about her parental qualities make her anxiously think about the future, the different scenarios how they could hit a rough patch. The possibility of any of them happening is miniscule, especially when a partner like Brittany is standing by her side, but still, pure dread overcomes her when she thinks about the time her daughter will be a teenage girl.

She has no idea how she would handle someone like herself as a parent.

Luckily, Brittany is an expert at this area and witnessing how strong a bond she has already grown with Marisol, though they are not genetically related, she knows deep inside nothing the future holds for them is to be feared.

The sound of the door opening stops the smooth movement of her finger for a second, but she returns to tenderly stroke her baby's temple when she realizes it's just Brittany.

She has no reason to hide her affections in front of her.

"I thought you fell asleep here." Brittany says lowly, careful not to disturb the silent moment Santana is sharing with their little girl.

She just shakes her head unconsciously, her concentration completely focusing on the baby's face, showing nothing but peacefulness.

"I still can't believe this is real." She whispers, not sure if the sounds reach anyone or if they've escaped from her lips at all.

Brittany comes closer and kneels on the floor beside her chair, she can see from the corner of her eye. She sneaks an arm around her waist and the other around her thighs, and then slowly lays her head in her lap.

They are watching silently how her finger is moving in tiny circles on the smooth caramel skin of Marisol, sometimes Brittany's thumb joins in and match the moves on her waist.

It's so soothing, so peaceful and safe.

"I can see it in your eyes." Brittany says after long seconds. "You still look at me the same way sometimes." She raises her head to search for her eyes, while her hand settles on her lower back.

Santana, mesmerized by the sight, can't take away her eyes from her daughter. A subtle nod lets Brittany know she's heard her.

A deep sigh follows, usually a sound of relief, but this time there are secret emotions hidden in it, the kind that make her heart ache.

She can't bear to see that dark cloud in her eyes, the sign of uncertainty and fear.

"You deserve this Santana." She whispers, her hand rising to cup her cheek and guide her to lock eyes with her. "All of this…us."

Santana, yet again stunned by Brittany's ability to sense exactly what makes her worried and her inner peace disturbed, stops her finger and devotes her full attention to her wife by casting her gaze on her face.

"I'm just so afraid sometimes." She whispers, her voice low, not to disturb the baby's dreams and because her words carry such a colossal weight. "I'm so afraid that…I feel like I have everything now and I'll just find a way to ruin it."

"Then we will repair it, together." Brittany says, earning a shaky breath from Santana. "Because I'd still be here if you ever screw up."

Her words make the cloud fade away in Santana's eyes, but the blur only grows by her tears, threatening to fall out now.

"Thanks Britt." She lets out a forced chuckle. "You're not exactly helping now to make me believe I deserve you." She says, half-jokingly while a tear slides down on her cheek towards Brittany's hand. She rushes to catch it, but Brittany stops her hand, shaking her head that's occupied with a deep frown.

"Don't do that, please." She asks, pleadingly.

There's been always a line for Santana when it comes to opening up her heart and when she feels it's close, she is afraid she might get burnt if she crosses it. She would like to think that over the years she's learnt not to be afraid of expressing her feelings, but she is still not perfect.

What changed though is how she reacts when Brittany asks for more.

She's not asking exactly, more like offering her the kind of boundless understanding and trust she needs. It doesn't feel like pushing anymore and she doesn't get the urge to escape.

She gives in.

Because all Brittany wants is Santana to let herself have a moment when she allows herself to be vulnerable, scared and fragile in front of her. She wants her to not be afraid to feel and show her how she feels.

When Santana retreats her hand and lets her wipe off her tears with her thumb, she knows that invisible line is crossed. Her worry doesn't ease up entirely, because she gets the hint that Santana might not be ready to cross another line soon, not in this state anyway. Maybe she's estimated it all wrong, maybe it's too much to ask from her and she should have been more patient.

"Baby, do you want me to call Quinn and cancel the weekend?" She asks, careful not to show any kind of disappointment.

"No, Britt." Santana shakes her head, gently taking Brittany's hand away from her face and pull it into her lap. "I want to be with you, just you. I need you and you made me remember how much I miss when you make me let go of everything."

"But are you sure you are ready?"

"No, but I want to try anyway." She squeezes Brittany's hand reassuringly. "I trust you with myself."

For Brittany, it feels amazing to be trusted, but it comes with the weight of responsibility. When the decisions are taken into her hands, the power makes her thrilled and anxious at the same time.

Fear and excitement come hand in hand; she's learnt that a long time ago and it's true for both of them. This is what makes the experience so unconventionally wonderful, but it's the cause of many dangers.

Maybe the fact that Santana opened up to her to such an extent just now means that she will be able to expose herself both physically and emotionally. She would like to believe that's true. She would be so happy if with her strong support and guidance, Santana would be able to cross the line and surrender completely, trusting her with her body and soul while they're going through the way to liberating pleasure.

She has to trust Santana's judgment now, and hope their weekend will turn out how she's been imagining it in her head for a few days now.

So wrapped up in the moment she's sharing with her wife and the wonderful images in her head, she doesn't even take a second to ask herself a question about trusting her own self.

But maybe she should.

* * *

**Tell me what you think in a review or find me on tumblr as ' emmanuelle-s ' **

**Thanks!**


	18. Epilogue Part III

_**Dear readers,  
**_

_**I hope this is not full of mistakes, since I literally just finished it and don't want to check it before posting. I was eager to give you something. **_

_**The next chapter might be the last, depending on if I want to post the rest of their weekend as one chapter or two. I'm not really planning these things now :-)  
**_

_**Enjoy and please review if you can!**_

* * *

**Epilogue Part III**_**  
**_

"Santana, just get out already!" Quinn hisses, on the verge of throwing her best friend out of her apartment with her bare hands.

Santana, after dramatically rolling her eyes, reluctantly starts walking out of the room they've set up to be the nursery for the weekend. She stops and catches one last glance at her daughter, before pointing at Quinn with her index finger.

"Just repeat it one more-"

"No, stop it for God's sake!" Quinn cuts her off, her eyes bulging out of her head.

The poor woman is totally losing it and she is the one to be blamed. But she can't ever be sure enough that her baby will be safe in whoevers hands apart from hers or Brittany's. She wants to argue that it is completely legit to worry about Quinn's non-existent parenting qualities, but it might be a little offensive to talk about anything involving the word 'mother' considering the past. The truth is, she trusts her friends to take care of the kids, but this is a first in many aspects.

She really wants to be able to separate, because two days is nothing and she swore to whatever that's holy for her that she won't be one of those clingy unbearable mothers, but still, something is keeping her here.

The bustling tension between them is momentarily cut off when the sound of familiar steps hit their ears.

"Guys, what's going on?" Brittany's calm voice sneaks into the room and makes her realize what she needs exactly.

She needs Brittany and the reassuring words she seems to effortlessly find every time.

"Your wife seems to think I'm not able to take care of two children for less than forty-eight hours." Quinn throws her hands in the air, giving up the fight and hoping Brittany might find a solution for Santana's problem.

Sometimes she is the only one who can deal with her.

Santana's face hardens hearing Quinn's biting tone, but she retreats from responding with something hurtful and catches a glance at Brittany.

The openly worried face of her wife makes her throw away the façade and stare back at Quinn, who still looks like she might explode any given second.

"I'm sorry" Santana says, biting down on her bottom lip guiltily.

Quinn just sighs, and with a nod she acknowledges the apology and they both move on.

Brittany knows Santana is not just putting up a show, though she loves getting on Quinn's nerves sometimes, this time she is having a serious problem.

"Quinn, could you maybe give us a sec, please?" She asks their friend, but her eyes are still intact on Santana's face, searching for clues that might help them figure the issue out.

"Okay, right." Quinn says, alternating her eyes between her two friends, fascinated by the tangible connection she is witnessing.

When she leaves the room, Brittany shifts closer to Santana, until they are almost touching.

"What is wrong, honey?" She asks, her voice full of worry.

"I had no idea this would be so hard." Santana mutters, before resting her forehead on Brittany's shoulder while a helpless sigh escapes her mouth.

"It's okay. I understand and Quinn would too, if you just told her." Brittany replies, causing Santana to be regretful that she didn't just simply share her feelings. "You remember when my parents took Diego for the first time?"

"I couldn't get you off the phone." Santana chuckles into Brittany's skin, remembering how her wife was so obsessed with their son that time she couldn't rest for a second without worrying.

The day they meant to spend time in peace and recharge their batteries turned out to be complete hell.

"Yes, I've gone crazy, but we survived it together." Brittany says and the example makes her lighten up a bit, because it seems this is kind of normal after all.

She tries to convince herself that her attachment to the baby is nothing to be ashamed about. Quinn would probably understand, she ponders, remembering how hard it was for her to give up her baby, though she had only a day or two to spend with her. Through the last six months, she's grown so close with her daughter that it feels extremely hard to just leave her here, even for two days. She feels like she somehow betrays her by deliberately choosing to spend time without her. It's become so familiar, the absolute normality that they're four at home.

She worries she might miss the kids so much she won't be able to fully enjoy their private time with Brittany. And if she wants to be completely honest, she really worries what her wife is planning, since disappointing her would be her greatest nightmare.

"Santana" Brittany nudges her temple with her chin. "I have to ask you something."

Her serious tone makes her alert, raising her head from the warm nest of Brittany's neck.

"What is it, Britt?"

"Do you feel bad only because you have to leave the kids here, or is there something else?" Brittany asks vaguely, and Santana really hopes she is not implying what she guesses she is.

"What do you mean?" She frowns.

"Are you afraid of being with me? Just me?"

There is no resentment or disappointment in Brittany's voice and that makes the urge to brush off the problem go away.

"I don't know." She shakes her head, confused about her feelings. "Thursday night felt so amazing, but I just...Aren't you afraid?" She raises her voice, frustrated, more so with herself than Brittany.

"I am afraid. And nervous and excited." Brittany smiles softly, before her expression turns more serious. "But you have to understand, honey, there is nothing we have to do that makes you feel bad. I'm not gonna pressure you into anything."

Santana knew this already, but there is a part of her that wishes Brittany would just do that. If she pushed her, maybe it would be easier to get over her issues.

"But you know better sometimes, Britt."

"I don't care." Brittany shoots her down, her voice determined. "This is not like old times, we went through stuff and this feels like a first all over again. We will take it slow, just go home and see what happens, okay?"

Her urge to come up with an argument goes away, as she manages to convince herself that there is no point in being difficult, because what Brittany proposes seems easy to do. She really shouldn't worry so much and just try to let go a bit and let the impulses make her act, whatever way that would be.

"Did I tell you today how awesome you are?" She sighs.

"We are awesome, hon." Brittany winks, and the mood becomes a hundred shades lighter suddenly.

Feeling like a stone has rolled down from her heart, Santana shifts closer to Brittany, her move smooth and full of confidence this time. She can see Brittany gulping when their breasts touch and a pleased smirk appears on her lips when her wife's cheeks turn rosy. Her eyes trail down to the valley between Brittany's breasts and the buttons on her blouse, the desire to rip the item off increasing by the second.

When she raises her hungry eyes to Brittany's face again and her tongue is licking her pink lips, she guesses there really is nothing to be afraid of. Being sexual with her wife is the easiest and most natural thing to do.

"So…" She husks, her own throat dry from the rushing arousal. "I guess it's time we gets our weekend on."

/

The drive home is mostly defined by the apparent nervous tension between them.

Sometimes an abrupt giggle blurts out from one of them, because they feel kind of ridiculous, like virgin teenagers driving home to a house empty from parents' prying eyes and having the opportunity to finally discover something new and exciting. It's strange, because they are having a more than satisfying sex life, but there is an edge to this weekend, or at least Brittany brought up the opportunity for these two days to be more special.

_That way_ of having sex, whatever that means in their dictionary, is meant to be explored again.

Santana has no idea how it will go, if she should insist anything or let Brittany handle how they will proceed when they get home. She knows there is no pressure, but she still feels like there are expectations, not just coming from Brittany, but herself too.

In the past, their sex life progressed naturally, but this is different. There is nothing new, old routines are waiting to be embraced again instead. Routines, habits, behaviors were defined by the roles that found them naturally. As time went by, they got richer with a wide range of possibilities when they discovered they like mixing the roles up occasionally. But they always returned to their original ones. It was a hard question why, because other aspects of their relationship weren't defined so strictly, they were much more flexible somehow.

Fortunately, they managed to understand it was not necessarily wrong.

Having dominant and submissive roles in bed doesn't mean they are not equals when they are having sex.

Being submissive or dominant, commanding or surrendering to one's wishes, demanding or devoting one's entire self are not defined by roles.

It was crucial to understand everything that happened to them in bed to maintain this kind of sexual relationship. Otherwise, it would have caused tension and repressed feelings in them for sure, until it would have taken a toll on their relationship. Though there were rare differences, they've always managed to work through them together. If there is one thing she's learned – reluctantly though – is that communication is key, if they want to maintain a healthy, balanced and open relationship.

Brittany has been the greatest supporter she could have ever wished for.

Now she is not sure what she should expect from her. She doesn't want anything to seem forced between them, so she wonders how Brittany will approach her or if she will initiate anything at all. She might leave it for her, and she doesn't know how to feel about that. She was really compassionate and supportive earlier today, and helped her realize she has nothing to be afraid of, but still, she is nervous. Excited, but nervous.

"San, I've asked you something."

"Huh?" She snaps her gaze at Brittany, stunned to hear anything apart from the loud thought in her head.

"Honey, just relax." Brittany smiles kindly, and they both shoot a glance at her hands clutching the steering wheel, before her eyes settle on the road and Brittany's on her face.

"What did you want to know?" She clears her throat awkwardly.

"I just told you I might have an idea how to start our weekend." Brittany tells her, teasingly and she guesses she is already hinting at something naughty. The big question is, how naughty.

"Really?" She asks, with as much casualness as she can muster.

"We should do our Latin-America night, but like, day now. I like those." Brittany proposes the idea, a bit apprehensively.

"Oh my God. We are always wasted like shit by the time I finish cooking." Santana snorts, her previously tensed shoulders shaking from the laughter that follows.

Brittany joins in as they both muse over how awesome those nights are.

The rest of the drive passes away much faster now that there is at least one thing certain about their weekend.

It will begin as real fun.

/

"Santana, this is so good." Brittany moans, her eyes rolling back into her head.

"I know baby." Santana smirks smugly, pleased with herself that she can satisfy Brittany so easily.

"I don't want this to end, like forever." Brittany praises her further. "But I'm already so full." She grunts.

"We can continue later." Santana offers, finishing her moves then watching Brittany frown at her.

"Is there something else on the menu?" She asks, and a second later the implication of her words hit her.

Santana doesn't miss the way the top of her ears redden, and drops her fork on her half-full plate.

"What else do you wish…to eat?" She stands up from her seat, slowly and sways her hips while passing round the table.

Brittany looks up at her, flustered and hungry, her eyes turning darker. She takes the fork away from her fingers, their skins tingling when they touch and lifts her hands on her hips, while maintaining their eye-contact.

"What do you recommend?" Brittany asks, her thumbs already drawing teasing circles on her hips.

"You can taste anything you want." She husks, leaning closer to Brittany's face and crossing her arms so her breasts spill out from her tank deliciously, offering a great close-up for her wife.

She is easing up by the second, gaining confidence now that she is seemingly in command of what is happening between them.

What started as a casual lunch is edging towards something much spicier and it didn't happen by force.

The sly smirk returns to her lips when Brittany's eyes wide snap to her cleavage and glue to them for seconds. Her hands stop working on her hips and she already misses the lazy movements of her fingers, when suddenly Brittany jolts up from her seat and grabs her ass firmly, pushing their centers together. She took control and completely changed the situation in a split of a second, and Santana doesn't ever feel sorry for it.

She just feels incredibly aroused instead.

"You see, I'm trying to give you a choice here." Brittany leans into her, looking down at her almost intimidatingly. "Either you offer me something or I'm taking everything I want…and you can't say no."

Her breath hitches at the powerful words, wetness pooling between her legs imagining the possibilities if she doesn't say anything and lets Brittany take what she wants. Seconds pass while they are just staring at each other, Santana lightly panting as the aching need is spreading in her body. She knows it would take mere minutes and she would be coming, but she doesn't know if she prefers Brittany's mouth or hands or a toy right now. She drops her gaze on her pink parted lips, and the talented tongue visible between them, when Brittany lets go of her harshly.

"There goes your chance." She steps away from her while her demeanor hardens even more. "Now turn around and drop your pants!"

She can't object, hearing her commanding tone and seeing the sheer determination in her eyes, ever so slightly clouded by the overwhelming want. Swallowing hard, she turns around and pulls down her pants, revealing her tan legs and her barely-covered ass to Brittany. The situation reminds her of childhood fears, and she feels an indistinct humiliation standing in front of Brittany in just her panties, waiting for the feared punishment. It's confusing, but this infantile edge to the situation turns her on even more somehow.

Brittany pulls down her panties, grazing her skin with her nails on the way until the last item covering her bottom hits the floor.

What is the most disturbing and frustrating is that she doesn't do anything after.

Santana feels her eyes bore into her backside and has to grab the edge of the table with her hands to keep herself in control, when she imagines her face.

"Bend your back and stick out your ass!" Brittany instructs her and it's amazing to her how her voice is lower than before, conveying her growing arousal.

She does the best she can, obeying and offering up herself to Brittany. She muses how easily it comes, she has no hidden reservations about any of what's been happening so far. Of course this is nothing new, she's been in the same situation numerous times over the recent months, but those occasions were solely about pleasuring her, without any unconventional happening on the way.

Now there is a great possibility it won't go that smooth, and it doesn't horrify her.

It excites her very much.

She whines, when – after a long time of being motionless – Brittany strokes the back of her thighs, just under her ass, one of the most sensitive parts of her body. She wiggles her bottom, to gain Brittany's attention, begging for her touch now.

"You are so desperate, aren't you?" Brittany whispers, before she suddenly spreads her ass-cheeks.

Santana has to bite down on her bottom lip to keep her possibly embarrassing sounds for herself that would comply as an answer, and shuts her eyes tight when she feels Brittany's thumbs brush near her asshole.

Now she can't decide where she wants to be filled more, she's aching everywhere. Brittany has turned her on so bad already, she is craving things that didn't even enter her mind a few minutes ago. She stimulates her and manipulates the need in her, leading her towards new areas. If she wants something from her, she always finds a way to make her want it too. She always finds a way to show that her body wants it too. In the end, their wishes meet and both can be satisfied in the end.

It's not clear for her what exactly Brittany wants right now, since she only seem to be working her up more and more, until she will start begging to be fucked, every hole in her body to be filled.

When Brittany finally pokes her thumb into her anus, she whimpers desperately because she's literally dripping on the table now and the weight of all the months she hasn't experienced this feeling of being owned there dawns on her. She is sure she will explode from the heat any second if Brittany doesn't push in more or touch her elsewhere. The motionless finger burns the ring of muscles and she tightens around it more and more as her breathing becomes heavier, the sensations mixing pleasure and pain.

"Brittany, please!" She pleads, her voice wavering from the growing discomfort.

"You want me to fuck you in the ass, hmm?" Brittany growls, while pressing down on her lower back to keep her bent. "Stick my thumb in your tight hole?"

Her words sound so dirty and almost degrading, but they excite her nonetheless. She wants just that, what Brittany described in the rawest of ways.

"Yes, yes, please!" She almost yells while the changing sensations cause her to tear up. The tries keeping her tears at bay, but it's hard when she feels squeezed everywhere on the inside, her muscles tightening and loosening up over and over again.

The pressure is too much to handle, when Brittany finally pulls out a little just to push back in and crook her thumb inside her.

She cries out, scratching her short nails painfully on the wooden table.

Brittany is completely owning her ass, pumping her thumb in and out and hooking it inside her after her thrusts. It's slow and gentle, but confident, and just a bit deeper by every pump until she's knuckle deep inside her.

Her mouth is hanging in the air, her eyes somewhere rolled back in her head, she is backing up her thrusts eagerly, to get filled up even more. She wants her to be rougher, or add another finger or anything, but she is too wrapped up in the pleasure to voice her thoughts.

But Brittany suddenly slows down against her wishes and she can't hold back a frustrated grunt escaping between her gritted teeth.

"I just wanted to remind you how this feels, San." She whispers, her thumb moving around inside her gently and exploring. "Just feel it."

The use of her short name melts her body and she can feel herself relax into this new rhythm, her muscles easing up and letting her concentrate on the amazing stimulations inside her.

She is moving against her hand, meeting her thrusts and marvel at the perfect sync they seem to find so easily.

What she used to be pretty reluctant to embrace now causes her so much pleasure without giving her ill thoughts that she is awfully grateful for Brittany who put her on the right track.

"Oh, fuck" She moans, when the pressure seems to be tearing her up yet again. This time it's different though, now it is a sign that she is close to the edge. "This feels so-uh"

She can't even express her feelings without breaking into a moaning mess, so she doesn't even try anymore, just maintaining her moves backwards, searching for more of Brittany that she can consume inside her body.

She feels like she couldn't be filled up enough and she cries out in desperation, protesting when Brittany pulls out entirely all of a sudden. She has a strong urge to hit the table with her fists hard, to relieve some stress but settles for painful whines.

"I don't want you to come like this." Brittany tells her, stroking her back lovingly.

"Britt, I can't…this is too much" She chokes out pathetically, snapping her head to the side to meet her eyes. "Please let me come"

Brittany just shoots her a painful smile, like it hurts her to see her so desperate, but she won't continue even if she tells her she might die if she doesn't.

Her tears spill out, blurring her vision and she ducks her head in embarrassment, when she hears Brittany pulling a chair closer.

A second later her legs are being spread wide forcefully and Brittany settles between them, sitting in a chair. When her breath hits the area where her thumb has been working seconds ago, realization dawns on her and she almost comes just by that.

"Oh my" She groans, burying her head into the crook of her elbow, wetting her own skin with the teardrops on her cheeks.

The first lick of Brittany's tongue makes her jump and her loud moan echo in the whole house. Brittany has to hook her strong arms around her thighs to keep her in place when she starts licking her up and down, teasing around her anus and spreading her wetness. She feels like an ocean is flowing out of her, and she might drown Brittany with her fluids, but she is not even embarrassed anymore.

She just fucking enjoys it and her short high-pitched moans are clear proof of that.

All the muscles in her body tighten for a second when Brittany touches her anus with her swirling tongue, and she starts panting rapidly.

When Brittany slides into her finally, it feels like all the air has been sucked out of her lungs and the whole planet stops spinning for a second.

She weeps and bites into her own flesh, when she starts licking her inside. Her guttural moans are mixing with her painful whimpers, the sensations bringing her towards the edge by such force that it seems to be tearing her up. She feels reduced to being an animal, only her basic instincts and rawest needs defining her.

Brittany flattens her tongue and increases her pace, sliding in deeper, as far as she can and licking her before she pulls out entirely. The split second when her tongue leaves her feels like pure hell, but when her intense ache is soothed again, it is heaven itself. She is digging her nails into her thighs, and pulls her even closer, until her whole face is pressed to her ass, giving everything to pleasure her.

After a delicious stroke, Brittany pulls away and it deeply upsets her that she might not continue, so much that she chokes out a sob into her crossed arms.

"You can come now, honey" Brittany whispers, before licking all the way up from her dripping folds to her anus. "Come for me, please"

Brittany pushes inside her deeper than ever as a last effort and all it takes to make her come at last. She convulses around her tongue, every muscle in her body stiffening and she is trembling on top of the table, crumbling from not just the last minutes but everything that happened between them in the last year and when she comes, her orgasm rips from her body with eternal force.

It feels like she was born again.

* * *

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	19. Epilogue Part IV

**Epilogue Part IV**

"Hmmm…so nice" She hums quietly when she feels Brittany's lips grazing the skin on her neck.

It's the perfect way to be waking up.

She can feel the rays of sun sneaking through the light curtains, dancing around her body and warming her skin while Brittany lays feather-light kisses on her body. Her collarbones, her neck, her ear and her face, they all get covered in her gentle, barely existing kisses. She feels the touch of her soft lips at one spot, then the feeling fades away, only the imprint remaining before she feels the same sensation an inch away.

She only opens her eyes when her whole face is glowing by the feeling of being loved.

"I love you" She whispers, her smile widening until her whole face feels numb.

Brittany kisses her on the lips, finally, and it's a chaste kiss, confident but tender.

"I love you too" She mumbles to her lips, before pulling away with an overly enthusiastic expression. "Now eat!"

Santana barely has time to comprehend her words, when Brittany lays a huge tray beside her on the bed. There're two plates on it, full of food and two cups of coffee.

"I thought we might need some energy" Brittany winks, before offering a sandwich to her.

She says thank you with a searing kiss to her lips, before biting into the sandwich, Brittany's favorite kind, peanut butter and jelly. There are things that never change. They munch on their food silently, stealing appreciating glances at each other's naked bodies during. It feels completely normal to be naked, as they are casually eating in their bed in the afternoon.

When they are finished with the sandwiches, Brittany reaches for the cup full of sweet yoghurt and fruit bits. She grabs her wrist, earning a surprised look from her and takes the spoon from the plate.

"I wanna feed you" She tells her, before diving into the sweet mix with the spoon.

She raises it to Brittany's lips and guides it into her open mouth. It's so different from feeding a child, mostly because Brittany's naked body in front of her is nothing but mature, with the graceful curves of her hips and her perky breasts, with perfectly sized pink nipples in the middle. She looks like an ancient sculpture, like a Greek goddess people feared and admired in those old times.

Mesmerized by the rising and falling of her naked chest, she absentmindedly guides the next spoonful of yoghurt to her mouth but misses her target and drops it on her chin and her collarbones.

Brittany chuckles at her clumsiness and her bright sounds just add to the already maddening hotness of the whole scene. She wipes off her chin and sucks the yoghurt off of her fingers.

"Let me help" Santana says eagerly after recovering from the rush of arousal she feels witnessing her moves, and leans in to lick at her collarbones. She licks and sucks on her skin, until she can taste nothing but her skin with her mouth.

She licks her lips when she sits back, tasting the honey-filled yoghurt on them and hums with pleasure. When she opens her eyes, Brittany is staring at her with half lidded eyes, her collarbones now colored in rosy shades and her ears matching them, signaling that her little action caused her to get seriously turned on.

The idea to turn the whole thing into a naughty game comes naturally after and she doesn't hesitate to set down the cup and the spoon and lean into Brittany.

"Are you up for a little playtime, Britt-Britt?" She husks, almost breathing into her mouth and licking at her bottom lip playfully.

Brittany's eyes turn darker at her words and she roughly grabs her waist to pull her into a searing kiss, nothing like those innocent ones before. She sucks her teasing tongue into her mouth and they both moan at the sensations, their wetness and warmth mixing in the rough kiss.

"Shh, lay down" Santana whispers, when she cuts off the dance of their eager lips and Brittany makes a move to get in control. "I wanna do something for you, baby"

Brittany looks at her questioningly, but she just smiles with encouragement, while adjusting her position and guiding her on the bed to lay her flat on the back. She parts her legs and settles between them comfortably, before reaching for the cup again. With one hand on Brittany's shoulder to keep her weight up, she runs the fruity mix down on her chest, carefully drawing a line from her neck through the valley between her breasts to her pelvic bone. Her moves are accompanied by Brittany's sharp gasps, when the cold drops of yoghurt hits new patches of her bare heated skin.

She looks heavenly delicious when Santana sets the cup back on the tray and settles on the bed again. For several long seconds, she can't help but silently appreciate her messy naked body in front of her. It takes a nudge from Brittany's feet to get her to cast her gaze on her face again. Shooting her a bashful smile and enjoying how desperate she seems to be now, she strokes the inside of her thighs, before bending her knees and setting her legs on her shoulders.

Thank God she is extremely flexible, she muses, when she starts leaning in, bending Brittany's legs until she can set her elbows on the bed beside her body.

They moan into each other's mouth when their centers meet and she rests her forehead on Brittany's until she can think clearly again. Though it is impossible to think completely sane, when she is pressing into Brittany's wetness with her own.

It's the first time in a while she thinks about how it would feel to have a penis and slide into Brittany up to the hilt and fuck her so deep and hard the bed would creak under them. She contemplates getting up from the bed and grabbing a strap-on, so at least Brittany would feel that kind of pleasure, to be filled up and stretched to the limit.

But she feels she has no time to waste on these thoughts, when her wife is laid out in front of her, gorgeous as ever and waiting to be pleasured.

She can see that she almost voices how much, but she prevents her with another kiss. It ends in a second and Brittany whines until she starts sucking on her pulse point. Then she can only gasp and she loses her ability to speak.

A playful lick at the mark she left on her neck and she moves onto downwards, until she reaches the beginning of the line she drew on her chest before. She can't stop her hands from touching Brittany's shoulders when she starts sucking at her collarbones. When she moves onto the valley between her breasts, her hands follow her moves and pinch her stiff nipples, earning the loudest moan yet from her.

"Baby" Brittany sighs when she kisses the side of her right breast, not forgetting to repeat it on her left too.

She licks the underside of her boobs, one of her most sensitive areas before moving on to the defined muscles of her stomach. She sucks a bit of peach out of her belly button causing Brittany's hips to buck up into her. A glance to her face and she is welcomed by the most beautiful sight in the world. Her swollen lips parted and her damp chest heaving rhythmically, only the cease between her brows signaling she doesn't like that she stopped.

"You're so beautiful, Britt" She whispers, before pressing down again and laying her palms flat on Brittany's stomach. "So beautiful…"

She wipes off the rest of the yoghurt with her tongue, but she doesn't stop even when only her own saliva covers her pale skin. She kisses her here and licks her there, edging downwards until she can smell Brittany's arousal through the thick honey-filled air. Clutching her thighs firmly to her shoulders, she slides down until her stomach is flat on the messy sheets and dives into Brittany's pussy with her nose.

"Oh Santana, baby" Brittany gasps out, while bringing her hands onto the sides of her head, encouraging her to continue.

She nudges her clit with her nose for a couple of times, and she doesn't care that half of her face is covered in Brittany's arousal now.

It's something she has no intention whatsoever to wipe off.

On the contrary, she enjoys feeling her wetness on her own skin and likes swimming in the distinct smell, something she would recognize even waken from her deepest sleep in the middle of the night.

She can feel Brittany crossing her ankles behind her back and digging her heels into her body when she first licks her, from her entrance all the way up to her clit. She twirls her tongue over her sensitive bud, before lapping at her swollen folds and enjoying how her saliva mixes into the mess of Brittany's wetness. She's dripping into her mouth and she has to grind into the sheets to gain some kind of friction.

She is so turned on by Brittany's moans and her moves, her smell, her everything that she imagines it's not her flat tongue that's fucking Brittany right now, but a huge cock she's grown somehow. Oh what she would give to feel that once somehow.

Brittany is close, she can feel it even though her sharp senses are blurred by the tempting images in her head, the desperation of her wife's fingers pulling her hair and her trembling thighs don't lie.

She fucks her with her tongue, sometimes pulling out entirely to flick or suck on her clit. Her nails dig into the skin of her thighs and she enjoys knowing she is leaving marks all over her body. Brittany is frantic, her hips bucking up with every little sensation her mouth is causing and her moans echoing from the walls. They are a huge mess, together on the way to experience a rare kind of pleasure.

When she feels Brittany is only a second away from her orgasms, she opens her eyes to witness that amazing sight. Her eyes almost roll back into her head when Brittany's dark clouded eyes look back at her, barely conscious as her body moves on instinct, twisting and every muscle of it trembling.

Santana almost weeps how gorgeous she looks, driving her madly desperate as she is trying to ease her own ache with spreading her legs even wider and grinding into the now damp sheets wildly. The images in her head are constantly changing, and she knows she would have pushed them away in the past but now she is letting them consume her.

She is pushed to give Brittany more and more, as she is fucking her deeper than she could ever on her own in her head, feeling her from the inside until she's bursting from the heated desire. She monitors her expression through every move of her mouth, but the second Brittany freezes in her arms, she lets go and relies on her instincts.

Her tongue never stops pleasuring Brittany, even when she feels her lover is finished, brought down from the high long ago. She is far too consumed in her own search for pleasure to stop.

It only comes, shattering her body like an earthquake, when she imagines coming into Brittany and getting her pregnant.

/

Having experienced it a lot when Santana used to work as an intern and study at law school the same time, she knows waking up to a cold bed could be the most dismaying of experiences for someone in love.

The smell though, it always lingered after her, richly so and that made it much more bearable every time. At least a piece, a very much distinct and special piece of her remained after she left and reminded her that they shared a bed that night. And that, sharing a bed with the person she loves is still the most treasured thing in her life.

Santana, with considerably less experience, still takes it hard if she does the same, leaving her alone. It adds to her usual grumpiness in the morning and her mood can only be lift – though really fast – with a few sloppy morning kisses.

She hopes she can make it up to her later when she carefully slides out of the tussled sheets.

Grateful that Santana didn't turn around in sleep to hold her in a tight embrace, clinging to her like she fears to let go, she takes in the sight of her sleeping wife. Looking down at her admiringly, she notices the little, seemingly irrelevant details of the scene. Like how her lips are slightly parted, uttering the most delicate sounds she'd ever hear from her or how the hairs curl at the nape of her neck the same as their little baby girls. She looks so fragile, like a doll, the changed, but still tiny frame of her naked body under the loose sheets. Seeing how she is completely exposed in her sleep, there is a thought tugging at her, a very naughty and mischievous idea.

She decides against it, waking her up by going down on her that is and walks backwards until her back touches the doorframe.

With one last glance, she is out of their bedroom.

/

Every couple likes to say they want to spend all their time together, but having a truly loving relationship for almost a decade now, she knows that is not true.

She needs time alone.

Time, when she can reflect on her life, their shared life with Santana or things happening to her or their family.

She very much likes sharing her thoughts with Santana, but the thoughts concerning her, sometimes she needs time to ponder over them alone. Sometimes she just enjoys the memories rushing to her head when she lays down on the couch beside the fireplace on winter nights. Other times, she loves imagining the future ahead of them, their future together, while she is reading a book about love, life or whatever else with a warm cocoa on the bedside table.

Most of the times thought, her mind is occupied with the present.

There are sometimes questions she would like to find answers to, fears she would like to calm, doubts she would like to dissolve and hopes she would like to seal.

Alone, just by herself, she has to do these without Santana.

They would have never had the chance to maintain such a stable relationship if they'd done it differently. She believes they have to be just two people sometimes, without the very much treasured burden of sharing a part of their soul with the other. This is how they can sort themselves out and be in touch with themselves.

So they can always stay true when they say _'I love you'_ at the end of the day.

The couch, their huge beige couch is one of her favorite places to do what she calls simply 'the thinking'. Only wearing a loose shirt and briefs, she wraps some fluffy blankets around herself before she closes her eyes and lets out a content sigh. She is still sleepy of course, the exhaustion welling up after the usually busy week and causing them to get tired after doing not much – taking the kids to Quinn and well, having two sexy times. Maybe this constitutes the definition of 'much' to other people, but certainly not for them, especially the part about sex.

Sex, oh God, a shiver runs down her spine just thinking back how amazing it felt just a couple of hours before with Santana.

When she decided to make a little reminder of her old obsession with her bottom against the kitchen table, she was not sure it would go down like this, so smoothly that is. Santana didn't protest, not one second she felt these vibes coming from her and indicating she should stop. It was completely like old times, she was able to let go and feel what she was doing for her, without thinking about it too much.

Being able to let go, that was not always this easy for Santana.

It took a long and hard way, but now she feels she learned to see things from the right perspective and not question what her body tells her or her instincts, the raw needs of her body. She's been through the same process, but the dynamic of their sexual relationship made it harder for Santana to deal with these issues.

Of course there was something charming about her shyness before, and something heart-wrenchingly beautiful how nervous her exposed state made her. Now that is rarely the case, as she's grown comfortable with almost everything they do. Or more like did, before she got pregnant.

She can't help but wonder what might push her boundaries now.

It was a long time ago when they started these unconventional sexual habits, so naturally they've tried lots of stuff. There have been many new ideas, big firsts, failed attempts, surprising revelations and fulfilled wishes in the end.

And they have lots of pictures and video footage capturing some of these special occasions, too.

Struck by this fact, she throws the heavy blankets from her body, wrapping only one around her shoulders while standing up. She walks to Santana's study, the place mostly occupied with stacks of paper, folders, a huge wooden table (one they christened with a hardcore spanking session) and a leather chair (she can't even count how many times they had a quickie in that one when Santana was so full of work she didn't even want to stand up from it).

Most importantly though, there is their safe.

Learning by experiencing some close calls through their years of making sex videos, they are now intent to do everything to keep them private. It is really not just about being naked and having sex on video, what transpires between them, those emotions that they express while having sex, those make the video truly private.

She opens up the thick door and takes out a box, full of dvds. It's not just a stack of hardware though, Brittany quickly realized they need a system. First she thought about making categories like "fingers, mouth, toys etc." based on what they used to pleasure the other, but since most of their encounters lasted long and involved not just one of these, she came up with a different solution. She started writing titles on them.

When Santana first found a titled piece, she was shocked and could even find words to express how embarrassed she was.

Naturally, Brittany was her quirky self and came up with funny and mysterious, but still blatantly obvious and wicked titles. One was _'Deeper than ever'_, which might not say a lot to a stranger, but she remembered the occasion vividly, the time she was deeper than ever inside Santana. Or another was _'Threesome'_, referring to double penetration, when she pleasured both of Santana's holes at the same time. She wanted to call that _'One girl, two holes'_, but that might have been confusing, since there were two girls, so.

Santana completely freaked out over this new system, but she managed to convince her it's the best and most fun-involving solution.

Ever since then, she got comfortable with it and sometimes even comes up with a few dorky titles on her own. She is always really proud when Brittany approves and adds a new titled video to their little collection.

Some videos have been replayed over and over, being their favorites, and some faded into oblivion, earning a place in the back of the row, then there's the rest in the middle.

And there is one more she keeps for herself.

/

She is struck with awe.

It's been so long since she last saw this video, one of their oldest ones, so the little details that make the whole thing special has paled in her mind. Now they are as vivid as they ever could be.

The night she made it – they made it together, but technically it came from her hands – was supposed to be a silent one, a cold winter night when they were meant to watch one of their cheesy Christmas favorites, drink hot cocoa and fall asleep in the mess of the fluffiest pillows and blankets.

So close together that in the morning they would wake up with a layer of sweat behind their ears from the other's warm breaths.

Then she got inspired.

Maybe it was the candle light in Santana's bottomless brown eyes, in the middle of the sincerest affection displaying in them. She seemed so open, so trusting that night, she couldn't keep her mind off of the idea she got while they were cuddling on her bed.

Santana sensed there was something, she couldn't hide it from her. Her look changed into curious, but she didn't ask openly, she just waited for her silently.

Instead of words, she kissed her.

With that profound desire that rushes to her heart and spreads to every cell of her body in a split of a second. It's not always so overwhelming, sometimes it builds up slowly, but sometimes it breaks through her like a wave of the stormy ocean. She can't stop herself when that happens. The hunger leads to devouring sex, needy and rough, the pent up desire pulsating in every part of her body and spreading into Santana's as well. It takes minutes to recover their breathing after those occasions and hours to recover from the soreness their eager hands caused. And well, it takes days or more for the marks they make on each other's skin to heal.

She felt this kind of desire for Santana that night, but somehow it didn't lead to the same thing. It was not like she had to restrain herself, instead her idea was so tempting it caused her to stay in complete control of her body.

They'd done it a lot of times, for years really, mostly as foreplay or on occasions when one or the other wasn't capable of having what was considered normal sex.

It was sex though, it must have been since she burst from the pleasure of witnessing what Santana's done to herself and her heart burst from the feelings that she was able to experience this.

She still asks her to touch herself a lot.

It has the same effects on her every time.

Santana didn't get it first, when they were younger and far from being open about their feelings, and she said no every time she came up with her wish. She said it was pointless, since sex is something two people should just do, for the sake of having sex and well, the purpose of maintaining her stable place in the school hierarchy. Of course Santana was a kind of girl who even tried to deny she was masturbating, claiming she didn't need it beside all the sex she was having. But Brittany knew all those sex, all those boys couldn't provide her any kind of pleasure.

She had to admit she was tricky and well, pretty genius in how she convinced her.

It was through experience, since words didn't really reach Santana that time. They were not enough to break through her barriers and invade her closed mind. So she had to show her. They were in bed, close to falling asleep after a day full of exhausting Cheerios practice when all she could think about how great Santana smells. They were not at the place when she could just slide closer and snuggle into her, while her hands would sink lower and lower, until…

No, that place seemed unreachable that time.

But she had to do something, since the mix of her coconut shampoo, the cigar she'd smoked beside the open window before they got under the covers and the smell coming from every pore of her body just drove her crazy. So she did something crazy. She bit down on her bottom lip pretty hard when her hand slipped under her pajama pants and touched her damp panties and it still wasn't enough to keep a little throaty groan inside.

She could feel the bed dip and Santana rolling over when she started moving her fingers inside her panties. She couldn't stop though, and then the thought hit her hard, she didn't even want to. She wanted her to know how good it feels and how much she wants to show Santana that, and maybe that she shouldn't be afraid to do the same. When she became obvious, mostly with all the sounds in the dark room, Santana couldn't stop herself from vocalizing her thoughts. She was shocked and demanded her to stop, but Brittany didn't and after the lights were switched on and their eyes locked, well Santana didn't want her to stop anymore. Her mouth agape, she was numb, and her shocked expression quickly turned into curious, then amused. She became completely engaged in the experience. And even though they weren't having sex, they shared something, apart from bodily fluids and it meant a lot.

It didn't take long for her to act and pull the covers off of her to reveal what she is doing. Her eyes glued to her fingers sliding in and out of her, every clench of her jaw and every deep breath through her nostrils indicated she wants more. She wanted to see her naked, to have a full view, but she didn't dare to ask for it.

So she took the matter into her hands. Her brown eyes turned darker and darker by every miniscule move of Brittany's fingers and she seemed to sit closer every time Brittany opened her eyelids, until their mouths crashed together, so forcefully that her muscled clenched around her fingers so hard she had to wince.

Santana didn't let her finish that first time and it's been a constant problem ever since. She just can't stop herself and she always says sorry after she quickly ravishes Brittany, but she never means it.

When they made this video, she felt the same urges through the whole thing, but she couldn't be more grateful now that she didn't act on her needs.

Because what she managed to witness was worth every second of repression.

She asked her to touch herself, while she filmed her. Santana was not surprised, like she sensed a wish like this would be coming and she only uttered a nervous, breathy okay. She kissed her, as a thank you, softly, tenderly sucking on her bottom lip. They parted long seconds later, and she kissed her cheek, her forehead, her chin, behind her ear, every patch of uncovered skin she could find. When she told her she would get the camera, she swore she could hear her swallowing hard.

She was so bashful, and more and more embarrassed as she was slowly taking her clothes off. The pillows and blankets thrown off, she was lying on the huge empty bed, while Brittany knelt on the floor, her elbows on the foot of the bed, hands holding the camera close to her face. Though Santana tried brush off her nerves by a handful of funny comments in the beginning, and play down the weight of the special moment, she quickly surrendered, embracing the experience.

Her eyes locked with hers through the camera when she laid her hands flat on her stomach. Her defined muscles tightened under her grazing fingers, and every breath she took raised her breasts deliciously, her nipples stiffer by the second. Slowly she bent her knees and started to massage the inside of her thighs, scratching her nails on the caramel skin. She turned her attention to her breasts, pinching her nipples and squeezing them together, her hands eager as her hips bucked up from the bed.

She forgot herself completely, only alerted that she was being filmed when Brittany asked her to open her eyes again and again.

Her hands sneaked down again, thumbs circling hips and soon stroking the little patch of soft brown curls Brittany asked her not to shave anymore, then her fingers dipped inside the wetness between her folds.

But Brittany can't see any of this on the video right now.

She can only see how the expression on her face evolves from being pained by the extreme sensitivity to astonished, then to simply overcome with pleasure.

"What is this?"

She jolts up from her seat on the couch, her neck almost breaking as her head turns towards the source of sound while she manages to stop the video on pure instinct, before letting the controller slip from her fingers.

"Britt, what's going on?" A very sleepy Santana asks groggily, before she casts her gaze on the television again, her expression changing from carefully examining to deeply confused. "Is that my face? I don't seem to remember this…"

"Um, it's nothing…just an old video." She tries to avoid her eyes, but she knows she is about to fail any second and it's pointless anyway, she is already busted.

"But I don't understand" Santana walks closer, passing the couch until they are standing beside each other. She is fully awake now, and very much intrigued judging from the expression on her face. "I thought I knew about all of our videos."

She doesn't sound suspecting, or judging, she is simply stating the facts.

"Please don't be angry San" Brittany asks meekly, with a hopeless shrug of her shoulders like she would be accepting even if she was angry.

"Just tell me Britt, what is this?" Santana asks openly, while pointing towards the screen.

Her eyes stay on her face though, searching for the answer, and seemingly missing any kind of negative feelings. She is simply curious.

"Um, the truth is…you know about this video San. I mean, you know about it since you were there, but…you haven't seen it." She explains, fumbling with the hem of her shirt. "I told you I erased it by accident."

She can feel her face heat up, because she feels so embarrassed and guilty that she lied.

Santana doesn't seem to take it too hard though, she just frowns, confused by her words.

"But why?"

"I thought you might not like it at first and I didn't want you to be embarrassed. It sounds so stupid now, but I really loved it and I was afraid you wouldn't…so I lied. And then it sort of became my thing."

Her words sound silly to her own ears and she can only hope Santana would somehow get what she is trying to say. But her confusion just deepens, and she is edging closer to being impatient.

"Your thing?" She gets hang up on her last words.

"A special thing, only for me, you know…" She mumbles, pained by the sunken expression on Santana's face. "I'm really sorry Santana. I was selfish and I didn't have the right to keep it from you."

She can't seem to explain what she is meaning to say, that she treasures this video as a special thing, like a gift from Santana to her. After all, it feels like she is giving herself to her through this video and she sort of liked the idea that it is only for her eyes. There was something so intimate about watching it alone and admiring it secretly. But now she is not sure why, she is not sure what was the point of keeping it hidden from Santana for so long.

"Britt, I'm not angry at you. I just don't get it, why wouldn't I enjoy it? It seems to be a sex video after all." She shoots her a sly smirk, before catching another glance at the screen.

"You might…now. I'm not sure." Brittany says quietly, her vague and uncertain answer causing Santana to frown again and search for the controller this time.

She seems to have enough of the talking.

"Then I think maybe I should just try and watch it." She says, winking at her before she settles comfortably on the couch.

She pats the seat beside her, and Brittany reluctantly joins her, pulling a blanket around their legs.

Santana starts the video and pulls up her eyebrows when her face on the screen starts moving. Almost a minute passes when she clears her throat, and shoots a sideway glance at her.

"Um, Britt, what exactly are we doing here?"

Realization dawns on her that Santana really has no idea, since they could do anything technically in the background, they can only see her face on the video. She decides she shouldn't keep her in the dark anymore.

"Do you remember the first time when I asked you to touch yourself on film?"

Santana nods slowly, before setting her eyes back on the screen, narrowing them until Brittany knows she got it. She put the picture together.

"Brittany, you-" She shakes her head after turning back to her, the idea seemingly too unbelievable for her to express it. "You only…you only captured my face?"

Her heart pounding fast in her throat, she is having a hard time formulating words. She is not sure what to do, how to explain why she did it. This is the reason why she kept this video to herself. She really might be the only one who gets it.

"Yeah"

"But why? I mean, what's the point?" She chuckles, looking a bit uncomfortable since the revelation. "Didn't you want to see everything else?"

"Just look, honey." Brittany takes the controller and starts the video again, causing Santana to settle her eyes reluctantly on the screen. "This is everything and more to me."

They are watching the film for minutes, Santana getting closer and closer to release on the screen, her face changing by the second, her eyelids fluttering closed sometimes and her mouth uttering the most delicate sounds of pleasure.

"Britt, I…"

Santana groans before burying her head into her hands.

It seems to be too overwhelming for her, and she can understand if she feels that way. It's her on the film after all, in her most exposed and vulnerable state. Watching it all displayed on their huge screen must make her really self-conscious and she doesn't want to push her, not this time.

"We don't have to watch it, baby. We can stop if you want."

She strokes her hair before her hand settles on her wrist, silently asking her to reveal her face again. After a calming breath, Santana does so, her expression shy, taken aback of what she's just seen. She seems to be unsure what to think of this all, unable to fully embrace it and let her mind be free of all the inhibitions life grown into it. Maybe this is too much to handle for a person, to see their own love displayed in front of them like this. It's strange and funny a bit, how she wouldn't be so embarrassed watching Brittany do this for her, but be like this when she is watching herself expressing such feelings for her.

"Do you get why this is so special to me now?" Brittany asks, when Santana finally meets her eyes. "It's the best thing you've ever given me, because it's you. It's your heart, it's everything to me."

"Brittany…"

Santana takes a sharp breath, like she does every time she tries to stop herself from crying. She almost succeeds, but Brittany touching her face doesn't really help. It doesn't help at all and her first tears spill out of her eyes, sliding towards Brittany's palm.

"Is this too much?" Brittany whispers, stopping her thumb on Santana's cheek for a second.

Instead of an answer, Santana just sniffs and takes her hand away from her wet face. For a moment, she thinks she is clearly overwhelming her, but Santana proves her wrong. She wipes her cheeks and manages to even her breathing, while stares at her, alarmed what would happen now.

"Do you want me to watch it?" She asks shakily.

"No"

She tries to sound convincing, but fails miserably.

"Do you?" Santana asks again, louder this time and with determination, to get an honest answer.

"Not now…but I want us to watch it, maybe…once. Is that all right?"

Brittany really doesn't ask for more. She doesn't want to make her watch it. After all, she was the one who kept it hidden from her all this time. But it's strange how she loved being the only one to be able to experience this display of love and now she wants to share it with Santana. It would be wonderful if she would get to the place when she could take this and be okay with it.

"Okay" Santana nods and it's enough to make her heart flutter.

She gets up and settles on her lap, locking her ankles behind her back and tangling her fingers into her messy blonde locks. Her expression is close to the one behind her on the screen, the openly loving and trusting one.

"I love you Brittany Pierce-Lopez" She whispers, before meeting her lips in the gentlest of kisses.

Then her heart doesn't just flutter.

It bursts.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!** **Please tell me what you think in a review!**

**One more part to come and then sadly it's the end. **

_**Find me on emmanuelle-s .tumblr .com**_


	20. Epilogue Part V

**Epilogue Part V.**

"I want you"

She gasps out, hastily, before reattaching her lips onto Brittany's jaw. Kissing along the beautifully defined line, she hears her low, reserved moans.

"Baby…you have me"

Brittany's grip on her neck tightens, as she hovers over her pulse point.

"I want to…" She whispers, before licking at the already wet spot. "…fuck you-"

"Please baby" Brittany whines, dragging her fingernails on her sweat-covered neck, until she finds more skin under the hem of her shirt. "Just take me!"

Her eyes roll back into her head at the lustful and urgent words of Brittany, and she bites into her neck, gently but still sure to make a mark. Brittany's little grunt makes arousal pool between her legs, richly so and the feeling of her damn panties irritate her, making the need to get naked more urgent.

Brittany must feel the same way, having the similar need to get rid of her few clothes, since she's already fussing under her while still enjoying the pleasure her manipulations cause her.

"Brittany, I can't" She breathes into her bruised skin while stopping her hands that are clutching at the hem of her shirt right now. She trails a path upwards with her nose, nuzzling her neck and behind her ear, then her cheek, before resting her forehead against hers. "I can't have you the way I want to…"

Snapping her eyes open, Brittany stares at her confusedly.

"You can have me every way, Santana" She untangles their hands behind Santana's back and brings them to the tiny space between their bodies.

Santana slowly, almost like in pain, shakes her head against hers before leaning in a bit to whisper into her ear. Like she is afraid to talk about it face to face, like she is about to share something that might cause a reaction she can't bear to witness.

"No, I can't" She says, like a statement, accepting the complete truthiness of it. "I just can't"

It's harsh and cold, the simple words feeling like a punch to her heart.

"No, no baby" Brittany argues before laying an encouraging peck on her shoulder. Leaning back, she pecks her neck a few times, before a deep sigh leaves her mouth. "We can do anything Santana…"

She sounds like she's saying this for the thousandth time and maybe she does, but it doesn't make it any less true. She knows it's true. Her kind words don't have the desired effect though, on the contrary, Santana's expression screams of defeat when their eyes meet again.

Her hands leave hers, to be brought up to her cheeks and she's stroking her skin like she's a porcelain doll, so delicately that it almost hurts. It just hurts inside how she looks at her with that broken expression, like there is a black hole inside her, a dark chamber in her heart she is not able to light up.

"I've always wanted to get you pregnant"

The air seems to freeze and the words linger, echoing in her ears loudly and harshly, in sync with the sound of her heart pumping blood steadily. It takes seconds to remember she has to breathe.

She shouldn't be so shocked, she shouldn't be so unprepared, not finding the right words. Any word at all.

She's always known this, somewhere deep within. She's felt it, that kind of sorrow this ache she can't ever heal caused Santana to feel. But now it's an open admission, uttered with such simplicity and sincerity, it can't not open her heart up and make it bleed.

"Santana" She sucks in a breath, and feels this storm growing inside her body and threatening to break out. But as much as it feels a handful of right words might burst out any moment, she feels stuck.

It happened only a few times in her life when she felt that way.

She doesn't feel the usual strength and confidence, and maybe the reason is that she feels the same kind of inability as Santana.

There were times when she felt she didn't deserve her, because she was not smart enough or not beautiful enough. But she knew she could give her everything, all the love in this world and she was determined to do so.

This feels different, so much worse.

For once in her life, she can't give Santana something she wants, in spite of how great an effort she would make. There is no chance at all, there truly is something they can't do together. She was wrong, they can't do everything.

"I've always wanted that so bad" Santana whispers, pulling on her face a little to make her look at her. She's unconsciously ducked her head while struggling to have a grasp on the situation, but now they are eye-to-eye again. "I wanted it today too. I imagined it…"

"When?" She asks, surprised that this one word managed to come out of her just like she meant it.

Santana smoothes a strand of hair away of her forehead. There is still something unnerving about her expression, like she's searching for something inside her. But she is calm now, unreasonably calm and almost dreamy, like she's entered a semi-conscious state.

"When I went down on you and I-"

"You came"

The realization tackles her.

How come she hasn't thought about how that happened before, she has no idea. Maybe she was too wrapped up in her own pleasure to actually think about what might have made Santana go over the edge by herself.

It's certainly rare that they can come without any physical sensation by the other. But sex is all in the head, so it does exist and they've experienced it a few times.

But this was something else now that she remembers.

"You came by imagining that you're getting me pregnant?"

Santana clarifies with a nod.

"I wish I could give you that" She breathes out, so delicately for a second she fears it doesn't reach Santana.

It's the hardest of confessions.

"No, _I_ wish I could give _you_ that" Santana whispers, holding her face still in her hands.

Time stands still as they stare into each other's eyes, reaching depth like never before and discovering that's buried in the darkest of places.

"_Isn't that the same thing?"_

The same damn thing she thinks, while shutting her eyes to hold back the inevitable tears.

"It is Britt…it is" Santana sighs.

Then she can feel her lips under her eyes, catching the tears that just spilled out. It feels like she's there to catch her and she has no idea suddenly when this conversation turned completely over.

When did Santana become the one to catch her and hold her, to protect her?

When did she become the strong one?

Or maybe, just maybe…they've been the same all along.

Is it possible that two people are the same, like they form such a unity that no borders exist between them anymore, that one has no idea where one ends and the other begins?

This is how having a soul mate feels like?

It hurts.

It hurts so good and bad at the same time.

"Santana I need you" She whispers, suddenly unable to handle this overwhelming feeling. "I need to feel you now…I don't want to feel this…please…I don't want to feel there is something missing"

She feels suffocated in her clothes, irritated and almost panicked that she can't feel attached to Santana with every inch of her skin.

Every cell of her body.

Santana sees it, and maybe she's seen it for a long time now, having the same needs. She acts quickly, but her moves are gentle as she lets go of her face and brings her hands to the hem of her shirt. She pulls it over her head. She doesn't take her eyes away of her face though, not stealing a second to marvel at her naked chest.

It feels like all she needs to see is in her eyes.

Her own hands are less steady when doing the same, shaking a bit as she lifts up her shirt. Santana ducks her head to make it easier and soon they are as close as two people could ever be.

Santana stands up, holding her hands and then pulling her up too. They stand face-to-face and though she is the taller, she feels she's looking up to her.

She is looking for the comfort, the love only she can offer.

Santana pulls down her panties and then her own too, quickly forgetting they've even put them on after waking up. She guides her down to lie on the couch, her back warmed by the soft blanket, peacefully and comfortably.

But she is aching and freezing, so cold without her.

She is so slow, her moves so deliberate, like they are together for the first time.

It does feel like a first time, or maybe a last. The last, because nothing exists inside them they are not sharing with the other anymore.

Santana settles on top of her, their legs tangled, their arms instantly wrapping around the other's body to pull them closer.

They are so close she should lose her breath, but she feels like she's just caught it, for the first time in a while.

Quietly, she is weeping, not able to stop her tears flowing. Her vision is blurry, but she doesn't feel disturbed anymore.

Santana is here, they are safe.

"I've always wanted to have that with you Britt…do you know why?" She asks suddenly, laying her warm palm flat against her chest, while the other is cupping the side of her face.

If she is not forcing her to look at her, then her words do. She is craving to hear it, to consume more of this monster that's fighting inside her, and both of them now.

She shakes her head, mostly because she feels no ability to speak now. Truthfully, she does know, she is almost sure.

"I've always thought you're sacrificing something for me, to be with another woman." She explains, a hint of sadness creeping into her voice. "I tried to convince myself that you want me, that you choose me as a woman, but still…I felt I am not able to give everything to you that you deserve."

It was never a choice.

Santana should know it. She's made choices, whether to be with her or not and later on about lots of thing, and sometimes she picked the wrong way. But she is sure about one thing, Santana has always been the choice of her heart.

"But it's been always you Santana…whether you are a man or a woman. I would have found you even if you were born to be a man…" Her voice cracks, but she is determined to make her believe she is right. "I just know it, I know it baby."

"I know that. Just hear me out, Britt, please" She pleads, stroking her face to prevent her from breaking down again.

Brittany offers a tiny nod, apprehensively.

"Britt, I always told you I trusted you, but…it was not true. It was not true for a long time…it was so hard sometimes to believe you. Sometimes I just couldn't believe that you loved me, like this. I just couldn't…but you proved it, again and again. When I first started believing it, I was so afraid. I've never been so afraid in my life…"

She is whispering, but her words are clear and loud. They are so huge, like stones rolling towards her with tackling force.

"I wanted to give you everything and more…I still do, but I know now that I was wrong. I wanted to have you, to get you pregnant for the wrong reasons. I wanted to prove that I could give you everything that you deserve. I wanted it for me…"

"Santana…"

"Now I just want it for you. I want it for us"

Her words hang in the air, and if her heart didn't move so loyally, she would feel she's drifted away from this world. Because this, this feels unreal. It feels unreal that she is getting everything she's ever wanted right at this moment.

All she's ever wanted, truly wanted is Santana's heart and now it's been cut out and lay onto her palm, warm and bleeding, for her to protect it.

She's never felt so alive.

"Us?" She whispers, unable to fully comprehend this simple word in this state.

She is tasting it for the first time truly. She's always thought about them, her and Santana as 'us'. But now she feels it, everything, she feels the same as Santana.

"You and me Britt, there is no just me and you anymore. I'm not me without you. I always knew it's supposed to be us, but…now there is only us. Only us…"

She is breathing the words, slowly and delicately into her mouth, so close that she's grazing her lips with every syllable she's uttering.

"Only us…"

She repeats, trying how it feels to say it out loud, afraid still that every second can ruin it. Now that she has that, she is afraid to let go.

"Is that what you feel here?"

She asks, laying her own hand above Santana's heart.

"Yeah…the only thing I feel that…is that I love you, Brittany and you love me too. I can feel it. Can you?"

"I do."

No more words are said tonight, they hold each other for silent seconds, and then seconds turn into minutes. Still, nothing changes. Not the way they look into each other's eyes, or what they feel under their palms and neither what they feel inside.

And somewhere, deep within, they can already feel it will last until their hearts stop beating.

_The End_

* * *

_**Dear readers!**_

_**Thank you for all the love I got for writing this story. I was always supported and encouraged, though not once I chose complicated issues to write about. I always tried to write with respect and care, and I hope I didn't fail.  
**_

_**I'm so sad to finish this story but I'm looking forward to some things in the future.  
Most importantly, writing my other fic - Loving you is like catching a falling star. And soon, you can expect a one-shot sequel to this story as well. If you like my writing, I promise to stay true to my style and give a lot of good stuff.  
**_

_**For those interested, follow me on emmanuelle-s. tumblr. com! I'll always post my new stuff there!  
**_

**_Hope you enjoyed this last bit of the story! Thanks for everything! _  
**


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